Читать книгу For The Sake Of The Children - Danica Favorite - Страница 13
ОглавлениеThey’d found a comfortable rhythm over the past few weeks. Uncle Frank had insisted that Silas and Milly stay with them. A boardinghouse was no place for a small child who needed to run and play. With Joseph and Annabelle’s house next door and Mary living with her husband, Will, nearby, the Lassiter house had plenty of room for Silas and his daughter.
The perfect arrangement, except that as much as Rose tried to feel more positive toward Silas, the ever-present ache in her stomach when he was around never seemed to dissipate.
Even knowing he’d been right about the milk didn’t seem to ease the trouble in her heart. Rose tucked the blanket around her sleeping son, grateful that she’d gotten Matthew and Milly to take naps at the same time in the afternoon. She’d have two hours all to herself.
In the beginning, she’d used nap time to catch up on her sleep. But now that Matthew was sleeping through the night, Rose wasn’t as weary.
As she closed the door behind her, she saw Silas coming up the stairs.
“What are you doing home so early?”
Silas gave an easy smile, the kind that had once left her breathless. Now it gave her a different feeling, an old ache like what Maddie often described as her joints acting up when the weather moved in. It wasn’t that she still had feelings for him, Rose told herself. They were different people now.
Silas answered, “Your brother asked me to visit some of the smelting operations in town. He’s not sure we’re getting the best deal we could be, so he wanted me to look into it. I thought I’d come here for some lunch and to say hello to Milly.”
She hadn’t remembered Silas to be much of a man of business. In truth, she hadn’t known all that much about him, other than he helped run his father’s farm. The more Rose examined her heart and her romantic follies, she realized how she’d always rushed headlong into what she’d thought was the perfect relationship, without giving the situation much thought at all.
That was the most acute pain she felt when he gave her those beguiling smiles. How great a fool she’d been.
“I didn’t realize you were such a businessman,” Rose said, giving him a smile to cover up the tumultuous thoughts in her head.
“My mother used to say that if it hadn’t been for my negotiating skills, Pa probably would have lost the farm a lot sooner.” He gave a wry grin. “Guess it didn’t matter so much in the end.”
“I’m sure it gave him great comfort to have still had some claim to the farm until his death.”
Silas nodded slowly. “That’s what Ma said. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself for how things turned out.”
Rose’s heart softened as she remembered Mrs. Jones. “How is she? I can’t believe I haven’t asked after her until now.”
“She’s well. Moved in with her sister, Bertha, after Pa died. I know she’d help me if she could, but they’re barely getting by as it is. I wouldn’t want to make things harder on them than they already are.”
A frown furrowed his brow, then disappeared. “I’ve sent them some money to cover what I borrowed to get here, but I hope to send more to help them out once I get things settled with the Garretts. The lawyer Frank recommended is good, but he doesn’t come cheap.”
It was on the tip of Rose’s tongue to offer to help, but she knew it would only offend Silas’s pride. He was already upset with her because she’d bought a few new dresses for Milly. She’d been unable to resist when she’d seen them displayed at the dressmaker’s. Clothes for baby boys simply weren’t as adorable as they were for little girls. It had been a pleasure shopping for Milly. Not so much when she’d had to face Silas’s anger as a result.
Instead, Rose brought the conversation to the case. “Any progress with the Garretts?”
Silas shook his head. “We haven’t approached them yet. My lawyer is waiting to put a few things together first. He’d like to have everything in order so they have no ground to stand on.”
“But surely they don’t? You’re Milly’s father. You have a good job, a good place to live...”
“I’d like to think so. But with the money and influence the Garretts have back in Ohio, we want to be sure.”
A commotion downstairs drew Rose’s attention. “Would you mind coming down with me to see what’s happening? There usually isn’t any trouble, but with Uncle Frank off visiting parishioners and everyone else off at work, I don’t want Maddie to have to handle things on her own.”
“Of course.” Silas had already turned toward the stairs before the words finished leaving his mouth.
In the entryway stood an older couple whose faces Rose immediately recognized. The Garretts. She paused, her feet stuck to the last stair like it was coated in thick, deep mud.
Maddie, who had let them in, gave Rose a nod, then glanced in the direction of the back door. The family’s signal that she was going for help. And with the way the Garretts were lit up, they were going to need all the help they could get.
“I demand to see my granddaughter,” Mrs. Garrett said, her nasal voice echoing in the foyer.
“She’s sleeping,” Silas said, looking back in Rose’s direction.
Rose nodded and stepped forward as Maddie slipped out the back. “Yes. I’ve just laid her down. She won’t be awake for at least an hour.”
