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Interpersonal Behavior

Introduction to African society

One hand alone cannot wash itself.

Tamasheq proverb (Mali)2

2A. Savage 1997:12.

Although the African continent encompasses many countries, ethnic groups, languages, and histories, there are many commonalities. These allow for continent-wide generalizations. The likenesses and differences are similar to those described by Daniel Pipes for a different context: “The Muslim world can be compared to playing cards. Each hand that is dealt is different from the others, yet all the hands clearly come from the same deck.”3 There are differences between hands, i.e., individual African cultures, yet there are commonalities that distinguish them from all other cultures.

3 Pipes 1985.

Some authors have treated elite families separately from the general population, but we will here treat elites and non-elites together, since they have much in common. As most people who fall into the elite category have come from the masses in the current or a recent generation, they carry with them behaviors described here that are common to most Africans. Therefore, in this chapter we will present behaviors and characteristics common to both the general population and the elites.

African cultures focus on human relationships, developing them to great complexity. This chapter describes some of the many social relationships common in Africa.

Success in any endeavor that involves Africans requires building good personal relationships. This applies in business as well as with individuals. Showing respect is a salient theme in most African contexts. It carries a high value that many Westerners are not accustomed to. This applies especially to those who come from societies which have ideals of equality and “fairness.” In Africa, respect must be shown in relation to individuals, hierarchies, titles, ranks, positions, and age.

Africans traditionally lived materially simple lives. This was typical of pre-industrial subsistence agricultural societies everywhere, not only in Africa. Although African societies were materially simple, they developed very complex relationships, with both kin and non-kin. With urbanization and the expansion of roads, electrification, public transportation, the market economy, and, more recently, television and cell phones, life has become more complex, even in rural areas. In urban contexts, African life has become as complex as life anywhere. Yet, in spite of life becoming increasingly complex materially, African society has maintained social relationships as the primary focus and interest. “Within [this] complexity, interpersonal relations take precedence, in everything from working with government officials to making purchases from vegetable vendors.”4 For expatriates in Africa, connecting with people on a human basis is the key to success, whether in business, development work, or in any other field.

4 Richmond and Gestrin 1998:90.

One way to become more “human” is to suggest in some contexts that your friends give you a name in the local language. This applies especially to village or neighborhood situations where the expatriate will have a continuing presence. I have several times been given a name in the local language when doing anthropological research. This has had several benefits. My name placed me within the kinship system, placing me in the social hierarchy so that people knew where I fit in their society. I was now part of a particular kin group. My name was also easily pronounced and remembered. It conferred on me the obligations and privileges that accompanied my status. People enjoyed playing the game of calling me by my local name, knowing full well it was a fiction and any kinship it afforded me was not real, yet it really did give me a place in their society. I had become part of it, as I had a meaningful name and was a member of a clan. To a significant degree, people knew how to relate to me as one of themselves, not as a mere foreigner.

Expatriates often misconstrue the emphasis and time spent on socializing by Africans as a sign of laziness or lack of purpose. This is far from the truth. Richmond and Gestrin explain that social relationships build personal understanding and trust that are requisite to any on-going endeavor. This is especially important in Africa, where interdependence is an ideal. Mutual obligations are required for success. Thorough discussion and understanding of the matter at hand is necessary for achieving the desired long-term outcomes. This too requires socializing. Often, in such cases, there is really no dividing line between the social and business aspects of a program. “In the village Africans sit under a tree and chat before deliberating or doing business. In the city they also sit and chat prior to doing deals, not under a tree but at their offices or over food and drink.”5

5Ibid., 127.

Greetings and conversation

Greet all people one meets—even complete strangers.

Yoruba proverb6

6 Ibid., 91.

Greetings are of supreme importance in Africa. The travel literature repeats this point for all countries across the continent. Especially in villages where life is more leisurely than in cities, greetings between two individuals can last many minutes. The value placed on greetings is perhaps best illustrated by short stories in which a character fails to greet others, and it is taken as a demonstration of ill will, or even a curse against others. Expatriates become easily annoyed at this practice, as people seem to go on endlessly about health, all family members, the household, job or work, and children. In some areas, greetings include the well being of relatives and close friends, and even of livestock, if appropriate! There are times and places where some subjects are not enquired about: husband, wife or wives, the number of children in the family, or pregnancy (even if obvious) are common examples. Such taboo subjects sometimes are thought to be related to bad luck or the evil eye.

Judith Irvine found greetings to be formulaic among the Wolof of Senegal. That is, predictable routines were followed to the extent that she could write formulas and rules that people unconsciously followed, often repeating phrases and news that were already well known to both parties.7 The main point of such greetings is to demonstrate mutual respect and concern. Extended greetings are also a source of pleasure to those who grow up with them, much to the amazement of expatriates.

7 Irvine 1989.

Among the Igbo of Nigeria, Nwoye writes:

Not greeting, or even greeting in culturally inappropriate ways, can lead to a negative assessment of a person’s character. Such a person is regarded as either ‘proud’ or not a good person. It can also be said of him/her that na azuro ya azu ‘he/she is not properly socialized’. Part of the early socialization of the Igbo child consists of the proper ways of greeting…Perhaps, because Igbo culture does not operate non-verbal demonstrations of respect or deference like bowing…it makes up for this by insistence on the proper execution of verbal greetings….Failure to greet is indicative of pride, bad manners or an expression of ill-will towards one party or the existence of a strained relationship between the two parties. The warmth of a greeting, its duration and content, are all indexical of the degree of relationship existing between the interactants.8

8 Nwoye 1993:37, 47–48.

To rush a greeting, or to fail to adequately greet someone, can be extremely rude. Greetings are necessary even when asking directions, when traveling, or shopping. Before asking a passerby or shopkeeper for directions or information, the enquirer needs to greet the individual. Even when simply asking someone for directions, or buying tomatoes in the market, start with a greeting.

Handshakes are closely tied to greetings. One of the first and most important things to know when traveling or living in Africa is the importance of handshakes. Older people are greeted first, seated first, and given precedence when entering a room. Westerners are typically surprised at the frequency and seeming importance both men and women attach to handshakes. Whereas Westerners may greet friends and colleagues with a handshake when they have not met for some time, or when congratulating someone on a special occasion, Africans typically shake hands when coming and going during the course of a given day. One thing to note about handshakes in Africa is that they may be very light, even flaccid, sometimes practically just a touch of hands. The degree of firmness varies from one culture to another, but it is never a sign of a lack of sincerity or character, as such is often interpreted in the West.

The American “group wave,” where one looks around at everyone and waves a greeting to all present, is not appropriate or appreciated. It is too impersonal, showing that one is not taking the time for individual relations. This applies to initial greetings and also to farewells. When it is time to leave a group, farewells are said to everyone present. This includes shaking hands with everyone.

Many Muslim men, especially those older or of higher position, will not shake hands with a woman. Women who meet Muslim men should always wait for the man to initiate any handshake; otherwise it will be awkward for all present if the woman holds out her hand with the man not responding. Christians and adherents to African traditional religion are generally open to handshakes between the sexes.

In some countries it is good to smile at the person being greeted. In other countries “over smiling” may raise suspicions about the person’s sincerity. In all situations and cultures it is good to frankly explain to your counterparts that you are ignorant of appropriate etiquette and culture (which they are doubtlessly aware of but they would say nothing if you didn’t bring up the subject). The degree to which direct eye contact is encouraged, prohibited, or limited varies widely, but is integrally associated with ideas of respect. Whereas Westerners may associate looking directly into people’s faces with respect or honesty, in African societies, avoiding direct gaze with social superiors, older people, or high status individuals may demonstrate “power distance” or respect for the social order.

It is always a good idea to have a “cultural guide” when living in another society. Humbly explain your need of their advice and counsel regarding cultural matters, including the proper way to greet people. Admit your need for instruction. With people who consider you socially or economically superior, it may be necessary to emphasize your seriousness about wanting their opinions; otherwise they may be hesitant to offer counsel to a superior. It will take a good bit of courage for them to do this, because to correct someone above you in the social hierarchy breaks the rules of etiquette. Basically, you’re asking them to be impolite to you, so you’ll need to beg and plead, and be very humble and accepting of any remark they might make.9

9 Hill 1996a:4.

And make sure that you do not shame or anger them if they tell you something they do not appreciate about your behavior. Be prepared to be stoic and not react visibly to uncomplimentary opinions. I have had several occasions when I asked for opinions and received unflattering, but very valuable, responses.

Introductions

Follow the customs or flee the country.

