Читать книгу Steven. Crazy on You - Colin Palmer - Страница 5

“You cannot begin to understand the where’s and why for’s of it all young man, so just do what everybody else does and start atthe beginning”.

He was elderly, stately, gray hair still thick on top, and if not for a pronounced stoop, was probably once very tall. He had a kindly voice that made you think of grandfathers as portrayed in movies. You know the ones, whenever you visited them they had everything planned for you so that you didn’t get bored having to listen to the grown ups talk. And at night, that would sit you on their knee and tell you stories in a soft mellow voice, that eventually swayed you off to sleep.

“I do understand Mr Wellesley, but as you can see by my Resume, I am more qualified than most to start at least at assistant level. I done all the courses, I have accumulated that much work experience over six months and you…”.

“Slow down boy, I’ve heard it all before, and as I have previously explained to you (his shoulders stooped some more as if somebody had just added another twenty pound weight onto his back), I promote from within my own ranks, I develop my own talent, and reward those that not only have the ability, but also the perseverance, and you do not have the time up to demonstrate that to me yet. Show a bit of loyalty lad, and I can guarantee you that your talent will get you to where you believe you should be. ‘Do you remember that ad campaign for Mallow Mints?’ the old man continued, ‘well that ad came from this agency (he was oblivious to Steven now, just droning on without waiting for a reply or any indication of assent at all) from a young fellow, not unlike yourself, who gave us the inspiration for that campaign in if I recall correctly, the first month he began working for us. He didn’t have the experience to produce the final result as we all know it now, but he had the original concept and we followed it through religiously and outrageously successfully as well, I might add. But he got too big for his boots, he thought he was the bees knees of advertising geniuses, but that was the only success that he had in over two years here. An’ when he finally quit because I wouldn’t give him his own team of assistants, he was still living off the memory of that one campaign. Now just imagine the losses this Agency would have incurred if I had promoted him to what he wanted to be, and a lot of others around here thought he could be at the time too, but he didn’t achieve anything else except waste time with insignificant, and in some cases idiotic ideas. It was if his whole imagination and life had been exhausted in that one and only original concept. And that is not what I need from you Steven, or anybody else that works for me either. So now, come along and we’ll introduce you to the crowd”.

Before Steven could say another word, the diatribe had rendered him speechless anyway, Wellesley was standing at the office door, beckoning for him to follow. Steven had already seen the young secretary (he assumed) that had ushered him into the office earlier, but she, apart from Wellesley, had been the only other one there. It was a hive of activity now, 25 people in small groups clustered around computers mainly, but some individuals making coffee or doodling on white boards. The secretary was there, she was very young actually, Steven guessed probably no more than 18, plain but nice, below average looks and dressed very conservatively for her age. She was blushing, and Steven realized it was because he was standing there looking her up and down.

“I’m, I’m… sorry.” He stammered deliberately, trying to look equally embarrassed. “Please, I’m sorry, call me Stag.” And then he walked away from her, having seen the puzzlement written all over her face about his name, knowing it would lead to more curiosity and desire to talk to him later. “One down, several to go” he thought, “and I’ve only been here an hour.”

He smiled to himself as he wiped the boyish grin and replaced it with his lost doleful look, knowing it would appeal to far more of the others and expected by them as well, seeing he was the new kid on the block. He caught up to Wellesley as he’d turned back toward him on arriving at the first group sitting around a monitor. There were three of them, two guys and a girl, the girl was obviously interrupted scanning something into the computer as she sat there holding the scanner up in her left hand looking at the monitor but glancing at Steven as he approached. Wellesley had already mentioned Stevens’ name to them, and the guy to the left of the girl stood up as Steven arrived.

“Harry,” the man standing, “Monica and Marc” he gestured at the others.

“Stag” Steven replied taking the hand firmly. Marc also stood and they shook hands, the expected quizzical look only on Wellesleys’ face. “Steven is my real name but everybody, mostly everybody calls me Stag” Steven explained to them all.

“Well, then, this is your work group for now Steven, you don’t mind if I keep calling you that do you” said Wellesley, “they will introduce you to everybody else but for now I want you to sit in and listen and learn”, and with that his shoulders slumped, and he turned and simply walked off.

Steven watched him go, then turned back to the trio. Marc looked at him.

“Grab a chair Stag, we is having ourselves a problem”.

Harry turned out to be quite brilliant, mid 30's, a lot of experience and background, always dressed like an absolute dag, cord jeans, no belt, sand shoes, a t-shirt in summer covered by assorted flannelette shirts in winter, and an old army green jacket and a moth eaten Rabbitohs beanie on really cold days.

“You play?” Harry had asked Steven one day.

“Used to, and a closet South Sydney supporter as well, from the good old days in the late sixties early seventies”.

Harry seemed to believe that made Steven alright, not that many people would admit to being a Rabbitohs’ supporter anymore, closet or otherwise. On that first morning, Harry ran Steven through the ropes, and Steven was smart enough to listen and learn, like he was being paid to do at that time.

“Monica? She’s a dyke man.” This was his reply to Stevens question at a smoko break. “But a good dyke you understand. She ain’t the best at having original ideas, but she is a whiz with freehand, and anything we can come up with she just makes it come alive on the computer man. But don’t go thinkin’ you can convert her or anythin’ man, ‘coz she is dyke through and through, even lives with her girlfriend and let me tell ya, she’s the one that wears the pants in that duo, if you get my drift. So don’t go stirring her up ‘coz she’s a part of the team that plays hard and wins. That’s us, me Marc and her, we’re all brothers!”

