Читать книгу Shotgun Marriage - Danica Favorite - Страница 10

Chapter Two

“I need to go.” Jasper had prolonged his leaving long enough. Almost too long. He’d only meant to tell everyone of his plans, not have the impassioned discussion that ensued.

“Hopefully, this lead takes us to where the bandits are hiding. Then it will be over and all will be well. I just wanted a chance to say goodbye, you know, in case. If all goes well, I’ll be home by supper.”

Emma Jane stepped forward and gave him an awkward hug. “Stay safe.”

The rush of emotion in his chest came on harder than the force of the worst blizzard he’d endured. His wife’s hug was all warmth and completely unexpected after Emma Jane’s fervent speech about joining him.

“Promise me you won’t try to help me with this case while I’m gone. We can talk when I get back.”

He could see her hesitation as she shifted her weight and chewed on her lower lip. Those eyes looked at him in a way that made him believe that things would, in fact, be all right.

“I promise.”

He wasn’t supposed to care about Emma Jane Logan, er, Jackson. But he’d forgotten that underneath all that awkwardness lay a woman with deep compassion for others. If only she’d had compassion for the fact that he’d have liked to have chosen his own wife—a woman whom he actually loved.

In that, Jasper envied his friend, Will, falling head over heels for Mary. Their marriage would be a real marriage, full of happiness and love. What did Jasper have to look forward to?

Nights sitting by the fire and talking? That had been pleasant enough before he’d been forced to marry her. But what of the rest of their lives? And children? How were they supposed to have children when they didn’t share the kind of feelings needed for the begetting of children?

Jasper jerked away. All this time, he’d remained in Emma Jane’s embrace. How had he forgotten himself? Memories of their time trapped in the mine flooded back to him. Just before Emma Jane had shoved him out of the way of the rockslide, he’d kissed her. But then the rockslide hit, and while he’d been saved, Emma Jane’s heroism had left her with a nasty bump on the head. Jasper had considered it a sign.

Kissing Emma Jane Logan had nearly killed them both.

Now that she was Emma Jane Jackson, Jasper had no intention of repeating the experience. He had more important things to think about than romance. Even if he couldn’t get the memory of the soft press of her lips against his out of his mind.

“I should get going,” he finally said, shifting awkwardly.

His father stepped forward and gave him a tight embrace. “Stay safe, son.”

And then, almost as if his father feared the worst, he said slowly, “I can’t pretend to like what you’re doing, but I understand.”

Henry’s voice quavered slightly. “I don’t want there to be any regrets between us. So know I love you and I’m proud of you.”

Jasper should have been pleased to hear those words, but something in him ached, knowing he hadn’t yet done anything to be proud of. He exhaled roughly. He’d save the joy in hearing the words for when he knew Daisy was safe.

His mother, though, held no such sentiment. Red-eyed, she stared past him at Emma Jane.

“If he dies, I will blame you. He never had such foolish notions about chasing bandits until after he met you. And I promise, you will rue the day...”

“Enough, Constance.” His father took his mother by the arm.

After a glance at Emma Jane’s stricken face, Jasper, too, had had enough.

“None of this is Emma Jane’s fault. If you listened to me at all, you’d know that I’ve been wanting to do something meaningful with my life for a long time.”

Jasper held out a hand to Emma Jane, and she took it, her gloved fingers seeming so small in his. He’d married her to protect her, and here, with his mother’s hostility, he had to wonder for the second time today if it had done any good.

Was he wrong for trying to be more than what he was?

But could he live with himself if he didn’t? Could he continue looking himself in the mirror if he were nothing more than a dandy, taking in social entertainments but contributing nothing but gossip to society?

Squeezing Emma Jane’s hand gently, he gazed down at her. “Thank you for supporting me. I know this isn’t the marriage either of us wanted for ourselves, but I’m grateful that you’re standing by me and I promise to do the same for you.”

The tears glimmering in her eyes were unexpected, and they stirred something in his gut he hadn’t been prepared for. Was it sympathy? No, something deeper. Like maybe the friendship that had begun before he’d realized Emma Jane had set him up wasn’t completely dead.