Zulu proverb10

10 Richmond and Gestrin 1998:90.

In urban contexts people want to be introduced to a stranger or visitor. Introductions can vary a great deal from country to country. Sometimes last or first names are used; often the inclusion of a person’s title is mandatory. If an introduction is not forthcoming within a few minutes, a stranger may introduce himself. “It is critically important to take time when you greet someone to make many inquiries into their health and (that) of their relatives…It is considered very rude not to take a considerable amount of time when meeting someone to make these inquiries and express understanding of their responses; he or she will do the same in kind.”11 Africans consider relationships to be an essential part of business.

11 Foster 2002:117.

After introductions in many situations, seating comes next. A stranger to a gathering should never seat himself. Ordinarily the stranger will be told where to sit. Proper seating involves position or role, rank, gender, and age. Depending on the occasion, men, women, and children may be seated separately.

Conversation topics

If you want to keep your workmen, keep your temper.

South African proverb12

12 Richmond and Gestrin 1998:145.

An expatriate may wonder what subjects are appropriate to talk about. Neutral subjects include sports, especially soccer in most African countries. Music, food, art, the country’s history—these are always welcome subjects. If the expat is at least somewhat knowledgeable about these subjects concerning the country involved, this will be received very positively. In business meetings discussion of one’s company and industry will usually be most welcome, as Africans are anxious to better understand the wider world.

In some African cultures it is acceptable to make relevant comments while a person is speaking. In others, it is very impolite to interrupt or interject comments before the person finishes. I did not always recognize this and sometimes noted that people became deeply irritated with me when I tried to interject a comment. Instead of interrupting, there is a constructive way to enter into the conversation: “give the other person signals that he or she is being listened to rather than chime in quickly with your own thoughts.”13 This is part of the rules of conduct found in all societies. They are often highly developed, even ritualized acts, to which people attach great value, even moral value.

13 Foster 2002:121.

There are also subjects that the expat should not bring up or express an opinion on. These include politics, current events that are sensitive within a country, neighboring countries that are in conflict with the host country, current tensions between religions, poverty or slums, and ethnic rivalries. Asking local people about their occupation may not be welcome. On the other hand, expats may be asked about their occupation or even income. When such issues are raised it typically indicates a desire to better understand the Westerner’s country, rather than prying into personal matters. While sex may be an offensive subject, physical features or actions that are taboo for Westerners are by no means identical to those perceived that way by African cultures. Don’t assume that what you can talk about easily will be deemed acceptable. Likewise, suspend your judgment of Africans based on what they joke about or talk about with ease. Bring up subjects that you think you have in common with your acquaintance. Conversation on such topics will help forge personal relationships that will be good for both you and your organization.14

14 Ibid., 207.

Although this is not exactly a subject of conversation, in many African cultures, verbal communication often involves flowery, effusive, even exaggerated speech. To the typical Westerner this may seem extreme and insincere. Contrary to the Westerner’s thinking, this may actually be speech designed to demonstrate the sincerity of the speaker. In some cultures professional “praise singers” are used at weddings, ceremonies, and other occasions. People may actually pay to be spoken well of, or even be praised in verse, extemporaneously. As a Westerner myself I have not been able to understand how this pleases people, but Africans I have talked to have had as hard a time understanding my incomprehension as I have had in understanding how it gives them pleasure. Maybe a little pop psychology can be enlightening. The Westerner thinks paying someone to praise you cannot involve sincerity. Perhaps to the African, the praise singer is actually giving the truth in expressing the fine qualities of the person that ordinarily go unrecognized. Church offerings provide a good example:

Most African societies expect the wealthy to contribute generously, both to the church and to the public benefit at celebrations. An usher may break into praise when a wealthy person contributes a large sum, a wealthy person may dance joyously down the isle waving a large bill in the air, or a pastor may encourage an expatriate or an elite member to give generously, much to the astonishment of a Westerner, who has been taught, “Don’t let your right hand know what your left hand is doing.” However, as long as they are humble, local Christians are encouraged by such displays of generosity, and will doubtless break into celebration (personal communication, 2014 ).

Formality

It is not bad to love the king, but it is even better to be loved by the king.

Wolof proverb (Senegal)15

15 Shawyer 2009:404.

African society tends to be formal in many everyday environments. For Americans and probably to a lesser degree for other Westerners, it is important to recognize this. If Americans are not aware of the formalities expected in many situations, they risk embarrassing their African counterparts and other Westerners who are tuned in to the formal requirements of the moment. Formality can be expressed in several ways. Terms and mode of address, posture, gestures, dress, and attitude, are a few of the elements involved.

In practical terms, when in new social situations, it is best to use people’s last names and titles, including academic titles, until there is indication from Africans that the foreigner should be less formal. When in doubt it is better to err on the side of formality. The higher value to keep in mind is showing respect and refraining from doing or saying anything that will be interpreted as disrespectful. This is important for building and maintaining healthy relationships with others. This is good advice especially if the foreigner is young.

People are respected because of their age, experience, wealth and/or position. Older people are viewed as wise and are granted respect. In a group one can always see preferential treatment for the eldest member present. With respect comes responsibility and people expect the most senior person to make decisions that are in the best interest of the group.16

16 www.kwintessential.co.uk

In French-speaking regions it is best to avoid the familiar pronouns, like tu, until rapport is established and the African begins to use them with the expat. Even then, if the African person is older, it is often good to ask how they prefer to be addressed. Because Americans value equality, perhaps as a reaction to the English class system under which they were poorly treated, they tend to be quick to address people by their first names. They should be very careful to not do this without assurance it is acceptable to people.

Each group has its own way of honoring the hierarchies, establishing respect and deference, and following (or not following) through on their responsibilities. There are formal ways that guests (outsiders) and hosts (insiders) must act toward one another, in order to preserve the honor of all groups and individuals.17

17 Foster 2002:203.

There are, of course, times when informality is called for. The foreigner needs to distinguish between leisurely talking and being formal. A general rule is that personal conversation may be informal but group meetings are formal.

Formality is an especially important concern when the expatriate is meeting and interacting with persons of rank, such as government and business officials. They need to be treated with the respect and protocol due to them because of their positions. Familiarity should be avoided. Appropriate dress needs to be worn to show respect. In all these matters Westerners should inform themselves ahead of time as to the requirements that are mandated by local custom.

Names and titles

A goat’s head is not lost in the soup.

Ibibio proverb (Nigeria)18

18 Clasberry 2010:127.

As is probably true worldwide, names are important in Africa. Local usage varies, but there are elements that are common to all or most of Africa. In most countries, titles are important and are used when addressing the individual. When the family is discussed, kinship terms are used. Whatever the local usages are regarding name, titles, family and kinship, and various honorifics, they should be taken as matters of importance to the people involved.

In some African cultures names have special meaning and significance. They are not chosen at random or picked out from a published list of possibilities. In most Western countries names are used to individuate children, giving them personal identities. While names are used to individuate children in African societies as well, the identity of a person is centered more in their wider context of relatedness, their lineage, their clan or tribal identity, or their religious heritage, rather than their individuality. Boys in Muslim families are named using one of many variants of Muhammad, or for other Muslim personages of note, while girls are more likely to be given names which sound pretty, or are associated with highly valued virtues or characteristics, much like the “Christian virtue” names Westerners give. Roman Catholics often name children, both boys and girls, after a saint. However, many Africans have multiple names, but lack an apparent “surname.” People in Christianized or Islamized societies frequently carry at least two names, a name that associates them with their parents’ religion, and a vernacular name that associates them with their lineage, an historic event, or a social, historic event or circumstance surrounding their birth. Many people, especially men, also carry nicknames, by which most villagers know them, but which they prefer not to be introduced by formally. Knowing which name to use in which context can be a matter of showing respect.

Some names relate to the kinship group and so serve to identify more than just the individual. Sometimes they relate to events surrounding the child’s birth. An example from Kenya shows just how important an individual’s name may be, and therefore, how important it may be to take a person’s name seriously. Under certain circumstances where the newborn is believed to be at risk, it is intentionally “lost,” and then ritually “found.” Upon being thus “found,” the child will be named after the container in which it was ritually abandoned. It may be called Atonga (basket), Odheru (tray made of straw), or Adita (small basket). The child may also be named after the person who “discovered” it on the path.19

19 Owin 1995:4–5.

A number of societies give “commentary names” through which people voice their opinion, or the way they experienced an event, or problem, even a family dispute. This should not be interpreted as “airing dirty laundry,” for even once the problem is resolved, it serves to correct bad behavior and instruct people on proper interpersonal relationships. They welcome visitors to ask about the specifics, for through such names one can learn a great deal about a person’s, or a family’s, internal dynamics.

