Читать книгу Mills & Boon Showcase - Christy McKellen - Страница 36

KATE WAS BACK with Tate. Again the sound of their names together and the very thought of it was sickening. Apparently competition was all Tate had needed to see the light and reclaim Kate as his own, and she had been ready and willing. He walked to the kitchen bar and poured himself a drink. He took a sip, allowing the feeling of the cool liquid flowing down his throat to replace the taste of bile the image Kate with another man brought forth.

It didn’t help. He reached for his keys on the entry table but then common sense returned. Nothing good would come of going back to Kate’s tonight. It would probably have the opposite effect of pushing Kate further into the other man’s arms. But he needed to do something. Something to take his mind away from the jealousy he felt towards Tate and the anger he felt towards himself for ever letting her go. He dropped the keys back onto the table, peeled off his shirt and went towards the punching bag in the den. Not bothering to change out of his jeans, he hit the bag, once, twice, and then again and again. No matter how many times or how hard he hit the bag, nothing changed. He wasn’t the man in Kate’s life any more, and he was entirely responsible for that.

He stopped punching and ran his hand through his sweat-drenched hair, feeling his chest rise and fall with the force of his exertion. He needed to cool off his body and his temper so he walked outside onto the penthouse balcony, letting the cold night air hit the bare skin of his chest. He rested his hands on the cement ledge, looking out into the night and without thought in the direction of Kate’s apartment. He couldn’t escape it. Tonight was going to be another night where he relived their ending and the choice he had made.

Kate had always been a temptation he couldn’t resist. From the moment he’d seen her, to every time he had spent time with her, he had told himself he needed to walk away, until he finally had, but not until after the damage had already been done.

If he had known how they were going to end, maybe that would have been enough to keep him from her. But from the moment he’d met her she had became like a vice, a secret addiction that he felt powerless against. He had known that it would never last, couldn’t last. Kate hadn’t fitted into his world, and the way they had been together wouldn’t have lasted once his real life had intruded.

The end was supposed to be graduation. Kate had applied to several medical schools, but of all the Ivy League schools that had accepted her, only Boston had provided her the scholarship she had needed to be able to attend. She’d had no choice: if she wanted to be a doctor then Boston was it. For the complete opposite reasons he’d had to go to New York. Every man in his family had attended Columbia Law and despite his ever-increasing resentment towards his family and their demands, he hadn’t been able to abandon the tradition his own father had been a part of.

Their end came more spectacularly and painfully than he ever could have imagined. It was Kate’s last night at Brown before she moved home for the summer. It was also their last night together. They had talked about visiting each other, staying in touch, but both knew their workloads and schedules were likely to make that impossible, no matter how much they wanted it to happen. He also knew that Kate was an indulgence he couldn’t afford to keep, not with the life that was planned for him.

So that last night she came over to his apartment, like she always did, and they settled in for a night of the “usual.” Take-out, beer and a movie that was meant to serve as a distraction from the inevitable goodbye. As the movie droned on in the background, as she had many times before, Katie cuddled into his side, her naturally cold hands tucked into the warmth of his body. Despite his attraction to her, he had never let their “friendship” become closer than this. What had become torture for him months ago now felt like a lifeline slipping from his grasp.

He was never going to have this again, be with her again, and as he looked down at her, she tilted her head up to meet his gaze. Her eyes said everything he was feeling. This was it, this was their end, and her lips started to part. She was going to say goodbye, and he didn’t want to hear it. He needed to stop her and instinct took over as he brought his mouth crashing down on hers.

Never in a million years would he have imagined the instant explosive desire he felt on contact with her lips. They were soft and pressed against his. Still partly open, he slid his tongue across them, tasting her; she gasped and he slid his tongue into her mouth, wanting more. He encircled her with his arm, his hand weaving into her hair to hold her against him. Then he felt it, the tentative motion of Katie tasting him back. He slowed for a moment, enjoying the feeling of her exploring him, before his desire was once again demanding more.

He pushed them both back across the couch, her body fitting perfectly beneath him. He moved from her lips to her cheek and down her neck, his body supported on one flexed arm, while his other hand dipped underneath her shirt and pressed into her bare abdomen. He heard her moan, felt her arch against him. More, he need more, and he rose from her long enough to pull both their shirts over their heads before coming back to her.

