Читать книгу The House of Dust: A Symphony - Conrad Aiken - Страница 4

Table of Contents

I.

The sun goes down in a cold pale flare of light.

The trees grow dark: the shadows lean to the east:

And lights wink out through the windows, one by one.

A clamor of frosty sirens mourns at the night.

Pale slate-grey clouds whirl up from the sunken sun.

And the wandering one, the inquisitive dreamer of dreams,

The eternal asker of answers, stands in the street,

And lifts his palms for the first cold ghost of rain.

The purple lights leap down the hill before him.

The gorgeous night has begun again.

'I will ask them all, I will ask them all their dreams,

I will hold my light above them and seek their faces.

I will hear them whisper, invisible in their veins … '

The eternal asker of answers becomes as the darkness,

Or as a wind blown over a myriad forest,

Or as the numberless voices of long-drawn rains.

We hear him and take him among us, like a wind of music,

Like the ghost of a music we have somewhere heard;

We crowd through the streets in a dazzle of pallid lamplight,

We pour in a sinister wave, ascend a stair,

With laughter and cry, and word upon murmured word;

We flow, we descend, we turn … and the eternal dreamer

Moves among us like light, like evening air …

Good-night! Good-night! Good-night! We go our ways,

The rain runs over the pavement before our feet,

The cold rain falls, the rain sings.

We walk, we run, we ride. We turn our faces

To what the eternal evening brings.

Our hands are hot and raw with the stones we have laid,

We have built a tower of stone high into the sky,

We have built a city of towers.

Our hands are light, they are singing with emptiness.

Our souls are light; they have shaken a burden of hours …

What did we build it for? Was it all a dream? …

Ghostly above us in lamplight the towers gleam …

And after a while they will fall to dust and rain;

Or else we will tear them down with impatient hands;

And hew rock out of the earth, and build them again.

II.

One, from his high bright window in a tower,

Leans out, as evening falls,

And sees the advancing curtain of the shower

Splashing its silver on roofs and walls:

Sees how, swift as a shadow, it crosses the city,

And murmurs beyond far walls to the sea,

Leaving a glimmer of water in the dark canyons,

And silver falling from eave and tree.

One, from his high bright window, looking down,

Peers like a dreamer over the rain-bright town,

And thinks its towers are like a dream.

The western windows flame in the sun's last flare,

Pale roofs begin to gleam.

Looking down from a window high in a wall

He sees us all;

Lifting our pallid faces towards the rain,

Searching the sky, and going our ways again,

Standing in doorways, waiting under the trees …

There, in the high bright window he dreams, and sees

What we are blind to—we who mass and crowd

From wall to wall in the darkening of a cloud.

The gulls drift slowly above the city of towers,

Over the roofs to the darkening sea they fly;

Night falls swiftly on an evening of rain.

The yellow lamps wink one by one again.

The towers reach higher and blacker against the sky.

III.

One, where the pale sea foamed at the yellow sand,

With wave upon slowly shattering wave,

Turned to the city of towers as evening fell;

And slowly walked by the darkening road toward it;

And saw how the towers darkened against the sky;

And across the distance heard the toll of a bell.

Along the darkening road he hurried alone,

With his eyes cast down,

And thought how the streets were hoarse with a tide of people,

With clamor of voices, and numberless faces …

And it seemed to him, of a sudden, that he would drown

Here in the quiet of evening air,

These empty and voiceless places …

And he hurried towards the city, to enter there.

Along the darkening road, between tall trees

That made a sinister whisper, loudly he walked.

Behind him, sea-gulls dipped over long grey seas.

Before him, numberless lovers smiled and talked.

And death was observed with sudden cries,

And birth with laughter and pain.

And the trees grew taller and blacker against the skies

And night came down again.

IV.

Up high black walls, up sombre terraces,

Clinging like luminous birds to the sides of cliffs,

The yellow lights went climbing towards the sky.

From high black walls, gleaming vaguely with rain,

Each yellow light looked down like a golden eye.

They trembled from coign to coign, and tower to tower,

Along high terraces quicker than dream they flew.

