Читать книгу No Color For Me - Claudia Harris - Страница 6

It is interesting to me that crazy BALANCE is one of my main symptoms… something I had never, ever thought about – either as a physical phenomenon or balance in any part of my life.

What is balance? The thesaurus says…”equilibrium, poise, stability, steadiness, sense of balance”…or is it “what’s left over, the rest of it, residue”? or is it “to equalize both sides of a scale, a Balance Sheet for finance, a bridge tally”?…

What does it mean to be “out of balance”? Ask an accountant and you get one answer… if you are constipated, being out-of-balance has new meaning…if you can’t balance your budget, you’ve got a problem.

It also says balance is to “consider, compare, evaluate and calculate”…none of which have anything to do with not being able to balance enough to walk a straight line and being afraid the police will haul you off to jail for being drunk.…

What in the world is “sense of balance”? It doesn’t make any sense to me. If you are sensible, can you balance? If I’d use good sense could I balance…maybe that’s what’s really wrong with me…I have no sense!

I do know that feeling dizzy is very different than being out-of-balance. How good to finally realize that balancing isn’t my main issue, but having no sense and being insensitive is the key

Ooh! I wonder if I were a very sensual dizzy blonde, then I could walk…I’ll give it a try!

What is interesting to me is that your balance depends on whether you are standing or sitting, standing still or moving…why is it that balance viewpoints from the thesaurus have nothing to do with movement? Your budget is still out of balance even when you are running away. People still compare and evaluate each other lying down, and contestants either always do or do not have poise walking across the stage. They say you either have it, or you don’t.

It’s fascinating to people-watch and see how many of us actually walk with very strange gyrations, use weird body jerks, twitches, hesitation and contortions. Many of us try to achieve perfect balance and walk quickly across the street knowing drivers are impatiently waiting and watching. I suspect they are unaware that they probably will never reach their goal of perfectly-balanced poise. This lack of poise doesn’t seem unique to my situation. Apparently, I have LOTS of unwitting cohorts and friends in this. I’m not nearly as alone in this room as I thought!

I take sadistic pleasure in ice skating, because everyone is in the same situation frantically trying to gracefully glide across the slick, icy cold floor with poise. Everyone is so busy not falling, that I’m clearly transparent and can fall on the ice with the best of them. Ice is Clear…that’s another point scored for Clear.

What’s the point? Maybe it all means that balance is so tough in our lives, walking, with money, and for EVERYONE. Is perfect balance a figment of our imagination? There’s a cathartic freedom in letting go, of falling in the snow or the sand on the beach, horseback riding to get four good legs, snowmobiling to get the rush of speed that used to be from running so fast that you thought you would soon fly.

Like New Year resolutions, I promise to be more sensible, sensual, poised, considerate, and to balance my budget …then maybe, I’ll be able to walk.

Oh Sure!!! At last they’ve found a cure.

No, it was time for me to step up to the plate, as we had hollered repeatedly at our son’s baseball games.

First, I had to convince myself that I could get up and walk out of this new room where it was raining inside.

But it would be a while before things began to clear up.