He swallowed the rising emotion and let go of Emma Jane’s hand, turning to his mother. “Emma Jane is my wife. She is a Jackson and should be afforded every courtesy the name entails.”

Henry coughed. “Jasper is right. What’s done is done, and even if we could undo it, it would only bring more scandal to the family. We need to make the best of things.”

Jasper noticed he gave Constance a slight squeeze before letting her go. The small affection between his father and mother made him even more grateful for his father’s support.

Which made Jasper feel even worse. As difficult as his mother could be, he did love her. After all, he’d spent years playing her society games, entertaining the young ladies she deemed suitable and generally tolerating all of her misguided attempts at arranging his life. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so accommodating, then she might be more understanding of the desires of his heart.

At least his father appeared to be more understanding. He looked at Emma Jane with an expression of warmth that convinced Jasper that things would eventually work out. “Emma Jane is also right. We should be doing what we can to support Jasper. Doing everything we can to assist him will keep him much safer than if we’re working against him.”

Jasper’s father held out his hand to Jasper. “I promise not to interfere. And if there are resources I can provide, say the word, and it’s yours.”

This time, the victory felt real as Jasper shook his father’s hand. Even though Jasper could tell his mother was holding back tears. A Jackson did not cry in public, but he knew his mother would be home and in bed with a headache later, the acceptable excuse for sobbing her heart out.

He should feel bad, and part of him did, but he was used to his mother brandishing tears to manipulate people’s feelings. More important, though, were the tears that needed to be shed for a woman who had no one to cry for her.

That had to be his focus. Not guilt over everyone else’s overwrought emotions.

Jasper looked over at Emma Jane, then back at his father.

“Keep Emma Jane safe.” Then he took another deep breath. “I’m sure everything will be fine, but if something should happen to me, take care of her.”

“I will.”

Two words, as solemn as the wedding vows he’d spoken. His father would keep the promise, just as Jasper would keep his.

“I don’t need to be kept safe,” Emma Jane huffed, but her tigress look faded as his father met her eyes.

An unspoken agreement seemed to pass between them as his father turned his attention back to Jasper. “I’m going to get your mother home. I’ll let you have a private moment to say goodbye to your bride.”

His parents turned away, leaving Jasper alone with Emma Jane.

“I think we’ve said all we need to say,” Jasper stated tersely.

“I meant what I said about helping you.”

“You can’t ride out with us.”

Emma Jane nodded slowly. “I wasn’t asking to. But I’ll be talking to the women, and I will get information to assist you.”

Her plan seemed harmless enough, but that was precisely the problem. Nothing about the people he pursued was harmless, and even if the women here knew something they could use, Emma Jane knowing could put her in danger.

“Please don’t.” He took her hands in his. “I know you mean well. But they will kill you, Emma Jane. If they think you know anything that can hurt them, they will kill you.”

He hated being so blunt with her, but he didn’t know any other way to put it.

“Don’t you remember?” she said, too lightly to be anything than covering up her pain. “Everyone thinks I’m an idiot. The only perceived threat people see in me is that I’ve dashed the marital aspirations of every woman in this town. Instead of fearing that the bandits will kill me, you should be more fearful that one of your adoring fans will do it so they can take my place.”

A little harsh, but as he remembered the vitriol aimed at Emma Jane since their wedding, she probably wasn’t too far off the mark. Every woman in town wished them ill. No, not them. Emma Jane. She’d snatched the town’s most eligible bachelor out from their noses. Despite their marriage, the rumors and innuendoes hadn’t stopped.

“I’m sorry,” Jasper said quietly. “I wish it were easier for you.”

Oddly enough, he spoke the truth. Emma Jane hadn’t been the first to try to trap him into marriage. Every girl in town had, at some point, contrived some scheme to attempt to compromise herself with him. Emma Jane had merely been the one to succeed. And they all hated her for it.

“It will be,” Emma Jane reassured him with a small smile. “Once I help you bring down the bandits, everyone will see that I am a credit to you. A credit to this town. A woman worthy of respect.”

“You don’t need to put your life at risk for that. I promise you, Emma Jane, once this is all over, I will do everything I can to fix things. But for now, you have to trust me. Your respectability is not worth your life. Continue to occupy yourself with the pastor’s ministry, but don’t get involved with this case.”

