Читать книгу A Boy To Remember - Cynthia Thomason - Страница 14

CHAPTER FOUR

ON THURSDAY MORNING Alex quietly entered her mother’s cheerful, serene room and padded across the plum-colored carpet, past the single bed where her father had slept every night for over four years. Pulling up a delicate, petit point French armchair, she settled next to the large double bed where Maggie Foster lay peacefully.

“Good morning, Mama,” Alex said. “Daddy’s gone to the office, Rosie’s out doing the marketing and your nurse won’t be here for another hour, so it looks like you’re stuck with me.”

The heavy lids over Maggie’s dull blue eyes lowered for a moment, and Alex could almost convince herself that her mother was trying to clear her vision to see her better. “That’s right, Mama. It’s me, Alexis.”

She cradled her mother’s palm in hers and imagined a smile curving the rosy lips that had kissed her forehead so many times in the past. Alex stared at her mother’s hand. Heavily veined now, the skin was still subtle and smooth, the fingers delicately bent at slender knuckles. If only those fingers could contract and grab hold of Alex’s hand like they used to.

If Maggie’s mind hadn’t started to fail her, slowly and deliberately beginning six years ago, she would probably still be the vibrant, energetic and caring woman who had stood by her husband’s side and raised three daughters. Today her heart was strong, her vital signs healthy. But her mind, once merely confused, was now mostly dormant, like a pond that once rippled in a breeze but now remained still as a mirror.

“I’m kind of in a pickle, Mama,” Alex said. “It’s about what happened eighteen years ago, the thing I told you and Daddy about.” Alex sighed, gathered her thoughts as if the words she was about to say really mattered to the person hearing them. “You and Daddy were both so caring when I came to you with my problem. You didn’t pressure me to tell you the name of my baby’s father. You let me keep my secret. And you didn’t argue when I said I wanted the baby.

“I loved you for your understanding then, and I still love you for it today.” Drawing a deep breath, Alex continued. “But I saw him, Mama. I saw Lizzie’s father. I never expected to, and now I don’t know what to do. He’s a decent man. He’s accomplished and well liked and—” Alex let a small smile precede her next words “—I have to say he’s quite good-looking in that tall, dark and handsome way we Foster women have always been drawn to.”

Alex leaned closer to the bed and lowered her voice. “The thing is, Mama, Lizzie has met him, too, and she likes him. So you can see what a muddle this all is. Lizzie misses Teddy so much, which is why this is so hard. If only things were different. This man could never take Teddy’s place. No one can fill the void left by Teddy in Lizzie’s life. And even if it were possible, I can never tell her. Not now. Not ever. Lizzie would never forgive me.”

Alex scrubbed away a tear she realized had spilled onto her cheek. “I thought I was doing the right thing all those years ago. This man...and I still won’t tell you his name...” Alex chuckled at the absurdity of her words.

“He wasn’t a Fox Creek boy, not that it would have mattered to you and Daddy. He came from a good middle-class family. His parents both worked and he had a job at his father’s place from the age of thirteen on. He was his family’s pride, their hope for the future. Circumstances weren’t as easy for him as you and Daddy made them for me. He scrimped and saved for college and now has made a name for himself. He couldn’t have done that if I’d saddled him with a baby, and I have a pretty strong hunch that he wouldn’t have allowed Daddy to support him.”

She gently squeezed her mother’s hand. “He wouldn’t be where he is today if I’d made him marry me, Mama. In fact...and this is what hurt the most at the time... I don’t believe he even loved me, at least not the way you and Daddy taught us about love. Oh, he liked me well enough. He even called a few times. But the bottom line is, I screwed up, Mama. One time, but I’ll never be sorry. Not as long as I have Lizzie. I would do anything to keep my daughter’s love and respect.”

She bent over the mattress and kissed her mother’s cheek. “Thanks for listening, Mama. You always do, and even if you don’t know it, it always helps. I know I can never make this right, not with Lizzie, not with Dan...” She stopped herself. “I would lose too much, more than I already have, and I can’t risk it.”

As if hearing her words for the first time, Alex paused before saying, “Does this seem selfish to you, Mama? Maybe it is, but Lizzie is all I have left.” She thought of Daniel and realized that he would probably never be more to her than a faded memory from her past. “And all I’ll ever have,” she added.

Alex stood and went to the window. “Jude is riding this morning,” she said. “She is beautiful on that horse, Mama, just like you were. I think of the three of us, Jude is most like you, and I’m thankful every day that your light still shines through her.”

She sat again in the chair, picked up a book and began to read aloud until the nurse arrived.

* * *

AT FOUR O’CLOCK Alex drove to the Red Barn Theater to pick up Lizzie. She no longer thought about avoiding Daniel. In the past week she’d realized that he could be anywhere, doing who-knew-what good deeds for the community and his father. He was on a monthlong hiatus from the senate, and she would have to adjust to seeing him around the area.

Like she did when she entered the theater.

