Читать книгу Home Free - Claire McEwen - Страница 11
ОглавлениеTHERE WAS NO sign of the renegade donkey. Arch scanned the dry lawn in front of the ranch house that looked just like it should. Historic, its wood siding painted white and perfectly maintained. The cushioned rocking chairs on the front porch looking so comfortable he wanted to sink into one and sleep. For months.
Freedom was the best thing to ever happen to him, and the most exhausting. Crazy how much the world could change in a decade. Or maybe it was him that had changed, ten years stuck in the prison time warp, now out and wandering lost between who he’d been and who he hoped to become.
Which had led him here. To this hometown he didn’t want to come home to. To this low place, begging help from a brother who hated him. And now on this fool’s errand, to retrieve a miniature donkey who clearly didn’t want to be found.
But no way was he giving up. Because catching that cake had meant something more than just a lucky save. It was one of the few times in his life that he’d done something besides try to save his own skin. And the look of gratitude in that pretty woman’s eyes had warmed his chest and thawed something there. If she could look at him that way, maybe he finally had a chance at being a better man than he’d been before. He’d do a lot to get her to look at him like that again.
Arch rounded the house and spotted a rope draped over a railing near the back door. Coiling it, he looked around. It was quiet here behind the house. A small patch of grass ran into an orchard off to his right. There were a few apples still hanging from the trees, and he picked one. Donkey bait.
To his left was a stand of pines. He walked toward them, suddenly needing their wholesome scent. He closed his eyes to better hear the hiss of wind though their branches. The sound ran soothing hands over his skin. He’d imagined this in prison. Funny how something he’d never appreciated when he lived around here became something he longed for once he was locked in a cell.
A huff of breath broke his reverie. Arch opened his eyes, homing in on where the sound came from.
The donkey’s knee-high nose peeked out from behind one of the pines. It was probably terrified. Maybe only just abandoned here. That would explain why it charged past that woman in such a panic.
That woman. It wasn’t right to call someone so beautiful such everyday words. But he hadn’t asked her name. He guessed she had to be one of the Allens. They’d owned this ranch, Lone Mountain Ranch, forever. He’d grown up just down the road, but he didn’t recall ever meeting her. She was clearly several years younger than him. Probably still a kid when he’d left.
She was all grown up now, but she was tiny. With her slight frame, her golden curls, her wide blue eyes the color of the sky over the mountains, all she’d need was a pair of wings to be Peter Pan’s fairy pal. Tinker Bell. That suited her.
He inched a step closer to the donkey. “C’mon, little dude.” Arch kept his voice quiet, just above a breath. “Let’s get you back home.”
The tiny animal huffed out a breath and disappeared behind the tree. Arch knelt, like he would with a dog, and held out the apple. The donkey peered around the pine again, its internal war of curiosity and caution apparent in its flicking ears. Finally one long ear tipped forward. Then the other. Curiosity and the promise of a treat won out. The donkey minced up on dainty hooves, blowing and snuffing at Arch’s knuckles, and reached for the apple.
One slow, careful motion and Arch had the rope around its neck. While the donkey crunched the apple, Arch tied one end of the rope like a collar. Not ideal, but the little guy had no halter on.
Then Arch brought his free hand up to pet the soft fur of the animal’s neck. After a few moments, he felt the donkey’s muscles relax. It swallowed the apple and eyed a distant grass tuft longingly. Arch rose, leading it to the grass for a nibble. He could see its ribs when it moved. Rage rose up, pumping his blood faster, worrying in its power. Keep it in perspective. Yes, someone had been cruel to this helpless animal. That didn’t mean it was Arch’s job to find him and beat the shit out of him. No matter how much he’d like to.
Not his job. He had one focus, and he needed to keep it. To find work. Something he could believe in. Something he could lose himself in so he didn’t get lost again.
“C’mon, now.” Arch tugged on the rope, but the donkey planted its sturdy legs and stood its ground, devouring the grass like it was the last food he’d ever see. “I’m sure Tinker Bell has better stuff than that.” The donkey flicked a suspicious glance his way and kept on grazing.