She appeared to consider his words, nodding slowly.

“I really do have to go.” Then he locked eyes with her, squeezing her hand. “The most important part of marriage to me, the part ours is lacking, is trust. Trust me, and stay out of this. If you do this, our marriage will have the foundation it needs for us to have a future. Do you understand?”

Emma Jane’s eyes filled with tears as she nodded again. Maybe there was hope for their relationship, after all.

As they started to turn to leave, Mary and Pastor Lassiter entered the office.

“I was just coming to find you,” Emma Jane said, a happy smile finally filling her face.

As much as everyone talked about Emma Jane’s unfortunate appearance, Jasper couldn’t help but think that many of them had never seen Emma Jane smile. When she smiled, it lit up her whole face, and even her eyes sparkled. Jasper had escorted many of the town’s beauties, and not one had a smile like Emma Jane’s. Jasper shook his head. These thoughts had no business popping up. Not when he had so many more important matters to think of.

Pastor Lassiter returned her smile. “I’m glad to have run into the both of you. Your wedding was such a rushed affair, and then everything that happened with Rose, I fear that I haven’t done my duty by the both of you.”

“We understand, Pastor,” Jasper said smoothly. “I’ve also been occupied. The remaining bandits still need to be caught, and I’ve accepted a deputy position to help make it happen.”

Pastor Lassiter’s brow furrowed. “You should be spending your time getting to know your bride. Emma Jane’s a lovely woman, and she needs the support of her husband right now.”

Why was everyone so worried about Emma Jane? She’d gotten what she wanted—the Jackson name. In the meantime, there were some very bad men on the loose, and another young woman potentially in danger.

“Emma Jane will be fine. We have the rest of our lives to get to know each other.” Jasper didn’t want to add that since there was no love between them, they’d need all that time—and more—to bridge the gap between them.

But if they could build the trust he asked for, perhaps, as Pastor Lassiter had said the day of their wedding, love could grow.

“People are talking,” the pastor said slowly. “I don’t like to give credence to gossip, but in Emma Jane’s case, the longer you remain absent from your wife, the worse it will be for her.”

The pained expression on Emma Jane’s face almost made him feel guilty. He’d been busy for most of the time in the days since their wedding, but he’d seen how people had treated her at the wedding and at their reception. None of the women from good families even spoke to Emma Jane, and all of the men had apologized to him for the behavior of their wives and daughters.

But it would blow over. Gossip always did. Soon enough, people would be clamoring for invitations for tea with Emma Jane, and they’d be looking for her sponsorship at their events. The Jackson name and fortune had that effect on people.

Ignoring the prickle at the back of his neck, Jasper replied, “No one ever died from gossip. The longer we delay in finding and rescuing Daisy, the more her life is at risk. As I said, my wife will be fine.”

But something tugged at him as he remembered talking to Emma Jane when they were trapped in the mine, and how hurt she’d been by all the women mocking her dress, whispering about how her father had gambled away all their money, and worse—her sister’s hand in marriage.

Maybe no one had ever died from gossip, but he’d seen how it had broken Emma Jane’s heart.

“I’m sorry.” He held out his hand to her. “I’m so used to people talking about me, I suppose I hadn’t considered much about how it might be hurtful to you. But I have to go with the posse today. They’re counting on me. I should be back by supper—we can talk then. I promise we’ll figure something out.”

The lines in Emma Jane’s forehead disappeared, even though Pastor Lassiter still looked concerned. But it was the best he could do for now. If the bandits weren’t stopped, how many others would be in danger? He’d do what he could to make more of an effort with Emma Jane. Maybe he’d talk to his friend Will about how to balance life as a lawman and making time for family. Of course, Will’s engagement was as new as Jasper’s marriage, but surely the other man would have some advice. He only hoped that Emma Jane had the wisdom to stay away from the case.

* * *

The humiliation of sitting and listening to the women mocking her in church was nothing compared to the fact that Jasper didn’t seem to take the gossip she faced seriously. But of course it wasn’t he who was called the names. A woman finds herself in a compromising position, and she is all sorts of evil. But what of the man? No one spews insults at him or tries to tell him that there is something wrong with him. Since their wedding, Jasper was perfectly able to carry on with his life with no ill effects.