Other societies name children for living or deceased relatives, give them names that correspond to colors of cattle, anomalies of birth (breech, covered, wrapped cord, etc), omens, deities that a parent prayed to for a child, or answers to prayer. New names may be given at certain junctures, like initiation, circumcision, birth of a child, death of a parent, etc. It is important to understand the social meaning these names carry, the way they integrate a child or person into society, or the category they place an individual in.

Vernacular names may be difficult for outsiders to pronounce or even to spell. In such cases it will be much appreciated if a serious attempt is made to master a person’s name. Asking the person to pronounce his or her name slowly and even coaching the outsider in its pronunciation will be much appreciated as it shows a real concern for something important to that person. Writing down the name for future reference and practice in pronunciation is also a good habit. A child of a Cameroonian acquaintance of mine named one of his children after me. I felt honored until I asked the father why he had chosen my name. He said because it was the most difficult name to pronounce that he knew. I never understood the thinking involved or if my friend had given me the true reason behind the naming.

Referring to individuals or groups as “Africans” is offensive in some areas. This comes from the perceived colonial history when Africa was called the Dark Continent and Africans were considered to be primitive or backward. It is much better to refer to people as Cameroonians or Kenyans, as the case may be, and so avoid any negative connotations. On the other hand, when the subject refers to regions or the whole continent (as is the case in this book), the general term “African” may be appropriate and unavoidable.

Social space

When you are eating with the devil use a long spoon.

Igbo proverb (Nigeria)20

20 www.gambia.dk.

Typically people live and work in close proximity to one another in Africa. In many occupations they prefer to work in groups. While Africans certainly can work alone, they seldom express the need to “be alone,” the way that Westerners, including extroverts, sometimes talk. So expats living in an African context may feel they have little privacy and even wonder about Africans’ sense or need of privacy. Many rural Africans typically live in small houses with many people sleeping in the same room. They seem to always be in close proximity to one another. Africans certainly have and value privacy, but privacy in Africa is very different from what it is in the West. The boundaries of African privacy are not defined by space, as in the West; but rather, boundaries are defined by rules of interactions with others. “African social life involves institutionalized restrictions on social contact between age and sex groups.”21 “Privacy” in African terms means freedom from unwanted interpersonal involvement—it does not mean being apart from other people in physical separation. Privacy can be thought of as being left alone in your space rather than being in a separate space. In fact, in many African cultures, going off to be alone is suspect behavior. Those who want to be alone are looked at as possibly dangerous, or even accused of being greedy, or of being witches.

21 LeVine 1970:284.

Privacy includes limits on conversation, e.g., not bringing up subjects that are off limits in particular situations and between particular categories of people. The rules governing this kind of privacy may vary greatly from one African culture to another. They are often very formal and may involve avoidance patterns between individuals of certain relationships. They may include segregation by sex or age, and many other prescriptions and proscriptions that constrain people in the ways they interact. Westerners are often surprised at the formalities that apply even within families. I once asked a young man how old his father was. He said he did not know and could not ask. His father had never told him and he was not allowed to inquire into such personal matters. One African man invited an expat to eat with him, complaining that he was tired of eating alone. He was surrounded by his family at meal times, but avoidance rules prohibited his wife or his children from eating with him.

Probably most surprising to Westerners are the seeming barriers to intimacy between individuals, even within a family. Unwritten rules that govern African behavior, even within families, would seem normal only in organizational or bureaucratic settings in the West. Such formal rules limit free and personalized behavior. There is little “sharing of innermost thoughts and feelings, the giving and taking of emotional support….It seems that intimacy in this sense, and the individualized relationships that accompany it, are of less importance to Africans than other goals of interpersonal relations.”22 The kind of intimacy in personal communications now so common in the West was not always the norm. In many ways, this is a modern development, even in the West, and even now, is not found in all families.

22 Ibid., 286.

Social distance

If you climb up a tree, you must climb down from the same tree.

African proverb23

23 www.worldofquotes.com.

Social distance and space can also be thought of as systems of communication even though we don’t usually think of them in this way. On an individual level people sense the proper distance others should maintain with them. The “proper” distance is determined by the level of the relationship and also by culture. The distance in an intimate relationship is shorter than one that is formal, in all cultures. Likewise, for any degree of intimacy or formality, different cultures unconsciously set different distances that seem natural and comfortable for those who grew up in that culture. Edward Hall considers the use of space by humans to be a “hidden dimension.”24 He points out that humans’ use of space can be better understood if thought of in terms of the distances typically maintained in different social settings: intimate, personal, social informal, social formal, public, and psychological. This discussion will not pursue the details Hall associates with each of these; suffice it here to alert the reader of the need to be sensitive to how space or distance is being used by Africans with whom he or she is interacting. Any sense of uneasiness that develops may stem from their different uses of space. For example, at a reception, if one party is backing away from the other, it may mean that they have different culturally determined senses of the proper distance that should be maintained in that circumstance.

24 Hall 1966.

Power distance

A man who pays respect to the great paves the way for his own greatness.

African proverb25

25 www.allgreatquotes.com.

Another type of “distance” has been described, unrelated to the physical space between individuals. This is “power distance.” It can be defined as “the extent to which the less powerful person in society accepts inequality in power and considers it normal.”26 Cultures can be placed on a continuum from high to low power distance, in effect evaluating the influence and sway that leaders and followers of a particular culture exert on one another. For foreigners living and working cross-culturally, the concept can help them focus their attention on those who may enable their project or work to succeed.

26 Mani 2010:4–5.

Joseph Mani describes marked differences in how power is exercised in different cultures. In some cultures, those who hold the power and those who are affected by power are significantly far apart in many ways (high power distance), while in other cultures, the power holders and those affected by power holders are significantly closer (low power distance).27 For expats working in a foreign culture, this raises questions such as: Is power distributed equally or unequally (whether by individuals or institutions)? Do individuals accept the exercise of power by leaders as normal, or do they resent it? Do superiors consider others to be different from themselves, or do they consider everyone to be intrinsically equal, leaders only occupying their positions under temporary or fortuitous conditions? Do leaders believe they are entitled to their positions? Etounga-Manguelle finds that in many African societies, people in subordinate positions accept their superiors as being different from themselves and having a right to privilege.28 In other words, these are cultures of high power distance.

27 Ibid., 5.

28 Etounga-Manguelle 2009.

Individuals from high power distance cultures accept power as part of society and regard power and authority as facts of life. With low power distance cultures, laws, norms and everyday behaviors make the power distances as minimal as possible. To low power distance societies hierarchy is an inequality of roles established for convenience; subordinates consider superiors to be the same kind of people as they are and superiors consider their subordinates the same way.

The Kamba culture of Kenya, like many age-graded societies, exhibits a high power distance, especially in the relationship between the old and the young. Young members of the society must observe all protocol while addressing elder members of the society. Elders have power over the young; any elder from the society can punish any child or youthful member of the community found engaging in inappropriate behavior irrespective of whether he or she is the biological parent. In high power cultures leadership is normally limited to those who are accepted as leaders.

In high power distance societies people with special skills, such as leaders, warriors, wealthy individuals, or people with unique talents, are considered to have a right to privileges as a fact of life.29 If a foreign development agent attempts to put someone from a “powerless” stratum into a leadership role in such a society, a successful outcome will be in doubt.

29 Ibid., 5.

Robert Thornton reports that in South Africa respect and power occur in an inverse relationship. That is, when people who are in respected positions, such as priests or healers, become politicians or executives in a development project, they lose respect. “In general, then, respect is not accorded to those in power, nor is power accorded to those who are most respected.”30 This seeming contradictory view of respect, where persons in higher positions are afforded less respect, is interpreted by Thornton as a reaction to jealousy, jealousy of the haves by the have-nots. He writes:

30 Thornton 2005:25.

The process of counteracting jealousy with diffusion of wealth and power generally means that respect and power are exchanged against one another. In other words, those with most respect often have little real power.…Chiefs who are most respected are those who seek only to ‘help’ their communities.31

31Ibid.

Respect in this context can be thought of as a kind of capital or disposable resource. When a respected person moves into a higher office, he in effect does so by “spending” his capital. In this culture if a person of wealth wants respect, he must distribute his wealth. Although this dynamic may be pronounced in South Africa, it does seem doubtful, however, that this generally results in a loss of respect.

Stratification

Everyone is a sheep to someone and a lion to another.

Wolof proverb32

32 Sylla 1978:96.

Another way to look at power and influence in society is to consider how it is organized on social, economic, or kinship levels, that is, its stratification. This approach is concerned with the ways in which people perceive their relationships with classes of others, rather than those that are individual-to-individual. Three types of organization will be looked at briefly: authoritarian, individualistic, and collective.