Arch hated to pull any harder on the rope around its neck. The donkey wasn’t much bigger than a dog, so he knelt and scooped it up instead. It struggled, catching him on the thigh with a sharp hoof, but Arch managed to stagger with it over to the apple tree. He set it down, grabbed a couple more apples off the branch and waved one in front of the donkey’s nose.
“C’mon, Shrimp. I’ve got to get back to the barn.” Shrimp seemed like a good name for the little guy. Didn’t shrimps just float around and eat? Biting a piece off the apple, Arch held it out as a lure to get the donkey walking. It worked like magic. Shrimp trotted willingly at his side, as long as Arch provided a bite of apple every so often.
Arch tried to keep his distance from the reception, sticking close to the pines that bordered the ranch. He spotted a more modern-looking barn down the lane. Shrimp’s new digs should be behind it.
Music and laughter from the party floated through the warm afternoon air. A couple walked out of the reception, cake plates and champagne glasses in hand. They toasted each other with a clink of their glasses. Arch pulled Shrimp behind a pine to stay out of view, surprised by the envy hollowing his chest. What would it be like to be those people? Invited to nice parties like this, dressed in good clothes, confident that you were a decent person who knew how to behave?
He breathed in, relaxing the jealous ache until it was dull and heavy. Easier to live with. Regret wouldn’t get him anywhere. Envy didn’t help, either. He was who he was, and he’d done what he’d done. He had to accept that and go forward, grateful for a second chance. But the sense that he wouldn’t make it, that the world was written in a language he’d never learn to speak, hung in the air around him. It was a relief to spot the goat pen, to lead Shrimp inside, to remove the rope and leave the tiny donkey munching on a big pile of oat hay.
It was good to accomplish a solid, everyday task. A nice breather before he set out to do the impossible—convince his brother to let him stay awhile on their family ranch.
The goat and donkey seemed to be getting along fine. Arch took a breath that came out shaky on the exhalation. It was time to face his past. He started back toward the wedding and saw Wade almost immediately. He was standing next to a woman Arch recognized after a moment’s study. His sister, Nora. Of course she’d be here, too, and she hated him even more than Wade did.
His siblings waited alongside the wooden barn, out of view of the guests. Tinker Bell stood with them, her hands hidden in her skirts, fingers nervously rustling the fabric. No one spoke as he approached.
Silence was awkward, but it gave him a moment to take them both in. Wade had been a boy when Arch had last seen him. Now he was tall and strong in a black suit and cowboy boots, his dark hair cut close to his head. His face was a tangle of grim lines that didn’t belong at his wedding celebration.
Nora’s arms were folded across her chest like body armor. Her eyes were gray shadows, watchful. She moved closer to Wade. She’d been fiercely protective of their little brother, standing up to Arch time and again to keep him from dragging Wade along on whatever deal he had going. She was clearly still ready to protect him, even with Wade grown and married. “What the hell are you doing here, Arch?”
The venom in her voice stopped him in his tracks. “Asking for help.”
She shook her head. “Oh, no, we are not sheltering you. I don’t know why you left Mexico, but you need to get on back there. And with no help from us.”
“I’m not coming from Mexico.” Words started and stopped in Arch’s head. He hadn’t planned this out well. He should have had some kind of speech prepared.
“I don’t care where you’ve been. You shouldn’t be here.” Her words cracked like gunfire across the yards between them.
Finally Wade stirred. “Let’s listen to him, Nora. It can’t hurt to listen.”
It was disconcerting, hearing Wade’s voice so deep and sure. Arch cleared his throat. Fortunately, ten years in prison had schooled him in keeping feelings at bay. This was his chance, and he needed to get it right. “I never went to Mexico. I got as far as San Diego with Dad and Blake. I left them there.”
His sister and brother stared at him in stunned silence. Tinker Bell seemed to come out of whatever trance she’d been in and stepped back a few feet. “I should go. I’m intruding.”