“What does that doxy have to do with my granddaughter?” Mrs. Garrett’s icy expression told Rose that she knew of Rose’s circumstance. Usually, it didn’t bother her when people looked down on her for her sin. She knew what she’d done, knew it was wrong and knew that God had forgiven her.
But Mrs. Garrett’s censure brought her back to the shameful place where she once could barely hold her head up in church.
“Rose is my nanny,” Silas said, his tone equally cool. “And she’s doing an excellent job.”
“Is that so?” Mrs. Garrett’s hard glare shot Rose straight through the heart. “A woman of her morals—”
“Will be an excellent influence on my daughter. Rose spends a good deal of time volunteering for the church’s many charitable endeavors, and it warms my heart to see her teaching the children from an early age to care for others who are less fortunate.”
Silas’s defense of her made Rose’s heart do a funny flip-flop. Not in the way his smiles used to, but something deeper. Something that said he saw her for who she was. While her charitable works were no secret, she also didn’t shout them from the rooftops. As much as she had grown and changed as a result of her pregnancy and having Matthew, Rose had never felt compelled to announce those changes to the world. Rather, she’d hoped people would see how differently she lived her life.
“That may be the excuse you give everyone else, but we know differently. That Jezebel was chasing after you in Ohio, trying to steal you away from our Annie when you’d already been promised to her. Had we not switched churches, I’m sure she’d have tempted you to forsake your marriage vows. And now, here she is, living in a den of sin, and you’re right in the middle of it. If you think we’re going to let our beloved granddaughter be raised in such a place...”
As Mrs. Garrett paused to take a breath, Uncle Frank came in through the back.
Breathing hard, Uncle Frank held out a hand. “Welcome to the parsonage, Mr. and Mrs. Garrett. I wish you’d have let us know you were coming. We would have had someone meet you at the station.” Uncle Frank gave a bright smile, but his eyes were dark, angry. “At the very least, we would have had tea ready for you. Fortunately, Silas and Rose kept you entertained so that Maddie could fetch me, and now she’s preparing a tray for us all. Please, won’t you join us in the parlor?”
He gestured toward the parlor, and Mr. and Mrs. Garrett exchanged glances.
“This is the parsonage?” Mr. Garrett looked around.
“Why yes,” Uncle Frank said, smiling as he saw the confusion written all over their faces. The Lassiter house was much larger than the average home in Leadville, and though it was nothing grand in comparison to Ohio standards, many people questioned how a preacher could live in such a fine place. “I suppose it’s a misnomer since the church doesn’t pay for it. My father left me a goodly inheritance, and I’ve never drawn a salary or asked the church to pay for anything. More money for the church, you know.”
He gave an indulgent smile as he sat in his favorite chair. “Do sit down and tell us about your trip. I imagine you must be eager to see Milly, but we wouldn’t want to disturb her nap.”
The Garretts looked as baffled as Rose felt. Silas said he was waiting to contact them, yet here they were. Though Uncle Frank gave a few subtle signs of not being pleased they were here, he acted like this was a social call instead of an attempt to take Milly from her father.
“We heard Rose had run away to a den of sin,” Mr. Garrett said, looking around.
Rose’s stomach churned. She should have known that word of her troubles had gone back to Ohio, but why would they think she was still mired in that lifestyle? Why hadn’t word of her repentance also gotten back?
She sighed. Most folks just wanted to see the wrong in a situation, not the good. Not the redemption.
“Rose is a vital part of our ministry at Leadville Community Church,” Uncle Frank said smoothly. “I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it.”
His defense of her only served to put sour expressions on the Garretts’ faces. “We’re only concerned for Millicent’s well-being.”
“Milly is just fine,” Silas said, emphasizing Milly’s name. From the twitch in his jaw, Rose could tell this was a fight they’d had before.
Maddie entered the room with a tea tray, busying herself with serving everyone, but Rose caught the watchful way she regarded the Garretts.
“You can hardly blame us, worrying the way we do,” Mrs. Garrett said firmly. “You ran away in the middle of the night, sneaking off with our only grandchild with no word of where you were taking her. A man with no means, and no experience raising children. If it hadn’t been for our investigator, we’d have no idea where to find her.”
Mr. Garrett pulled a paper out of his pocket. “This here’s from our lawyer. You’ll find the terms quite generous. We just want Millicent safely home.”
Rose watched as Silas read the paper. His face turned red as he examined its contents briefly before tossing it back at the Garretts.
“You want me to sell my daughter?”
Mr. Garrett smoothed the paper. “I wouldn’t call it, selling, precisely. Merely financial consideration for your trouble. As you know, we can give Millicent the best of everything, and we want you to have a token of our gratitude for allowing us the opportunity to give her the life she deserves.”