At that, he laughed. His laughter ended abruptly in a coughing spasm, a sickening uncontrollable wet cough that made Steven almost retch.

“Gotta give up these damn smokes man” Harry said, and hurtled the half butt off the landing into the street.

Steven saw the glistening eyes and felt his pain, but didn’t know what to do. Sickness and death was fairly foreign to him, personally.

“What, what about Marc?” It was all he could think of to say.

Harry looked directly at Steven who recognized a ‘thanks for not mentioning it look’.

“Yeah, Marc, he’s quiet ain’t he?” Harry wiped his face on his sleeve and continued. “He’s one of those guys who is always thinking, quiet as a church mouse until something clicks in his head. An’ then try and shut ‘im up man, once he gets going the idea just formulates itself, sometimes as it’s coming out of his mouth I swear. But he’s like me man, runnin’ out of time, in his forties, you didn’t think he’s was that old did ya (he said after seeing Stevens’ surprised look), and beginning to get exhausted at the amount we have to produce now. Wellesley obviously thinks you have the goods, that’s why he put you with us and not one of the other groups. Consider yourself privileged”.

“I am” Steven said honestly.

Work was great, Steven did learn a lot, not only from Harry but also Monica. She was good, very good, and Steven let her know he thought that without appearing to be patronising. He fitted in well with all three of them and even got around the office a bit to see how all the others worked (and to check out the available talent). He had lunch with Kate a couple of times, she was very difficult to talk to but he eventually got her talking freely enough about most things, other than herself anyway. One time he even touched her softly on the cheek with his hand when they had been talking about a sad event on TV and she had just looked at him with those big puppy dog eyes and nestled her cheek against the palm of his hand. Steven asked her to go out that night and she responded yes immediately, even though it was still accompanied by her normal stuttering whenever she was nervous, which with Steven, was always.

Another girl in the office really took his fancy. Debbie was a lithesome blonde who reminded him a little of Glenda from his school days. She had bright baby blue eyes and always wore form fitting clothes, which he appreciated greatly.

But it was Monica who had Steven perplexed. Homosexuality was not a new topic to him – he had visited Sydney and the Gold Coast enough to recognise the male versions but lesbianism was something that both excited and interested him, and Monica represented all of that. He became quite chummy with her, and after some time she began responding to him more in line with what he was used to from women, but always with an aloofness that made him more determined. Near the end of one work day, she turned to him.

“What do you see in Kate?”

They had been driving a particular train of thought on a new campaign for the past few hours and the question pretty much arrived out of the blue. Marc and Harry looked at each other, then looked at Steven. Steven thought he saw Harry shake his head imperceptibly.

“What do you see in her?” Steven responded.

“She’s naive and innocent and not your type at all but you just see her as a conquest to be had” she replied matter of factly.

“Yeah, but what do you see in her?” he repeated.

“She’s nice Steve, so why don’t you just leave her be”.

Monica did not hide her homosexuality but she did not openly discuss it either.

“Am I poaching on your territory?”

Stevens’ question initiated the beginning of one of Harry’s coughing fits that saw him get up and leave for the toilet immediately, with Marc following to make sure he was alright.

“You think you know it all don’t you?” Monica finally spoke after waiting for Steven to look back at her. “Let me tell you, that from all of the people around here and probably elsewhere, I know how you tick more than anybody else does, and you have a lot to learn about women and sexuality Steven”.

“So who’s going to teach me? You?”

Steven said it with more than a touch of sarcasm. Monica’s eyes softened a little and she appeared to focus past Steven for a second. She returned her gaze directly at him.

“Steven, I have been a lesbian for all of my adult life, and probably a fair portion of time before that. It doesn’t mean I am any the less intelligent or observant, and it does not qualify me as an expert in anything, but what I do know is that you are preying on poor Kate, and she is being taken in by you hook, line and sinker. She’s naive and gullible Steven”.

He listened, shook his head a couple of times as if to clear it, and frowned heavily at her.

“I don’t know what you’re saying…” he began…

“You know exactly what I mean” she cut in abruptly. Steven shook his head again and then his eyes widened when she added “come over my house tonight, me and Di wanna talk to you”.

It was a direction and Steven was bewildered, but she obviously considered the discussion over as she turned her attention back to the computer. He started to speak but she shook her head at him, and then Harry and Marc were back. Harry looked at him and pulled a face from behind Monica. Monica responded by flinging her head back and collecting him straight in the solar plexus.

“I saw your reflection in the screen” she answered.

“Be careful” is all Harry said later, when Steven told him about the invitation.

“Of what?”

“Maybe your luck’s in man, maybe she has been discussing you with Di and they’ve decided to teach you a lesson the only way dykes can, I dunno man but just be careful”.

“Oh, so I should take more than one condom!” Steven laughed.

“Look Katie, I’m really sorry about tonight but we are all going to Monicas’ to work on this ad” Steven told her. “But hey look, it’s Friday tomorrow, maybe you’d like to go to the drive-in or something?”

“Okay, yes of course, work is important, I do understand. I, I’m not sure about tomorrow, you know, I don’t think that the drive-in is such a great idea, I think…”.

