Читать книгу Mistletoe Mommy - Danica Favorite - Страница 12
ОглавлениеThey took the train to Leadville a couple days later, man and wife. Such an odd thing, how quickly it had all happened. Just a few days ago he’d been a total stranger. But wasn’t that what they’d both sought? Mail-order spouses were also strangers, and Nellie would like to think that at least she and Luke had come to respect one another prior to their marriage.
Had she made the right decision? Nellie stole a glance at Luke, who seemed to be engrossed in reading his paper. Was he really the kind man she thought him to be, or had she misinterpreted the situation? Nellie pressed her hand against the waistband of her dress, where she’d sewn her coins. Though some had told her to sew money into the hem of her skirt, it was more comforting to be able to feel her money close to her. As she wiggled her toes, she felt the other coins, a secondary source of protection. If Luke was not as he seemed, she at least had enough for train fare. Where she would go, she did not know. But at least this time, she had a way out.
Was it wrong for her to have a plan in case things didn’t work out the way they’d hoped? Most people didn’t get married with such a plan. But most people hadn’t been married to Ernest.
Luke patted her leg. Then he pointed out the window. “Look! Leadville is just ahead.”
He craned forward, and if he could have stuck his head out the window, he probably would have. For the first time since they’d gotten on the train, a wide smile filled his face. Though she’d always believed in the saying “Handsome is as handsome does,” she couldn’t help but think he looked handsome, with his blond hair, blue eyes and infectious smile. Fortunately, his looks were not nearly as important as the other things that had drawn her to him. She knew better than to be swayed by a pleasant smile.
“I’m so excited for you to meet the children. I can’t believe I’ve been gone so long. Until this trip to Denver, I haven’t been away from them overnight.” With a sigh, Luke shook his head. “At least not since Diana died. Before she died, before we came to Leadville, I was often away, trying to find work to support my family. This job in Leadville gave me the chance to come home to my family every night. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see my children every day.”
This man couldn’t possibly be a charlatan. Nellie smoothed the top of her bodice over her skirt, grateful the material was thick enough to hide the outlines of the coins. Hopefully she would never have to use them. Funny how life turned out. The whole reason she’d been saving this money to begin with had been to leave Ernest. But she hadn’t gotten the chance before he’d sold her. And then he died.
At least now, Nellie knew how little she could survive on. If things with Luke got bad, she wouldn’t stay as long as she had with Ernest. But as Luke waved out the window at a woman standing with three children, Nellie prayed she would never have to leave. Watching the mutual delight on the faces of father and children, part of her felt as though she’d finally come home.
“I assume those are your children there,” she said. “Who is the woman with them?”
Luke turned to Nellie. “That’s Myrna Fitzgerald, our neighbor. Her daughter, Ellen, was good friends with Diana. Ellen was injured in the mine accident. I suppose it sounds odd, but I feel more comfortable asking the Fitzgeralds for help, considering they, too, suffered. Myrna’s husband, Seamus, is my boss. In many ways, the Fitzgeralds are like a surrogate family. Our daughter Maeve is named for Myrna, whose middle name is Maeve. She assisted Diana greatly when we first came here.”
Then Luke let out a long sigh as he gestured for Nellie to stand. “I hope it doesn’t make me sound ungrateful, not letting them do more. They often ask, but they have their own family, their own lives. I do not wish to impose. Still, I hope you will look to them as friends. They’ve been in Leadville for a long time and can teach you much of what you need to know.”
As Nellie stood, she smiled up at him. “I will be grateful for their assistance. But don’t worry, I also don’t like to overstay my welcome. I’m sure it will all work out just fine.”
Though lines still creased Luke’s forehead, he smiled and nodded. “I’m glad. Seamus thought me foolish in my pursuit of a mail-order bride. The Fitzgeralds want me to find love again, but they don’t understand. No one does.”
Nellie grasped Luke’s hand and squeezed. “It’s all right. None of that matters now. You don’t need to feel the pressure of trying to attain something that is not possible. We know where we stand with each other, and it’s enough.”
