Читать книгу High Country Christmas - Cynthia Thomason - Страница 13
ОглавлениеSAWYER SPUN AROUND, a look of anguish etched in her face. She wrapped the bedclothes more tightly around her, almost as a shield and scowled at Ava. “Thanks a lot, lady. This is what you mean by trusting you?”
“Tay... I mean Sawyer...” Ava fumbled for words. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t let you leave today. You’re obviously in trouble, and setting out on the road by yourself, hitching rides, isn’t likely to minimize that.”
Sawyer flashed a quick hot glare at her father. “And you think turning me over to this man will?”
“I don’t know.” Ava gave the man a quick appraisal. Though she was beginning to put the clues together, Ava couldn’t be completely certain that her instincts about who he was were correct. A lot of time had passed. “I can’t draw any conclusions yet.”
“Well, I’ve known him fourteen years, and let me tell you...”
“Cut it out, Sawyer,” Walsh said. “Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through the last two days? I haven’t slept. I haven’t eaten...”
He took a step toward his daughter. Ava’s arm shot out to stop him, a fruitless gesture really because Walsh could obviously snap her bones with a twist of his wrist. “Don’t move,” she said. “I can have the police here in a matter of minutes.” She hoped she could protect Sawyer if need be.
The man still didn’t look at Ava. In fact, other than a brief sentence at the door, he hadn’t acknowledged her existence. His attention was focused entirely on his daughter.
“Yeah, Pops, one more step and I’m running,” Sawyer said. “We’ll play a little Catch-Me-If-You-Can.”
Walsh put his fists on his hips. “We both know I can catch you, Sawyer. Not much doubt about that.”
Ava looked at the stern faces of father and daughter. She’d mediated several ticklish family situations during her two-month tenure as the home’s administrator. But none of them had seemed as fraught with as much frustration and peril as this one. “Look, Sawyer, come back inside. I’ve brought you clean clothes. You can go into the bedroom and change. Then we’ll sit down and talk about this.”
“Like that’s ever done any good,” Sawyer said.
Walsh released a long breath. Ava expected him to argue with her, but he didn’t. “Do what this lady says or I’ll haul you back to Chapel Hill on the back of my bike in nothing but that blanket you’re wearing,” he said.
Ava shot a glance at Walsh. She didn’t especially approve of his threatening technique, but at least he appeared to be supporting her directions to Sawyer.
Sawyer stood on the back lawn for several seconds breathing heavily. Then she yanked the blanket from where it trailed on the ground and stomped up the few steps to the kitchen.
“Do you have any windows in that bedroom?” Walsh asked, keeping his attention on his daughter.
“Yes, but our security system is on. The windows can’t be opened without our hearing a siren.” She caught Sawyer’s conspiratorial look. “Not from the inside anyway.”
Once Sawyer had left the kitchen, Ava realized she was alone with the overpowering presence of the girl’s father. A strange tingle worked its way down her spine. She figured she ought to be scared out of her wits, but once more, she wasn’t. Maybe because she’d grown up with two brothers, and she’d always thought she understood the male psyche fairly well. But this man, who not only looked like a biker but had driven across the state on a motorcycle, was a truly dominating figure and Ava was intrigued. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, just as she hadn’t been able to six years ago. Oh yes, she’d known him—too well at one time.
He stood in the middle of her kitchen, his eyes cast down on some spot on her wood floor, his arms crossed over his chest. He almost seemed lost in her small cozy apartment.
“Would you like some coffee?” Ava suggested, hoping he would say yes. She needed something to occupy her hands while she thought about how his sudden appearance might affect her life.
He didn’t answer right away. His mind seemed a thousand miles away. After a moment he simply said, “No, thank you.”
“I’ll have one,” she said.
“Suit yourself.”
Ava measured ground coffee into the machine. She really didn’t want coffee. Her nerves were already on edge, her senses heightened, her mind struggling to maintain a rational demeanor in light of this man’s unexpected arrival at her door. What were the odds?
She should be wondering about what she was going to do in her capacity as administrator. The ultimate goal of the Sawtooth Children’s Home was the reunification of kids with their families if at all possible. But allowing Sawyer to go with this man? A man who had lied to her when she lived in Charlotte? There was no way she could see herself letting Walsh remove his daughter from her care. She had resources. She could prevent a father from taking his own child if she sensed something about the relationship wasn’t right.
When the coffee began brewing, she heard the scrape of a chair on the kitchen floor. She turned to see Walsh sitting, his elbows on her table. “Can I change my mind?” he asked, finally settling his gaze on her face.
Those eyes as brown as an acorn. I could never forget...