“It’s okay Katie, I don’t expect anything from you, there is a great double feature on that I’d like to see and if I had your company, well, then it would be even better.” Steven smiled sweetly at her.

She dropped her eyes again but then raised her head and said defiantly, “Yes okay then, I suppose it will be alright.”

“Thanks for understanding Kate, tomorrow then, pick you up at six thirty, okay?” and he turned as she nodded, and simply walked away.

That night Steven arrived at Monicas’ townhouse complex. ‘No security’ he shook his head disgustingly. He approached the door and looked through the unfrosted glass in the frame beside it, noticing the hallway leading to a living area, and a hat rack with coats and hats arranged rather neatly. A row of casuals and running shoes lay parallel to the wall below the rack, and an umbrella leant almost up against the glass. The soft volume of Pink Floyd was playing somewhere. He knocked gently and heard Monicas’ voice.

“Can you get the door Di, it will be Steven”.

He heard footsteps coming down the stairs out of view, but obviously near to the front door. The door suddenly opened and Steven looked into two of the bluest eyes he had ever seen. They were dancing merrily and Steven smiled at her.

“Hi, Diane isn’t it, I’m Steven.”

Her voice shocked him back to normalcy. It was a beautiful

voice to match the eyes, but her words didn’t match.

“I don’t know what she sees in you, but I ‘spose you had better come in.” The eyes were still dancing and now full of mirth as well as she stepped back for him to enter.

“After you” he said.

He followed her down the short hallway. She was dressed in a shortish floral summer dress and had nice tanned legs, and overall a nice body, Steven noticed. She appeared to move her hips with a bit more flourish even as Steven was thinking about her but then she stopped suddenly and turned to face him.

“So, finished checking me over now, or would you like me down to my birthday suit so you can see it all?”

Her voice was hard and Steven was startled to see that her face was beautiful even though the eyes were now set like flints.

“Diane, I would love to see you naked” her brashness had fueled him up.

“You’re exactly like Monica said you’d be, a right arsehole, a smart mouthed arsehole.”

Steven was totally baffled by the venom in the voice of this angel.

“What have I ever done to you?”

It was the only thing he could think of to say and he wished he hadn’t almost immediately.

“It is you and the likes of you that are making women stronger everyday you arsehole” the absolute hatred in her eyes as well as her voice made Steven take two step backwards. “You think you can just keep treating us like shit as long as you can get what you want when you want it, head jobs on demand, a quick fuck while we’re up against the sink doing the dishes…”

“Diane!” Monicas voice cut her off in mid-tirade, and Steven looked at her with, he hoped, a level of appreciation that bordered on worship. Monica walked up behind Diane and put her arms around her shoulders. “It’s alright Baby” she cooed almost. “C’mon, how is he going to listen to us if you intend assaulting him every time he comes and visits? He’s here as my guest Babe, please let’s start off on the right foot at least.” She was turning Diane away from Steven as she spoke. “Give me a hand in the kitchen will you” and then to Steven, “Would you like a drink?”

He just nodded, still dumbfounded by the attack and not knowing what to do about anything at that point. They disappeared around the corner through the dining room, and Steven heard glasses clinking, and realized he hadn’t told Monica what he would like. He stepped off to follow and then stopped and thought better of it, taking a seat on the pappasan chair, that he noticed immediately was perfectly positioned to receive the stereo effect from the speakers. He loved ‘Floyd’, and tried to forget the pure viciousness from Diane while mellowing to the strains of the music. Monica was back in what seemed like moments with a glass of white wine. She handed it to him and Steven offered her a questioning look.

“I’m sorry Steven…” she hesitated when she saw him frown, and then smile broadly at her. “What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I never thought I’d see the day, you in a skirt, my God, wait until they hear about this at work”. Steven wondered how he hadn’t noticed earlier, but was reminded instantly.

“Maybe I should have just let her fly off at you, you are an arsehole”.

She was angry, and it showed. She stalked off back to the kitchen leaving Steven alone again, wide eyed, and now thinking about what was going on rather than listening to the music anymore. Monica looked stunning in a dress, like a beautiful woman should look, and Steven wanted to tell her that and apologise. He stood up and walked around to the dining room. In the kitchen, the girls had embraced and had their heads resting on each others shoulder. They were oblivious to him. Monica ran her hand down the back of Di’s head, soothing, like a Mother would do to a hurt child. And then he saw the chicken! It lay, cooked, sitting in the baking dish, and had obviously just come out of the oven. But its position reminded Steven so much of a recollection from many years ago, when he’d been imagining his Mother offering him a piece of baked magpie. He burst into laughter and the girls turned immediately and saw him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t, I wasn’t laughing at you two.” He could see the predicament he was now in becoming worse. Some quick talking was required. “I’d come in to say sorry and I didn’t want to interrupt, but I saw the chicken there with its legs up and it reminded me of something from school. Maybe I should come back some other time.” The second part resulted from his assessment that his first sentence sounded absolutely ridiculous. “Look, I am sorry, I was looking forward to this, I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t want to spoil anything so how about I just go for now”.

“Wait, Steven” it was Diane’s voice that stopped him as he began to turn away. “Let’s just forget it and start again. We’ll (she looked at Monica as she said it) explain everything in a minute, but why don’t you just go through the music and put something on you like, and dinner will be soon”. Her voice was liltingly beautiful, still being forced, almost patronising, but more sincere than at any other time in the last five minutes that he had been here.