The skin on Rose’s arms prickled, and she rubbed them, despite the room being quite warm. Even the cup of tea Maddie pressed into her hand before leaving the room did nothing to stave off the chill. She’d known the Garretts to be self-serving, but this seemed to be going too far.
“Milly deserves a life with her father,” Silas said, standing. “I won’t allow you to take her from me.”
* * *
Silas couldn’t believe the gall of the Garretts to offer money for Milly, as though she were a prized horse. But that’s exactly what she was to them. Hadn’t they done the same with Annie? Dangling her and the farm out for the highest bidder? Had it not been for the clear stream that flowed on the Jones farm, Silas wouldn’t have been considered for the prize of their daughter.
What would Milly’s life be like, paraded around in frilly dresses, expected to act in accordance with their wishes? They might be selling the farm, but what price would they eventually put on Milly’s hand?
Silas’s stomach churned.
“Now, Silas,” Mrs. Garrett said in the sickeningly sweet tone that he’d always hated. “Do you think you’re giving Millicent any kind of life, with you working in a dirty mine all day, exhausting yourself? You’re not really raising her, now, are you?”
Then she glared at Rose. “And I will not have my granddaughter cared for by a doxy.”
“That’s enough,” Silas said, clenching his fists as he raised his voice to the older woman. If she’d been a man, he’d have punched her. “You have no right talking about Rose that way. You don’t even know her. She does an excellent job watching Milly, and I won’t hear you slander her character that way.”
“She did have a child out of wedlock, did she not?” Mrs. Garrett said in such a condescending tone that Silas felt the blood rushing to his hands. Violence never solved anything, but it was tempting.
“Yes, she did,” Frank answered, using the same calm tone he’d used during the entire time the Garretts had been there. “And while it’s easy for us all to cast stones at such a blatant sin, not one of us is so pure that we can. Rose has done an exemplary job of turning her life around, and I am sure we can all learn from her example.”
Silas saw the shame flash across Rose’s face until it settled on her cheeks as a faint pink. Her lips moved slightly as she briefly closed her eyes. She was praying. The Rose he’d known had gone to church, of course. They all went to church. But this Rose seemed to be deeply aware of her connection to God, and as the others discussed her behavior as though she wasn’t in the room, she took the discussion where it belonged—in prayer. Silas himself hadn’t even developed a close relationship with God until recently. Until circumstances, and needing to be a better man for his daughter’s sake, had made it clear that living his life without the Lord was no way to live at all. Perhaps becoming parents had changed them both.
The Garretts, however, didn’t have the same reaction. Mrs. Garrett pursed her lips in the disapproving way Silas had come to dread, and Mr. Garrett patted her hands.
“That may be so, Preacher,” Mr. Garrett said, “but why should our dear, sweet Millicent have to suffer for Rose’s sin? We are prepared to give Millicent a good home, where those living under our roof have never strayed from our good Christian values. Silas means well, but he can’t give Millicent the life she deserves.”
“How, exactly, does Milly suffer because of Rose’s sin?” The question was out of Silas’s mouth before he thought about it. Before he could consider that he’d be opening up Rose to more criticism.
Mrs. Garrett snorted. “I would think that’s obvious. I can’t see any of the respectable families receiving Millicent when she’s older because of Rose’s influence. And how will she make a proper match guided by someone who clearly put the cart before the horse?”
“Milly is two,” Silas said quietly. “She needs to be thinking about being a child, not finding a husband. And as for being received by the respectable families, kindly remember that the Stones are one of the most respected families in Leadville, aligned with the Jacksons of the Jackson banking empire, of which I’m sure you’ve heard.”
The Jackson name was prominently displayed on many buildings in town, their bank being the primary source of funding for many of Leadville’s business endeavors. They were also at the very top of Leadville society, patrons of most major charities, and though the Garretts had likely only been in town a short while, they would recognize the name.
“It’s true,” Frank said, nodding. “I don’t hold much for ranking people according to their importance in society, but I’ve always been appreciative of how well-received our Rose is. Naturally, Milly accompanies Rose when she goes visiting. I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that Milly gets along very well with all the other children.”
The Garretts did not look pleased. Rather, they looked like someone had just told them the tea they’d been drinking had been laced with arsenic.
“Indeed,” Rose said, smiling. “And since you are so concerned with her spiritual welfare, let me assure you that she is learning to say her prayers, and I spend time every day reading Bible stories to her.”
Frank nodded. “We also have family Bible time every night. But do tell me, what does your spiritual practice look like? I always like to hear ways we can deepen our relationship with the Lord.”