And some of them steadily glowed, and some soon vanished,

And some strange shadows threw.

And behind them all the ghosts of thoughts went moving,

Restlessly moving in each lamplit room,

From chair to mirror, from mirror to fire;

From some, the light was scarcely more than a gloom:

From some, a dazzling desire.

And there was one, beneath black eaves, who thought,

Combing with lifted arms her golden hair,

Of the lover who hurried towards her through the night;

And there was one who dreamed of a sudden death

As she blew out her light.

And there was one who turned from clamoring streets,

And walked in lamplit gardens among black trees,

And looked at the windy sky,

And thought with terror how stones and roots would freeze

And birds in the dead boughs cry …

And she hurried back, as snow fell, mixed with rain,

To mingle among the crowds again,

To jostle beneath blue lamps along the street;

And lost herself in the warm bright coiling dream,

With a sound of murmuring voices and shuffling feet.

And one, from his high bright window looking down

On luminous chasms that cleft the basalt town,

Hearing a sea-like murmur rise,

Desired to leave his dream, descend from the tower,

And drown in waves of shouts and laughter and cries.

V.

The snow floats down upon us, mingled with rain …

It eddies around pale lilac lamps, and falls

Down golden-windowed walls.

We were all born of flesh, in a flare of pain,

We do not remember the red roots whence we rose,

But we know that we rose and walked, that after a while

We shall lie down again.

The snow floats down upon us, we turn, we turn,

Through gorges filled with light we sound and flow …

One is struck down and hurt, we crowd about him,

We bear him away, gaze after his listless body;

But whether he lives or dies we do not know.

One of us sings in the street, and we listen to him;

The words ring over us like vague bells of sorrow.

He sings of a house he lived in long ago.

It is strange; this house of dust was the house I lived in;

The house you lived in, the house that all of us know.

And coiling slowly about him, and laughing at him,

And throwing him pennies, we bear away

A mournful echo of other times and places,

And follow a dream … a dream that will not stay.

Down long broad flights of lamplit stairs we flow;

Noisy, in scattered waves, crowding and shouting;

In broken slow cascades.

The gardens extend before us … We spread out swiftly;

Trees are above us, and darkness. The canyon fades …

And we recall, with a gleaming stab of sadness,

Vaguely and incoherently, some dream

Of a world we came from, a world of sun-blue hills …

A black wood whispers around us, green eyes gleam;

Someone cries in the forest, and someone kills.

We flow to the east, to the white-lined shivering sea;

We reach to the west, where the whirling sun went down;

We close our eyes to music in bright cafees.

We diverge from clamorous streets to streets that are silent.

We loaf where the wind-spilled fountain plays.

And, growing tired, we turn aside at last,

Remember our secret selves, seek out our towers,

Lay weary hands on the banisters, and climb;

Climbing, each, to his little four-square dream

Of love or lust or beauty or death or crime.

VI.

Over the darkened city, the city of towers,

The city of a thousand gates,

Over the gleaming terraced roofs, the huddled towers,

Over a somnolent whisper of loves and hates,

The slow wind flows, drearily streams and falls,

With a mournful sound down rain-dark walls.

On one side purples the lustrous dusk of the sea,

And dreams in white at the city's feet;

On one side sleep the plains, with heaped-up hills.

Oaks and beeches whisper in rings about it.

Above the trees are towers where dread bells beat.

The fisherman draws his streaming net from the sea

And sails toward the far-off city, that seems

Like one vague tower.

The dark bow plunges to foam on blue-black waves,

And shrill rain seethes like a ghostly music about him

In a quiet shower.

Rain with a shrill sings on the lapsing waves;

Rain thrills over the roofs again;

Like a shadow of shifting silver it crosses the city;

The lamps in the streets are streamed with rain;

And sparrows complain beneath deep eaves,

And among whirled leaves

The sea-gulls, blowing from tower to lower tower,

From wall to remoter wall,

Skim with the driven rain to the rising sea-sound

And close grey wings and fall …

… Hearing great rain above me, I now remember

A girl who stood by the door and shut her eyes:

Her pale cheeks glistened with rain, she stood and shivered.