“I like Floyd, it’s fine” and then “okay, I’m going” as Monica frowned at him heavily. ‘Should have realized that I was being given a hint’ he thought to himself as he walked over to the records and tapes.

Dinner turned out to be a quiet affair with only a little small talk to interrupt the sounds of the music, and the occasional scratch of cutlery on china and chink of a wine glass. Both Di and Monica appeared to be deep in thought and Steven was content to savor home cooking and ignore the obvious silence. As Monica rose to clear the plates from the main course, Steven gave her a genuine glance of appreciation.

“Thanks, that was great, but why do I feel like I am the lamb being fattened up for market?”.

“It’s not that at all Steven. Me and Di often sit and discuss people, and since you have come to work with me, I guess that you have been one of our topics of conversation”.

“Yeah, ok, but what about?”

Steven sat there his eyes moving between the two of them so quickly that it was almost like he was shaking his head. His look was one of utter confusion. Diane all of a sudden smiled broadly at him, she really was beautiful. Then she started laughing, and her laugh gathered momentum so much that Monica also started, and the infectious nature of genuine laughter meant that Steven, confused as all hell as he still was, joined in as well. All three took some minutes to calm down after the initial outburst, either or all of them threatening to start again, at anything remotely silly or otherwise, like looking at each other, or lifting a wine glass or the left over food on plates, hilarious things like that. Diane was wiping tears from her eyes with her napkin when she looked directly at him.

“I am sorry about before, I guess I got a bee in my bonnet about nothing in particular (‘yeah right, nothing’ thought Steven), but I can see now what Monica has been telling me, and that is that you have the potential, with a little bit of help anyway.”

She stopped and they all sat there looking at each other. Once again, Stevens’ head began the shaking thing as he looked between the two of them.

“What, the potential for what?” He was becoming frustrated, and the just past humour had faded totally. Monica stood up.

“Di, clear the table hon will you, and you and I will adjoin to the lounge” she indicated to Steven to bring his drink.

“Not until I know what the fuck you two are talking about”. Steven barely had control of his temper now, and his words were harsh. Monica moved around the table and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Just come with me Steven and use the patience I see you use for other things for this right now” she said softly. Her placating voice and the continued pressure of her hand on his shoulder calmed Steven almost immediately, but Monica still recognized the tinge of venom in his reply.

“Ok, ok, I don’t know which one of you is worse yet”. He was trying to show some humour, somehow trying to recreate the hilarity of a couple of minutes previously but it fell flat, the sarcasm was too thinly veiled and he knew it. “I’m sorry alright, let’s go”.

Monica brought the bottle with her, even though it was almost empty. She emptied it now, sharing the contents between her own and Stevens’ glass. She sat down in the middle of the lounge room floor.

“Bring the other bottle with you Hon” she called out to Di in the kitchen.

Steven sat on the floor without being directed, his legs at right angles to Monicas’, feet nearly touching. Heleaned back onto the chair behind him.

“Sorry Mon, I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, but you do have nice legs.”

“Ok already” she said.

As she spoke, she leaned over and cuffed him softly on the shoulder. Her blush was evident but dissipating rapidly, then reinstated again when Di walked in and sat down opposite Steven. She sat cross legged on the floor with her dress stretched across her thighs and made no effort to cover herself, obviously comfortable with being in her own home and with Stevens’ presence as well now he thought. Steven noted the black knickers stretched across her crotch and realized that not only was Diane beautiful but incredibly desirable as well. He was becoming uncomfortable with this situation and the silence and managed to show it by looking everywhere except at Diane.

“You can look all you want Steven, just don’t touch”.

The shock of the words made Stevens’ slightly intoxicated brain begin to swoon – he couldn’t even tell who had said it.

“What, look at, touch what?” The confusion once more in his voice was joined by an almost sheer terror, terror that these two knew exactly what he was thinking and exactly how he wanted to react but couldn’t. Diane said nothing but ran her fingers softly up between her legs. Steven was transfixed, watching her index finger pressing lightly, touching herself through the filmy material of her panties. He realized with a start that he was sitting there wide eyed and that it had been Monica telling him to look only. He tore his eyes away and looked at the amusement in Diane’s face (or was it pleasure he thought). The anger and frustration welled up once more, and he started to get up, his eyes still staring at Dianes face. “I have no idea what you two are up to, but I’ve had enough of your prick teasing and I’m out of here”.

The anger was evident in his voice but the only reaction from either girl was a soft “don’t go” from Monica. He looked at her and realized that since Diane’s arrival back in the lounge room he had not even as much as given her a sideways glance, even though she had been the only one to have actually spoken to him. He recognized even through his anger, that Monica was sincere and also saw this in her face, as well as something else, something he couldn’t quite identify.

“What the fuck are you doing to me?” He tried to sound angry still, but it came out almost pleading. “What do you want, if I don’t start getting straight answers I will Mon, I’ll go and you and I somehow will have to face each other in the morning at work, and it won’t be me that is embarrassed or stressed, it will be you, I just want you two to top playing games and come clean, just what the fuck do you want from me?”

Monica sat looking at him, almost sad, he swiveled his head slightly to look at Diane, and was relieved to see that she had covered herself and was also looking at least a bit concerned. That was it he thought, the look on Mons’ face was one of concern, but for who he thought, for him, or for herself, or for Diane?

