Читать книгу Merciful Law - Darby Sr. Rae - Страница 22

What a horrible night’s sleep. My dreams alternated between being incredibly thirsty but couldn’t get enough water, to the one where

I was in pain I had to pee so badly, but couldn’t find a bathroom. As I lay in bed with my eyes closed realizing I was dehydrated and had a bursting full bladder, the aroma of coffee caught my attention.

I opened my eyes to find Mitch, the caveman, standing in my room holding two steaming cups of coffee wearing nothing but a pair of underwear and a smile. Not boxer shorts, mind you, that leave much to the imagination, but his big hairy body in a pair of tighty-whities that looked like they had been washed a few hundred times. As much as I tried to focus on his smile or the coffee or even my aching bladder, his ample manhood was just about at eye level and it left me momentarily at a loss for words.

“Good morning beautiful,” he said and bent his furry body over me and kissed my forehead. “Scoot over and tell me how you slept.”

I was hesitant to respond, afraid a noticeable green toxic vapor of my morning breath would escape and melt the side of his face; nothing a quick trip to the bathroom couldn’t fix. I scooted out the other side of the bed to hit the bathroom.

“Be right back,” I said with my head carefully turned away from him. As soon as I was out of bed I realized how few clothes I had on—just a bra, tank top, and thong underwear. I spun around quickly backing into the bathroom. Mitch just laughed.

I made it to the bathroom without wetting my pants…who was I kidding…what pants? I needed some pants. I cleaned up my face from the remnants of last night’s make-up. It was more an act of triage than a morning routine. I ripped a brush through my hair, brushed my teeth, tongue, and part of my throat all the time wondering…who undressed me last night? I went to bed fully clothed and now I was clearly—not. I wrapped a towel around my waist and climbed back into bed, grateful that the bathroom was in my room. My clothes from last night were crumpled on the floor, meaning I undressed myself, I thought with a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, I’d have to climb over Mitch to get to them.

“Really, beautiful, how did you sleep last night?” Mitch asked. I leaned my head on his hairy shoulder and shared my dream sequence confessing I wasn’t well rested. However, I was thankful that I felt well—no headache even though I had three shots of tequila. What was I trying to prove?

“We were just having a little fun,” he laughed. “You’re not mad at us are you?”

“Yeah, you’re not mad at us?” Chase said as he strolled in holding a pot of coffee—another one who didn’t know how to knock, I thought. Thankfully he was wearing more clothing than Mitch. He looked even more like a cherub than last night, standing there bare-chested with his messy blonde curls and plaid pajama bottoms.

“Refills anyone?” He asked rhetorically, filling Mitch’s cup.

“My turn,” I said. Chase came over, kissed me on the head, and refilled my cup too. What was with the kissing me on the head? Not that I minded, it was actually very endearing. It was just a bit…different, I guess.

“So, did you guys have some sort of Boy Scout sleep over last night?” I asked.

“No, we had a bet on whether you would keep the tequila down and didn’t trust Emmet to be honest.” Mitch said. “Sorry beautiful—I bet you would lose it last night before midnight.”

“And I thought you would be praying to the porcelain god all morning…but I didn’t bet this time.” Chase added.

“Emmet bet you would be fine, but we figured he would lie to protect your self-respect and his bet. So I guess Emmet won the first round.” Mitch said, then looked at Chase like the cat that ate the canary.

Just then there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I yelled, as if another guest had arrived at the slumber party. Emmet opened the door and stood stoically, fully clothed looking at us. He took a few steps into the room. Reality struck…there Mitch and I were tucked under the covers while Chase lounged across the bottom of the bed with no shirt as if we were having a pajama party—none of us really wearing much in the pajama category!

I jumped out of bed like a soldier standing at attention...completely forgetting I was clad in my barely-there uniform still only wearing a tank top and thong underwear that left my backside entirely exposed. To make matters worse, my towel didn’t make it out of the bed with me and I noticed all of them glancing at the mirror opposite my bed. The mirror reflected the side view of my half naked rear end to all present. I tried to pull the sides of my tank top down forgetting the coffee cup in my hand and for a grand-humiliating-finale I poured hot coffee down my chest letting out a high pitched screech that made Romulus howl in response.

Emmet threw me the towel he set out for me last night, gave me a firm glance and said, “I’ll see you downstairs.” Then motioned the others to leave with him.

What was I thinking! I began to berate myself. Having them in my room—in their underwear—while I wasn’t dressed either? Was I trying to get fired? Lawrence and I never would have permitted that kind of behavior from any of our staff—not that any of Lawrence’s friends would have done what Mitch and Chase did, coming into my room and all, but that wasn’t the point. Had I lost all sense of reason? Was the tequila still affecting my brain function? Emmet clearly stated no men in my room—and it looked like I didn’t just have them in my room, it looked like we had a sleep over!

Quickly I jumped into the shower, attempting to rinse off the tequila film that may have oozed out of my pores overnight. After my thirty second wash, I threw on some clothes, brushed my teeth again, and hurried downstairs to see if I could salvage my job. I wondered if Mitch and Chase were defending me; not sure if that would be good or bad.

