Читать книгу A Regency Virgin's Undoing: Lady Drusilla's Road to Ruin / Paying the Virgin's Price - Christine Merrill, Christine Merrill - Страница 16

It will not happen again.

That was rather a shame, she thought, as Dru gathered the blanket to her body and went to shoo the cow from the hay. The less sensible part of her wanted to demand an immediate repeat of the experience.

All she had wanted was a kiss. And she had assumed that, if she allowed him, that was all he would take, as he had with Char. But she had underestimated Mr Hendricks, just as she had from the first. Things had got quite out of hand. And while he had claimed that what he was doing was meant for edification and was merely meant to assist her in being comfortable, she suspected that there was much more to it than he had let on.

But she was not likely to know what had occurred without further experimentation and questioning of the man. What had happened was so pleasant that she was quite sure it must be unusual, unhealthy or improper. She sighed. Many things that were pleasant seemed to fall into those categories.

But, if this was what came of wearing trousers, then it explained much of what she had heard of men and their insatiable desires. There had been nothing in Mr Hendricks’s other behaviour that had made her think of a man crazed by lust. But her governesses had assured her that all men became so on the least provocation.

Of course, they had been quite sketchy on the details of what such a mania might entail. But she was sure that there would be some obvious sign of it. In any case, she doubted that she was the sort of female that would engender such emotions. Especially not attired in muddied breeches and smelling slightly of horse.

Still, it would be nice to know. And to imagine what it would be like to drive Mr Hendricks mad. Because, if there was an answering madness, she suspected that she might be experiencing some of the symptoms. It was probably all the fault of the breeches.

The idea that they would be sleeping side by side again tonight made her … She shook her head in disgust. It made her want to giggle. To simper, just as girls did in the retiring room after having had a waltz with a particularly handsome gentleman. There was nothing about the current situation that should be so amusing. Or even give rise to the sort of nervous tittering that other girls engaged in.

Sleeping beside him was a necessary evil of the trip, a way to share warmth without laying a fire. Or at least it had been, until he had touched her. Her body resonated like rung crystal. And it proved that, no matter what she had feared, he did not think of her as genderless. He knew she was a woman and had apparently given the matter some thought. The look in his eyes had been confident, knowing and faintly amused. It had been there in the kiss as well, as though he had known what to expect from her mouth and her body. He had seen potential in her and had sought to develop it.

After, he had looked as she had felt: utterly confused. As he had promised, she was relaxed, more sure of herself and her surroundings. But he looked tense. Nervous. Unable to meet her eyes. And she had ruined everything by being harsh with him, scolding and pretending that she had not wanted exactly what he’d given her.

And then he had hurried away from her with muttered excuses about seeing to the horses. If she did not change her tone with him, it was unlikely that he would share the blanket with her at all tonight. He would go to sleep beside his horse and she would sleep alone.

Tomorrow, they would ride on, she would find Priss and they would take her back to London. She would explain to her father what had occurred and Mr Hendricks’s part in it. Omitting certain details, of course. He would be paid and she would see to it that he received a polite but vague letter of thanks and recommendation for his help in handling a delicate matter with utmost discretion.

Then he would go. And she would never see him again. All the anxiety of the previous days came flooding back to her at once. What was she to do without him?

The same things she had always done, of course. She would manage herself and those around her. She would raise her chin, standing firm in the face of all the nonsense her family was capable of, and put up with her father’s endless disapproval. She would put her needs to one side in the vain hope that, some day, things would be settled and she would have time for herself.

For the first time since childhood, she wanted to stamp her foot and cry. Sometimes, she worried that there would never be more to her life than what she already had, an endless string of duties and loneliness. In the moment she had kicked the strange man seated across the carriage from her, the burden of responsibility had been lifted. Now she did not want to take it back. It would be even more difficult to return home, knowing that there was a wonderful world of experience that she had sampled just one small corner of.

She wanted him to come back, so she could put her arms around his neck and pull him down into the haystack. Then she would demand that he tell her everything. He must teach her to touch him in the way he had touched her, right to the very soul, until he was lying beside her, as happy and sated as she felt.

She wanted him to assure her that there was more between them as well, that it didn’t have to end in a week, with a discreet thank you and a return to their normal stations.

She bundled the blanket in her arms and set off towards the trees to find him. ‘Mr Hendricks!’

He was leaning against a tree, eyes closed and at peace, almost as if he meant to sleep standing up. But when he realised she was near, he started in panic, glancing around himself as though he thought to run. ‘Lady Drusilla.’

‘Mr Hendricks,’ she said, more gently. ‘I wish to retire. Will you be joining me on the haystack this evening?’ It sounded ridiculously formal. But what else did one say, at a moment like this?

But it must have been right. When she caught his eyes, he smiled. No. Not a smile. He grinned. It was insolent and inappropriate.

Without even thinking, she grinned back at him, then they both looked hurriedly away. She straightened her clothing; he polished his spectacles.

And then he said, ‘I do not think it wise that I join you, after what just occurred. That is, if you do not wish …’

‘I do not wish to be cold or alone, either,’ she said firmly. ‘And in the hay, there are likely to be … other residents. Vermin, perhaps, or adders.’