Into a forest of silver she vanished slowly …

Voices about me rise …

Voices clear and silvery, voices of raindrops—

'We struck with silver claws, we struck her down.

We are the ghosts of the singing furies … '

A chorus of elfin voices blowing about me

Weaves to a babel of sound. Each cries a secret.

I run among them, reach out vain hands, and drown.

'I am the one who stood beside you and smiled,

Thinking your face so strangely young … '

'I am the one who loved you but did not dare.'

'I am the one you followed through crowded streets,

The one who escaped you, the one with red-gleamed hair.'

'I am the one you saw to-day, who fell

Senseless before you, hearing a certain bell:

A bell that broke great memories in my brain.'

'I am the one who passed unnoticed before you,

Invisible, in a cloud of secret pain.'

'I am the one who suddenly cried, beholding

The face of a certain man on the dazzling screen.

They wrote me that he was dead. It was long ago.

I walked in the streets for a long while, hearing nothing,

And returned to see it again. And it was so.'

Weave, weave, weave, you streaks of rain!

I am dissolved and woven again …

Thousands of faces rise and vanish before me.

Thousands of voices weave in the rain.

'I am the one who rode beside you, blinking

At a dazzle of golden lights.

Tempests of music swept me: I was thinking

Of the gorgeous promise of certain nights:

Of the woman who suddenly smiled at me this day,

Smiled in a certain delicious sidelong way,

And turned, as she reached the door,

To smile once more …

Her hands are whiter than snow on midnight water.

Her throat is golden and full of golden laughter,

Her eyes are strange as the stealth of the moon

On a night in June …

She runs among whistling leaves; I hurry after;

She dances in dreams over white-waved water;

Her body is white and fragrant and cool,

Magnolia petals that float on a white-starred pool …

I have dreamed of her, dreaming for many nights

Of a broken music and golden lights,

Of broken webs of silver, heavily falling

Between my hands and their white desire:

And dark-leaved boughs, edged with a golden radiance,

Dipping to screen a fire …

I dream that I walk with her beneath high trees,

But as I lean to kiss her face,

She is blown aloft on wind, I catch at leaves,

And run in a moonless place;

And I hear a crashing of terrible rocks flung down,

And shattering trees and cracking walls,

And a net of intense white flame roars over the town,

And someone cries; and darkness falls …

But now she has leaned and smiled at me,

My veins are afire with music,

Her eyes have kissed me, my body is turned to light;

I shall dream to her secret heart tonight … '

He rises and moves away, he says no word,

He folds his evening paper and turns away;

I rush through the dark with rows of lamplit faces;

Fire bells peal, and some of us turn to listen,

And some sit motionless in their accustomed places.

Cold rain lashes the car-roof, scurries in gusts,

Streams down the windows in waves and ripples of lustre;

The lamps in the streets are distorted and strange.

Someone takes his watch from his pocket and yawns.

One peers out in the night for the place to change.

Rain … rain … rain … we are buried in rain,

It will rain forever, the swift wheels hiss through water,

Pale sheets of water gleam in the windy street.

The pealing of bells is lost in a drive of rain-drops.

Remote and hurried the great bells beat.

'I am the one whom life so shrewdly betrayed,

Misfortune dogs me, it always hunted me down.

And to-day the woman I love lies dead.

I gave her roses, a ring with opals;

These hands have touched her head.

'I bound her to me in all soft ways,

I bound her to me in a net of days,

Yet now she has gone in silence and said no word.

How can we face these dazzling things, I ask you?

There is no use: we cry: and are not heard.

'They cover a body with roses … I shall not see it …

Must one return to the lifeless walls of a city

Whose soul is charred by fire? … '

His eyes are closed, his lips press tightly together.

Wheels hiss beneath us. He yields us our desire.

'No, do not stare so—he is weak with grief,

He cannot face you, he turns his eyes aside;

He is confused with pain.

I suffered this. I know. It was long ago …

He closes his eyes and drowns in death again.'

The wind hurls blows at the rain-starred glistening windows,

The wind shrills down from the half-seen walls.