Apparently nobody expected me downstairs that quickly. I could hear Mitch’s voice echoing as he gave a play by play of the morning’s incident. “I told you she’d be completely comfortable lounging in bed with me drinking coffee. You’re the ones who dared me to do it in my underwear. I just have a way of making women feel comfortable …admit it. Didn’t I tell you she would totally freak out once you walked in the room—even if Chase and I stayed totally relaxed? Damn I wish I had a camera. The look on her face when she saw you—and having her cute little ass exposed was just an added bonus. I don’t think I ever saw anyone blush from head to toe including their ass cheeks. That was a first.

“So,” Mitch continued, “Emmet won the first round—she held down the tequila—but round two is definitely mine. In fact, I should take away your point for round one. What happened to the speech you were going to deliver?”

They were all still laughing when I stepped into the family room. Mitch had his back to me still in his underwear but the others saw me coming. They gave Mitch no indication I was right behind him so I had the perfect opportunity to get him back, but I couldn’t think of anything fast enough. I gave him a love tap on the back of the head—lots of love.

He sat down and pulled me into his lap and kissed my head. “You’re a great sport, Annie.”

“I’m now beginning to understand why you burn through personal assistants so quickly,” I said, glaring at Emmet, feeling profoundly awkward sitting in Mitch’s lap while he was in his underwear. Squirming to get up I asked, “Would someone mind telling me how many rounds there are to this game so I’ll at least know when it’s over?”

“Six,” Chase offered, “seven, if there’s a tie.”

Because of the tequila involved last night they didn’t get a true sense of my competitiveness. So upstairs was all part of this ongoing game? Fine, I’d play; but if we were playing a game—I’m playing too. Finally escaping Mitch’s lap I smiled, looked him in the eye and whispered, “Bring it on, caveman.”

“You’re not offended?” Mitch asked.

“Should I be offended?”

“You don’t feel the least bit used or violated?”

“Do you want me to feel violated?”

We bantered back and forth for several minutes. Each time Mitch insinuated I should be upset I responded with my own completely composed question. Finally Mitch seemed to run out of questions and I mentally claimed it as my own personal victory. My gut told me whatever each round entailed, Emmet would be betting I remained composed and Mitch would bet against it. My gut also told me this was the end of round three.

I walked toward the kitchen, “Anyone hungry?” No one answered, but I could swear I heard Emmet whisper, “That’s two for me.” A few minutes later I returned with a tray of muffins and fresh fruit for everyone. We ate in silence until I finally spoke. “In fairness,” I said, “I should be entitled to ask a few questions.”

“Ask away. Not that we’re going to give you any answers,” Mitch laughed.

I ignored him and looked at Chase. “You’re not playing?”

“No,” he said. “I’m the referee. We learned years ago we need a ref or the game gets completely out of hand.”

“That’s comforting,” I said sarcastically. “Is each round already determined?”

“Yes.”

“When did it all get set up then?”

“Last night after the euchre game. That’s how it always starts—with the euchre game. We didn’t come over last night planning to do this…it just evolved. If you hadn’t put Emmet on the spot with story time I don’t think he would have allowed it.”

Emmet said nothing. He just winked

“Is this why you go through so many personal assistants?”

“No,” Emmet said quickly. “I just have a knack for hiring the insane.” They all laughed.

“Well, I have four requests then. Number one—when it’s all over,

I still have a job. Number two—nothing will be physically harmful to me. Number three—nothing will cause public attention or humiliation. Number four—no matter what—we all agree to be good sports and to keep our senses of humor.”

“What do you mean ‘we’ all?” Mitch asked.

“Well, I don’t want anyone getting mad at me for having a little fun along the way.”

Three different expressions looked back at me. Chase was clearly excited. This was a new spin to an old game and he liked it. Emmet looked curious. Curious to see if I had what it took to run with the big boys, while maybe impressed that I wanted to try. Mitch looked surprised and maybe a bit worried. All of them quickly realized that since I worked for Emmet, Mitch would be my main target.

We sat around and talked a bit longer. Then the boys came downstairs.

“Good morning Uncle Chase, good morning Uncle Mitch. Why are you in your underwear?” Eli asked.

“Because Uncle Mitch has no class,” Susan sniped.

“Oh, good morning, Hagitha,” Mitch said. “I didn’t see your broom in the driveway last night. Come give Mitch a big kiss!”

“Sorry, beast. I’m not up on my rabies shots.”

“You’re out of uniform today. Where’s your pointy hat?”

“Must you shed all over the furniture? Maybe you could vacuum that chair before you leave?” She retorted.

“Vacuuming really isn’t my thing, witchiepoo.”

“Still puzzled on how to use your opposable thumbs, ape?”

“Don’t you have some apples to poison?”

“Isn’t your family on display at the zoo today?”

“Good morning, Susan,” Chase said, intervening. As he walked up to her he dropped a blanket in Mitch’s lap. “How’s my favorite Nanny this morning?” He put his arm around her and they walked into the kitchen. I couldn’t hear what else he was saying, but it was obvious he was in full rescue mode.

“I have to get ready for a workout,” I said stepping into the kitchen. “But I can’t wait to hear the story behind that. Promise to share it Monday?”

“It would appear you have a story to tell too, Annie.”

“Yes, we’ll swap stories on Monday. Chase, don’t beat me to it,” I said, shaking my finger at him as I walked out.