Her breath caught. In faded jeans and a T-shirt, he looked so like the boy she once knew. Only today he wasn’t wearing the ball cap, and his hair, slightly long for a politician with aspirations, reached to his crew neck and fell over his brow. Maybe this was his idea of “hiatus hair.” Whatever, it worked, and Alex reminded herself to remain aloof.

“Hi, Mom!” Lizzie called from the stage, where she was stapling material to a backdrop. Alex never knew her daughter was adept with a staple gun, but then, Lizzie probably never knew that herself until now.

Alex stayed at the back of the theater and waved. Daniel looked up from a project he was working on, smiled and continued with his job. He didn’t call out to her. Maybe he’d gotten the message yesterday. That was good, wasn’t it? So why was Alex disappointed?

Lizzie put down the stapler and came off the stage. “I tried to call you,” she said when she reached Alex. “I wanted to ask you if I could stay later today. We’re all sort of in a groove here with the set. I’d like to help out.”

Alex took her phone from her pocket and checked the screen. Yes, Lizzie had tried to call and somehow Alex had missed it. “How much longer do you want to stay?” she asked.

“Probably nine or so.”

“So long? But dinner...”

“It’s no problem. Glen is going to order pizza.” She leaned close. “And besides, Daniel just got here a few minutes ago, and he’s promised to give me some acting lessons later.”

Alex couldn’t keep her attention from darting to the stage again. Daniel was deep into his work and didn’t look up. She might not even have been there.

“Isn’t he just the coolest guy?” Lizzie said. “So handsome.”

Alex forced her gaze back to her daughter. Lizzie and Daniel together another five hours? So not a good idea. “I wouldn’t know about that. What I do know is that I’m not too keen on going home for five hours and then coming back out on these dark roads to pick you up.”

“Oh, please, Mom. Glen says Daniel is the best. He can really help me with my part. You have to let me stay.” Lizzie smiled in that little-girl way that always earned her mother’s sympathy. “Can’t Auntie Jude ride out here with you later so you won’t be alone?”

Now Alex felt like a simpering weakling. “I won’t need Jude. I’ll come back. But be outside at nine. I don’t want to have to come in after you.”

“I’ll be ready. And thanks. Can you imagine? A former actor and a state senator helping me? It’s way cooler than anything!”

It’s downright scary, Alex thought. Introducing Lizzie to Glen had seemed such a good idea. She didn’t know she’d also be introducing her little girl to her fa— Don’t go there, Alex.

Thankfully, Lizzie had always had a good head on her shoulders, but Alex felt she had to say something now. “Just don’t lose sight of your future, young lady,” she said. “When the summer is over, it’s over. No more acting gigs, no more hanging out in theaters. It’s college time.”

“I know that!” Lizzie darted away, heading back to the stage. “See you later, Mom.”

Alex returned to her car. A sinking feeling settled in her stomach as she started the engine. Her daughter had just called her biological father the coolest guy. Hadn’t Alex thought that herself about Daniel some years ago? This was going to be a long five hours and an even longer few weeks.

* * *

AT NINE O’CLOCK Alex pulled into the theater parking lot. Her daughter and Daniel were sitting on a flower box next to the front door. A single light illuminated their faces. The only other car in the lot was a Ford SUV, probably Daniel’s. Glen and the other volunteers had obviously gone home. Alex stared at the two of them a moment while trying to control the pounding of her heart.

The similarities astounded her. Both dark-haired and with almost olive complexions. Both with strong, wide shoulders as if they could build sets for the world. Both with those incredibly deep green eyes. Both of them good-natured, helpful, charismatic. And each of them could be deeply hurt if they knew the truth about each other. The sight of them on that flower box, their heads together, their hands animated in conversation, was enough to make a lying mother spin out of control.

Not now, Alex, she told herself, opening the car door. No spinning allowed.

She walked up to the flower box and was greeted by both her daughter and Daniel.

“We were just talking about ways to make the Wells Fargo Wagon scene more authentic,” Lizzie said. “Daniel has such wonderful ideas.”

“Don’t give me too much credit,” he said, chuckling. “I’m just enjoying using my hands again and not having to decide policy for a few weeks. Besides...” He smiled fondly at Lizzie before switching his attention to Alex. “Your kid here is the one with the hammer skills. If she doesn’t pursue a career in acting, she can join a set-building crew.”

Alex appreciated the genuineness of Daniel’s compliments, but she couldn’t allow the false impression to go on. “I’m afraid acting and building aren’t in Lizzie’s future,” she said. “She’s going to Bryn Mawr to study literature.” Alex almost cringed. Even to herself she sounded like a stodgy old mom.

“Wow, Bryn Mawr,” Daniel said. “Very nice.”

“I guess,” Lizzie said. “But this is so much fun.”

“Let’s go, Lizzie,” Alex said. “It’s getting late.” Turning to Daniel, she added, “Thanks for keeping an eye on her.”