Emma Jane watched as her husband justified his actions to the pastor. Jasper honestly didn’t think he’d done anything wrong. But as Jasper pointed out that a woman’s life was in jeopardy, how could Emma Jane argue? It seemed selfish to speak up and say that Pastor Lassiter was right—she did need him. Both in defense against the women at church and with his mother.

Jasper bowed his head slightly. “I’m sorry, Pastor. I really am. But I do need to get going. The posse is leaving soon, and I need to be with them.”

Then, without waiting for anyone’s response, Jasper turned and walked away.

It shouldn’t have hurt, since Emma Jane knew he was leaving, but the farther he went, the bigger the empty space in her heart became.

Mary came and put her arm around Emma Jane. “It will be all right. Hopefully, they catch the bandits soon and they won’t have to keep rushing off. Will seemed confident that they were close to finding them. Their most recent lead was promising, he said.”

Far more information than Jasper had given Emma Jane. Was it wrong to envy her friend and the open communication Mary and Will had?

“I hope so.” She turned to Pastor Lassiter. “In the meantime, I believe you were saying that the church needed additional assistance with the women you’re caring for right now. What can I do to help?”

Though the pastor’s brow remained furrowed, he gave a smile. “It’s as I keep telling everyone, Emma Jane. You have a good heart. Once the Jacksons figure that out, they’ll be grateful to have you in their family. You’ve already done so much, and I’m proud to have you in our church. As for what you can do...”

Mary stopped him. “Oh, no, you don’t. First, we haven’t eaten. While I’m sure the Jackson chef is wonderful, you can’t tell me that the food is nearly as good as the wholesome meals Maddie fixes. And then Emma Jane and I are going to sit down and catch up on everything that’s gone on around here lately. After that, you can put Emma Jane to work. It’ll be waiting.”

Emma Jane had always admired Mary’s take-charge attitude. But now, faced with a friend who actually cared about her, Emma Jane couldn’t help the tears that filled her eyes. She hadn’t realized just how hard it had been on her own. Though she and Mary had only recently become close, Emma Jane couldn’t imagine how she’d managed all these years without Mary’s friendship. She’d thought she’d found that kind of confidant in Jasper, but since their marriage, he felt more like a stranger. No, worse than a stranger.

“None of that.” Mary gave her a quick squeeze. “What did I tell you about tears ruining your complexion? You’ll feel better once you’ve gotten some food in you.”

Pastor Lassiter grinned. “And people wonder how I manage with all the people in my home. They should see how well the people in my home do all the managing for me.”

They all chuckled together as they exited the church, then rounded the corner to the parsonage. Mary’s younger brother and sisters were chasing one another in the backyard, playing some kind of game. The giggles filled Emma Jane’s soul. She hadn’t heard laughter at all since she’d been staying in the Jackson mansion. Even in her own home, laughter had often been missing. But here, at the Lassiter house, where Mary and her siblings were staying until their house could be built, merriment abounded. If Emma Jane could have one wish about her future with Jasper, it would be that their home would be more like this place than where they’d both grown up.

Emma Jane shook her head. She shouldn’t be thinking such things. She had to believe that she and Jasper would find their way...somehow.

But how were they supposed to do that when he kept shutting her out? He said that it was for her safety, but that was what men always said to women. Jasper and Will had made Mary stay behind the night of the brothel fire for her safety, but Mary had followed them. And even though she had been in danger, Mary herself had told Emma Jane that it had been her quick thinking that had saved them. When the bandits had them all trapped, Mary distracted the bandits by throwing the lit lamps at them, giving Will, Jasper and herself time to get away.

Even now, word about Mary’s bravery was getting out around town. She was a hero.

As they walked toward the parsonage, Emma Jane couldn’t help but wonder if a heroic act of her own might make the town look at her differently.

So what could Emma do that wouldn’t upset Jasper...?

“Mary!”

The youngest little girl came running up to them, and Mary swung her up in her arms. “How’s my sweet little Nugget?”

