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A Woman’s Perspective: Anna’s Response to Chapter 1

Flip through the pages of a few bridal magazines, and you’ll get an idea of what many women imagine when they think of getting married: a perfect wedding and an equally perfect marriage after it. Too often, the wedding more than the marriage seems to be the goal.

But this isn’t new, and it didn’t start with advertisements in magazines. Growing up, I too dreamed of getting married, and of having the kind of marriage I saw in the TV shows I watched as a child. Like many other women, I naively thought that, once I said my vows, a picture-perfect married life—a husband and wife who love and respect each other, and who care deeply about their children—would be a given.

I quickly learned that little in marriage is a given. A strong, fulfilling marriage requires a full commitment from both spouses. People who approach marriage with the wedding as their primary goal soon discover how unprepared they are for the hard work of staying one.

Newlyweds may look at other couples and think, “We’ll never act like that!” Those who are newly married often underestimate what it takes to have a thriving marriage—both husband and wife finding a way to merge their lives, to get them to fit together. Merging two lives may sound like each spouse has to give up freedom, but it’s actually the opposite. It frees up both of them to have a joyful union, one that holds on to romance and excitement.

This book is intended to help you and your spouse avoid a make-believe marriage. Such marriages are all too common, and some are so outwardly convincing that few people around them have any idea how bad the relationship is until the couples separate. Sadly, we live in a society that rewards the illusion of perfection, whether in marriage or life in general. Just look at social media, which is full of people pretending to be as flawless as the pictures they post.

That human tendency was in us long before social media sites flooded the Internet. We don’t want to think of ourselves as failures. Nobody does. Nor do we want others to see us in an unfavorable light. So, we keep up a good front. We show only our happiest moments, not wanting to admit, sometimes even to ourselves, how unhappy we may be.

Clinton and I have witnessed both loving marriages and brutal divorces. What you will read in the following pages reflects not only our personal experience, but also what we’ve observed in other relationships. And none of them, even among the best, is perfect. There’s no such thing. Couples who have loving marriages work at it constantly. This book is your guide for how best to do that work.

Speaking of working at your marriage, let me take a moment to emphasize something in this chapter: Take the opportunities this book offers for practice and participation. By doing the exercises, you will further develop skills to strengthen and maintain your marriage. Engage with them. Don’t miss the chance to learn by thinking and doing.

What I most want is not for you to strive for a marriage without imperfections, but for you to have the strength, will, and perseverance to further cultivate the marriage that you and your spouse desire. And, that God wants for you. Throughout this book, we will share candidly about our marriage, in the hope that, either on your own or with your spouse, our experiences will inspire you to think deeply about your own marriage and how to make it even better.

As my husband indicates, marriage is a sacred covenant. The bond between husband and wife is the closest human relationship most people ever have. Clinton and I have lived the heartfelt advice in this book. I pray that it richly blesses you and your spouse.