The first type of organization is authoritarian. In parts of Africa, people believe that there are some individuals or families or kinship groups that are born to lead while others must follow. This is in some ways parallel to the discussion above, where this was called high power distance. In Europe and elsewhere this was distilled in the phrase “the divine right of kings.” The Arabs cite a proverb that refers to the same concept, even if not quite so clearly: “The eye cannot rise above the eyebrow.”33 In these societies those from the ruling family or other elite stratum, are accepted, and even expected, to lead. This applies in political, religious, and military domains.

33 Samovar, Porter, and McDaniel 2007:157.

The second type of organization is individualistic. American society is generally referred to as individualistic. There, it is believed that all people should have equal rights and equal opportunities. To hold an opposite view is to disregard the constitution, and some would say, violate the will of God and the dignity of fellow man. Probably few if any African societies could be identified as individualistic, at least not to a significant degree, although people are free, or even encouraged, to express themselves individualistically, such as the way they paint their houses, decorate their personal items, invent personalized victory calls, and so forth.

The third orientation to consider here is called collective. Probably a majority of African societies come under this heading. Some are very collective and even anti-individualistic. The Maasai of East Africa are so strongly collective that “attempts to get Maasai students to raise their hands and participate in formal classrooms are often futile.”34 Children, as well as their elders, do not want to be distinguished from their peers. Although men and women will decorate their jewelry or spears in individualistic ways, the group is more important to them than the individual. The family or other group entity heavily influences decisions regarding marriage, education, and occupation, among others. Children are trained to be sensitive to the larger context to which they belong beginning at a very young age. They are not supposed to eat by themselves, try to do projects by themselves, or make decisions for themselves. Besides Africa, many examples of collective cultures are found in China, India, Native America, Korea, and Latin America.

34 Ibid., 158.

Like many other African cultures, the Kamba culture, mentioned previously, emphasizes the collective orientation. A striking example of collective behavior is cited by Joseph Mani: “When someone from the Kamba community killed a person, let’s put it accidental in this case, he is not made to bear full responsibility for his act alone, his respective clan takes responsibility for the action and matters of compensation and apologizing to family members of the deceased.”35

35 Mani 2010:12.

One common effect of rigid stratification is “where social rank was sharply defined, for the lowly farmer to be too ambitious or too successful was to risk punishment by social superiors for attempting to rise above his station and thereby to threaten more highly placed persons.”36

36 Pennington 1990:130.

The way the local society is organized—whether authoritarian, individualistic, or collective—will have profound effects on how Westerners should go about establishing rapport with local people, and with project planning and execution. Many specialized publications dealing with these issues are available. This discussion only touches on some of the considerations involved.

Respect

The dignity of a man is without price.

Wolof proverb37

37 Sylla 1978:91.

Respect is a critically important consideration across Africa. It is probably present, if just below the surface, in most interactions. This applies whether the interactions are personal, informal, or formal. It is the basis of all relationships. Because it is such a central consideration, foreigners living or working in Africa need to pay close attention to it. This is doubly true because respect is treated so differently in Western countries and in Africa. One result of this is that Westerners may be seen as acting disrespectfully without ever intending to.

A person who does not show respect will find it difficult, if not impossible, to build healthy relationships.

Respect is shown in many ways:

 The manner in which a person greets others.

 Using the appropriate names or titles that reflect the social rank of others, both in face-to-face interaction and in public reference.

 Being clean and respecting the personal space of others.

 Dressing appropriate to your social position, and to the social position of others.

 Showing deference to people of age.

 Appropriately showing or refraining from showing emotions.

 Following social conventions at time of illness and death.

Most of these items will be taken up in separate sections. In this introductory section, some generalities are described and some examples given in an attempt to show Westerners how important respect is, yet how difficult it often is to know how to show respect.

Many air travelers from America and Europe are accustomed to handling their own luggage at an airport. When they arrive in Africa local baggage handlers often irritate them. They often don’t have local currency and if they do, they don’t know the local fee. The handlers may insist on carrying luggage, to the further irritation of the traveler. Local baggage handlers depend on tips for much-needed cash, and the self-sufficient traveler may appear selfish or greedy by withholding pay from a porter, and doing a job which is theirs. Additionally, local baggage handlers think it beneath the status of the air traveler to carry his or her own luggage. Rather than respecting the foreigner who can do his own work, they feel overlooked and disrespected. The observant traveler will do well to note the number of African travelers who (don’t) carry their own bags.

Another way expatriates unintentionally show disrespect is when they talk about money matters that are completely beyond the possibilities of their African friends. They might mention how they expect to buy a certain vehicle, or a motorcycle, or the latest in electronic gadgets—any item that their friend could never consider for himself. Owning these things is not the issue. Being sensitive to the relative wealth or lack thereof is the issue. I have found that even mentioning a pending trip by air to someone for whom such travel is beyond his dreams, causes discomfort and shows a degree of disrespect, unless it is necessary to talk to that person about one’s plans. Conspicuous consumption is also disrespectful of others. Most shoppers will cover the goods they buy, rather than let others see. They do not openly display valuables, but conceal them in their personal room. To place them where others can see them may be considered prideful, and tempting others to the point of jealousy. Since jealousy is considered as morally wrong as anger or bitterness, those who provoke others to jealousy by their behavior may be considered guilty of creating dissension, or “poisoning society.”

A personal example illustrates the gap that may exist between Western and African expectations regarding respect. I hired a young man to key into the computer my research notes. The first day of work he addressed me with the title Doctor. I told him I preferred that he not use that title but could just use my name. Although he worked for me for over a year, he never again addressed me with any name or title. He always found a way to interact with me without using my name. Why? My conclusion was that he was unable to show me the respect I deserved and could not bring himself to treat me in a way that for him would have been disrespectful. Our difficult working relationship was, I believe, partially tied to the respect issue. As an employee he vacillated from being overly respectful to impudent, because he could not determine how to interact respectfully with me.

Sometimes a Westerner develops a personal friendship with an African colleague. The African may even suggest that they address each other by first names. They may joke and be very relaxed together in private. However, the Westerner needs to remember to show adequate respect when in public. When Africans observe familiarity shown by the Westerner, if they do not know of their personal relationship involved, they may well interpret it as a lack of respect. Even if they do know of their friendship, they may in any case consider the informality to be humiliating. This is especially true if the person involved is of high status or position.

Americans value informality as a way of showing humility, and so tend to be very informal in the way they use names, overlook titles, and behave in other areas of relationships. For instance, some American parents encourage their children to address them and other elders by their first names. Few American men would have any reservations about singing a duet with their daughter, playing on the same team as their son, or sharing food with their children. Many Africans may interpret this informality as a refusal on the part of children to show proper respect.

So for Westerners coming from a background of informal personal interactions, not only must they learn how to show respect, they must also learn to graciously receive and accept respect from others. Most Americans are uncomfortable when someone kneels in front of them when they greet them, or when they request something. But they do not realize that to deny others the ability to show due respect, is itself a kind of disrespect.

Following are examples of Westerners misunderstanding issues of respect. The domestic help (read maid) of a Western woman told her that as the employer she should not be in the kitchen, that doing the cooking was too difficult for her. The Western woman took this to mean that the domestic help considered her weak or not a good cook, and she reacted negatively. But the domestic help was only trying to show respect to her employer. She thought that cooking and kitchen work were beneath the dignity of the Western woman, that she should not be doing menial work, but office work or other “higher status” activity. The domestic help’s implicit compliment was misunderstood, as the Westerner was not attuned to African issues of respect.

Another example is when the domestic help told a Western woman who had been out bike riding that she looked sweaty from the bike trip and didn’t handle the heat very well. Again, the Westerner took this negatively, assuming that the comment was meant to imply that the Western woman was frail and inferior. The reality was quite the opposite. The comment was just a recognition that the Western woman was of status, and such women do not exert themselves physically, and should not expose themselves to conditions they are not used to. The domestic help was merely expressing respect.38

38 T. Savage 1996:2–4.

Sometimes the issue of respect appears in unexpected situations. Another domestic account is a case in point. Expatriates often hire domestic workers to do a variety of household tasks, including the laundry. Often there is no clothes dryer so clothes are hung outdoors on a clothesline, including underwear, and bras. In many African countries underwear is never hung where others may see it as this may be very offensive. In fact, in some African cultures men and children are responsible for washing their own underwear. Underwear is considered to be so personal that others should not handle it, above all if it is spotted with blood. The seriousness of this taboo becomes apparent where touching blood requires a sacrifice to the spirits to restore ritual purity.

Often the domestic help is male. If so, their tasks usually include doing the laundry, including underwear. They may go along with this in order to maintain employment, but it can be shameful for them. They may lose the respect of their peers if they become aware of it. In one instance where a man hung out underwear, he was treated with scorn. His friends said, “Not even women hang out underwear, but you do it. You are less than a woman.” One way to determine if these customs and taboos apply to any locale is to observe the clothes that are put out to dry in the neighborhood, and see if underwear is ever shown in public.39 People may not tell you directly about such sensitive subjects, so personal research may be more accurate than the answers people give you.