But as they exited the train, and Luke let go of her hand before they came into view of his family, insecurity thrummed at her insides. Of course he wouldn’t want his family to see him holding a strange woman’s hand. It was ridiculous of her to worry about such a small gesture. And yet, losing the warmth of his touch made Nellie feel more alone than she could have imagined.
She fell in step behind him, noting his quick pace. Indeed, the closer he came to his family, the lighter his steps seemed to be.
Nellie watched as Luke scooped up a little girl into his arms. That must be Maeve. Two other children, presumably Ruby and Amos, wrapped their arms around him. Contentment filled Nellie as she saw the genuine affection between father and children. A man who raised his fists to others could not possibly incite such warmth upon his return.
After a few minutes, Luke released the older children and shifted Maeve to his hip. “Thank you,” he said to Mrs. Fitzgerald. “My trip was a success.”
Then Luke stepped aside and, for the first time, gestured toward Nellie. “There is someone I would like you to meet.”
“I told you we didn’t need a nanny.” Ruby stamped her foot and glared at Nellie.
“She’s not a nanny,” Luke said. “This is my wife, Nellie.”
The two older children frowned, and Maeve merely looked confused. Nellie stepped forward, trying to quell the butterflies in her stomach as she smoothed her bodice over her skirt once more.
“It is a pleasure to meet you. Your father has told me many wonderful things about you. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.”
Ruby’s scowl deepened. Her glare burned hotter than any fire Nellie had ever seen. “I can’t say the same for you,” she said. “I know I’m supposed to be polite, but it’s even more wrong to lie. We don’t want you here. We don’t need you here. It would be better for all of us if you just got back on the train and went home.”
A child’s words weren’t supposed to sting, and Nellie should have been prepared for the immediate rejection. But something cold twisted in Nellie’s insides at the way Ruby looked at her.
“Ruby!” Luke admonished his daughter. “Nellie is my wife. She’s not going anywhere. And I will not have you talking to her like that. She’s a fine woman and will take good care of you all. This is for the benefit of our family.”
“Have you forgotten Mama? How could you try to replace her?” Tears filled Ruby’s eyes as she stepped right up to Nellie. “I hate you, and you will never be my mother.”
Before Nellie could answer, Ruby turned and ran through the crowd. She should have known this wasn’t going to be easy. Nellie took a step forward, but Luke held out his free hand. “No,” he said. “I should go.”
He held out Maeve to Nellie. “Maevey, Papa will be back soon. Be a good girl for Nellie.”
As Nellie took the little girl, Luke turned his attention to Amos. “Please be good for Nellie.”
The little boy nodded but did not speak.
“Myrna, could you please show Nellie to our house? Help her get settled?”
With a sigh, Luke turned his attention to Nellie. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know she would react this way. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
Before either Nellie or Mrs. Fitzgerald could answer, Luke was gone. Nellie didn’t blame him. The worry for his daughter’s safety was written all over his face. Though many of the new arrivals on the train had already left the station, several people still milled about, and this was no place for a child on her own. Even one who thought she was an adult.
“Well,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said. “Isn’t this a fine pickle we’re all in?”
“I’m so sorry for the trouble,” Nellie said. “I would greatly appreciate any assistance you can give.”
Mrs. Fitzgerald nodded slowly. “I suppose this wasn’t quite the situation advertised. It never is. But I do hope you’ll give it a chance before getting back on the train.”
“Who said I was leaving? I know we didn’t do it right and proper in a church, but I am legally Luke’s wife. I have the papers in my bag to prove it.” Nellie gestured to the bag one of the porters had set beside her. “Which means I made a promise. And you don’t break a promise simply because a child doesn’t like it.”
Adjusting Maeve on her hip, Nellie bent in front of Amos. “I know I am not your mother, but I promised your father I would help him, and that I would look after you. So let’s get to know one another and see if we can’t find a way to someday be friends.”
Bright blue eyes that matched his father’s looked up at Nellie. “Do I have to call you mama?”