“I’d like to have that coffee now,” he said.
“Of course.” She brought him a cup and set cream and sugar on the table. He used a bit of sugar and took a long sip. Ava studied his full mouth, the movement of his Adam’s apple when he swallowed. She clearly remembered when she’d seen him drink something before. In a dark place, in a city miles away. She sucked in an audible gasp and covered her mouth with her hand. There was little doubt left in her mind now.
“How did she get here?” Walsh said after drinking most of his coffee. “Did she tell you?”
Ava sat next to him out of his direct line of sight. She hoped he would keep staring into his coffee. Convinced now that she knew who he was, she didn’t want him to recognize her. Thank goodness she’d changed a lot since then. “I don’t know about the first two days, but apparently a truck driver brought her from Boone and dropped her off here last night. That’s something to be thankful for. It was past midnight when I discovered her foraging in the refrigerator.”
He nodded, took another sip of coffee. “Yeah, I’m glad that happened.” Just seeing his profile, Ava determined that his face looked drawn, tense. “Do I owe you anything for her care—food, the clothes, whatever?” he asked.
“No. Of course not. This is what I...we do here—take care of children in need.”
He gave her a quick, piercing stare that made her stomach jump, and then looked back at the liquid in his mug. “That’s what you think, that Sawyer is needy?”
“There are many different types of need, Mr. Walsh. No two children are the same, nor do they come from the same circumstances. Besides, your daughter was very hungry when she got here.”
“I get that. But believe me, Sawyer is not needy in the usual sense. If she’d put a quarter of her clothes in a suitcase, she wouldn’t have been able to drag it across the state.”
Ava had to think of Sawyer, not the past, so she asked the difficult question. “Why is your daughter afraid of you, Mr. Walsh?”
“Afraid of me?” His lips curled up into a cynical grin. “She’s not afraid of me. She hates me.”
Ava had spoken with kids who claimed to have difficult relationships with their parents, but few had used the word hate. It just wasn’t in a child’s nature to hate the person they depended upon.
Walsh leaned forward and looked at her from the corner of his eye. “Does that surprise you, Mrs...?”
“It’s Miss...” She almost said her first name and quickly avoided it. “Miss Cahill, and yes, I’m surprised. Your daughter is obviously independent and clever, and she was visibly upset when she saw you, but I haven’t witnessed an emotion anywhere near hate.”
His head jerked up. His stare intensified. “What did you say your name is?”
“Cahill.”
“No. Your first name.”
“I didn’t.” She paused a moment and then said, “It’s Ava.”
“Ava, huh?” He rubbed his eyes, stared at her a moment longer. “The lack of sleep is getting to me,” he said.
“Yes, I can appreciate that this has been a difficult time.”
“I doubt you can know just how difficult. As far as Sawyer hating me, just wait. I haven’t strapped her to the back of my motorcycle yet.” He glanced into Ava’s short hallway toward the bathroom. “Something I’d better do before it gets much later. Even with the windshield attached and both dash heaters going, it could get chilly out there.”
“You’ll pardon me for saying so, Mr. Walsh...”
“You might as well call me Noah,” he said. “I don’t see us becoming pals, but this awkward moment between us entitles us to use first names.”
Noah—the name of the man she’d met six years ago. The man who, in one night had changed her life. The man she’d tried so hard to forget because at the time she’d had no other choice.
She struggled to keep her voice steady, to keep her hands wrapped tightly on her mug. To show any signs of the fierce emotions battling inside her would not help any of them.
“All right, Noah,” she said, her mind grasping for any topic to lead her mind away from the turmoil it was experiencing. “I can’t imagine why you came to get your daughter on a bike. Wouldn’t a car have been more comfortable for a drive back to Chapel Hill?”
He shifted on his chair, crossed his leg on the opposite knee. “Comfortable? Yeah, but I got here in just over two hours, and a car would have taken much longer. Plus I can keep a grip on Sawyer the whole way.” He stared hard at Ava a moment as if there was something he wanted to say. After a pause, he breathed deeply. “I know what you’re thinking. Has this happened before? Well, yeah it has. Gotta say though—” he looked around the comfortable kitchen in Ava’s apartment “—this is one of the better places Sawyer has picked.”
“Ava! You in here?”
The sound of her brother’s voice put an end to further conversation. Ava stood. “I’m in the kitchen, Carter. Come in.”
Carter Cahill, wearing jeans and a casual shirt and jacket, strode into the kitchen. Sunday was his day off, so he’d obviously elected not to put on his official uniform. He stopped a few feet into the room and stared menacingly at Walsh. “Everything okay here?” he asked. “There’s a strange motorcycle outside. You all right, Ava?”