“Sit down please Steven and we’ll tell you, well, try to explain it to you anyway, please?” she pleaded.

Diane also now. “Yes, please sit Steven, I’m sorry, Mon keeps telling me I’m such a bitch sometimes, and maybe I went to far.”

“Christ, if I hear one more please I will go” he tried jokingly. “So, what is it you want?” He sat as he spoke and then looked at the pair of them and added, “Are you trying to get to know me before a menage-au-trois or what, aargh… sorry”. He realized it was definitely the wrong thing to say when both girls looked at each other and then at him, plain and utter contempt at his words on their faces. “Look I’m sorry, I said that much earlier and I meant it, I still do, I just want to know what you want. I find you both desirable, Mon you know you perplex me like no woman I have ever met before in my life and you are cute as well and that combination attracts me to you, and Diane, well you are just the most beautiful woman I have ever met and I think you are both extremely lucky to have each other; I’m extremely envious of you both. If this thing that you are trying to do to me has anything to do with sex or sexuality, then it’s my turn to say please, please let’s stop beating around the bush and get on with it. If it doesn’t have anything to do with sex, then just stop teasing me, the pair of you.”

Steven believed for just about the first time in his life, he had spoken deliberately without stray or ambiguous thoughts crossing his mind to interfere. Trouble was, he now sat there looking at the pair of them wandering what the hell he had said. He realized the frustration of the evening had caused him to lose some of his natural mental agility, and now wondered how much more he was likely to lose as a result of events to come.

Diane leaned forward, her right hand holding her skirt hem down between her thighs. She reached out with her left and grabbed the top of Steven’s right shoe and waggled it back and forth.

“I am sorry Steven, I mean it. Mon has told me so much about you, and I’ve been very unfair to you, and very wicked too”. Her eyes sparkled in jest then returned to being serious. Steven saw that her eyes were a darker blue but just for that moment when she had smiled – they had returned to their lighter shade. She glanced quickly at Monica and continued. “You are the first guy that Monica in her whole life has found attractive, but you are such a prick to women she is having a lot of trouble coming to terms with that attraction.”

Steven stared at Diane, he didn’t dare look at Monica. He was still unsure of where this was going now and wasn’t even sure he wanted to know. Diane took his silence and wide eyed stare to mean he was still confused.

“Steven, I think you’re cute too, in fact under other circumstances I could probably be attracted to you as well, but I see the traits that Mon has told me about, the good and the bad, and understand her confusion. And thank you for telling me I’m beautiful” her eyes lightened and sparkled again “but the reason we asked you over tonight has nothing to do with sex, directly anyway. I am bi, you know, I like men as well as woman, but, let’s just say that previous experiences have made me, for the time being anyway, exclusively homosexual. Meeting you has done nothing but reinforce that, but Mon, she is a lesbian, always has been and always will be, up until you dropped into her life anyway.”

Steven began fidgeting, he was getting very uncomfortable with this. He’d been trying for the truth for some time and now it was here, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know more.

“So…”

Diane cut him off with a wave of her hand, her right hand which meant her dress rode up again but she was ecstatic to see that Steven didn’t even seem to notice, his big dark eyes remained fixed on her face.

“Let me finish, okay?” and began again without waiting for a sign of consent. “Neither of us is looking for a relationship with you, other than as friends anyway, but I feel (he glanced at Monica and was surprised to see her looking almost comfortable with the conversation as if they were talking about work or the weather) that this is a possible chance for Mon to see that she could have a straight relationship, if she found the right person. You obviously have a lot of the attributes (“yeah, I’ve gotta dick” he thought.), but the biggest problem appears to be that you think you are Gods’ gift to women, and you treat them like shit whether you know it or not.” She stopped talking and looked lovingly and expectantly at him.

Steven was dumbfounded but somehow managed to ignore the look on Dianes face (“God she’s gorgeous”), and began by looking at Monicas legs, so close to his own still. He realized that he was still angry because of the continuous simmering he had been undergoing since his arrival was not sure he could be completely in control of what he wanted to say. He stared at Monicas legs without seeing them, not wanting to look at either of their faces. He remembered Louise and (“Shit what was her name? Right, Margaret”) from college, another Debbie, not the one from work now, and Glenda so long ago at school, and wondered that maybe he was missing something, maybe he had the wrong attitude as all of them had gone away in a lot of pain, but wasn’t that just a normal part of breaking up? Yeah, he had treated them like Goddesses, all of them, and wasn’t it them that had done the wrong thing, not him. That’s why HE had left them. “Janey, hmm, I’d almost forgotten about her, great lips and a great mouth and she knew how to use it too, and I don’t mean talking, though she did her fair bit of that at the end”.

He foreced himself to look at Monica’s face and the look of concern was back. He suddenly realized he had spoken out loud though not enough for them to understand his words. He was thankful for that!

“You okay Steven?”

The concern literally dripped from her lips or so he believed.

“Fuck you and all of you,” his head swiveling again from one giirl to the other. He sprang to his feet and nearly tripped backwards into the pappasan chair. “You know what I think, I think you just want to try a man, make someone subservient to the pair of you so you can both have it. You’re probably having trouble with your relationship so you (this to Mon) concoct this crap to try and get me to share your bitch with you so she won’t leave you, and you think because I’m not a big guy and because I’m good with women that you can control me, well think again you dyke bitches, I ain’t here to do your bidding and I am not the barstard you’re making me out to be…”.