“You may call me Nellie, or any other name you choose. As long as it’s nice. I know you love your mother very much, and it’s all right to miss her. I hope you will teach me some of the traditions she taught you so that we may continue them. I want you to remember her fondly. From what your father tells me, she was a good woman, and you are very blessed to have had her.”
Nellie knew her speech was inadequate, given the circumstances, but hopefully it would be enough to earn the boy’s trust.
“Can you make chocolate cake?” he asked.
“I can,” Nellie said. “I can cook a good many things, and I would be pleased to prepare your favorite meals, if you will tell me what they are.” She gave him a smile, hoping he’d see her as someone he could count on, rather than an adversary.
“Anything but eggs,” Amos said, sighing. “I sure am tired of eating eggs all the time. That’s about all Ruby can cook, and when she tries other things, they’re disgusting.”
“I’m sure Ruby does her best. You should be grateful for a sister who takes such good care of you. But hopefully, now that I’m here, you two can go back to being friends and playing with each other, and I will take care of the family.”
Again, she tried to sound as pleasant as she could. At least he wasn’t running away, too.
Amos nodded as he eyed her. “I suppose we can give it a try. So long as we get chocolate cake once in a while. I do like chocolate cake, and the only time I get it is if we go to the Fitzgeralds’ house or if there is a special dinner at church. But Papa doesn’t let us go to church anymore.”
Then he looked up at Mrs. Fitzgerald. “And Papa says it’s rude to always ask Mrs. Fitzgerald to make us chocolate cake. So I suppose, if you’re Papa’s wife, I can ask you.”
The little boy looked rather pleased with himself as he came to this conclusion. Nellie smiled. Clearly winning him over wouldn’t be as difficult as his older sister. And Maeve was already playing with the locket Nellie wore around her neck.
“How about, once I’m able to assess the situation at the house and find out how much money I’m allowed for groceries, I can make us a nice meal to celebrate our marriage, and we’ll have chocolate cake for dessert?”
Mrs. Fitzgerald smiled as she joined the conversation. “I think that sounds like a lovely idea. However, may I suggest that you allow me to prepare a wedding supper for you both and invite our friends and neighbors so they may all meet you? I’m sure you are probably eager to get settled in your own home and prepare your family’s meals. However, I think it would be best for you to take the time to get to know your household first.”
“I would greatly appreciate it,” Nellie said. “But I would like to check with Luke to make sure he has no objection.”
This was one more thing they hadn’t discussed. What were the rules about entertaining? Did Luke have friends other than the Fitzgeralds and those at church he was currently avoiding? Longing filled Nellie’s heart as she remembered how Ernest had cut her off from all social interactions, save for when she was required to serve him and his friends. She’d become a maid rather than a wife.
What role would she play in Luke’s home? The children had been expecting a nanny, not a mother, and though Nellie would not expect them to accept her as such so soon, what was she to be to them? A glorified servant? Or something more?
Her stomach twisted again as she realized she did not know the answer.
Fortunately, Mrs. Fitzgerald’s smile eased some of Nellie’s nervousness. At least to this woman, Nellie was something more than a mere servant. Perhaps in time, they could be friends.
“Absolutely. However, I must insist that you and the family dine with us tonight because I know the state of your kitchen, and it is too much to ask of any woman to come home after such a journey and be expected to prepare a meal.”
Nellie smiled at the other woman. “I accept. Thank you for your kindness. Luke has spoken of your friendship, and I can already see why he values you so.” Maeve began fussing like she wanted to get down and play. Nellie patted her back gently. “There now, we’ll be home soon and then you can be free, and your brother can show me around.”
Nellie smiled at Amos. “Will you help show me around until your father gets back?”
“Like I’m the boss?”
Nellie grinned. She supposed it was wrong to capitalize on the fact that Luke had told her Amos resented being bossed around by his older sister. But at least it was a way for Nellie to relate to the boy.
