Читать книгу Doggone Dead - Dane McCaslin - Страница 11

Chapter 4

“I swear I’m going to start walking over here.” I spoke under my breath as we sat watching Brent shovel in a third helping of my hash brown and egg casserole. “Either that, or I’m going to learn how to magically transport myself to your place and save the daily carnival ride with that kid.”

I shot Brent a look that could subdue the most truculent student, but he took no notice. Maybe if I’d suddenly turned into a large breakfast burrito or a gallon of milk, he might have noticed me. I’d never seen someone so intent on his food before. If he drove with that same concentration, he’d be the safest driver in Portland.

“You made it here in one piece, so that’s a plus.” Nora reached around her own plate and gave my arm a pat. “First things first, though. We need to get a cleaning crew in here to give this place a good once-over, and then we need to make a few phone calls to set the day’s appointments.”

“And who’s this ‘we,’ woman? Have you suddenly got a mouse in your pocket?” I turned a glare on her, still fuming from my daily dose of nearly being killed.

“Sounds like someone’s sense of humor got up on the wrong side of bed this morning.” Nora pushed back her chair and carried her plate over to the sink. “I’m merely suggesting that one of us make the phone calls and the other one handle the cleanup crew, that’s all.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” I reached over to hand my plate to her as well. “I volunteer for phone duty.”

Portland folks liked to get up early and get their coffee quotient started well before breakfast, so I wasn’t surprised to find that all four of that day’s clients were already up and running. With three of them opting for a thirty-minute dog walk and the other asking for a four-hour pet sitting session, Two Sisters Pet Valet Services was fully booked until three. That would give us plenty of time to do a little digging into Nora’s background and see if we could turn up anyone who might want her dead.

Brent had finally stopped eating, scraping the last portion of the casserole from my baking dish with his fork. I checked the pan carefully to make sure he hadn’t scraped any of the Teflon coating off as well. He’d also drunk three glasses of milk and eaten four pieces of buttered toast. In my opinion, he had more than enough food in him to last through the pet sitting assignment. I hoped.

“Brent, you’re in luck.” Nora handed him the list of pet walking jobs, along with a big smile. “All three of these are right here in the building, so you can take the little darlings across the street to the dog park to do their business.”

“So, what’re you two gonna be doing while I’m out there doing all the work?” His tone was suspicious, and I instantly adopted an injured expression.

“Brent Mayfair, how do you think the paperwork gets done? By magic?” I snapped my fingers in his face, making him jump back. “No, sir, it doesn’t. Someone has to stay here and work on that. Of course, if you’d rather do that instead of getting some fresh air, Nor—Mrs. Goldstein and I can take over.” I managed to give my shoulders an extra droop and noticed Nora was doing the same. Between the two of us, we looked like a pair of down-and-outs without one thin dime between us.

“Nah, that’s okay, Miss F.” He’d backed another step away from me, hands held up in front of him as if to ward off a case of hard work. “Besides, my gramma always said that when folks get to a certain age, they can break a lot of bones. I’d sure hate for you two fine ladies to break anything out there.”

And with that, he was gone.

“I can see exactly why you enjoyed teaching high school so much.” Nora’s words were underpinned with admiration, and I couldn’t help preening inwardly. “They’re so easily outsmarted, aren’t they?”

“You have no idea.” My voice and expression were as enigmatic as the Mona Lisa. “Okay, partner, what’s next?”

“I got a hold of some outfit called Karen’s Kleen-Up Krew and she promised to be here by ten.” Nora shook her head in disgust. “Just why it is that people feel the need to have a cutesy name, I’ll never understand.”

“Maybe it’s because she didn’t have a ‘sister’ to run the business with her.” I bracketed the word “sister” in a set of air quotes.

Nora snorted, then turned to look around the kitchen. “Well, they won’t have much to do in here, except some disinfecting and some stain removal.” She bent over to take a closer look at the floor where Linda’s body had lain. “At least she didn’t bleed out that much.” She snickered. “I always knew she wasn’t human.”