‘And that frightens you?’

Of course it didn’t. It would be unpleasant, of course, but it was foolish to worry about things that were so small. But for once, she managed to answer correctly. ‘Yes, the very idea terrifies me.’

He let out a bark of laughter to show that he did not believe her in the least, then he stood up and took the blanket from her. ‘Of course I shall share a haystack with you, Lady Drusilla. I would not dream of leaving you, a frail female, alone and afraid.’ They walked back to the hay and he took the blanket from her, spreading it out to make a kind of nest for them. Then he climbed up and helped her up beside him. And added, more quietly, ‘At the very least, I will come to see what you look like when frightened. In my experience, it must be a rare thing.’

‘Not really,’ she admitted. ‘But I have found there is little point in displaying such emotions. Fear is invariably used against one by those who sense it. In the end, one is worse off than before.’

He made a noise, low in his throat, like a beast growling at an intruder, then he pulled her to him, so that she could form herself around the bumps and hollows of his body. They were as close as pieces of a puzzle. ‘You need have no fear of showing your true colours to me, Dru. You are safe, as are your secrets.’

She felt something deep inside of her relax, as though she’d kept a spring coiled tight and just now released it. Had she really been frightened, all this time? ‘Mr Hendricks,’ she said, testing her newfound bravery.

‘Yes, my lady?’ If he was trying to go back to the way it had been before, when he was nothing more than a solicitous servant, he was not quite succeeding. Though his words seemed innocent enough, there was an added depth to them, as though he meant something quite different.

‘If I had not hired you …’ she wet her lips ‘… would you still have helped me? I know I trapped you into accompanying me, at least a little way. But there was no real need. Even from the first, you could have exposed the lie.’

‘Of course I would have helped you. While the offer of remuneration was certainly welcome, I could not have left a woman in need.’ He smiled. ‘And while you might not like to admit it, you had need of me.’

‘Oh.’ As always, her voice sounded gruffer than she wished. And the tone, which Priss would have called her schoolmistress voice, hid the little stab of joy she felt.

Then she stifled it. Of course he would have helped her. He was a gentleman, after all—not rich or titled like her father. But in the sense that he had proper manners, and respect for the fairer sex.

As though he had guessed her next question, he said, ‘If you are now thinking that I would have treated any woman I found just the same, then the answer is, no, I would not. I would never have abandoned a lady in distress. And once my services were engaged, I was bound to do as you wished. But there are some things that cannot be commanded, by manners or money. Robbing a coach, for instance. It would take an exceptionally persuasive woman to achieve that.’

She took a deep breath and said, ‘And what happened after?’

‘That was something I did by choice, not out of a sense of obligation to anyone.’ He tipped his head to the side and looked at her. ‘While I might kiss some women on a whim, it is unusual to be so moved by the presence of another that I lose all common sense. Nor do I usually take to … grooming horses … to keep the incident from getting totally out of control.’

She stifled another sudden smile, glad that it was dark and he was close by. He seemed to understand her, and she would not be required to explain herself. For she hardly knew where to begin.

His arm draped easily over her side now, holding her with more tenderness than passion. ‘What happened was not about money, or duty. It was something very special; I doubt it would have happened had you been here with another, or had I. Do you understand?’

She gave a slight nod; they were so close that he must feel the motion of it against his shoulder.

‘And you do not have to be worry that it will go any further. You are safe with me, just as you were before.’

Safe. Then clearly he knew less about the situation than she did. For there had been nothing safe between them from the first moment they had been alone together. But the lack of safety bothered her less than her reaction to it. She had never felt so alive and so strangely happy.

From now on, when she looked at Mr Hendricks with one eye she could still find the quiet, responsible man in spectacles that would follow her instructions to a T. But with the other, she saw a highway robber, a devil-may-care rogue, up for any challenge, who might help a lady politely down from a coach only as an excuse to urge her to impropriety. And instead of giving him the disapproving sermon he deserved, her heart fluttered with excitement.

‘I wish to ask you a question as well.’

She knew the sort of questions that a gentleman should ask, once they had behaved as Mr Hendricks had with her. He meant to offer. She was sure of it. And if he did, she would say yes to him. It would be quite impossible, for her father would never permit them to be together. But no matter what happened when they returned to London, tonight she would tell him the truth of her feelings. ‘After the last few days, I think you are entitled to any answers you wish,’ she said, trying to sound soft and approachable.

‘After all that has happened, are you still intent on going to Scotland to find and retrieve your friend?’

She tried to hide her disappointment. Though her goal was the most important thing, she did not really wish to speak of it now. ‘Yes. I am not bothered in the least by the difficulties we have had. And we do seem to be gaining on them, do we not? This stop is not putting us too far behind?’ If dallying in the arms of Mr Hendricks had lost her a sister, it would be difficult to forgive herself. But was it so wrong to wish for just a small share of what Priss took for granted?

‘I suspect we shall be quite close behind them, once we take to the main road again,’ he assured her. ‘But you understand that this means they have not been hurrying towards their goal. They have not hesitated to take meals together where people can see them. And they spend their nights at an inn and not on the road.’