Noah scowled. “Why wouldn’t she be?”
Knowing she had to calm the situation and keep it from escalating into a match of words between the two men, Ava put the past—and her roiling stomach—aside. “This is the girl’s father, Carter,” she said, standing up. “Noah Walsh. He’s come to take her home.” Turning to Noah, she said, “This is my brother Carter. He’s chief of police in Holly River.”
Both men nodded, but made no move to shake hands.
“Where’s the girl?” Carter asked.
“I’m here,” Sawyer said, coming into the kitchen. She looked rested and well, her hair combed into a ponytail. She wore the clothes Ava had brought her, jeans and a sweatshirt. With her hoodie covering her, she should be warm enough on the ride back to Chapel Hill. The temperature was going into the upper fifties today.
She stared at her father. “Well, aren’t you going to put me in handcuffs and cart me out of here? I’d like to get home in time to plan my next escape.” Noah started to rise. His jaw muscles tensed.
“Can we all just hold on a minute here?” Carter said. “Ava, I’ve got some information for you.” Speaking to Sawyer, he said, “Can you wait in the lobby awhile, Miss Walsh? And don’t try running off. If you do, I’ll have the entire police force of this town tracking you down.”
“The entire force of this town?” Sawyer said. “Yikes, I’m scared.”
Ava gave her a hard stare. “That’s enough, Sawyer. Just go into the lobby and wait for us.”
Sawyer looked as if another smart remark were on the tip of her tongue, but apparently she thought better of uttering it and ambled from the kitchen with a last sarcastic comment. “I’ll be waiting, Daddy. Can we stop for ice cream on the way home?”
Once Sawyer had left the room, Ava took a seat at the table. She hadn’t realized how weak her knees felt, how clouded her thinking.
Carter began. “I’ve done some investigating into this situation,” he said. “I’ve discovered that this is the fourth time this year that Sawyer has run away from home.” He waited for a reaction from Noah.
“It’s true,” he said. “She has become impossible.”
“Be that as it may,” Carter continued, “each time your daughter has run farther than the last. If she tries it again, she could very well slip away from you forever.”
“I don’t think so,” Noah said. “She wants you to believe her life is horrible, but I doubt she’d actually give up the advantages she has for a long absence. She’ll always come back.”
Ava looked at Carter and, avoiding direct eye contact with Noah, she said. “Sawyer was riding with a truck driver. She hitchhiked from Chapel Hill. Surely as her father, you understand the risks associated with that type of behavior. I mean, she was lucky this time, but...”
A muscle worked in Noah’s temple. “You think I don’t know that? I see where you people are going with this, but you’re way off base. Sawyer won’t try this again. She’ll be fine when I get her home. She’s made her point and knows she scared the...well, scared me pretty good.”
Carter’s features reflected his skepticism. “For how long?”
Noah sighed heavily as the room remained quiet. “Look,” he said. “Sawyer and I have our problems. I travel in my profession. I’m not home a lot, and Sawyer lives with housekeepers—very carefully selected housekeepers that I personally interview. I check their credentials. But Sawyer has a problem with boundaries. The relationships haven’t worked out.”
He shifted on his chair and leaned forward. “As a matter of fact, we’ve gone through so many housekeepers that it’s no longer a case of me requesting their references as it is the ladies requesting ours. Word has gotten around.” He tried to smile, but apparently realized the lack of humor in what he’d just said. “It’s not easy to find someone Sawyer will listen to.”
“Where is Sawyer’s mother?” Ava asked.
Noah frowned. “Currently in a small town outside of Barcelona I believe. Mary Kate and I divorced three years ago. She claimed to need peace and tranquility, and the tension around her relationship with Sawyer could never provide that. They argued all the time.”
Ava remembered his confession that he was married when he left her house in the middle of the night six years before.
Noah actually did smile this time. “You may find this hard to accept, but things have gotten easier for Sawyer since her mother left and we filed for divorce. We no longer hear from her, and we’re both okay with it.”
“You sure about that?” Carter asked.
“I’m sure. Ask Sawyer yourself if you don’t believe me. The last few years I was married, Sawyer did not grow up in a happy household. Her mother and I...” He paused. “Let’s just say, our family would not have made an ideal sitcom.”
“So let me make sure I have this right,” Carter said. “Sawyer has no mother in her life, and her father is mostly an absentee parent who leaves her to be raised by a housekeeper.”
Noah’s lips thinned. “I have to work, man. I make a good living. Sawyer has everything she needs.”
Ava and Carter shared a communal look of understanding. Yes, Sawyer had material things.
