Читать книгу HOPE BEYOND TRAUMA - Cynthia Smith - Страница 9

At Home in the World

Do not fear the winds of adversity. Remember: A kite rises against the wind rather than with it.

–Unknown

The much-awaited day had finally arrived when we took Tanya home. We said our goodbyes to our hospital family and to the world that had become so familiar. As our car left the premises, I rejoiced at the thought that my daily commute to the rehabilitation center would be finally over.

While that chapter was coming to a conclusion, I knew that another one was just beginning. I wondered, How would Tanya behave out in the “real world?” How would Tanya cope with the normality of a life that had been so suddenly taken from her?

I had come to terms with the fact that life would never be as it was before the accident. There was no turning back now; the new reality was sinking in and it was full of uncertainty. As we headed toward home, I was deluged by an array of contrasting emotions, a strange mix of relief, doubt, excitement and fear. Suddenly I felt very inadequate outside the protected environment of the rehabilitation center.

In preparation for our return home, I had spoken with many people in the hospital. Both hospital workers and relatives of other patients had warned me that it would take time to reach some sort of normality, to establish routines and build a life around our new Tanya.

As I cared for her in the hospital, I had come to accept the hospital environment. We were not prepared for how difficult it was to deal with Tanya at home. From the very outset, it had been clear that life as we knew it would not come back any time soon. Now Tanya would be a 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week commitment.

There was a bit of celebration the day we arrived home. At first, the transition seemed to be fairly smooth. Tanya was quite unaware of her deficits and believed things would get back to normal very easily. She quickly got together with her high school friends. Unfortunately, her friends soon discovered that Tanya was no longer the same person. Gradually, they started to fade away, as they did not know how to relate to her anymore.

Despite her efforts, Tanya was unable to fit in with the peers who were close to her prior to the accident. She couldn’t keep track of conversations and would respond with off-the-wall comments, or make hurtful remarks without realizing it. Sharing a friend’s confidential information with others did not bode well either. To make matters worse, another fatal accident took place, claiming another young life. Tanya insisted on attending the funeral of her school buddy. This proved to be too much for her to deal with, and it took us quite a long time to get her back on track.

Tanya wanted so much to be normal and to fit back in the environment she had left behind, but it proved impossible to resume her teenage life as she once knew it. This was something I had learned was very common after a brain injury.

In October 1989, we started giving our presentations at the local junior high and high schools. A group of five or six survivors traveled with us to each school. Each survivor would tell their personal story about how they had sustained their injury and the consequences they had suffered. Teachers and students were very attentive during our presentations and were moved by the stories. Tanya’s story held a lot of interest, as her accident was the most recent and many remembered reading or hearing about it in the news.

This experience proved to be a highlight for both Tanya and me. Tanya felt that she now had a mission and a special place where she could be accepted for who she had become. At the end of the survivors’ presentations, I would give a simple explanation of how the brain worked and how it can easily be injured through an accident or other circumstances. As a former teacher and youth leader, I especially enjoyed these opportunities to teach and meet with the students and educators.

We all felt that our sharing was important and meaningful. Our hope was that it would inspire students to be aware and careful with their driving and to avoid circumstances that could most likely cause brain injuries. It was amazing how many lives Tanya’s story touched. All the survivors’ stories left an impact and made them feel as if they contributed in helping make someone else’s life better.

Although it seemed that Tanya’s social skills were progressing, it had also become very apparent that she would no longer fit in the normal high school setting and would be assigned a homebound teacher.

One morning, a morning I have come to cherish, I opened the door to welcome Colleen Kinsella. Here she was, a petite woman with short red hair, confident, thirty-something, unassuming, with a ready smile and nurturing disposition. She easily connected with Tanya and made everyone comfortable around her. From that day on, I looked forward to her visits, not only for the respite she gave me, but also to hear her perspectives and wisdom. I felt I had a comrade in arms walking beside me.

Tanya loved working with Colleen, even though she couldn’t remember her lessons from one day to the next. For her, it was exciting to have Colleen around the house. Colleen had not worked with a student with Tanya’s specific challenges, so we spent a lot of time together. I shared with her what I had learned at the rehabilitation hospital about working with children who had suffered a brain injury. Her job was extremely challenging, as Tanya’s short-term memory issues were very severe. Colleen never wavered; she was patient and committed. She first listened to my instructions, then began researching brain injuries on her own.

After the accident, I had resigned my position at Dunkin Donuts, which put an extra strain on the financial budget. Since I could not leave Tanya alone and needed to earn extra money, we decided to get a newspaper route. Even though it meant getting up at 4:00 a.m., for the most part it was a resounding success. It was something we all could do together! Tanya and I threw the newspapers during the week. The whole family, including Richard, threw the huge Sunday newspapers on weekends. We had quite an operation going! Everyone loved the job except Tim, who just never got into it. Getting up that early was not on his agenda, and throwing newspapers was not his cup of tea.

Our newspaper route expeditions were filled with hilarious episodes. Once we threw a newspaper and accidentally hit a cat, who jumped high in the air with a very loud and startled YEOW and scared us to death! Another time we inadvertently hit a car with the newspaper and set off its alarm. Whoops! We quickly drove away. We all had a good laugh afterward and wondered about our customers’ reactions.

We were together again, and all the excitement that surrounded our newspaper routes made Tanya feel productive again. For me, that made it a super success!

As a member of my family … I learned to

 Grieve with my family and share our pain and concerns.

 Realize and accept that everyone is affected and is going through extreme change.

 Accept that each person has a different reaction to change and has a different speed for accepting change.

 Take time for other family members, including pets, and maintain healthy habits as much as possible.