“In a manner, I suppose. We all know that the real boss is your father. And though you’re supposed to listen to me, I could use some help. Does that sound good enough to you?”
Amos nodded slowly. “You aren’t gonna make me take a bath, are you?”
“Does your father make you take baths?”
“Sometimes,” Amos mumbled.
Nellie ruffled the little boy’s hair, noting that there didn’t appear to be any lice or other creatures of concern, though it could use a good washing. “I’ll tell you what,” she said. “I do think it’s important for people to take baths. And it sounds like your father agrees. But I won’t make you take a bath until we’ve all discussed it as a family and determined what night bath night is.”
“Saturday,” Amos said, sounding disappointed that he wasn’t going to get out of taking a bath, but as he smiled at her, she realized he was also probably relieved that she wasn’t going to insist on baths more often.
Though Nellie probably would make changes to the family routine as time went on, for now, her plan was to do her best to keep them all on a comfortable schedule. As they seemed ready to make changes, Nellie would discuss them with Luke, seeking his advice. After all, they were partners. Or would be in time, once they got more comfortable with each other.
Mrs. Fitzgerald tucked her arm into Nellie’s free arm. “I’ll be honest. I tried talking Luke out of this foolish plan. But now that you’ve come, and I see that you have the family’s best interests at heart, I think this will work out very well. Luke is too proud to ask for help, too proud to accept it.” With a grin, Mrs. Fitzgerald gave her a squeeze. “But perhaps a wife is exactly what he needs. Someone to help him, without it feeling like an injury to his pride.”
Clearly this other woman understood Nellie’s husband very well. And based on Mrs. Fitzgerald’s warm welcome, Nellie’s nervousness at the family’s reactions to her was just silly jitters. She was meant to be here, with this family, and someday they’d find their way together.
Nellie just hoped that despite the rocky start, at least with Ruby, everything would turn out all right. Not that Nellie had expected a warm reception, but as she thought about the hatred in the little girl’s eyes, the anger, the fear, Nellie knew that the victories she had so far secured were very small compared to the battles that lay ahead.
* * *
Luke had been searching for the better part of an hour, and he still hadn’t found Ruby. He’d known that Ruby especially would not immediately welcome Nellie with open arms. But to be so hateful? To run? This was not the daughter he knew and loved.
Had Luke made a mistake in marrying Nellie so quickly?
He thought it best to present them with the deed already done. That way, they would have to accept it. But perhaps he had been wrong. Perhaps he should have given them more time to get used to the idea. Though he’d been telling them for weeks that he was seeking a wife, it still clearly hadn’t been enough time.
Luke rounded the corner to the livery. Ruby often came here to pet the horses because they could not afford one of their own. Living in town, within walking distance to everything they needed, it seemed like a wasteful expense. But his daughter dearly loved horses.
“Hello, Wes,” Luke said to the proprietor as he entered the stable. “You haven’t seen my daughter, have you?”
Wes nodded but put his finger to his lips. “I hear you brought yourself home a wife.”
His daughter was here. Luke’s shoulders relaxed slightly as he felt his breathing return to normal. And Ruby had at least confided in someone about her pain.
“I did. I’ll always love Diana, and we all miss her deeply, but our house needs a woman’s touch. I know Ruby says she doesn’t mind taking care of the others and the house, but I want more for her. I want her to have the chance to go outside and play with her friends the way her brother does. I want her to go to school and not make up ridiculous excuses about why she needs to stay home for her siblings. And though I know everyone is happy to watch Maeve while I work, I will feel better knowing there is a woman dedicated to her care who is always with her and will watch over her the way I would.”
Wes nodded slowly. “And love? Have you thought of that?”
It was the same question Mrs. Heatherington had asked. Luke nodded slowly, remembering Nellie’s wisdom. “There are all kinds of love. Just because it doesn’t look like what Diana and I shared doesn’t mean Nellie and I cannot care for each other in different ways. We are of the same mind, Nellie and I, and I believe we will get on quite well together. She is a very good woman, and I would not trust my children with her otherwise.”