“Are there any other family members who could help with this situation?” Ava asked.
Noah shook his head. His gaze was fixated on Carter and the hallway where Sawyer had disappeared. He obviously didn’t trust either one of them. “My mother is designated legal guardian if something should happen to me. I had to select someone since my profession involves pretty high risk. But right now my mother lives in Oregon. We rarely see her. Mary Kate’s mother kept Sawyer for a while. They weren’t a good match. She sent her back to me.” Noah stood. “If that’s all, we’ll be on our way now.” Turning to Ava, he looked at her for a long, uncomfortable moment and said, “Thanks again for taking Sawyer in last night and for contacting the authorities in Chapel Hill.”
One look from Carter told Ava that he was not about to let this matter drop.
“Mr. Walsh,” Carter said, “I’m not comfortable with releasing Sawyer to your custody.”
Noah sputtered his amused disbelief. “Oh, you’re not? Well, sorry, Chief, but that’s not your call.”
“Actually, I think it is,” Carter said. “I see a threatening situation here, and I’m bound by law to try and prevent it.”
“Threatening? I’ve never touched that child!”
“Maybe you’re not the threat, Mr. Walsh, but your daughter’s life is in danger from other outside influences. Every time she runs away, she is at risk.”
Noah started to speak, but Carter raised his hand. “Not only that, but my wife is a social worker for the state of North Carolina. She works with children and families, and she would never forgive me if I turned Sawyer over to you since she has clearly and repeatedly shown the behavior of a runaway.”
“I don’t care what your wife is,” Noah said. “No one takes my daughter away.” He sighed. “Look, Sawyer and I have our differences. I’ve already admitted to that, but we’ll work them out...”
Ava sensed Noah’s anger escalating and realized the importance of keeping this situation calm. She spoke in a low, even tone. “Please, Mr. Walsh... Noah, think about Sawyer. Some type of intervention is needed to keep your daughter safe. Maybe you don’t realize what happens to kids on the street...”
“Nothing is going to happen to her. I’ll keep a closer eye on her.”
“Your techniques obviously haven’t worked,” Carter said.
“I’ll set stricter rules. She won’t run away again.”
“Yes, she will,” Ava said. “This is my profession, running a home for at-risk children, and I see the signs in Sawyer that I’ve seen in other kids. She will keep running away.”
Noah stared first at Ava and then at Carter. After several tense moments he spoke to Ava. “Can I see you outside? Just for a few minutes.”
Had he recognized her? She didn’t think so. There was nothing in his facial features to indicate the past had come back to him. “Yes, of course. We can step out on the back porch for a minute.”
“Now, hold on,” Carter said. “Anything you need to say to my sister you can say to me.”
Noah gave him a sharp look. “Why? Are you suddenly the administrator of this home?”
“Stop it, both of you,” Ava said. “Carter, I’ll be fine just outside the kitchen door. You stay here and check on Sawyer.”
“Yeah,” Noah said. “If she runs away this time, that’s on you.”
Ava walked out ahead of Noah. When they were alone, she further convinced herself that he didn’t recognize her. She had looked much different then. Her hair had been long and highlighted with auburn. She’d worn glasses all the time. She’d been thinner. Besides, a man with his looks and what she remembered as charisma must have had several relationships with women in the last years. Why would he remember that one night with her? “What do you want to talk about?”
He released a long breath. She could see the tension in his eyes, along with something else. Sadness, confusion. He was in over his head with his own daughter, and Ava had never felt a stronger need to help a family than she did at this moment. At the same time, her sense of self-preservation urged her to stay as far away from this situation as possible.
He squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again a new emotion made the hint of gold in his eyes seem a deep amber. She sensed his inability to cope with making a decision.
She spoke calmly. “Look, Noah, I know this is difficult for you...”
“Do you? Have you ever given up a child of yours to a complete stranger?”
His question sent a pang of guilt deep into her stomach, the same pain she’d experienced for almost six years now. But she could not tell Noah that. She’d never told anyone, not even her family, about Charlie.
She swallowed, took a calming breath. “I don’t want you to think of me as a stranger,” she said, avoiding a direct answer to his question. “I care about the children in this home. They are more than a job to me. They are everything. I want each one of them to feel safe and encouraged to succeed.”
“I’ll bet they do with that brother cop around to back you up. Don’t think I didn’t see the looks passing between the two of you. I suppose next, a small army of security will enter the discussion.”
“First of all, my brother does not come around to ‘back me up’ as you put it. He has a job, which he’s doing this morning, and it keeps him busy. Secondly, we don’t have an army of security.”
“So you, a single lady, basically run this place by yourself?”
