Читать книгу Practical Etiquette - Cora C. Klein - Страница 6

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A first call ought to be returned within a very short time.

A lady when receiving rises as her callers enter, and they immediately advance to pay their respects to her before speaking to others.

A man takes any vacant chair, without troubling the hostess to look after him.

A man rises when women with whom he is talking rise to take their leave. Women calling do not rise unless those who are leaving are friends older than themselves.

When taking leave, one ought to choose a moment when there is a lull in the conversation, and then take leave of the hostess, letting one bow include the others in the room.

One month after the birth of a child, a call of congratulation is made by acquaintances.

A call of condolence is made within ten days after the death, if the caller is on intimate terms with the family, or within a month if otherwise.

Calls of congratulation are due to the newly married, and to the parents who gave the invitations to the marriage.

A man invited by a woman to call upon her, cannot, without great discourtesy, neglect to pay the call within a week.

A lady will never keep a caller waiting, without sending word that she will be in immediately.

One ought always to return a call, but if the acquaintance is not desirable, the first call may be the last.

Some women only rise when their callers leave, others accompany them as far as the drawing-room door; but it is always polite for a hostess to accompany her visitors to the front door when they take their leave, if there is not a servant on hand to open the door for them. The best bred hostesses even go so far as to accompany their callers to the elevator in a hotel or an apartment-house. Of course, if one has more than one caller at a time, it would be discourteous to leave the others to accompany one to the door; but, otherwise, it is rude to permit a friend to go to the door alone, and get out as best she may.

A bride who is “At Home after November first,” should make a point of literally staying at home for an hour or two every afternoon during the month of November and the early part of December. She should be dressed to receive callers, and should have some dainty refreshments ready to serve—tea and sandwiches or cake. After the first week of December the bride may begin to return her calls, calling first on those who first called upon her, and so on.

When the “at home” is a large and formal function, with engraved invitations and all the accessories of hired waiters, an elaborate repast, floral decorations, etc.—such as a debutante’s coming out, a wedding reception, or a reception to celebrate a wedding anniversary, and other large entertainments of this order—an after-call is obligatory. But an ordinary “at home” does not demand another call, for instance, the reception or “days” a bride has on her return from her wedding trip, or when she is settled in her new home; or a tea or “days” for which a hostess informally sends the invitations written or engraved on her visiting cards, and receives with little ceremony and serves only a modest menu. On the contrary, the hostess owes a return call to all who attend; and only those who were invited, but were unable to be present, are in debt to her.

The length of time proper for one to stay at an “at home” depends on circumstances. It is always a compliment to one’s hostess to make a long visit at “a day”, for it implies that one is having a pleasant time; but nobody should stay long enough to be a burden on the hostess’s hospitality, or to detain her from her other guests. If one finds that she does not know any one present, or if she is not introduced to a congenial person with whom she can have a pleasant chat, it would be wise for her to leave after a conventional ten or fifteen minutes’ call.

The calling code demands that soon after a second caller is announced, the caller who was first present shall take leave of the hostess. The reason for this rule is obvious: visitor number one has already had a little time of uninterrupted tête-à-tête with the hostess before visitor number two appeared, and he or she should generously retire first, so that visitor number two may have the same privilege. But while this is the law, it depends somewhat on circumstances whether it is always carried out. If the first caller is an intimate friend of the hostess, and has come to have a long informal talk with her, and the second caller is merely a formal visitor whose obvious intention is to make a ceremonious visit, then the first comer may, with perfect propriety, outstay the other; or if the hostess has particularly asked the former to remain until after the latter goes, he may do so, and, of course, if the first visitor has come for some special reason, and the visitor who is announced later interrupts an important conversation, which, for business or other reasons, should be continued, the former is naturally justified in transgressing the calling code. All things being equal, however, it is the place of the first comer to be the first goer; and one must have a very good excuse for outstaying a caller who comes later.

Guests who are invited to attend one large reception which is given for the express purpose of introducing a young woman into society, should make a call after the reception, but if the débutante is introduced at a series of “days,” the callers need call but once, on one of the “days.”

An invitation to any kind of “day” or reception demands a card from a person who is unable to attend the function; and the card should be sent on the day of the reception, even if the invitation to the function has been already answered, and even if an after-call is in order.

When one calls on an acquaintance who is staying with a relative, the caller should ask for the latter (the hostess), even if she does not know her, and she should leave one of her own and one of her husband’s cards for her, as well as one of each for her friend. It is not obligatory to leave two of her husband’s cards for each woman. Even in the most formal visiting, it is optional whether one leaves one or two cards. Probably the hostess will excuse herself altogether; but the caller must show her the courtesy of asking for her.

In making a call it is proper to give one’s card to the servant who opens the door, if it is not a regular reception day; but on such an occasion the card should be left either in the dressing-room or on the hall table in passing out.

In making a formal call ten minutes is quite long enough to stay.

When one is returning visits and driving, it would be in very bad taste to have the coachman get off his box and take the card to the door. It is the woman’s place to deliver her card in person, unless she has a footman to attend to it for her.

In making an evening call a man should appear about half-past eight, and remain an hour. Even if his visit is to the daughter, he should ask for her mother.

It is quite proper, when making calls with a friend, for one to write her name in pencil on her friend’s card, if she has no card of her own with her.

Those women whose households are most modest find that the day “at home” is a great convenience, since, having a special time for receiving one’s friends, all necessary arrangements can be made beforehand, and no embarrassing situations are apt to occur.

When one calls on a friend who lives in a flat, she should, immediately after ringing, call through the tube her name and that of the person she wishes to see.

A man leaves his overcoat, hat, and stick in the hall when making an evening call; when calling in the afternoon he leaves his overcoat in the hall, but carries his hat and stick into the drawing-room with him.

When a daughter is in the parlor, and her mother is entertaining callers, she should rise when her mother does in bidding them good-day.

It is very improper for a young girl who is ill to receive men callers in her room.