“Many a man has married for less,” Wes said. “I wish you all the best. Be gentle with Ruby. She doesn’t understand the ways of the adults. And she’s angry that you would forsake her mother so easily.”
Luke’s throat tightened. If only he’d had another choice. But he didn’t, not if he wanted Ruby to have any kind of decent life. How was he supposed to get his daughter to understand that, when she believed it was her duty to take on her mother’s responsibilities?
“I have not forsaken Diana. Some days, I wonder how I can even breathe without her by my side. But she is not here, and I am, so I must make the best decisions I can without her. I believe that Diana would not want our children to muddle through the way they have been.”
“You didn’t even ask us,” Ruby said, coming around from behind the counter. “We didn’t want a new mother. We told you not to look for a new wife. I took all those ads you tried to send and burned them in the fire so no one would come. Why didn’t you give up?”
At least now Luke knew why no one had ever answered his ads. “What you did was wrong,” he said. “You can’t meddle with someone’s personal correspondence. If you had concerns about my search for a bride, then you should have discussed them with me.”
Tears streamed down Ruby’s face, leaving little trails in the dust on her cheeks. She must have accumulated it while hiding in the horse stalls. “I did! I told you we didn’t need a mother. I was doing fine on my own. I am nearly eleven years old, almost a grown woman. I can do all the things a mother can do.”
Luke sighed. His daughter was partially right. But Ruby didn’t understand that a child needed more in a mother than she could provide.
“I know you can do everything around the house,” Luke said. “But I want you to have a better life than that. I know you don’t like to hear it, but can you try to understand that I only have your best interests at heart?”
Tears filled her eyes again. “But you didn’t even let us help you pick her out.”
“Well, maybe if you hadn’t burned all my letters, we could’ve read the responses as a family, and I would’ve allowed you to share your thoughts. But you thought you knew better than your father, and you took matters into your own hands. You don’t have the knowledge and experience that I do. That Nellie does. But we can help you, if you let us.”
His daughter’s face softened, and Luke hoped it was a sign that she was finally beginning to see reason.
Luke held his arms out to her, but Ruby didn’t budge. She stood there, tears rolling down her cheeks, sadness in her eyes. His daughter’s heart was breaking, and as much as Luke wanted to help, there wasn’t anything he could do. Nothing would bring her mother back.
“But we don’t need her help. We’re doing just fine.”
Luke took a step closer to his daughter. “Didn’t you just say that it was wrong to lie?”
“We are!” Ruby’s voice wavered. “Don’t you always say that as long as we have each other, we have enough?”
“And we do. But we also need help. I know you think you can do it all, but you’re not ready yet.” Luke held his hand out to his daughter again. “I need you to trust me. Have I ever done anything to hurt you?”
Ruby started to shake her head no, but then she nodded. “Yes. You married that woman without telling us.”
As if a grown man needed permission to take a wife. Luke sighed. “Other than that? Have I ever done anything else to hurt you?”
“No.” Ruby sniffled loudly, then wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve.
“Then let’s focus on that. Remember all the times that I’ve looked out for you. I’m still doing the very best I can to give you and your siblings a good life. Nellie has promised to do the same. I’m just asking you to give it a chance.”
Ruby took a step closer to him, coming almost to his arms, but still out of reach. “What if she is not so nice after all?”
Taking a deep breath, Luke considered this. What if Nellie wasn’t good for his children? Luke shook his head. Of course she would be.
“We’ll find a way to work it out,” he said.
“But what if she’s really terrible? Will you send her away?”
Luke couldn’t imagine making such a decision because he couldn’t imagine Nellie doing anything so bad. But the hopeful look in his daughter’s eyes made him realize that if she thought there was a chance to get rid of Nellie, she would try. It was a sad thing to acknowledge about one’s own daughter, but until Ruby had confessed that she’d burned his letters, he would have never believed her capable of such a thing. Which meant Nellie was in for a far more difficult time than Luke would have imagined.