I had to roll my eyes. From everything that Nora had told me about their ongoing feud, and from the few incidents I’d witnessed, I had to agree. No one with that much vitriol in their system could be a member of the human race.

That thought was interrupted by a tentative knocking on the front door. Nora and I stared at each other, neither of us making a move to answer it.

“It’s your apartment.” I swept out one arm in an extravagant gesture, giving her a mocking bow. “Your place, your door.”

“I’ll remember that. And the way you shopped me yesterday as well.”

“I did not ‘shop you.’ I simply pointed you out.”

My words bounced off her back as I followed her into the living room. Nora yanked open the door and revealed a pair of nervous women, each one clutching a large handbag as though it carried precious cargo. She took one look at them and gave a great groan as she grabbed her chest. I rushed over to her, afraid that she was having a heart attack.

“First Phoebe and now you two. And get off me, Gwen.” She shook her arm away from me and stepped back from the doorway with a sigh. “Might as well come in. But no coffee,” she added in a warning tone. “You’re not staying that long.” She turned and looked at me, her tone and expression exasperated, as if she’d just discovered gum on the bottom of a pair of Jimmy Choos. “Meet my stepdaughters, the Terrible Twosome.”

“How do you do.” I spoke automatically, proffering my hand to the air between them.

They each shook it in turn, their own hands feeling as insubstantial as bird wings. Come to think of it, they reminded me of birds. Two tiny wrens, each one dressed in brown, light brown hair piled atop their heads like nests. I could almost see them pecking at the ground in an eager search for a morning bug or two. Maybe they thought Nora would be a wormy jackpot, so to speak.

I shook my head, trying to dispel the visual. Not everyone was out to get Nora. This could, in fact, be an innocent visit by a pair of gals who were truly concerned about their stepmother’s well-being.

And pigs might fly.

“Nice to meet you,” they both tittered back at me, and I couldn’t resist a sideways glance at Nora. She was staring impatiently at the three of us, practically tapping one foot as she waited.

“If I can interrupt this charming display of niceties, I’d like to close the door. If that’s all right with you,” she said with exaggerated politeness to the two women.

“Oh, that’s perfectly all right, isn’t it, Mercy?”

“It most certainly is, Grace.”

More tittering and head bobbing. I had to hide a smile behind a sudden fit of coughing.

“Mercy and Grace are…were…my stepdaughters from my second marriage. Or maybe it was my third.”

The two small women set up a small protest at her words.

Nora rolled her eyes. “All right, it was my second. Whatever. Anyhoo, these two haven’t shown their faces for, what, girls? At least ten years? Or twenty?”

“Nora, why don’t you and your guests come in and have a seat?” I stepped back and indicated the nearest sofa.

Mercy and Grace looked gratefully at me and began inching inside.

Nora promptly walked over and plopped down in the exact middle, forcing our visitors to sit down on either side of her. I shot her a look that said ‘play nice’—at least that’s the message I hoped I was sending. Nora, on the other hand, didn’t seem intent on being anything at the moment except her snarkiest self. The two sisters looked as though they’d already shrunk a couple inches each.

Sighing, I sat across from the trio, affixing a pleasant expression on my face. I was becoming used to being Nora’s emotional counterweight, the nice cop to her very, very bad one, the sugar to her spice. Or maybe it was vinegar. An old saying about honey and vinegar and flies slipped into my head, and I completely missed Nora’s opening gambit.

“How can you say that!” exclaimed Mercy, her eyes wide in shock. “We would never want that to happen. Would we, Sister?”

“Absolutely not,” agreed Grace in a pious tone. “We are lifetime volunteers at St. Bridget’s Family Center.”

She said that as if it was the mark of someone with a spotless reputation, someone as clean and pure as the driven snow. Having seen quite a bit of snow in my lifetime, though, I was well aware of what it could conceal underneath. Rocky soil. Trash piles. Dead bodies.

“And I could really give a rat’s a…patootie what you two nutcases do all day.” Nora examined her nails as if they were the most important things in the room.