The ashen color on both Garretts’ faces brought a smile to Silas’s face. He shouldn’t gloat, but having lived in that household, he knew that their spiritual practice was limited to church on Sunday and prayers at the evening meal. And they usually gave Milly her evening meal in the nursery, not with the family. In essence, they’d just countered the arguments the Garretts had made against Milly remaining where she was.
Truth be told, having the disparity in their spiritual lives pointed out made it more important than ever for Silas to raise Milly. The Garretts were very good about making sure everyone knew how charitable they were, but the miserly way they counted every penny they gave, unwilling to give beyond what they thought was their obligation, stood out in stark contrast to his time in a household that cheerfully gave everything they could.
Mr. Garrett coughed. “I suppose what you’re doing is sufficient. But that doesn’t change the fact that Silas is hardly qualified to raise a child. How can he be, when he’s not even there?”
Feeling stronger, braver, Silas gave him a hard look. “Does that mean you’ve dismissed the nanny you hired to care for Milly?”
Mrs. Garrett shrank back as she glanced at her husband. If it was wrong for Silas to have a nanny, then shouldn’t it be equally wrong for them?
“She is not just a nanny,” Mr. Garrett said. “She is teaching Millicent proper etiquette and deportment, and as Millicent gets older, will also give her her regular school lessons. Miss Bertrand is also helping Millicent learn French. Our little darling will be quite the accomplished young lady.”
Mrs. Garrett’s eyes gleamed. “And what accomplishments will Rose teach her? Nothing we want her to learn, I’m sure.”
Rose stiffened, then adjusted her posture as she regarded the Garretts with such a regal expression that Silas almost felt sorry for them.
“I understand that you’re grieving your daughter, and Milly is your only remaining connection to her. And so I forgive you for your grievous insults against my character when you know nothing of it. You are correct in that I cannot teach her French. However, there are a good many things she can learn from me. For example, when Milly first came to us, she did not know how to share with the other children. Now she cooperates well with others, and mothers such as Emma Jane Jackson are delighted to have Milly over to play. That is an accomplishment anyone would be proud to have.”
Silas noted the way Rose emphasized the Jackson name. Though Emma Jane wouldn’t have minded, he could see the way it pained Rose to have to use her friend as a connection to prove her worth. Especially because Mrs. Garrett’s eyes widened at the mention.
“Yes, grief is a terrible thing,” Frank said slowly. “And I can see how it must be hard to have lost your only child. I, too, know the pain of losing one’s children. Fortunately, while my wife and four children went to be with the Lord, I have one remaining daughter, Annabelle, and her little girl, Catherine, brings me more joy than I could have imagined. It must have been terrible to think you were losing little Milly, too.”
Silas stared at him. Just whose side was he on? Rose caught Silas’s eye and gave a subtle shake of her head. She seemed to be telling him to trust Frank.
“Which is why I’m sure Silas will agree with me when I tell you that you are welcome to visit Milly anytime. In fact, we would be delighted to have you come for supper tonight. You can see for yourself how Milly has progressed, and then, afterward, you could spend some time playing with her here in the parlor.”
At Frank’s friendly smile, Silas understood. He was offering them time with Milly, offering them a chance to have a relationship with her, but in a way that still left Silas in control.
“Surely she’s in bed by then.” Mrs. Garrett’s horrified expression matched her tone of voice.
Frank gave her another pleasant smile. “Of course not. The evenings are valuable family time, and we consider Milly part of the family.”
The Garretts exchanged glances that said they were none too pleased with the arrangement, but they had no room to complain. Though they weren’t leaving with what they came for—Milly—Frank had offered them the chance to spend time with their granddaughter. Silas had to admit the older man was far more reasonable than he would have been.
“What time is supper?” Mr. Garrett asked, his face pinched in an unpleasant expression.
“We eat at six,” Frank said, standing. “I’m sure you have other business to attend to, so we’ll look forward to seeing you then.”
The dismissal was as polite as a dismissal could be, and a weight seemed to fall off the entire room. Even the Garretts appeared to be relieved at having a reason to go without having to continue with small talk that was unlikely to be polite.
“Thank you,” Mr. Garrett said, giving a curt nod as he led his wife out of the room.
As the door closed behind the Garretts, everyone seemed to let out a collective sigh of relief.
Maddie reentered the parlor, wiping her hands on her apron. “I thought those guttersnipes would never leave.” Then she looked at Frank, disgust evident on her face. “I suppose you’ve probably invited them for supper.”
His smile was the only answer she needed as she groaned and went back into the kitchen, muttering about the indignities of her work.