We flow on the mournful wind in a dream of dying;

And at last a silence falls.

VII.

Midnight; bells toll, and along the cloud-high towers

The golden lights go out …

The yellow windows darken, the shades are drawn,

In thousands of rooms we sleep, we await the dawn,

We lie face down, we dream,

We cry aloud with terror, half rise, or seem

To stare at the ceiling or walls …

Midnight … the last of shattering bell-notes falls.

A rush of silence whirls over the cloud-high towers,

A vortex of soundless hours.

'The bells have just struck twelve: I should be sleeping.

But I cannot delay any longer to write and tell you.

The woman is dead.

She died—you know the way. Just as we planned.

Smiling, with open sunlit eyes.

Smiling upon the outstretched fatal hand … '

He folds his letter, steps softly down the stairs.

The doors are closed and silent. A gas-jet flares.

His shadow disturbs a shadow of balustrades.

The door swings shut behind. Night roars above him.

Into the night he fades.

Wind; wind; wind; carving the walls;

Blowing the water that gleams in the street;

Blowing the rain, the sleet.

In the dark alley, an old tree cracks and falls,

Oak-boughs moan in the haunted air;

Lamps blow down with a crash and tinkle of glass …

Darkness whistles … Wild hours pass …

And those whom sleep eludes lie wide-eyed, hearing

Above their heads a goblin night go by;

Children are waked, and cry,

The young girl hears the roar in her sleep, and dreams

That her lover is caught in a burning tower,

She clutches the pillow, she gasps for breath, she screams …

And then by degrees her breath grows quiet and slow,

She dreams of an evening, long ago:

Of colored lanterns balancing under trees,

Some of them softly catching afire;

And beneath the lanterns a motionless face she sees,

Golden with lamplight, smiling, serene …

The leaves are a pale and glittering green,

The sound of horns blows over the trampled grass,

Shadows of dancers pass …

The face smiles closer to hers, she tries to lean

Backward, away, the eyes burn close and strange,

The face is beginning to change—

It is her lover, she no longer desires to resist,

She is held and kissed.

She closes her eyes, and melts in a seethe of flame …

With a smoking ghost of shame …

Wind, wind, wind … Wind in an enormous brain

Blowing dark thoughts like fallen leaves …

The wind shrieks, the wind grieves;

It dashes the leaves on walls, it whirls then again;

And the enormous sleeper vaguely and stupidly dreams

And desires to stir, to resist a ghost of pain.

One, whom the city imprisoned because of his cunning,

Who dreamed for years in a tower,

Seizes this hour

Of tumult and wind. He files through the rusted bar,

Leans his face to the rain, laughs up at the night,

Slides down the knotted sheet, swings over the wall,

To fall to the street with a cat-like fall,

Slinks round a quavering rim of windy light,

And at last is gone,

Leaving his empty cell for the pallor of dawn …

The mother whose child was buried to-day

Turns her face to the window; her face is grey;

And all her body is cold with the coldness of rain.

He would have grown as easily as a tree,

He would have spread a pleasure of shade above her,

He would have been his father again …

His growth was ended by a freezing invisible shadow.

She lies, and does not move, and is stabbed by the rain.

Wind, wind, wind; we toss and dream;

We dream we are clouds and stars, blown in a stream:

Windows rattle above our beds;

We reach vague-gesturing hands, we lift our heads,

Hear sounds far off—and dream, with quivering breath,

Our curious separate ways through life and death.

VIII.

The white fog creeps from the cold sea over the city,

Over the pale grey tumbled towers—

And settles among the roofs, the pale grey walls.

Along damp sinuous streets it crawls,

Curls like a dream among the motionless trees

And seems to freeze.

The fog slips ghostlike into a thousand rooms,

Whirls over sleeping faces,

Spins in an atomy dance round misty street lamps;

And blows in cloudy waves over open spaces …

And one from his high window, looking down,

Peers at the cloud-white town,

And thinks its island towers are like a dream …

It seems an enormous sleeper, within whose brain

Laborious shadows revolve and break and gleam.