The pause for a breath and the realisation that he had no control over what he was saying made Steven look everywhere, embarrassed and angry altogether at the same time. He flew over the top of their legs, and almost ran up the hallway towards the door. He heard one of their voices calling him from behind and thought “if you want me come after me” and then he was out the door into a cool Brisbane evening. He walked down the drive and heard his name again, so one, or both, had at least come to the door.

“C’mon” he muttered to himself.

He heard the sound of fast approaching footsteps on concrete, bare feet he smugly thought, so they had come after him and quickly as well. Don’t let anybody tell me I don’t know women, he thought satisfyingly. He whirled as the footsteps neared with all intent of presenting his angry face, even though he actually felt elated at having won, they were crawling after him, as usual, as per normal. He turned expecting Monica, after all this was supposed to be her big deal, her night, but instead he was stunned to see Diane slowing up now that he had stopped, tears pouring from her eyes almost comic in their volume. He remained impassive. The anger had settled but he was still seething from the adrenaline, from the whole lousy night really.

“What do you want Diane?” he said quietly.

He did not move, even though he felt like rushing up to her and cradling her in his arms as she wept. “Fuck them still” he thought “make them work for it”. He noticed again that Diane was incredibly beautiful even though her mascara ran down her cheeks from the tears, and probably at some stage, having wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as she ran after him. Some of her hair wisped across the front of her face, and the desire to reach out and touch her was too great, even for his self control. At the touch of his hand, she looked up at him, those blue eyes piercing into his, and he was astonished again to see that they were as hard as flints.

“Gotcha, you fucking prick!” She hissed at him through clenched teeth and she turned and walked away. And once again she put an extra flourish into the movement of her hips and even glanced seductively at him over her shoulder, her face a grim mask of triumph, not a look of invitation. Steven saw through his haze of absolute hatred, saw this bitch prancing away from him and saw Monica silhouetted in the doorway. Monica said something to Diane as she passed, and then she was moving toward Steven, her head held high, now looking uncomfortable wearing a dress as it swished against her legs. He turned and walked away toward the gate.

“Steven? Steven? Please, Steven?”

She gasped as she drew alongside, and then finally in front facing him, making him stop. The exasperation in her voice appeared genuine, as had the concern Steven recalled. But he knew it had been bullshit, a setup all the time.

“Let me go Mon, let me go home and let’s just forget this happened, and tomorrow maybe, we’ll try to work together again, but I doubt that will be too successful so soon.”

He looked at her with his face steeled to receive the Diane treatment, but instead she stepped forward and put her hands on his upper arms. She looked intently into his face, her concern sickened him.

“What do you want Mon?”

His eyes searched her face, and she did not resist when he put his arms up and swept her against his body. He felt her arms go around him, but they did not hold him, and that stopped him from moving his face down and trying to kiss her. He could feel his hard on pressing against her belly, but as she also sensed it, she moved her lower body away from him and then he knew, that she was just trying to make it up to him, as difficult as it was for her. Mon felt him relax away from her, released her hold and they parted. They stood looking at each other and Steven realized with some sympathy that this night was NOT supposed to turn out this way at all, for any of them, but especially for Monica.

“Walk with me to the station”.

He said as a statement and she turned and stepped out beside him along the footpath. They walked in silence for a little way, he conscious of her right there beside him, wanting to put his arm around her but knowing he wanted to do it only as an automatic gesture, in this case a useless one, and she conscious of her attire and the disappointment of what had transpired. Neither wanted to be the first to break the silence but each wanted to say something, something sincere that may help to repair the damage. Steven was still angry, but more so at Diane than at Monica.

“Is she always that vicious”? There was a considerable pause as Monica sort for a reply. “I don’t know that I deserved any of it. After all, what did I do to either of you, or anybody else for that matter?” he offered again.

He stopped when she paused in silence again, and she also stopped and turned to face him.

“Look Steven, I can’t apologise for Diane but I am sorry, and (the concerned look again) the explanation she gave well, it was true mostly, but she really doesn’t know you to be able to say what she did, so for that I’m sorry”.

“Why should you be sorry, she said it, not you”.

“Yes, but she has a preconceived opinion based on what I’ve told her about you, so it IS my fault. Oh Steven, I really am sorry, it wasn’t supposed to turn out like this!”

“Well what was it supposed to turn out like, you know, was I supposed to sit there and be lectured until I became a goody goody or something, what”?

“Let’s not go through it all now. But I want you to know that I do find you attractive, which is confusing to me, and no, I don’t want to sleep with you, but you have to understand where Diane is coming from, and then maybe you’ll understand her behaviour.”

Steven lost all interest in Diane all of a sudden.

“You are attracted to me but you don’t want to do anything about it because you are a lesbian?”

“Steven, I really don’t want to go into that right now, we’ll, we’ll get together again, and this time because you know what it’s about, this time we’ll discuss it properly but I want to tell you about Diane alright”.

Steven reluctantly agreed.

“Next time; can we do it down the back bar of the Anglers Arms, somewhere a bit more public you know?” he grinned at her. “Alright, tell me about Diane”.

They began to walk again side by side, and this time Monica relaxed enough to allow her hips to rub against Steven’s, each time their steps did not coincide.