He didn’t want her to go. She was like a beam of light he could focus on in this dark moment. “Stay? Please?”
Three sets of eyes widened at his odd request.
“Only if you want to...” Arch added. “If you’re willing to.”
She studied him, and then nodded slightly. Her gaze jumped to Nora.
“It’s okay, Mandy,” Nora said. “We’re family—though you may be regretting that fact right now.”
“No regrets.” Her simple answer was a tiny oasis in this complicated moment.
Mandy. Arch held on to the name, tucked it away into his mind to think about later. “Thanks,” he told her. And used all that gold—of her hair, of her radiant skin—as the courage he needed to keep talking. “When I left here with Dad and Blake, I was already sick of them. It was terrible, the things we did. I knew by then that my whole life had become one big mistake. Down in San Diego, they robbed a guy at gunpoint. A decent guy—just your average working man. He had a wife and his little kid with him.”
Arch cleared his throat, balled his shaking hands into fists. Saw the encouraging look on Mandy’s face and inhaled it like the oxygen that seemed to have disappeared from the air around him. “I saw myself clearly, in the fear in their eyes. That man, brought down in front of his family. The terror on his wife’s face. She pulled her little boy into her stomach and just held him so close...” He had to stop again. Being in their presence, seeing the disgust in his brother’s and sister’s eyes, and the horror and sorrow on Mandy’s face, cracked all the walls he’d built to hold back the guilt.
He pushed himself on. “In that moment, everything changed. I couldn’t stand what I saw. What I’d become. I left Dad and Blake that night. Never said goodbye. Just went to a bar, had one last beer, then walked to the ocean to touch the water. To breathe in that fresh air one last time. Then I found a police station and turned myself in.”
The icy edge had thawed from Nora’s gaze. Her jaw, so set, relaxed a fraction. “We didn’t know. Why didn’t you write?”
His laugh was a bitter syllable. “And say what? You hated me. For good reason. I’d spent every day making your life miserable. You were better off rid of me.”
He saw the memories cloud Nora’s eyes. He wished he could do something, work hard enough, beg hard enough, to erase them for her. Their dad’s hand crashing down across her face. Him, the numb bastard he’d been, doing nothing. Daddy’s little henchman. Shame shoved the bile to the back of his throat.
“And now?” Wade stepped in front of Nora, sheltering her with his body, as if he could keep those memories from overwhelming her. “What’s happening with you now?”
Arch heard the real question. Did you escape? “I’m out. Legally. I did my time, almost ten years of it, and got released a couple months ago. I tried to get work down in Southern California, but no one wants to hire someone who answers ‘yes’ to the felony question on their job application.”
“So you’re here for money?” Wade slid a hand into his suit jacket. “I’ve got cash. You can take it and go.”
Arch closed his eyes against the shame. It filled his veins, pushing on his skin, making it feel too tight. “It’s not money. My parole officer helped me get assistance from the government. I receive a check each month.”
He watched them all look down and away. He got it. It was hard to look himself in the mirror when he thought about it.
“Look, being out in the world, after so long in prison, it’s overwhelming. Ten years when you’re not allowed to make choices and suddenly everything is a choice. What to eat, what to wear, what to do. Everything moves fast out in the world, and it’s all random. No schedule. Not like in jail.”
He paused, looking at Mandy and Wade, willing them to understand. If they did, maybe they’d sway Nora. “I’m desperate. That’s why I came home. I want to lie low on the Marker Ranch for a week or two. Get my bearings. Try to figure out what to do next. I had no idea you two had moved back to Benson. I thought the ranch was still abandoned. But I asked someone when I got to town today, and they told me Wade was running it now. And they sent me here to Lone Mountain, to find you.”
“Marker Ranch is Wade’s livelihood.” A shrill note careened across Nora’s voice. “I don’t think you staying here is a good idea.”
“Nora.” Wade put a hand on her arm. “He’s our brother. And he’s served his time. Paid his dues.”