“I understand what you’re trying to say,” Luke said slowly. “But that is a decision and a discussion best left to adults. Nellie is here to stay. When you marry someone, you make the promise to stay married until death parts you. I made that promise to Nellie.”
Wes stepped around the counter and put his arm around Ruby. It pained Luke to see someone doing for his daughter what he wished he could do himself. But at least Ruby had someone she felt was on her side.
“It’s hard losing a parent,” Wes said. “But your father’s right—nothing’s going to bring your mother back. As hard as it is, we have to find a way to keep living the best we can without them. This Nellie woman, I know she’s not your mother. But I know your father and I trust his judgment. All he ever thinks about is what’s best for you and your brother and sister. If he thinks Nellie will do right by you, I believe him.”
Wes squatted so he was eye to eye with Ruby. “But if you run into trouble, you come see me, and I’ll do what I can to help.”
The glower didn’t leave Ruby’s face. “I didn’t ask for her to come. I don’t want her here.”
Wes nodded thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. “But she’s here. And a lady of the house makes everyone feel welcome, whether they are wanted, needed or asked for. Even the most unwelcome guest deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ruby asked, her voice quivering.
Wes looked at her tenderly. “I think you know what I mean. You haven’t even given Nellie a chance. And I’m sure she is feeling pretty terrible right about now.”
“Doesn’t it matter that I’m feeling pretty terrible?”
The righteous indignance on his daughter’s face made Luke want to smile. But that probably wouldn’t serve any good purpose.
“Of course it does,” Luke said, joining Wes in front of Ruby. “And I truly am sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But what’s done is done, and the best we can do is move forward with grace. And it would mean a lot to me, to our family, if you would at least try.”
Ruby nodded, sniffed some more and once again wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. Then she squared her shoulders and looked at her father.
“I won’t call her mama. Or mother.”
They hadn’t discussed what the children were to call Nellie, and though Luke promised her that they would be a team, he hoped she would understand him making this decision without her.
“You can call her Nellie if you like.”
Ruby nodded. “I don’t want her acting like a mother to me. No kissing, no hugging, no tucking me in at night. I will not treat her like a mother. I will not forget my mother, and nothing you say or do will make me.”
Tears stung the backs of Luke’s eyes at his daughter’s insistence on clinging to her mother. He knew the children missed her, but it hadn’t occurred to him that bringing Nellie in would make them think that he wanted to deny their memories of her.
“I’m glad,” he said. “I wouldn’t ask that of you. Nor would Nellie.”
This time, when Luke held out his arms to his daughter, she came. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, kissing the top of her head.
“I love you, my sweet Ruby. I know it’s hard, and I’m sorry. I miss your mother every day, and I know you do, too. But we need Nellie. You probably don’t care about this part, but something tells me that she needs us. So let’s all do the best we can to be there for each other, even if it’s not the situation we want for ourselves.”
Ruby nodded slowly, her tears wetting the front of Luke’s shirt. She squeezed him back, and it felt good to be in his daughter’s embrace. And he hoped it felt good to her, as well. Even if she didn’t realize it now, he would always be there for her, always support her, always love her.
“Do you really miss her?” Big blue eyes like her mother’s looked up at him, searching his heart, then breaking it.
“I’ve told you I do.”
“Not very often,” she said. “Sometimes I think you don’t remember her at all.”
Her words turned his insides. Once again, Luke heard Nellie’s voice in the back of his head giving him permission to grieve the way he felt he needed to.
“Missing a person looks different to everyone,” he said. “I’m sorry that you can’t see inside my heart, but the pain of living every day without your mother is there. Nellie isn’t meant to take that away. But she can make some of the things that I’m struggling to do on my own a little easier. I need another adult in my life to help me. I know you want to be that person, but it has to be someone else.”
“All right,” Ruby said, sighing. “I don’t like this, not at all.”
Luke sighed. Ruby wasn’t bending on this point, but at least she’d somewhat agreed to cooperate. He supposed, for today at least, that that was as much of a victory as he could hope for.