39 Haibucher 1999b:10.

A final example illustrates an aspect of African ways of doing things which Westerners would never imagine could be a matter of “respect”:

The law of the Luo people states that sons must build their houses in order of seniority. That is, older sons must build before younger sons can build. This is justified by saying that this is a way of showing respect. The law is underpinned by magical powers, which will bring misfortune or a curse should it not be upheld.40

40 Harries 2000:495, citing Mboya 1938.

Robert Thornton writes of an interesting aspect of respect. Although he writes about South Africa, he states that it applies to Africa in general. All members of a community deserve to be respected, yet this is not derived from a liberal notion of “equality.” Equality in the liberal or Western sense basically refers to “equality of access to the market, to rights, security and to justice.”41 African equality is better thought of as “equivalence,” which represents the value that all members of the community are, in principle, equivalent as human beings and as brothers and sisters. In real life terms, this means to be at one with the community and not think that because of position or other attainment, one is better than another since ultimately all deserve (equivalent) respect, while some are worthy of special respect as long as it does not transgress equivalence. Such an attitude toward others is realistic and healthy in my estimation. It means that although special respect and deference are shown to those in positions of authority or prestige, Africans recognize that all humans are subject to the good and the bad, they have strengths and weaknesses—in a word, no matter who they are, they are just basically human.

41 Thornton 2005:25.

It is important to keep in mind that respect should be mutual or two-way. Respect must not only be given, but also received. For foreigners coming from egalitarian societies, this may require some adjustment of attitudes. Richard Dowden, with long experience in Africa at all levels of society, gives some pointers. These apply in business and in personal relations. He writes:

I learned how to get by without causing offence. That meant, first,

 Avoid confrontation. Tease, joke, cajole, don’t demand or command.

 Don’t always seek a definite resolution of a problem; sometimes it is better to leave things unresolved.

 Don’t expect the truth and don’t blurt it out. Hint at it, work round to it, leave it understood but unspoken.

 Never, never get angry. Anger never works and loses you respect.

 Above all be patient. Everything takes more time in Africa than elsewhere.Good-hearted outsiders, idealists who truly want to help Africa, often find themselves mysteriously impeded by Africa because, in their enthusiasm to get things done, they come across as rude or domineering.42

42 Dowden 2009:29–30.

We have discussed respect as an overarching subject somewhat isolated from its social context. Actually, it is very difficult to adequately consider it in isolation. In many ways it is inseparable from social status, hierarchy, deference, authority, power, and more. Besides, each of these concepts is lived out in human interactions that are particular to each of the hundreds of African languages and cultures.

To underline the fact of great cultural differences across Africa, note how this one concept, respect, can be considered in such a different way from one African culture to another. Thornton describes respect in terms of suffering. (Suffering is a common subject in many African cultures, where it is thought to be essential to human development.)

(Suffering) can be compared with the notion of achievement in liberal democratic politics. It elevates the sufferer to a status of respect in a community of suffering. Those who suffer most achieve respect, while those who manage to transcend their suffering are held to possess special virtue or power (amandla).43

43 Thornton 2005:26.

A very different attribute of respect is observed by Mani:

When a young member of the community is addressing an old member of the community, respect is paramount, for it is believed that old people hold immeasurable power in their tongues and when not addressed as appropriately, or are addressed in a disrespectful manner, they can curse someone; people are afraid of curses, as they heighten the already high uncertainty avoidance.44

44 Mani 2010:4.

In fact, more than one African society uses the generic phrase “without respect” as a metaphor of bad character.

Respect for age

It is the duty of children to wait on elders, and not the elders on children.

Kenya proverb45

45 www.allgreatquotes.com.

Open disagreement with someone who is elderly should be avoided. Any use of harsh words will be especially offensive. Communications and interactions are very sensitive to age and seniority in an organization. Even when a younger person is recognizably more able and competent than an older superior, the younger will still show deference to the older. This keeps the elder from publicly being shamed or losing face, which is a very important consideration. Job security may be jeopardized with open disagreement. Instead of resorting to open disagreement with a person of senior status, sensitivity and subtleties need to be used when expressing differences. Otherwise these may well be interpreted as personal attacks rather than constructive criticism. Prudent subordinate employees will find a tactful means to circumvent a “blockage” created by an incompetent or inattentive superior.46 In extreme cases they will have to wait until the superior is no longer in his position. Of course these dynamics are not limited to Africa. Superiors are everywhere deferred to, but the consideration of age is much more salient in Africa than in the West.

46 Amoako-Agyei 2011.

Respect and children

When the child falls the mother weeps; when the mother falls the child laughs.

Rwandan proverb47

47 www.allgreatquotes.com.

Better the problem that makes an infant cry than one that makes an adult cry.

Wolof proverb48

48 Sylla 1978:117.

African children tend to be more quiet and submissive than their Western counterparts who happen to be in Africa. Children should always be polite and respectful in the presence of African adults. They need to be taught to greet guests and visitors in a polite and respectful manner. After greetings ordinarily they may leave. They should not ask questions of adults, but answer them when asked. “Forward” children will be considered disrespectful. Children should not bring out their toys for a guest to look at. Even if African guests bring children with them, the expatriate child should not display too many toys at once. If the African child is from an economically disadvantaged family, not knowing how to use certain toys, or the sheer number of toys may leave a child or their family feeling embarrassed.49

49 Haibucher 1999a.

One common reaction of children to an accident or a mishap often seems jarring to expats. I have many times seen children in Africa laugh and jeer when one of their own tripped or was hurt. On one occasion I was driving a vehicle that had just been in an accident. The side of the vehicle was caved in although it was drivable. As I passed along several streets, children who saw the vehicle laughed derisively, pointing to the vehicle. This sort of behavior has been explained in these terms: “When a child falls down, other children may laugh. It’s their way of reducing the fright associated with pain.”50 A Westerner is surprised at seeing laughter when he or she expects a more appropriate reaction would be one of some sympathy.

50 Devine and Braganti 1995:18.

Here is another explanation of this behavior:

(People) laugh because they are frightened by the situation. They panic and use laughter as a defence. Laughing is…a way for the brain and body to cope with situations. Humour reduces the intensity of a situation, and places a cushion of laughter between the person and the awkward emotions they feel.…That is our defense mechanism.51

51 Mohammed, Nadia. 2013. www.asmallvoicewithbigtoughts.blogspot.com.

A Westerner may be equally surprised to hear expressions of sympathy for what one considers normal events of life. It is not unusual in Kenya or Tanzania for people to say, “Pole” (meaning “Sorry”) when someone trips or something breaks. This is not meant to express culpability or guilt, but simply to commiserate, acknowledging that one understands the unpleasantness the other has endured. One American couple related that while on home leave one of their daughters tripped and fell while playing with her friends. She sat on the ground, waiting until someone asked why she didn’t get up. “Because no one has said ‘Sorry,’” she replied, to which the other children quickly pointed out that they were not guilty. Names that signify that a preceding child died accomplish the same purpose. Ma’di women, from northern Uganda, claim that when someone hears a name like “Tears,” “Termitarium (termite mound),” or “The Father is down,” then they know you have suffered loss and can sympathize with your situation.

Public anger

Arguments between ants are settled underground.

Ibibio proverb (Nigeria)52

52 Clasberry 2010:115.

Anger shown in public or directed toward an individual is a serious issue in much of Africa, much more so than in the West. An example from my experience in a central African country points to the differences. It seemed to me that to local people sexual activity outside of marriage was not of great concern even to religious people there. For example, I was told that at the local Christian seminary, numerous women would be seen leaving the dormitory in early mornings, having spent the night with a seminarian. On the other hand I saw that displaying anger in public was taken very seriously, and when seen, would upset people. I asked a local person about this. He told me that local Christians were scandalized at the anger sometimes expressed by Christian missionaries. He said some local people even doubted whether these missionaries were Christians because they frequently were seen to be angry. Often the anger was “righteous indignation” directed at the sexual laxity they saw. American Christians rate sexual sins as especially bad, while local Christians were not nearly as concerned about them. On the other hand, Americans rated anger near the bottom of sinful acts, like a minor infraction, while for Africans, anger was seen as a serious moral fault, perhaps in part because it threatens interpersonal relationships. In terms of the teaching of the Bible, both anger and sexual immorality are sins. The Bible openly and clearly condemns them both, so it does not serve the missionary well to condemn the sins of other societies while minimizing the severity of their own.