I groaned inwardly; I knew that tone. It generally heralded the storm’s imminent arrival. Jumping to my feet, I redoubled my smile and stared hard at Nora. “Nora, dear, why don’t I make us some tea?”

“Not on your life, Gwen. These two imbeciles were leaving.”

To my surprise, the sisters rose as one, each clasping her handbag to her scrawny chest like a shield. In less than ten seconds, they were gone.

Nora slumped back against the sofa’s cushions, and I was concerned to see how much that little exchange had taken out of her. Of course, it must have been unpleasant, seeing two reminders of a past failure on top of the visit from Phoebe.

Then I remembered her bank account. If anything, Nora had come out of all of her marriages more than a conqueror. In fact, she was quite the modern Viking. Plundering and pillaging wherever the latest husband’s money was kept.

Still, I didn’t like the way she looked at the moment and told her so.

“I’m taking stock.” She sat with her head back and eyes closed. “Don’t get your panties all bunched up, Gwen.”

“Whether you like it or not, I’m getting you some tea.” I headed for the kitchen, my back stiff at her last words.

“Put some brandy in it,” she called after me. “I could use a hefty dose after those two. For medicinal purposes, of course.”

“You’re going to become a raving alcoholic,” I muttered to myself as I rattled the mugs against the counter. “That’ll go nicely with your raving lunatic mind.”

“I heard that! And I don’t care what time of the day it is. Folks can get sick at all hours.” There was a slight pause. “And I am not a lunatic. I was not the one teaching adolescent maniacs all those years.”

“Blah, blah, blah. Fine.” I reached for the bottle of brandy, my lips folded together as I added a slosh to her teacup. If my best friend was going to go all alcoholic on me, she’d better be ready for an intervention. I could do it, too. I’d seen the shows on television where a person’s loved ones ganged up on them and offered an ultimatum.

Besides, Brent was big enough to haul her skinny butt out of here and to rehab if I asked him to.

“Ah, that’s better.” Nora took an exaggerated slurp from her cup and smiled at me. “You should try it. It’ll make you relax.”

“I don’t need to relax.” I spoke through gritted teeth as I sat ramrod straight on the edge of my chair. “What I need to do right now is figure out why someone wants you dead.” I raised my voice as she began a halfhearted protest. “And if there’s going to be a parade of stepchildren coming through that door, I think I’ll go back to my own place, thank you very much.”

To my surprise, Nora began to giggle. It couldn’t be the brandy. I hadn’t put that much in her tea. Carefully placing her cup on a nearby table, she leaned back against the sofa and howled with laughter.

Standing, I glared at her, hands planted firmly on my hips. That way, I wouldn’t be tempted to kill her.

“I don’t know what’s so funny about wanting to keep you safe.” My voice was stiff with hurt pride. “It’s your life, though. You can count me out of this circus.”

“It’s not you.” She managed to gasp the words out between bouts of hilarity. “Did you see them? That hair! And those handbags!” She went off into another fit of laughter, wiping her streaming eyes.

“And their names.” I gave a tentative smile. “Who in their right mind names their kids Mercy and Grace?” It suddenly struck me as hilarious. I’d only had one tiny sip of brandy, cross my heart. I joined Nora on the sofa, unable to control a fit of giggles.

“Are you two all right?”

In all the noise we were making, neither one of us had heard the Boy Wonder come in. I took one look at his concerned face and began giggling again. I felt as unrestrained as if I’d been the one drinking the brandy.

“Miss F? Should I call someone?” Brent stood there uncertainly, staring at the two of us as we writhed about in a rather undignified manner.

I suddenly noticed he was trying to hold something small and wiggly next to his chest and sat up, wiping my eyes.

“Brent Mayfair, what in heaven’s name do you think you’re doing? I told you that you couldn’t bring that thing back here.” I pointed at the tiny puppy, its soft snout emerging from behind his large hands. “I don’t think Mrs. Goldstein is going to appreciate you bringing work back to her apartment.”

“But the lady said I could keep her.”

I thought I could hear tears in his voice.

“And my mom won’t let me keep her at my house, so she’s got to go somewhere.”

“Absolutely. Right back to her owner. That’s where.”