Daniel stood. “No problem. I never get tired of talking shop. In fact, I was wondering if you ladies would like to grab some ice cream. Sounds like a perfect topper to a productive day.”

Alex tried to convince herself that this wasn’t a second date invitation. This was simply a small kindness from a charming man on a warm summer night. Still, there was no way this threesome could be pals, even over ice cream.

“Oh, please, Mom,” Lizzie said. “Let’s go for ice cream, just the three of us.”

She struggled to keep her tone light as if this suggestion was no big deal. “Not tonight, honey. Grandpa is waiting for you to play a game of chess with him.”

Before Lizzie could protest, Daniel said, “Another time, then. I have a hunch we’ll have a lot to celebrate by the end of the summer.” He walked to his car and opened the door. “Rain check, ladies, okay?”

“Sure,” Lizzie answered for both of them.

He waited until Alex had pulled out of the parking lot before he followed. Alex wondered where he lived in Greenfield. Probably with his father now. He had a lot farther to go than she and Lizzie did.

After a short distance, Lizzie said, “Daniel is so great, Mom. He’s smart and funny, and he’s helped me with my acting. I really like him.”

Alex’s brow furrowed in alarm. “You do realize that this production is just a diversion for you, right? Your sights are still set on Bryn Mawr and later on a teaching position.”

“Well, sure. But it’s not every day a girl gets to work with someone as talented as Daniel. And a state senator! You’ve got to admit, Mom, he’s a really great guy.”

Alex was not a bit comfortable about the direction this conversation was taking. Lizzie had so recently suffered a terrible loss. She was young and impressionable. And she was obviously vulnerable to the same Chandler charms that had influenced her mother. Alex could only envision a nightmare of problems ahead for all of them if Lizzie developed a crush on her mentor.

“Yes, he is all that, I suppose,” she said, “but Lizzie, don’t get any ideas about you and Daniel...”

“What do you mean ideas?”

Alex cleared her throat, glanced at Lizzie. All at once her daughter’s eyes widened in shock and her jaw dropped. “Mom! Are you kidding me? You think I like Daniel that way?”

Alex swallowed. Yes, that was exactly what she’d thought. “I’m not jumping to conclusions, honey...”

“Yes, you are. How gross! I like him, yeah, but he’s old enough to be my father!”

A sharp pang sliced into Alex’s chest.

“You couldn’t be further from the truth, Mom,” Lizzie said. “I was considering Daniel as date material, sure, but not for me. I was thinking he’d be perfect for you!”

* * *

ALEX COULDN’T FIND any words to respond. She was grateful the road was nearly deserted or she might have wiped out, taking a farm truck with her. Her hands gripped the steering wheel and she focused her gaze on the ribbon of blacktop. Just drive, Alex, she said to herself. Don’t say anything that could get you in trouble.

After a mile or so, Lizzie said, “Mom, did you hear me? I said you and Daniel would be so good together. And I think he might be interested in you.”

Alex exhaled a deep breath. “Yes, I heard you.”

“Well, doesn’t it make you feel better that I’m not interested in him for myself? Good grief, Mom, he has gray hairs! And since you married Daddy, you obviously like gray-haired men.”

Alex felt her temper, the one she rarely showed, flare inside. Her cheeks felt hot. She could almost sense a rise in her blood pressure from the pounding in her head. “I didn’t choose your father for the color of his hair, Lizzie. That was very unkind of you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m only trying to be helpful.”

“Well, you’re not being helpful at all. I don’t need my daughter to arrange dates for me or to interfere in my social life.”

“No offense, Mom, but what social life?”

Alex gave her daughter a sharp look. “It’s only been five months. What did you think? That I’d start looking for dates the first chance I got?”

“No, of course not, but this wonderful man, Daniel, has just about fallen into your lap. Would it have hurt you to go out for some stupid ice cream?”

“I’m not going to discuss this with you any more, Lizzie. This whole conversation is inappropriate.” And uncomfortable. And frightening. “I’m your mother, for heaven’s sake!”

“And I love you, so I want you to know that I don’t expect you to live like a nun. You’re still young.”

Alex’s shoulders relaxed and she loosened her hands on the steering wheel. In a calm voice, she said, “How I choose to live my life is my business, Lizzie. Right about now, life in a convent doesn’t look so bad.”

Lizzie giggled, erasing the remaining tension from the car. “Have you looked at Daniel, Mom? I mean really looked? He’s your age. He’s single. He’s successful. And he’s gorgeous. Any woman would be happy to share a hot fudge sundae with him!”

“Enough, Lizzie!” Alex caught a quick glimpse of her daughter, who was smacking her lips. “You’re impossible.”

“I’m only having fun, Mom, and I want the same for you. Haven’t we been sad long enough? Loosen up, maybe give Daniel a try.”

Oh, my poor, sweet, blissfully ignorant daughter. If only Lizzie knew that her virtuous mother had already given Daniel a try, and that it was coming back to haunt her in the worst possible way.