A friend tells of the experience of a Westerner who was riding a motorcycle along a country road. When a man flagged him down, he stopped at the side of the road, thinking there was an urgent need. The man just asked him for money. In the meantime the motorcycle fell over and was dented. The combination of events made the Westerner angry and he expressed it in strong terms. Upon seeing the angry reaction, the African man showed real fear and said, “I’m sorry, please just go.” To the Westerner the man overreacted in a way that he didn’t understand.53

53 Haibucher 1999b:45.

So one could ask, “Why is anger so serious in many African cultures?” One reason is that for many Africans, being angry at someone is tantamount to cursing them, and a curse is feared. The fear is related to the action or revenge that a spirit might inflict on the one cursed. A friend of mine told me of a great fear he had. His mother was old and wanted him to marry a woman he was not interested in. He feared that in her anger his mother would put a curse on him for not heeding her wishes. Then, if she died, there would be no way to have the curse lifted. Another example is a language group that has long declined in population. The people who speak this language told us that they attributed their decline to the actions of one of their chiefs a century ago. He was accused of some serious crime and the punishment was to bury him alive. As he was in the grave hole and his people were throwing dirt on him, he cursed them. They continued with the burial and consequently the one who instituted the curse was not available to have it lifted.

In modern culture “cursing” has been reduced to the use of bad language with no thought of its literal meaning of calling down malediction or misfortune from the gods. In many African societies curses are taken seriously and literally. People avoid expressing anger for fear that they will suffer the consequences, and they fear there will be consequences when others are angry. Assane Sylla writes that the Wolof individual “strongly believes that if a person commits an offense against the moral law or violates a taboo, inevitably a severe misfortune will fall on him, brought on by the village or family familiar spirit.”54 Maintaining peace with others is an essential part of the Wolof moral code. Anger and resentment are emotions that everyone knows are normal human reactions, but they must not be revealed openly, or at least the individual must express displeasure in some other way. In the West, by contrast, even those who are religious do not fear punishment in this life. Any punishment they are due will await them after death. John Mbiti, a recognized authority on African religion, states that in Africa

54 Sylla 1978:156.

the majority of African peoples believe that God punishes in this life. Thus, He is concerned with the moral life of mankind, and therefore upholds the moral law. With a few exceptions there is no belief that a person is punished in the hereafter for what he does wrong in this life. When punishment comes, it comes in the present life.55

55 Mbiti 1989:205.

A number of African societies feel that pent up emotions can have negative effects on other people, a form of unintentional witchcraft. Directly voicing these emotions risks being interpreted as a curse, but they must be dissipated and released somehow. Instead of openly expressing anger, many societies dissipate anger, jealousy, displeasure, intense grief or bitterness through a number of permissible means. A person may act in an antisocial way, temporarily withdrawing from social norms. They may stage a drama in which they take on the persona of another, and through that masquerade express what they are unhappy about. Other people may sing lament songs, releasing their hard feelings. “Commentary names” which mention social tensions within extended families also give a person a legitimate venue through which to say things indirectly.

As a consequence of their beliefs about how anger can affect others, Africans may interpret verses like “Be angry but sin not,” “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” or “Anyone who hates (is angry with) his brother has committed murder in his heart/mind” much more seriously than Americans. They are very concerned that their anger might harm others, while Americans assume that being angry will only affect the person who is angry psychologically.

Hierarchy

An important man may be wrong, but he is always right.

Bambara proverb (Mali)56

56 Richmond and Gestrin 1998:143.

Across Africa, people are ranked according to different social criteria. The most basic ranking puts men at the top above women, with children below women. Each of these categories may be further divided. “Men” may be subdivided into men who are senior, men with children and those without, unmarried men, and so on. The scheme is broader than just humankind and includes both animate and inanimate components of creation. Most Africans believe in a High Creator God, and that it is He who has established the cosmic hierarchy, which is:

1. God

2. Man

3. Woman

4. Child

5. Animals, nature

This list does not include ancestors and spirit beings such as angels and jinn, which most Africans believe are present and active in the world of humans. The consideration of such unseen beings and forces is outside the purview of this book.

Most African societies hold that placing people in hierarchies is not only proper and represents the way things should be, but is even cosmically ordained. This contrasts greatly with the Western ideal of equality of persons. Foster describes the importance of hierarchy from Kenya in the east to Senegal in the west:

Secular life and ethic group membership…is rigidly stratified.… Individuals…play their roles—children, women, and men in relation to one another, hosts in relation to guests, religious leaders and other elders in relation to the community. Defining for others one’s rank is important and status symbols (for example, the jewelry that women wear, the ritual scarification imposed by the ethnic group, the pattern used on the traditional robe and, most especially, the property that one owns, which is typically land or livestock) are traditionally important. It is critical that everyone show respect for elders and devout (religious) observers.57

57 Foster 2002:115.

Some of the differences between the ways Africa and the West deal with hierarchy are revealed in an experience of an African student:

A Malian student attended Texas AandM University as an intern. He went on an extended field trip from College Station to far West Texas and New Mexico. The trip included a tour of Carlsbad Caverns, many large cattle ranches, vast cotton fields, countless oil wells with their derricks and pumpjacks, and lush irrigated farmland. At the end of the trip he was asked what impressed him most. He replied, ‘I could never tell who was in charge of the trip.’ So throughout the long trip, he was disoriented because everyone was treated as virtual equals. Authority structures were hidden, without outward deference shown to those in leadership positions. He was uncomfortable to the extent that the lack of deference shown to whoever was supposed to be the leader, stood out to him as the most memorable part of his trip (personal communication, 2012).

Three basic elements that manifest the hierarchy of human interactions are deference, respect, and precedence. Of course these elements are well known in the West. What makes them different in Africa is their required expression in settings that in the West would call for informal interactions. That is, there is generally more formality required in African social intercourse than with similar settings in the West. These three elements of prescribed behavior are defined as follows, according to Merriam-Webster.

Deference: Proper respect and esteem due a superior or an elder or persons of particular positions or categories.

Respect: A high or special regard.

Precedence: The right to superior honor…on a formal occasion.58

58 Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary 2003.

Often these three elements exist together in ways that are difficult to separate. So, for example, showing respect may involve deferring to a superior in giving him precedence in a particular situation. A common expression of respect is refraining from open disagreement with a status-superior person, or with a person of advanced age. To openly disagree is a very serious breech of decorum. I found this out on one occasion when I had ordered panes of glass to close in a porch. The man who came to install the glass was a bit elderly, but not much older than I. He came with a stack of custom-cut panes and began to install them. They clearly did not fit, yet he continued to try, breaking one pane after another. The stack of panes was disappearing while the pile of shards was growing. I told him to stop. I don’t recall my exact words. To me I maintained my cool, but told him it was useless to continue. Afterward several Africans, who had witnessed the scene, severely criticized me for my disrespectful behavior toward an elderly man. I asked them if I was supposed to let the man continue to break all the panes, or what? They told me that nothing mattered, compared with showing respect to a man of age. Upon reflection, I am sure I could have found, or at least tried to find, a face-saving pretext when telling the man to stop but in the exasperation of the moment I did not think to do so.

Ketil Hansen writes of a recent experience involving multiple facets of deference in Cameroon.59 A local man returned for the first time from the capital where he recently had been named a government minister. A delegation received the minister and speeches followed. The delegation included the governor of the state in which the town is located, the prefect and sub-prefect (“county” heads), the city mayor and deputies, the traditional ruler of the area, the chief of the militarized police, the most important businessmen and cattle owners, and the wealthiest man in the area. All these important people went to the airport to receive the minister.

59 Hansen 2003:204.

Certain aspects of this delegation and the ceremonies that followed illustrate deference and some general characteristics of African culture.

1. The governor, other regional officials, and the traditional ruler (lamido), arrived later than the announced time, thus indicating their high status. A general rule is, “the later one arrives for an appointment, the more people who await one’s entrance, then the more excellent one must be.”60

60 Dealy 1992.

2. As it happened, the lamido was fortunate in the timing of his arrival. Had he actually arrived after the minister’s plane, which happened to be late, it would have been seen as extremely impolite or worse—a refusal to acknowledge his importance.

3. The late arrival of the lamido created tension, as by the official hierarchy, the governor and other governmental officials outranked him. The lamido asserted his importance, and the others honored him in allowing his affront to pass.

4. When greeting the lamido, the governor took off his shoes and shook hands with both hands, while kneeling and looking into the eyes of the lamido. These actions communicated many signals. By taking off his shoes and kneeling, the mayor showed respect. But as no one should ever shake hands with a lamido, who was virtually “untouchable,” the mayor signaled they were peers and both were modern men. That the lamido accepted a handshake showed the influence of the modern world. Yet by using both hands, the mayor showed extra respect.