He continued where he’d left off, kissing her neck, her shoulders, her collarbone, and then the tops of her breasts, which were pushing out of her black lace bra. He brushed his hand over her breast, feeling her hard nipple jutting for attention. Then he cupped her and let his thumb trace the nipple’s outline. More, his lips found the other nipple, and Katie gasped as he kissed and suckled through the black lace. She arched again and he reached behind her and undid the clasp. She grabbed the front of the bra and tugged herself free.

She was perfect. Her brown hair fanned over the couch, her eyes a sultry gray he had never seen before, and her creamy-white skin pink with a flush he now knew extended beyond her face.

He returned to her mouth and kissed her as deeply as he could. Her hands traced up his chest, then curled as she clung to him. She wanted him and he had to have her. He didn’t stop kissing her as he reached for the button on her jeans, pulling them open. His hand slipped inside and he used the heel of his hand to grind against her. She gasped and then moved against him. It was all the encouragement he needed as he slipped his fingers inside to feel her. She felt like hot silk and for the first time Matt thought he might not be able to hold on as he felt himself getting harder than he had ever felt.

Opening his own jeans for relief, he then removed both pairs, pulling her small black panties with her jeans. He was staring at the most beautiful naked woman he had ever seen when Katie reached up and touched him. Her fingers first brushed against the length of him and then encircled him. Her thumb rubbed against the moistness at his tip. He couldn’t wait or last any longer. He moved between her legs and reached behind her thigh to draw one leg up to open her to him and then plunged into her as deep and hard as he could.

He heard her cry out at the same time as he registered the exquisite tightness and muscles clamped all around him. He looked down and saw the pain across her face and a small tear coming from her eye. Oh, God, what had he done? He started to withdraw when her hands came up and grabbed his shoulders to hold him in place. “Don’t move,” she whimpered.

“Katie, I’m hurting you.”

“Please, Matt, just don’t move.”

“Katie.”

“Please,” she begged.

Katie had never asked him for anything before this moment and he shuddered at the thought of this being her first request. He closed his eyes and buried his face in her neck as he tried to block out the reality that she was a virgin and he had hurt her. He took a deep breath, inhaling the rosemary and mint scent of her shampoo. He couldn’t face the tears in her eyes right now, so instead he spoke softly into her ear.

“Katie, do you trust me?”

“Yes.” The honesty in her response was heartbreaking.

“Okay, wrap your arms around my neck and hold onto me.” She complied, and Matt reached behind her other thigh, holding her to him as he lifted them both into a sitting position, keeping himself deeply embedded within her but now with her in control. He ran his fingers softly up and down her bare back, trying to soothe the pain.

“I’m sorry,” she cried softly.

“Shh…I’m the one who’s sorry, Katie.” His hand cupped her face and his thumb brushed away the few tears that were there. Then he kissed her softly and was rewarded with her kissing him back. How long they stayed locked together, kissing, exploring each other’s mouths, tasting and trailing paths across each other’s necks he didn’t know, but he did notice the first small rise and fall of Katie against him. His body had not forgotten where it was and her small movement was enough to make him harden further.

“Oh,” she gasped.

Before he could beg her to let him let go so he could stop hurting her, she moved again, a little more this time. This time the expression on her face was far from one of pain. She was mesmerizing as she moved up and down against him. Her hands anchored on his shoulders as he reached around and cupped her bottom. Each movement was slightly more than the last, her breathing becoming more erratic.

He removed one hand from her bottom and gently spread her, letting his fingers brush her swollen nub at the same time she moved against him. This time her cry was not of pain, and Matt felt her lean into him and increase her pace and depth. She was so tight that every time she moved he felt himself push into a new hot, wet place. Her movements also caused her breasts to brush against his chest with every stroke. Her bottom was firm beneath his hand and his other hand confirmed the wetness he was feeling from the inside.

It was only his fascination with watching her that kept him from losing control. Gently, Matt lifted his hips to meet her downward stroke. Then with each subsequent stroke she came down a little faster, a little harder, a little deeper as Matt continued to rise up to meet her. Then he heard her start to hold her breath, little cries escaping her throat, until she raised herself to his tip and came down as deep and hard as his first thrust, crying out, and he felt her shudder and pulsate against him. He gripped her hips, pulling her as hard to him as he could, and cried out with equal satisfaction as he emptied into her still pulsating body.

