Читать книгу If the Ring Fits - Cindy Kirk, Cindy Kirk - Страница 10

Mary Karen pushed back from Travis’s arms. It wouldn’t do to get too comfortable. She’d told him about the baby. She’d accomplished her goal for the evening.

“The lease on my apartment will be up next month,” he said, thinking outloud. “Since your place is bigger, I’ll move in with you. After the baby is born, we can talk to Joel about building a house for us.”

The resignation in his eyes made her heart clench. It mirrored what she’d seen in her ex-husband’s eyes when she’d told him she was pregnant.

“No,” she said softly, then repeated more loudly as if to convince herself, “no. You’re not moving in with the boys and me.”

“What are you talking about?” Confusion blanketed Travis’s handsome features. “Of course I’m moving in. You need me. Now more than ever.”

Mary Karen briefly closed her eyes and prayed for strength. She did need him. Or rather she needed a partner on this scary journey. But a willing partner, not one who was only with her because he felt obligated.

But wasn’t having someone better than being alone? a tiny voice in her head whispered.

No. She wouldn’t do that to herself again. Or to Travis. If she brought him with her down this familiar road, there’d be pain at the end for everyone. For him. For her. Most significantly for her children. “You don’t want to be married or have a family.”

Travis didn’t bother to argue the point. How could he? He’d made his feelings on marriage and children very clear on many occasions. What had he told her at Christmas? Being married and having children would be like a noose around his neck.

He wiped a weary hand across his face. “M.K., you and I both know life isn’t simply about what we want. Honor and duty matter, too.”

Though his words only confirmed what she already knew, they were like a dagger to her heart. “I married one man because I was pregnant,” she said in a quiet tone. “I won’t make that mistake again.”

Travis gave a half-hearted chuckle. “It’s a good thing I have a strong ego or being lumped into the same category as your ex might cause me some serious psychological trauma.”

He reached over and cradled her ice-cold fingers in his strong ones. “C’mon, it won’t be so bad. Your parents like me. Your brother is my best friend. And your kids think I’m cool.”

Her children. “They won’t think you’re so cool when you get tired of us and leave.”

“Stop with the comparisons to your ex.” Travis’s hazel eyes flashed. “Leaving is Steven’s M.O., not mine.”

“I apologize.” She’d been wrong to lump him in with her ex. Mary Karen knew in her heart that he’d stick around but at what cost? Oh, he’d try to hide his unhappiness. But she knew him so well, she’d see right through his act. And while she knew he’d be good to her boys, wouldn’t they eventually pick up on the fact that his heart wasn’t in being a father?

No, having him move in wasn’t an option. But what were they going to do? And how would they explain it all to their family and friends? Time, she needed a little more time. “Promise me you won’t say anything about our marriage or the baby to anyone. Not just yet.”

“You won’t be able to hide your pregnancy for long,” Travis pointed out. “After three children—”

“I know.” She didn’t need anyone to remind her that all too soon she’d resemble a beached whale. “It’s just that I want time before—”

“—everyone finds out you took the biggest player in Jackson Hole off the market and got knocked up in the process?”

In spite of the seriousness of the topic, Mary Karen had to chuckle. Trust Travis to put his own unique spin on things. “Something like that.”

“I wouldn’t want anyone to know I’d married me, either,” he said in a conversational tone, looping an arm companionably around her shoulders. “But I think it’s better they know sooner rather than later.”

Normally she would agree. But not in this situation. Mary Karen had the feeling no one was going to be happy or agree with her decision. “Just keep it quiet for now. Okay?”

“I’ll go along with whatever makes it easier for you,” Travis said, but he didn’t look happy.

“I’d also like to postpone the divorce until after the baby is born.” Mary Karen swallowed hard against an unexpected lump in her throat. Poor sweet baby didn’t deserve all this drama.

“Divorce?” Travis’s eyes widened and a rarely seen muscle in his jaw jumped. At the same time, his brows slammed together. “I thought that was off the table.”

“I never said that.” She shifted her gaze into the darkness over his shoulder. “Neither of us want to stay married. Not really.”

“But you’re pregnant.”

Mary Karen sighed. “Believe me, I’m well aware of that fact.”

Without warning Travis pushed his door open and stepped from the vehicle.

“What are you doing?” Mary Karen asked.

“I’m going for a walk.” Travis rounded the front of the car and opened her door. “With you.”

When he held out his hand, she hesitated for only a second before placing her fingers into his firm grasp and stepping from the warmth of the car into the cool night air. The stones of the gravel road crunched beneath her sandals.

She hadn’t even had a chance to shut her door when a gust of wind swept across the open countryside, ruffling her hair and making her shiver. Mary Karen wrapped her arms around herself. Perhaps going for a walk wasn’t such a good idea.

Travis paused. Then he bent down and reached under the seat, rummaging around.

“I know it’s here somewhere.” Finally, with an exclamation of triumph, he pulled out a wrinkled gray hoodie. “Just what the doctor ordered.”

Though the jacket looked a bit tattered, when he offered it to her Mary Karen wasn’t about to argue. She slipped her arms into the soft, warm fleece and Travis zipped it up with a solicitousness that brought tears to her eyes.

Just for a second, she let herself wonder what it’d be like if Travis loved her and wanted to raise children and grow old with her for all the right reasons. She breathed in the faint scent of the cologne that clung to the fabric and wished with all her heart that things could be different.

“Warm enough now?” he asked.

She nodded and ducked her head, afraid of the longing he might see in her eyes.

“Good.” He took her arm and crooked it through his. “Now, tell me why you won’t give me, us, a chance.”

Mary Karen looked up. The moon hung large in the sky. A zillion stars sparkled brightly overhead. But romance and love were no longer in those stars for her. She thought of the other dreams she’d once clung to, the hopes she’d had of making a difference in the world. Those fantasies were now out of reach, too. Sadness engulfed her heart.