5. The new minister arrived and was greeted by the dignitaries present, the entire event being filmed for national television. When he greeted the lamido he used both hands, thus honoring the lamido. The lamido accepted the handshake but put his hand on top of the minister’s hands, showing himself to be a superior with fatherly concern.

In sum, the arrival of the minister was a small event, yet the participants took it seriously, giving much attention to the pomp and circumstance, and to many symbolic details. Expatriates would probably have missed most of the significant details, of how deference was shown and even contested in nuanced ways by the various actors in what could be called a drama. It would have been very difficult for an expat to navigate how he or she should have acted, and the symbolic meanings certain behaviors would have carried, whether or not they were even conscious of their existence.61 A lesson provided by this episode is just how complex African social interactions can be and how difficult it is for outsiders to recognize, let alone understand, them.

61 Hansen 2003:202–208.

Giving and receiving

Sharing brings a full stomach: selfishness brings hunger

Bekwel proverb, Congo-Brazzaville62

62 Phillips 1999:2–4.

Giving and receiving material goods and services feature far more importantly in personal relationships with Africans than is the case in the West. LeVine even goes so far as to write, “Relationships are frequently characterized by Africans primarily in terms of the type of material transaction involved: who gives what to whom and under what conditions. Even premarital sexual liaisons and courtship are discussed in these terms.” While Westerners define friendship largely in terms of mutual interests and emotional support, Africans “are frankly and directly concerned with the material transfer itself as indicative of the quality of the relationship.”63 I experienced this on a number of occasions. For example, over a period of a couple of years I was able to funnel funds from an international aid organization to a small project an African friend had established. The man frequently “hung out” at my house. He said people were constantly coming to his house to ask for money and assistance while it was peaceful at my place. When I no longer had access to funds, he stopped coming to the house and had no further dealings with me. I had thought we were friends, but it turned out that to him material interest was inseparable from friendship. No issue had developed between us, but without monetary implications the friendship was no longer a priority in his busy life. I do not believe he consciously ditched me; rather, the lack of material involvement took me off his list of current contacts.

63 LeVine 1970:288.

The Zambian scholar Mwizenge Tembo takes strong issue with LeVine’s description of the African personality. He places LeVine among those who attack

the African past as retrogressive and reactionary. This school of thought does not entertain at length any questions about why Africans behave and think as they do. Implicitly, this school of thought emphasizes Westernization as the “solution” to Africa’s lag in electronic technology without recognizing Africa’s superiority in spiritual and cultural sectors…. He (LeVine) states that evidence indicates that the African society is distinguishable from societies elsewhere.64

64 Tembo 1990:196.

Tembo continues his criticisms, writing that LeVine provides “at best, highly subjective value judgments of the African society.” The criticisms seem more emotional than factual. For instance, he says that LeVine’s description of African society, emphasizing material transactions as it does, cannot be true. Africans are too poor for this to be so. “How many material goods do Africans have which could generate a reliance on their exchange? A few cattle, a couple of chickens, several goats perhaps.”65 But having few possessions does not in any way rule out their being important to the people involved. Tembo’s critique does not deny the validity of LeVine’s descriptions, but he insists that these should be understood in their African context, suggesting that anyone in similar circumstances acts the same way.

65 Ibid.

Africans who visit other people, or call on an official or important figure for help almost always take a gift of some sort with them. This should never be interpreted as a bribe, but as an acknowledgement of the status of the person on whom they are calling. The quality, substance and amount of the gift carry a great deal of importance. Even when invited to a friendly call or meal, it is not unusual for an African visitor to bring a small gift, such as tea, sugar, fruit, some delicacy, or a highly valued artifact. In return, the host will quite often send the visitor back with a gift, such as a hen, or even the leftover roast meat.66

66 Personal communication, May 8, 2014.

Diffuse roles

Wisdom is like a baobab tree; no one person can encompass it.

Ghanaian proverb67

67 www.afritorial.com

In the West the exercise of an occupation is usually restricted to one function: a buyer buys, an employer employs, a teacher teaches, with little professional involvement outside their field of specialization. In much of Africa, both traditional and modern, occupations are not so concentrated in separate roles or specializations. Sellers enter into personalized relationships with buyers (for example, charging loyal customers a higher price, so that business overlaps with charity), employers are expected to provide for employees’ personal needs, and teachers often expect personal services from pupils and students. “In schools all over English-speaking Africa, primary and secondary school pupils are pressed into service by the teachers as domestic servants in their houses and seasonal laborers in their fields and gardens.”68

68 Tembo 1990:297.

An egregious example is the following: “When Nigeria’s education minister faced an audience of 1,000 schoolchildren, she expected to hear complaints of crowded classrooms and lack of equipment. Instead, girl after girl spoke up about being pressured for sex by teachers in exchange for better grades. One girl was just 11 years old” (personal communication, 2013).

Another example involves a teacher who made demands of his pupils that are far beyond anything related to the classroom and learning. A South African reports on the demands of one of his teachers with a surprising outcome. He had a teacher who required his senior students to wash his car every Friday during break.

In the process we had to remove the wheels to clean the inside of the mudguards and the backs of the wheels. One Friday we left his car with bricks under the rear axle just high enough that they almost touched the ground. We ran for the gates and hid in a nearby ditch to observe the fun. He started his car, engaged a gear…and nothing happened!…He tried again and again…69

69 Personal communication, May 31, 2013.

The above examples may seem to single out teachers, but only because they were the ones at hand. However, in other dyadic relationships laden with power, such as employer-employee, and religious leader–follower, actors have diffuse roles, so that the employees and followers become much more than nine-to-five workers or purely religious disciples. This ties in with patron-client relationships, discussed in chapter 2. An employer may be held responsible for the moral conduct of his employees. One missionary in northern Uganda hired a man to serve as a night guard, and as part of his pay, helped send his wife to school. The missionary observed a woman leaving the compound early in the morning, but when he asked the guard, was told that she was a relative who was bringing him breakfast, so he did not investigate it further. But church elders alerted him the guard was sleeping with a woman he was not married to, and that his own reputation was being sullied because he was ostensibly allowing it. When the wife came back from school and heard the gossip, she confronted the missionary, accused him of being an immoral person, and demanded to know why he would have allowed her husband to sleep around while working for him (personal communication, 2014).

Blame

One who blows on the fire swallows the smoke.

Ibibio proverb (Nigeria)70

70 Clasberry 2010:179.

When misfortune overtakes individuals, typically they search for causes outside themselves rather than examining their own behavior. This applies to modern urbanites as well as to those living in traditional, rural areas. In general, people do not readily accept that their own actions or decisions might have led to unfavorable outcomes. Nor do they readily accept that impersonal natural randomness might have been the cause of illness, accidents, mischance, personal setbacks, and failures. Every significant event, positive or negative, is believed to have a cause that originates in the spirit world, which is acting in the visible world. Instead of following what Westerners consider a rational analysis, traditional Africans typically assume that most such events have a personal origin, and thus follow a different path to find answers: First, such adverse events are assumed to originate with unseen (spirit) forces, or personal metaphysical powers rather than from “natural,” empirical causes. Second, other people are accused of provoking or instigating these malevolent forces to act against the individual.71 Humans do this by engaging sorcerers, who they believe have the knowledge and power to entice malevolent spirits to act according to their wishes. Consequently, they try to ascertain who caused a problem, whether by contravening a taboo, or hiring a sorcerer.

71 LeVine 1970:292.

“Bad luck” or “randomness” are often used to explain adverse events in the “scientific” West. These do not provide convincing explanations to traditional or animistic peoples. So, for example, in answering the question of why my child was killed by a falling tree while your child sitting next to him was unhurt, “bad luck” or “randomness” are not sufficient explanations. In Western, scientific societies, people accept that one child happened to be killed, while the other happened not to. The tree just “happened” to fall a certain way.

Blame for misfortune, failure, and non-success is placed on some exterior source. So, for example, if there is a serious accident, the individual typically will not be blamed, nor will he or she feel blame. Rather, the blame will be sought for in the invisible world, outside the person who suffered the accident. This accident will be believed to be caused directly by a spirit but indirectly by one of the person’s enemies who has secretly engaged the services of a sorcerer. Hence, the blame is “exteriorized.” The individual tends not to look at himself or herself to see what they may have done wrongly or unwisely. Neither will they accept that impersonal causes were to blame.