She was collapsed against him, panting and slick with sweat, when he heard her whisper, “I love you.”

His heart had been pounding and his mind racing, trying to take in everything that had just happened. It was an impossible situation to avoid, with Katie wrapped around him, him still inside her. He had played with fire and had gotten burned. After over a year of resisting his attraction to her they had gone over a cliff together, past the point of no return. He tried to think rationally, which was almost impossible in the circumstances, but one of them had to, and apparently it wasn’t going to be Katie. He had heard of women becoming emotionally attached to their first lovers, overwhelmed by the experience. Was that what she was feeling? Surely if Katie loved him she would have told him before this.

He wrapped his arms back around her and stood, still clutching her to him. He strode through to the bedroom, where he laid her on the bed, finally separating them. He was pained at the small stain of blood on her thigh, recalling the force that had put it there. He lay down beside her, drawing the duvet over both of them. Katie backed against him, her curves tucking against him, and without thought he wrapped his arm around her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“I’m perfect,” she responded softly, taking his hand in hers and nestling further into him. Minutes later she was asleep, her breathing the only sound in the dark quiet night.

He didn’t sleep. He lay there tortured by the naked reminder of what they had done and tried to figure out where they would go from there. He stared at the night’s lights through his bedroom window and played the arguments in his head over and over again. They had passed the point of no return, and the impossible task of saying goodbye to her had just gotten infinitely harder. It had been a night of firsts for both of them. Kate had lost her virginity and he had actually felt like they had made love, unlike his previous physical encounters. With the added emotion he had become out of control with desire and need. He couldn’t think straight. Not with Katie naked, pressed against him. Not while he was hard and using all his energy just to resist waking her up to make love to her all over again.

When morning had come, he awoke to find Katie facing him, her eyes watching him intently. “I’m not going to Boston.” She had been definitive in her statement and Matt felt the ramifications of their night together growing beyond what he had lain awake imagining.

“Of course you are. I’m going to New York and you are going to Boston, Katie. You know that.” He tried to keep the panic from his voice and match her decisiveness.

“I don’t want to go to Boston, Matt. Not without you.” The situation was spiraling out of control. Did she know what she was saying? Medical school, her scholarship, everything she had worked for, she was going to give that up? For him? No way in hell was he going to let that happen. He had spent his life not being able to have his own dreams or plans and he would be damned if Katie was going to give up hers. He got out of the bed and grabbed the nearest pair of jeans on the bedroom floor, wincing slightly as the denim covered his body’s response to her nakedness.

In a single moment he knew what he needed to do and didn’t stop to think before the words came from his mouth. “Katie, last night was a mistake.” She recoiled and he could tell that he had hurt her, but if that was what it took to keep her from throwing her life away then so be it.

“I don’t believe you.” He could tell that she was trying to be brave with her tone and eye contact, but he also saw that she was now clutching the sheet in her fist as she clung to it. She was still so innocent and he wasn’t going to let his family take that from her.

“I told you last night that I was sorry it happened.” Even he wasn’t sure at that moment whether he was telling the truth or not. Would he trade last night not to hurt her this morning? The only thing he did know was that he would not let her sacrifice her dreams for him.

“And I told you last night that I love you. And I think you love me too.”

She was so brave and so beautiful, and at that moment he knew that he did love her, was in love with her, and loved her enough to do the right thing and let her go, by whatever means necessary.

“Katie, you don’t love me. You just think you love me because of last night, because of it being your first time.”

“Don’t tell me what I think or how I feel, Matt. I loved you before last night, during last night, and even now.”

“Katie, I’m sorry. I don’t love you.” And he turned and left the room, but not before he saw the look of pain strike as his words hit her. When he entered the living room, reminders of the previous night were all around. The half-eaten pizza, the couch cushions on the floor, their clothes haphazardly scattered across the room. He had to leave. He couldn’t face any reminders of what they had shared, reminders that might make him weaken and change his mind, go back to her, tell her he loved her, let her sacrifice herself to be with him. He picked up his shirt, grabbed his keys and left without looking back. When he returned hours later the apartment was empty and Katie was gone.