Читать книгу Stargazer - Claudia Gray, Claudia Gray - Страница 7

BIANCA,

I know it’s been way too long. I hope you haven’t been checking your e-mail all this time hoping to hear from me; my Evernight account got yanked, obviously, and they police our computer use pretty tightly in Black Cross. Besides, I figure they’re monitoring your Evernight account.

But it doesn’t feel like it’s been so long since we talked. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to you all the time, every second, and I have to remind myself that you aren’t there to hear me, no matter how bad I wish you were.

Hasn’t been much of a summer, to tell you the truth. We went down to Mexico for a couple of months, but it wasn’t beach volleyball and Coronas by a long shot. In fact, half the time I ended up sleeping in the back of the pickup truck. Swear to God, I can still feel the metal ridges against my spine. Not fun.

Lucas didn’t explain why he was in Mexico, or who “they” were who had gone with him. He didn’t because he didn’t have to; I already knew. Black Cross had traveled there on a vampire hunt.

Most of the time, I did a pretty good job of not remembering that the guy I loved was a member of Black Cross. Still, though, it was there, the hard fact that separated the world into two halves: mine and his.

Lucas’s mother had become a member of Black Cross before he was born, and he’d been raised in the group—the only family he’d ever known. He’d been taught since childhood that all vampires were evil, and that killing them was the right thing to do.

But Lucas had learned things weren’t that simple. Although he had fallen for me before he’d learned that I was born to vampire parents, or that I would become a vampire myself someday, learning the truth hadn’t changed his feelings. Nothing had ever surprised or moved me more than the moment Lucas said he still wanted to be with me, that he still trusted me. Even though I had drunk his blood.

If you’re reading this, that means the vampires aren’t searching Vic’s stuff. Obviously, Vic doesn’t know what’s really going on at Evernight or that he’s actually dealing with vampires. That means it’s not fair to keep putting him in danger. A couple of notes every once in a while—that we could probably get away with. But I know that’s not enough for you or for me.

Oh, no. I sat upright, clutching the pages between my fingers so hard they crumpled. Was Lucas about to say that it was too risky for us to stay in touch? That we couldn’t ever see each other again?

If I were a better guy, I’d break it off with you. I know I’m asking you to go against your parents, and with Mrs. Bethany breathing down your neck, even reading this puts you in danger. I ought to be strong and walk away.

But I can’t do it, Bianca. I’ve been trying to talk myself into it for weeks now, and I just can’t. I have to see you again somehow. Soon, I hope, because I don’t think I can stand this much longer.

We’re headed back to Massachusetts soon—not far from Riverton, as it turns out. Looks like a few of us are going to be scouting around Amherst near the end of September. I don’t know how long we’ll be there, but I figure it will be a while.

Is there any way you could get to Amherst the first weekend of October? If so, I’ll meet you at midnight at the Amherst train station—Friday or Saturday night, whichever you could make it. I’ll wait both nights just in case.

I realize that I might be off base here. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other or been able to talk, and maybe you don’t feel the same way anymore. Your parents have had a while to work on you about what a bad influence I am, and if Black Cross freaks you out, I don’t guess I can blame you. Besides, a beautiful girl isn’t going to be left alone for long. Maybe you’re with somebody else now, like that Balthazar guy.

Remembering Balthazar’s gentle flirtation that morning—and the warmth I’d felt in response—made me embarrassed all of a sudden, like Lucas had been eavesdropping and had overheard more than I’d meant to reveal.

If that’s how things are, then—I can’t say I’d be happy for you, because “happy” is not how I’d be feeling. I’d understand, though. I promise you that. Just send word to me in Amherst somehow so I know.

But I feel the same way. I still love you, Bianca. I think I love you more than I did when we said good-bye, and I didn’t even think that was possible. If there’s any chance you still feel it, too, then I have to try.

Okay, I keep reading this letter and feeling like it doesn’t say everything I meant to say. I’m not so good with words. I guess you know that by now, huh? If you come to Amherst, I swear I’ll find the right words to say. Or maybe we won’t need words at all.

I love you.

Lucas

I blinked fast, trying to clear my swimming eyes. The letter shook in my trembling fingers, and my heart felt like a drumbeat beneath my skin. At that moment I could have taken off running toward Amherst, down the roads and over the hills, and been there in minutes—no, seconds—if I’d only known how, maybe I could have shut my eyes and just willed myself there. I wanted it that badly.