“Hungry! You’ve been gone ever so long, and Maddie said we couldn’t start eating until you and Uncle Frank got here.”

Emma Jane couldn’t help but smile at the child’s honesty. She’d heard that the younger Stone children had taken to calling Pastor Lassiter “Uncle Frank,” but experiencing it for herself warmed her heart. Just last winter, Pastor Lassiter’s wife and all of his children but Annabelle had succumbed to the illness that had run rampant through their community. Many families had lost loved ones, and it had seemed horribly unfair to Emma Jane that the good pastor had suffered such a tragedy. Yet here, in the happy chaos of his yard, Emma Jane saw no evidence of loss, but of the joy of living.

If only she could capture some of that for herself.

“They’re something else, aren’t they?” Pastor Lassiter’s voice came beside her.

“Yes, they are.” She turned to him, noticing the happiness on his face. “Can I ask you what may be an impertinent question?”

“I’m not sure you’re capable of asking an impertinent question.” His eyes twinkled. “Ask away.”

Emma Jane took a deep breath. “How did you do it? The past year, you’ve faced unimaginable losses, and yet here you are, still opening your heart and home with such joy?”

“That’s a good question.”

Emma Jane watched as he looked around the yard, seeming to take in every detail. “I think it’s several things. The first is that the human capacity to love is limited by our humanness. But when we allow that love space within us to be filled with the Lord, our capacity to love is limitless.”

Put that way, it was easy to understand as Emma Jane pictured the many folks who came through their church and their community, as well as the nearby communities Pastor Lassiter served so tirelessly. She’d wondered how one person could accomplish all of that.

“How do you get the Lord to fill that love space?” Immediately, Emma Jane thought of Mrs. Jackson. Perhaps relying on her own power to love her mother-in-law was where she was making the mistake. Could God give her the strength to love Mrs. Jackson?

“Ask Him. Read your Bible. And let Him work in you.”

Then Pastor Jackson turned to her and looked at her intently. “The other thing that got me through was the realization that we must see everything that comes our way as an opportunity from the Lord. We remember to thank Him for the good things, but we also need to take the time to look at the bad and ask the Lord what He’s trying to teach us through the situation.” Clearing his throat, he waited a beat before saying, “For me, I learned that while it’s easy to love the Lord during the good times, we must also cling to Him through the bad. Love Him just as much in the hard times, because the kind of the love that most honors God is the love that endures all things.”

Still, Emma Jane couldn’t imagine the strength it took to endure all of the loss in Pastor Lassiter’s life. He took her hand.

“I know that your marriage, and the events surrounding it, are less than ideal. But don’t think for a moment that the Lord has abandoned you. Draw near to Him, and I promise that you will make it through in a way far more profound than you could have imagined. He has good plans for you, Emma Jane, and I am praying you will cling to Him as He sees you through.”

Tears pricked the backs of her eyes. No one had expressed such a deep belief in her before. And yet, as she thought back to the pastor’s earlier words about the love of God, she realized that he wasn’t just expressing his own personal belief about her, but God’s belief in her.

“Thank you.” Emma Jane squeezed his hand. “I appreciate you sharing your heart with me.”

Pastor Lassiter gave a small smile. “If it makes you feel any better, I will also tell you that there are days I miss my sweet Catherine so much it hurts. It seems brutally unfair that I had to lose her. But as it says in Job, I can’t accept only the good and not the bad from the Lord. It’s all right to feel that way. Just keep giving it to God, and He will be faithful in standing beside you.”

His openness touched Emma Jane deeper than any of his sermons ever had. She wanted that kind of relationship with the Lord. That depth of love and trust. She’d do as he said—when she got home, she’d spend as much time as she could reading her Bible. There wasn’t that much else to do at the Jackson mansion, anyway. She might as well spend the time being productive.

However, before she could formulate a response, Nugget came barreling toward them.

“Uncle Frank! Let’s eat! Maddie made fried chicken, and I’ve got my eye on one of the legs.”

From matters of the heart to matters of the stomach. Emma Jane couldn’t help the joy welling up in her at the absolute delight of being with this family. Oh, Lord, she prayed, please let me find this joy in my own home.