“To the law, maybe. Not to us!”
Her fury was justified, but her words still bruised. “I swear to you that I’m clean. No drugs, no deals. All I want is to live a regular life. I don’t know how to do that, but I want, more than anything, to learn. And if there’s a way to apologize enough, to make amends to you and Wade, I want to do that, too.”
Doubt was thick in the air all around them. Arch waited. He’d learned to pray a little in prison, so he prayed now. He needed to be in the mountains, to breathe this clean air, to get grounded. “I have a parole officer. I check in by phone each week. He’ll have the local sheriff check on me, too.”
Nora and Wade exchanged a long, what-the-hell-should-we-do kind of look. Arch studied the mountains beyond them, the granite peaks rising to meet the afternoon sky and the fall-burnished aspen gilding the lower slopes. Trying to give them a moment of privacy. Trying to find the peace he’d felt earlier when he’d listened to the pines and caught Shrimp.
They must have reached some kind of understanding, because Wade cleared his throat and turned to face him squarely. “The house on Marker Ranch is empty. Nora lives with her husband, Todd, on his property now. And I live here with my fiancée...” He paused and a smile lifted all the tension off his face. “I mean, my wife, Lori. Mandy’s sister. So there’s plenty of room for you to stay there.”
“But if there are any problems, you’ll have to go,” Nora added.
Relief, so sweet it choked him up again, shook his voice. “I understand. There won’t be any problems.”
“The thing is,” Wade continued, “I’m leaving on my honeymoon. Tonight. And Nora’s leaving tomorrow to do some work up near the Oregon border for a few weeks. So you’ll be on your own.”
Nora turned to Wade. “Todd will be around. He was going to take care of Marker Ranch anyway. He can keep an eye on Arch.”
It was humiliating to be spoken about in the third person. As someone who needed to be watched. But how could he blame them? They didn’t know him beyond their memories, and those memories sucked.
Mandy broke the awkward pause. “I’ll be here, next door, if he needs anything.”
She was so sweet. Somehow, when he’d caught that cake, he’d caught an ally along with it.
Wade shook his head. “We can’t ask that of you.” Distrust weighted every staccato syllable. It made sense. For all his little brother knew, he was a rapist, too.
“It’s not asking anything. We’re neighbors. I’m happy to help out.” The sharp note in Mandy’s voice surprised him. She might be sweet, but she was tough.
Nora looked surprised, too. She studied Mandy for a moment. “Are you sure?”
Mandy nodded. “He saved the wedding cake, you know. I almost dropped it. And I think he caught a stray donkey for me, as well.”
Nora’s stern expression softened at Mandy’s words. “You and your strays. Looks like you found another one today.”
Arch saw Mandy flush a little. “I’m just grateful she did,” he threw in, to cover her discomfort. “And I did find the donkey. It’s safe with the goat.”
“Thanks,” Mandy said, and the warmth in her eyes was a tonic.
It seemed to soothe Wade, too, because that worry was gone from his eyes. “I still have a few horses and my cattle grazing on the ranch. I’ll expect you to look after them. That way Todd won’t have to. And there are a lot of repairs to do. We’ll leave you a list.”
“I can fix stuff,” Arch told him. “I took machine shop, woodworking, metalwork—pretty much every class they offered while I was locked up. Otherwise I would have gone crazy. I even worked with livestock the last few years. The prison had a program. But not a full-scale cattle operation.”
Wade gave a wan smile. “Well, we’re not that yet. We’ve got a small herd and big plans.”
“Then I know I can do it.” He turned to Nora. “I’ll listen to your husband. I’ll get his advice if I have any questions. And I can ask...” He paused, strangely aware that it was the first time he was going to say her name. “Mandy. It will help to know I can turn to both of them with any concerns.”
He glanced at Mandy, noting the faint flush on her cheeks. There was some kind of connection between them. Or maybe not. After ten years locked away from women, he had no idea. But damn, she was beautiful. And her name had been honey on his tongue.