Instead, the tie between us was fragile; we were connected only by smuggled sheets of paper and a promise to meet. That was all we could have, because probably Lucas was right about the e-mail monitoring. For all her prim, old-fashioned ways, Mrs. Bethany stayed on top of every technological development that might help her remain in total control of the school. No doubt Mr. Yee had set it up so the headmistress could read every e-mail in the school accounts.

Even being connected only through the mail seemed miraculous now, as I held Lucas’s letter in my hand. He had folded the pages within a greeting card, an unusual one—no message inside, and the photo on the cover was one of the constellation Andromeda. Lucas would’ve had to buy this someplace like a science museum or a planetarium. He remembered how I loved the stars.

Laughter across the grounds made me look up. Courtney and a few of her friends were strolling together at the edge of the lawn, snickering at some of the new human students. She made sure to point. Last year, I had been so intimidated by her. Now she seemed as insignificant as a buzzing fly at a picnic.

However, her presence reminded me that most of the vampires at Evernight knew about Black Cross and about Lucas. The card I held in my hands was evidence that I was communicating with “the enemy.” I would have to destroy it, and soon.

At least Lucas had chosen an image that I could always see for myself, one that nobody could take away.

“That’s Andromeda,” I said to Raquel, pointing up at the night sky.

We were hanging out on the grounds after dinner—our regular dinner, that was. We’d made tuna fish sandwiches in our dorm room; after Raquel was in bed, I’d have to find a way to take a few swigs of the blood I had in a thermos in my dresser. Day one, and my mealtime situation was already complicated, but I’d just have to figure it out.

“Andromeda?” Raquel squinted upward. She had on the same faded black sweater that she’d worn threadbare last year. “That’s from Greek mythology, right? I remember the name, but I don’t remember anything about her.”

“Sacrificial victim, Perseus to the rescue, Medusa head, yada yada.” Vic walked up, hands in his pockets. “Hey, do you guys know my roommate?”

My eyes went wide as I turned my head from the stars to focus on the figure by Vic’s side. “Ranulf?”

Ranulf held up one hand in a sheepish wave. His soft brown hair was still in the same bowl cut it had been in the year before—and, probably, the thousand years before that. Modernity was a very foreign concept to him; every single class was a challenge for him to even comprehend, much less absorb. And Ranulf was the male vampire chosen to have a human roommate? What could Mrs. Bethany have been thinking?

“Hey, Ranulf.” Raquel didn’t stand and offer a hand to shake, but for Raquel, even speaking to a stranger was being pretty friendly. “I remember seeing you around last year. You seem okay. You know—nonferal. Not like Courtney and her bitch patrol.”

Clearly Ranulf didn’t quite know what to make of that. After a moment’s hesitation, he simply nodded. At least he’d learned how to bluff.

“Checking out the stars, huh? Vic flopped down beside us on the grass, his usual lopsided grin on his face. “I forgot you were into that.”

“If you’d ever seen my telescope, you’d never forget.”

“Big?” he asked.

“Huge,” I said with relish. My telescope was one of my proudest possessions. “I kind of wish I’d hauled it down here tonight. The sky’s incredibly clear.”

Vic lifted one finger to the sky as if painting a little squiggle. “And that’s Andromeda, right?” I nodded. “You see it, Ranulf?”

“Shapes in the sky?” Ranulf ventured as he hesitantly sat down with us.

“Yeah, the constellations. You need us to point them out to you?”

“When I look at the sky, I do not see shapes,” Ranulf explained patiently. “I see the spirits of those who died before us, watching over us for all time.”

I tensed, expecting the others to freak out or start asking Ranulf questions he couldn’t answer. But Raquel merely rolled her eyes, and Vic nodded slowly as he took it in. “That’s deep, man.”

Ranulf had to pause to think up an appropriate reply. “You are ‘deep’ also, Vic.”

“Thanks, dude.” Vic punched Ranulf’s shoulder.

Fighting back laughter, I rolled onto my back to look up at the stars. Mrs. Bethany hadn’t chosen Ranulf to room with a human; she’d chosen Vic to live with a vampire. Apparently she’d realized that Vic didn’t sweat the small stuff and so would simply blow off any of his roommate’s weird habits.

Once again, she’d proven how insightful she was—and how well she understood all of us, even Vic. It made me glad that I’d already destroyed Lucas’s card and letter. I’d wanted to hang on to them forever, but it was too dangerous. Besides, I still had the stars.

I traced the image of Andromeda over and over again in the night sky. October seemed a thousand years away; it could never have been near enough.