“As the administrator, yes. Why? Do you believe that a woman isn’t capable of running a home this size? I’ll have you know...”
He put his hands up defensively. “Okay, okay. I apologize. No insult intended.”
Mollified, she gave him a brief explanation about how the Sawtooth Children’s Home operated. At least she was once again on firm emotional ground. Talking about the school was easy and comfortable. “We have a full-time medical person on campus. We have a cook, three on-site counselors, a gymnasium, school building with fifteen classrooms, each with a qualified teacher.” She waited until those facts had settled in before adding, “Each child lives in a cottage with nine other kids, and each cottage has a set of parents in charge. So you see, I don’t run this home all by myself.”
“I get it,” he said. “This is a tight ship. But my daughter is not in need of cottage parents. She already has one parent who just happens to be having a little trouble.”
A little trouble? Ava tried logic. “We have room for Sawyer right now,” she said. “You will have complete access to her. You can visit her whenever you like. If she agrees, after some time she can even go home with you for a weekend, once we’ve done a visitation.”
Noah responded with a sarcastic chuckle. “Oh? I can see my own daughter on weekends...maybe? How kind of you. This is not happening, Miss Administrator. Not now. Not ever.”
A rustling nearby drew their attention to the back door. Sawyer stood in the frame, looking out. Carter was behind her. “Everything okay out here?” he asked.
“Are you almost done talking about me as if I didn’t exist?” Sawyer said.
Ava smiled. “What would you like to say, Sawyer?”
She looked down, locking her gaze on the grass. When she lifted her face, she stared at Noah. “I’m old enough to have a say in my own life.”
“Okay,” he said. “Go ahead. Have your say.”
“I don’t want to go home with you, Dad. You’re never home, and I hate Mrs. Filmore. She’s more like a warden than a housekeeper. And don’t think you can just hire another one and I’ll be happy.” Sawyer looked over the expansive green lawn that led to the cottages. “This place is probably really lame, but it would be better than home. I’m going to stay here, for a while at least.”
Ava couldn’t bear to see the sense of futility in Noah’s eyes. She’d seen it too many times in the looks of parents who’d failed their children in so many ways. She gave him a gentle smile that for some odd reason felt strangely natural and spoke to Sawyer.
“We need to get some things straight,” she said. “This place, as you call it, isn’t a resort, Sawyer. It’s a home for children and teens with special problems. We have rules that must be followed and consequences if they are broken. You will be living with nine other housemates of all ages. Your room will be shared with another resident. You will see a counselor once a week, or more often if we think it’s needed. Your cottage parents will know where you go and whom you see. If they deny permission, that’s it then.”
Ava realized she was painting a rather rigid picture of life at Sawtooth Children’s Home, but she firmly believed that Sawyer should understand that her life would be regimented, and she would have to meet expectations. Maybe the reality of life here was getting through to both father and daughter. At least they were both listening.
Ava could easily believe that Noah Walsh loved his daughter, but their relationship was toxic, and she knew time apart would help them. “Carter,” she said to her brother, “you go on. We’ll be fine here. I’m just going to take Sawyer and Noah on a tour of the campus. Tell Mama I won’t be there for dinner tonight.”
Carter tucked his hat back onto his forehead. “If you’re sure.”
“I am.”
He walked through the building, closed the front door. Ava waited until the charged atmosphere cooled down. “Okay, then, shall we take the tour?”
“Why not?” Noah said. “But don’t think for a minute that I’m going to simply wave goodbye to my daughter and tell her, ‘Take care of yourself, kid.’”
His simple words, “take care of yourself,” brought back fresh memories of that painful night when he’d said them to her. A glitzy downtown Charlotte bar followed by a night of... She’d never forgotten. That low voice, that sense of desperation in his tone. Those words of regret spoken in the middle of the night. “Take care of yourself.” He’d whispered those words in her ear just before the same voice had said, “I’m sorry. You deserve better than a guy like me. I should have told you. I’m married, for now at least. Maybe once I get things straightened out...”
“Just go,” she’d said, letting anger and shame rule her reaction. Regret washed over her as she pulled the bedsheets close around her chest. She’d turned her head, let the tears slip onto her pillow. “Just go, Noah. Go.”
It hurt to look at him now. The memory had haunted her too long. She couldn’t stare into his piercing eyes and see the man who’d caused her to be someone she’d never been before on a night that turned out to be the beginning of the most soul-searching journey of her life.
But time had changed them both, and today the issue was about Sawyer. Noah’s attention was fixed firmly on his daughter, as it should be. So much so that other than a few tense silences, he hadn’t shown any sign of knowing who Ava was, or who she’d been.