Nora’s brows drew in, schoolteacher serious. “We’re giving you the chance. It’s up to you to take it and run with it.”
“Thanks, truly.” Arch wished he could give her more reassurance. But nothing he could say would help. All he could do was not screw this up.
He turned to Wade, swallowing to clear the catch in his throat that just wouldn’t go away. “I’m sorry to interrupt your wedding. I had no idea you were getting married when I came here today. Congratulations.” He stepped back, giving them all space. “I don’t want you to miss any more of your party. I’ll just head on over to the ranch.”
Wade nodded. “The house isn’t great, but it’s livable. Nora and I fixed it up a little when we stayed there.”
Arch couldn’t help but smile at that. “Trust me, after prison it will be a palace.”
“I’ll come see you later tonight to make sure you’re settled,” Nora said.
“We leave a key on the beam above the kitchen door,” Wade added. “Just go on in and make yourself at home.”
Home. Marker Ranch had never been a safe haven. Funny that it felt like one now. “Thanks,” Arch muttered through the tightness in his throat. Maybe it was too much, but he had to say it. “I know sorry doesn’t fix anything, but I wish I’d been different. Been a better brother. Been an honest man. Prison gave me a lot of time to regret the way I was.”
Wade smiled faintly and reached out, bumping Arch’s shoulder with his knuckles. “Just don’t screw this up too badly.”
“I won’t.” Arch glanced at Mandy. “Thanks for helping me out today.”
“You’re welcome.” Her voice was everything gentle and warm. “Thanks for rescuing the cake.”
Arch nodded and stepped back, wanting to free them up to finish out the wedding. He watched as the three of them turned back to the reception. Nora took Wade’s hand in hers and put an arm around Mandy. They were a unit. Family. Friends.
Loneliness wrapped its cold hands around his insides.
But friendship and family had to be earned. Especially after you’d thrown it all away.
Arch turned to go, grateful that he had a place he could go. His feet ached from all the walking he’d done today, and it was still a couple of miles between Marker Ranch and this one, but he welcomed the pain. Each step on the dirt road was a reminder. He was free. He could walk fast, or slow, or he could run if he wanted, for the first time in a decade.
His heart lightened at the thought. He was free. His fifty-third day of freedom, and even when it had brought him this low—broke, unwanted and crawling home for help—he still cherished it beyond anything. He veered left at the driveway that would take him off Mandy’s ranch.
“Arch!”
He turned, surprised, and saw Mandy hurrying after him. In her hand was a paper plate piled high with an enormous slice of cake. He started back toward her, admiring how elegant she looked in that wine-colored dress.
“You saved it. You earned a slice.” She was a little out of breath, like she’d jogged, cake and all, to catch him.
Arch tried to remember the last time someone had reached out to show him a kindness like this—he couldn’t. The plate was heavy in his hand, she’d put so much cake on it. “You’re a good person.” He blurted it out like an awkward kid. He had no experience with generosity.
“I just made a whole lot of cake.” Her smile was fleeting but kind.
“Well, this will make the walk home a whole lot better.”
There was silence while they looked at each other. Total strangers who’d done each other a good deed today, and maybe found a small seed of friendship. He needed to let her get back to her sister’s wedding. “Nice to meet you, Mandy. Thanks for sticking up for me back there.”
“Of course.” She took a step back and waved. “Welcome home, Arch.”
It was more of a welcome than he’d ever, in his most wishful dreams, hoped to get. He watched her walk lightly back up the drive, her full skirt swaying right down to the tops of her pretty brown cowboy boots. She was much more than a fairy like Tinker Bell. She was a guardian angel. A vision from heaven.
He looked down at the plate she’d brought him. White cake, chocolate cake, a few different kinds of icing. The first mouthful was a revelation of sugar and cream. He closed his eyes and tried to absorb the flavors. To savor such a fine taste. She might have heaped his plate, but her kindness today was sweeter than any cake. And he would never, ever get enough of sweetness like that.