I pointed at the door, ignoring the look of despair on his face. Large shoulders sagging, he turned and began a pitiful shuffling toward the door.

“Oh, quit your blubbering and get back in here, boy,” Nora called after him and turned to glower at me, her happy mood evaporated. “So you knew about this already?”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I can’t say you’ve given me a lot of chances to tell you, though.” I crossed my fingers mentally. It was only a tiny lie, wasn’t it? Crossed fingers should take care of that.

“And she didn’t even tell you about the puppy doing a number one on your carpet, either.” Brent sounded proud, looking at me as though I was his hero. “She cleaned it up good, too.”

“It’s ‘well,’ not ‘good.’” I corrected him automatically, keeping one eye on Nora as I slithered to the farthest end of the sofa. “And yes, it did come out of the carpet without much effort.” I shot Nora a quick glance. “Of course, Karen’s Kleen-Up Krew can take a look at it, if you ask them.”

“Oh, my word!” Nora slapped her forehead. “I completely forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me.” She glanced at her cell phone. “They should be here in the next ten minutes or so. Brent, did you get the potty patrol finished?”

Glad to have the topic changed, I reached for my cup and took the last sip of very cold tea. “Should we be here while they’re cleaning up in there?” I pointed my chin toward the kitchen.

“Why not?” Nora gave a nonchalant shrug. “Besides, I thought we could make a list of my stepchildren, in case the rest of them decide to pop in for a visit.” She shot me a wicked smile. “You know they’re all chomping at the bit to see me six feet under.”

“Oh, that reminds me.”

We both turned to face Brent, watching as he pulled a long white envelope from his pocket.

“That lady downstairs, the one who answers questions? She gave this to me and told me to give it to you right away.” He smiled sheepishly as he handed it to Nora. “Guess I kinda forgot.”

“Patsy Reilly,” I murmured to myself, leaning over to see what it said on the envelope’s front.

And stared in dismay at two words: You’re next. Underneath them was drawn a crude skull and crossbones, almost cartoonish in style.

Nora and I looked at one another, eyes wide with shock.

“You’d better open it.” My hands began to shake. “Or I can do it, if you don’t want to.”

“Want me to get it?” Brent thrust the wriggling puppy in my direction. “Here, you take her, Miss F.”

“I told you I’m allergic to dogs.” I waved the dog away. “And no, Mrs. Goldstein doesn’t need you to open anything for her.”

We watched silently as Nora slid a shaking finger underneath the gummed flap.

“Hold on!” I reached for the envelope. “Don’t touch anything else, Nora. They can get DNA from saliva, where someone licked that.”

“It’s a press-n-seal.” Her tone was dry, and I was glad to see she was recovering from the initial scare. “And who knows who’s already handled this, including Ace Ventura over there.” She nodded at Brent.

He grinned proudly at her words, petting the puppy’s soft fur with a hand big enough to cover it in one swipe.

“That wasn’t a compliment,” Nora added, and I watched his face fall.

“It means you do a great job at taking care of animals.” I spoke hurriedly, giving him a warm smile to counterbalance Nora’s sarcasm.

“I know.” He gave us both a vigorous nod. “Animals like me.” He lifted the small dog and rubbed it against his cheek lovingly.

I wanted to sneeze just watching him.

“And it’s a good thing they do. Don’t forget you’ve got a four-hour pet sitting assignment at eleven.” Nora slid a folded paper out of the envelope and smoothed it out on her lap.

This time her reaction was enough to make me jump. The puppy gave a small yelp as Brent squeezed it to him, his eyes wide as he stared from me to Nora.

“Nora? What does it say?” I tried to keep my voice even, not wanting to add to the tension.

Without a word she thrust it at me and then covered her face with trembling hands. I quickly scanned the paper, my heart starting to hammer as loudly as I read aloud what was written there.

“‘Nora GOLD DIGGER. You took my money and I want it back. All of it.’” There was another drawing, a hangman’s noose looped around her name in a tight embrace.

I turned to stare at my best friend. I’d been right. Someone wanted her dead.