Then Frank turned to Rose. “I apologize if my invitation will force you to suffer further insult, but I think it best we at least put on the appearance of cooperation. We don’t want Silas to be accused of not allowing them to see Milly. As long as we appear to be perfectly reasonable in our efforts, they’ll have a hard time convincing a judge that Milly should live with them.”
She nodded slowly. “It’s all right. I’ve heard far worse.” Then she turned to Silas, her forehead knotted with concern. “Do you think they’d go that far?”
He wished he could take away the lines littering her forehead. “They were talking to a lawyer in Ohio about it, so I would imagine that they’d be pursuing it here if they had to. I imagine there will be quite a few things they don’t like about the situation, as if what they voiced wasn’t enough.”
The old familiar heaviness settled on him again. “Nothing I do for Milly is going to be good enough for them. Though they were pleased by our marriage, even when Annie was alive, they were constantly critical. Annie always meekly agreed. They expected me to, and it irked them that I never did.”
Frank patted him on the shoulder. “We know differently. Milly couldn’t have asked for a better father than you.”
High praise from a man who seemed to be everything Silas hoped to be in a father.
“It’s true,” Rose said softly. “You’re quite wonderful with her. I don’t know of any father so involved in raising his children as you.”
Then she gave a small chuckle. “Well, except Joseph, Will, Jasper, Mitch and Uncle Frank, of course. But they’re family, so I suppose I’m biased.”
Sobering, she regarded him with a serious expression that seemed so much less like the Rose he knew, and like a completely different person. “I know it hurts your pride, but if it would smooth things over with the Garretts, I would be happy to help you pay for an actual nanny to care for Milly. The two of you shouldn’t have to suffer for my mistake.”
A dull knife tearing at Silas’s insides wouldn’t have hurt as much as the mournful expression on Rose’s face. With the way her family and friends supported her, he hadn’t given much thought to the way those outside the circle must still treat her. Granted, he’d once thought that marriage would be a perfect solution for both of them, as a means of saving her reputation. But that was before he’d seen how well Rose got by on her own. She didn’t need him or any other man to save her.
“I stand by what I told them,” Silas said, looking her square in the eye. “Milly couldn’t have a better example of how to lead a good Christian life than you. It’s as Frank said. You made a mistake, but who doesn’t? We’re all going to mess up sometimes, so she needs to know that what you do afterward is what makes the difference.”
Rose nodded slowly like she’d heard those words before. “All the same, if it would make things easier for you to keep Milly...”
“None of that, Rose.” Frank put his arm around her. “This is just like when we had people asking me to resign as pastor because you live here. There will always be bullies pursuing their own agendas, what they think is right, but without the grace the Lord asks of us. If you give up taking care of Milly just to appease the bullies, it’ll make you that much more susceptible to the next round of bullies who want to come after you. There will always be someone wanting to take you down. Stand strong in your faith, and it will all work out.”
The doubt creeping along her face made Silas wish he could reach out and hold her, to tell her it was going to be all right. But he didn’t have that right. Even when he’d been courting her, when he’d held her and told her all the things he wanted to do for her, all the things he’d felt for her, he’d been wrong to be so free with his heart when it wasn’t his to give. It was wrong of him to ask her to entangle hers.
Now, with them both free to finally love one another, such comfort and intimacy still wasn’t right. They were different people who didn’t know each other anymore. If they’d ever known each other at all. The Rose Stone he’d fallen in love with was a bold, sassy woman whose smile lit up every room. Her flirtatious glances had made him feel every bit a man. But that was before he knew what it meant to be a man. Before he knew what it meant to honor the woman he loved.
He hadn’t honored Rose back then. If he had, he never would have messed with her heart. He would have been honest about the situation between his family and Annie’s family. He wouldn’t have stolen all those kisses that didn’t belong to him.
In truth, the biggest problem with all the things the Garretts said against Rose was that they were pointing their fingers at the wrong person. Silas had been the one to behave dishonorably toward Rose. And though Rose had never spoken of her time with the outlaw who’d fathered her child, from what Silas had heard, that man had dishonored her, as well.
Seeing how selflessly she’d been willing to give up Milly for Silas’s sake, Silas realized something he hadn’t seen in Rose before. Every time he thought he had a glimpse into her heart to see who she really was, he found a depth he hadn’t known existed. And the more he examined his own heart, he found how grossly unworthy he was of such a woman.
Though it pained him to make such an admission, the real reason he was grateful Rose hadn’t accepted his proposal was that in all the trials people saw as being her flaws, she’d come out too strong, too good, and a man like Silas simply didn’t deserve her.