“She really is beautiful isn’t she”. She began with a statement that regardless of what had transpired, Steven could not argue with. “We met about four years ago, at Zargos’ in Lismore, she had just separated from her husband and was intent on drinking herself into oblivion.”

Steven knew Zargos’.

“So she was a les… you know, gay then?” he asked.

“No, Zargos’ is not a gay club. That’s a fallacy created by its popularity, you know, straights go in and find a few gay people so they instantly label it a gay club, and they tell others that weren’t able to get in and then it snowballs from there. Anyway, Diane, she was by herself near the ladies, just sitting there all by herself, and she was nursing a drink as if she had just crawled out of it, and actually might have, oh Steven, you should have seen the way she looked!”

Monica stopped dead and Steven swiveled around in surprise. They were facing each other and Steven could see that her eyes were brimming with tears, not enough yet to spill over, but tears all the same. He put his arm around her this time, and gave her the sort of hug he hoped she would see as a friendly and sympathetic one, and nothing else.

“Go on, what happened?” he urged.

Monica dropped her head onto his shoulder as they walked, and they went up the stairs into the railway station. Steven steered her to one of the benches, and she began again as they seated themselves. Steven still had his arm draped across her shoulders, and she did not appear uncomfortable with his continued physical contact.

“She was married for twelve months, just over in fact, because she told us about her anniversary. She and her husband, Mick, had been going out since high school and though he drank a bit, she said he hadn’t been physical with her, up until about six months after the wedding. Fancy knowing somebody so well for nearly seven years and then suddenly they change, well I know it couldn’t have happened like that, she is still so so naive in some ways that maybe she just didn’t see the warning signs, you know, the indicators that something was wrong with him?”

She glanced at Steven as she said this and he just nodded at her and then shrugged his shoulders.

“So what did he do that was so bad, how could it have made her so bitter that she acts the way she does now; he hit her right?”

“He more than hit her Steven, but let me tell it in order okay, so that you can understand it properly. What time does the train come?”

“Don’t worry, every 20 minutes until midnight so you’ve plenty of time to get your message through to me”.

Steven was curious, but he thought she was starting to lecture him a bit. He pictured Diane sitting on the lounge room floor again, her dress hitched up and those black panties framing her crotch. Once again he felt his erection looming, but Monica was only sitting back against his shoulder and was oblivious to the forming bulge in his jeans. She began to talk again, and moved her left arm to sit along the top of his right thigh. Steven’s eyes looped skywards as he thought ‘that helps’, but tried to concentrate in what she was saying again.

“…got drunk a bit when they were going out, more so than some of the other kids at school, but not that you would think he had a problem or anything, or so she reckoned. And no one else apparently mentioned it either, so it was just one of those things that nobody recognized. They got married just like everybody thought they would, just as they knew they would. Di’s parents liked Mick, and his really doted on her of course, and everybody assumed it was one of those marriages that was meant to be. But after they left school, Mick got an apprenticeship with his Dad, a plumber I think, and he used to go out with his mates every afternoon for a drink before going home, so sometimes Di would hardly see him all week, and when she did, he’d always had a few, you know, enough to make him outgoing, but not drunk.”

Steven nodded, he had seen it often enough, people thinking they were just drinking socially, but really not able to get through the night unless they had a couple under their belt first. He was not a drinker, not a teetotaler either, he had a drink, one or two with Harry and Marc after work two or three times a month, and he didn’t mind sharing a bottle of wine with dinner.

“Yeah I know, go on” he said quietly.

“Anyway, apart from petty jealousy because of the amount of time he spent with his mates, they never really had a problem with anything, or so she said. They moved in together in his last year of his apprenticeship, got a little flat and she did the girl thing and waited for him to come home every night. And he did come home every night, usually early, which she said surprised her because she expected him like …well, after dark, when he’d had enough with his mates down the pub. But as time went on, he got a bit later, and a bit later, and was coming home a just a little bit tipsier every time. But still everything was okay, they still got on famously, he loved her and they didn’t argue about anything seriously. Money was good because they both worked and they did all the things that a young couple in love would do”.

Monica hesitated and looked around at Steven as she heard the approaching train. Steven looked at his watch and told her once again to “go on”.

“What time is it?”

“Plenty of time” he said” two more trains until midnight”.

She waited for the train to stop, and they both watched as several people got off, some with shopping bags. “Thursday night shopping” Steven thought. The train disappeared into the dark. They were alone again, only the slight traffic noise from the main road, and the odd vehicle in a closer street disturbed the night, and the sound of a too loud TV from the block of flats across from the station. Steven wondered how amazing it was that sounds traveled so crisply in the night.

“Anyway, one night, she must have just said the wrong thing at the wrong time, he might have had a little bit too much and all that, but whatever it is that she said made him all of sudden up and yell at her, calling her all sorts of names, and then he just walked out. He came home pretty late, because she found him asleep the next morning on the couch. He apologised to her and they made up, you know how it goes?” She looked back over her shoulder at him as she asked the question. She went on again straight away when she saw him nod. “That night he came home early with a bunch of flowers, apologised again, sweet talked her into bed, and then took off down the pub, all within about half an hour. She was very distraught, because from that night on, he didn’t start coming home until after closing time, and he was always dark at her, but he didn’t yell or anything, at least until again, she must have said the wrong thing, because he just up and whacked her one across the face.”

“Some guys just don’t know when they’ve got it good” Steven said.

“Di was a mental wreck, it was affecting her at work, and in desperation, she tried to talk to her parents, but they simply wouldn’t believe her! So she went to see Micks parents who had, as I said, really doted her. They didn’t believe her either. All they ever saw was the perfect son and the perfect daughter-in-law. Micks Dad even told her that it must have been something she had done and that she had to sort herself out if there was something wrong. And she believed that, so she worked hard to be good to him and ignore what was going on, and then a week or so later, on their first anniversary, he had booked them into this motel up the Tweed. They traveled up after work, everything seemed to be going just fine, they had a romantic dinner and went out to a club further up the coast.”

The sound of another train halted her.

“Last one?” she asked.

Steven held up one finger to signify one more to go after this one, and stayed silent so that she would continue.

“I don’t know what club they went to, but it sounded like one of those sleazy mens clubs that have table dancing and that sort of stuff, not the place you take your wife to on your wedding anniversary anyway. Mick loved it, the girls swinging their crotches at him, and at Di too, apparently. You know, like most couples, they had discussed sexual fantasies, and one of Micks was the two women in bed at one time. Di was pretty naive, as I said, and she probably said the wrong thing to him at some stage when they were discussing their fantasies, because, as it turns out, that’s exactly why he had taken her there, to try and pick up another girl. Diane freaked, but she had drunk enough to get silly. She pushed the girl off the table and jumped up and began dancing for Mick, and as it turns out, for most of the other patrons as well. They yelled and cheered her as she turned back to Mick, who she says, was smiling at her and yelling for her to take her dress off. She said she reached down and swigged the rest of her glass of beer, and three or four pairs of hands massaged her legs and backside at the same time. When she stood back up again, she started dancing, lifting her dress up now, higher each time. And Mick was in front of her, still egging her on. She got the dress up in front of her eyes at one stage and probably due to the alcohol and heat in that club she began to feint, or something like that she said. She woke up in the car the next day, parked in front of their motel room. She says she recalled her knickers being taking off and someone going down on her, and then someone on top of her and a dick being shoved into her mouth, and even though it was all at the same time, she still thought it was Mick. She thought he had taken her out of there back to the motel, but it wasn’t until she felt a very bad pain at something that she opened her eyes and realized that she was lying face down, because she really had to stretch her head back to look forward. She saw Mick leaning on a tree, and then she felt a man inside her and looked down and saw some guy she didn’t know underneath her, and he was telling her she was a great fuck, or something really romantic like that, and then she realized that the pain was coming from someone behind her, trying to stick himself up her backside. There were hands all over her, on her hips and legs, and her head, and when she screamed she remembered Mick coming over and putting his dick into her mouth, and that was the last thing she knew before waking up in the car in the morning.”

Monica paused and looked over her shoulder at Steven who returned her look with a wide eyed stare.

“My God” was all he could say.

“Yeah, but that ain’t the end of it. She was mostly naked, Mick had just put her dress over her, she couldn’t find her bra or knickers, or even her shoes, so she just put her dress on and went into the motel room. Mick was in there alright, in the bed pumping in and out of some poor girl he’d picked up somewhere. Di said he looked at her standing in the door way, and without losing a stroke, had asked her to come and join them. I met her two days after that and she hasn’t seen Mick again since”.

“So, did she jump into bed with them?”

Steven asked and regretted saying it immediately. Monica sat up abruptly and turned to him.

“You fucking idiot, what a stupid question, honestly Steven, like I told you before, I can’t believe that someone hasn’t told you that your smart mouth will get you into trouble one day.” She was almost yelling at him.

“Sorry, I’m sorry Mon, but what did she do then, you know after seeing him?”

Steven thought this was the most unbelievable story he had ever heard and he wanted the whole story up to the present. He thought he could hear a train in the distance.

“Quick what happened then?” he urged.

“She apparently ran off, gathered herself together as much as she could and caught a bus back home. She grabbed her clothes and other personal things and was living in a motel room. My girlfriend and I took her home and looked after her for a few days, and when she got better, she started having a, you know, relationship with my girlfriend. We all got on well, we all, to some degree hated men, but Diane more than either if us. Then when Liv, my girlfriend, moved to Sydney, me and Di more or less started, too, more than just friendship. She looked after me I guess, like, dinner ready when I got home, the house neat and tidy and the washing done, stuff like that. She did that for over a month before we started sleeping together, and in all that time, she never heard from Mick or his parents”.

The train was getting close. Monica grabbed Stevens’ hands and stood up. He stood up with her, and she looked gravely up into his eyes.

“Diane and I may not be in love with each other, but in our own way, we love and need each other, and she is adamant that I should not get involved with men ever, even though she herself is attracted to them still.”

She leaned forward and as Steven saw her lips moving toward his, he clutched her quickly to him and kissed her deeply. It was quick but meaningful. She crushed her lips hard against his, and he felt her arms go quickly around his back and pull him ever so briefly against her body. And then they parted, and she turned and was walking, almost running from him. Steven saw the train pull up as she disappeared down the stairs and he jumped into the closest carriage as soon as the doors opened. He leaned against the doors when they closed and as the train started to pull away he peered through the darkness up the street to try and catch a last glimpse of her. He saw nothing but empty streets.