This raises the question of reconciling two seemingly contradictory belief systems. Under the heading “Public anger” above, I stated that Africans believe that punishment for violating the moral law is meted out by God in this life, not in the afterlife. In other words, punishment comes as a result of people’s own actions. Here, we are saying that when Africans experience misfortune, they look outside themselves and blame it on the nefarious work of spirit beings and forces. So which is it? John Mbiti, whom I have already cited, addresses this very contradiction:

Misfortunes may be interpreted as indicating that the sufferer has broken some moral or ritual conduct against God, the spirits, the elders or other members of his society. This does not contradict the belief that misfortunes are the work of some members, especially the workers of magic, sorcery and witchcraft, against their fellow men. This village logic is quite normal in African thinking. I do not understand it, but I accept it.72

72 Mbiti 1989:205.

Separation anxiety

Tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.

African proverb73

73 www.worldofquotes.com,

Robert LeVine writes that there are two expressions of personal behavior that are central to understanding differences between Westerners and Africans. One is the Westerners’ “desire for intimacy in social relationships, and the relative absence of this desire among Africans.” The second is the Westerners’ anxiety over physical separation from loved ones. The concerns over such separations manifest themselves in many ways in Western culture. “These tendencies are widespread in Western populations and are exalted in a variety of cultural forms ranging from sentimental literature and films to humanitarian ideologies with their concern about those who are rejected and abandoned.”74 In recent decades such concerns have been extended to animals, and people spend a huge amount of their resources and emotions to their care and protection.

74 LeVine 1970:294.

Many of these patterns of behavior seem to be absent among Africans. They appear to find physical separation from loved ones emotionally less upsetting. Sentimental attachments and their residues in longing, weeping, and nostalgia are not conspicuous in African communities. The reaction of Africans to the pet-keeping practices (in the West) is usually one of astonishment.75

75Ibid., 294–295.

Tembo observes that African couples and families are often separated for long periods. This happens frequently when the studies of a family member last for years during which time they rarely return home. Tembo writes that this should not be interpreted as due to a lack of love for, or a desire to be with family, but from financial necessity. If there seems to be less “weeping” when a person leaves, or while they are gone, this is most likely because emotions are expressed differently in Africa than in the West.

Competition

Everyone had better pay attention to his or her peer.

Wolof proverb (Senegal)76

76 Shawyer 2009.

African society has many very competitive relationships. There is much competition for scarce resources and the greater the scarcity, the greater the competition. Examples are:

 Co-wives competing for the favor of their husband, to the extent that in at least one language, the word “co-wife” has the equal meaning of “competition.”

 Mothers seeking advantages for their children, to get them ahead of the children of co-wives.

 Brothers and cousins competing for the inheritance of property.

 Neighbors competing over land boundaries and blaming each other for damage caused to crops by animals or children.

 Co-workers competing for advancement in plant or office.

 Students competing for very limited academic or employment openings.

 Suitors and their families competing for the most desirous mates by offering greater bride-wealth in the bidding process.

 Verbal dueling, which is part of the competition in language use present in many African cultures.

Many jealousies and hatreds accompany these competitions. Authorities at every level, from the clan to the state, expend a lot of time and effort settling disputes that come to their attention, on the levels of family, lineage, compound, quarter, or at various levels in the modern judicial system, or within the traditional Muslim legal system in some areas. A number of African peoples consider jealousy to be the most corrosive or destructive emotion, or the worst sin, for it divides people who should otherwise form a unified block. Dissension is in many places equated with destruction, and spoken about through the metaphor of poison.

Yet in spite of these competitive pressures and the emotions they create, society decrees that people must maintain peaceful and amicable relations with those around them. This provides for the preservation of order in face-to-face societies where people live in intimate contact. This order also helps a family or clan present itself as a unified front in the eventuality of attack by another clan or family. If animosity was allowed to be openly manifested it would be very disruptive, if not destructive. Of course there is animosity between members of the same clan or family, even if it is hidden. And people believe they have enemies, including competitors, and that these will secretly take measures to gain an advantage over them.

On an individual level, people seek defense and protection from competitors and enemies and their secret attacks. (People do not admit that they themselves initiate attacks on their enemies, of course.) Such defenses do not identify the perpetrators of harm. Identification is seldom possible and even then of little use. Emphasis is placed on having a good defense and viewing most anyone as a possible enemy or perpetrator. The most common defenses are amulets or talismans (gris-gris, jujus, etc.) that are worn on the bodies of individuals and animals, hung in houses and fruit trees, and placed in garden plots. Most people use these defenses, whether traditionalist, Christian, or Muslim. Only Christians of very strong faith in God refrain from these practices. Muslim clerics preach against the use of black magic, but it is well known that their admonitions are largely disregarded. It is common knowledge in Muslim society that leaders resort to such practices.

This does not imply that people remain passive to assumed attacks. There are many “ritual practitioners,” to use a euphemistic label. These include shamans, sorcerers, diviners, mediums, and magicians. These ritual specialists are engaged for offensive as well as defensive purposes. In one predominantly Muslim country, serious attempts to estimate the number of ritual practitioners determined that there was approximately one for every 150 people. This was in addition to non-Muslim practitioners in the population. So in total, several thousand individuals actively performed protective, defensive or offensive magic on behalf of clients.77 Obviously many customers are required to support such a large number.

77 Maranz 1993:191.

Appreciation

Don’t praise the legs more than the thighs.

Ibibio proverb (Nigeria)78

78 Clasberry 2010:92.

Africans appreciate receiving expressions of gratitude, as would any people. But expressions of compliments or appreciation are not always easy to recognize or interpret. Different cultures have their own rules or ways of expressing such sentiments. The proper way of expressing them may well contrast widely with customs in the West. In some African cultures compliments and words of praise are only given among close friends. In such cultures there is fear of arousing jealousies or a backlash of the evil eye, if the one at the receiving end of the kind words does not have confidence in the one expressing them. The Botswana appreciate compliments; they mark the giver as “respectful and gracious, two qualities most appreciated.”79 But it may be prudent to carefully avoid specifically mentioning what they did, lest others observing the accolade become jealous.

79 Devine and Braganti 1995:18.

In many African cultures the proper way of showing gratitude is similar to the following example: The way to thank a person is not to give profuse thanks after a favor, but some time later to recount the favor(s) done to a third party in the presence of the one who did the favor. And if someone does that to you, listen quietly, and try to find a way to return the compliment. My interpretation of this way of showing appreciation is especially significant in that it shows the favor is remembered, and acknowledges it in front of peers. This shows more appreciation than does paying someone for their services, after which the favor is forgotten.80 Implicit in this example is the time factor. Appreciation is best shown some time after receiving a compliment or other circumstance. Returning a favor immediately risks creating a distance between the receiver and the giver. It may be interpreted as a sign that the recipient does not want to maintain the relationship, which is implied in giving and receiving these tokens of friendship over time.

80 Escher 1998.

Perhaps even more surprising is the custom of giving a compliment in the form of a request, or even a demand for something, such as saying, “I like your shoes, give me a pair.” This can be very off-putting for a Westerner who does not understand this way of giving compliments. He or she takes offense, thinking the person is truly asking that they be given the item in question. A common request is for the shirt or blouse someone is wearing. In such cases, the request should be taken lightly as an indirect compliment (unless of course the recipient immediately takes off his shirt and hands it to the giver—imagine the surprise if this happened!).

Sometimes a request is not a compliment but a literal request for something. Should a child ask for the pen in your pocket, it is not a compliment but a literal request. Determining whether a request is a compliment or a request sometimes can be difficult. In any case, requests should best be treated as Africans do: as part of social interactions, sometimes involving one-upmanship, and often including the art of verbal dueling. They don’t get uptight about such things, and neither should the expatriate.

Generosity

If giving away were to bring us to poverty,

one who shaves would never get his hair back.

Wolof proverb (Senegal)81

81 Shawyer 2009:40.

Generosity is a very important virtue in Africa. A good person is generous. A stingy person is not respected. A foreigner in Africa who wants to be “good” must find answers to two questions: How in practical terms can I be generous? and, How can I be so in ways that are helpful? Too often Westerners, including Western governments and aid agencies, give to individuals or organizations in ways that are detrimental in the long run.82 The situations addressed below relate to generosity and giving on an individual’s level. No attempt is made here to address generosity from the standpoint of an organization or a government.

82 See Corbett and Fikkert 2009, and Schwarz 2007.

Asking

Food not liked is still eaten when hungry.

Ibibio proverb (Nigeria)83

83 Clasberry 2010:106.

In Western cultures people do not ordinarily ask for things or for financial assistance from other individuals (asking for assistance from government is a different matter). By contrast, in many African cultures there is no taboo against asking family and friends for whatever may be needed. I have many times been asked for money, my shirt, even my pickup truck. Once someone even asked me for my teenage daughter (and he was serious)! It would probably be rare to find an expat who has spent any time in Africa who has not been asked for money or other things many times. An American tourist who had scarcely arrived in a particular country was so disturbed by this that he asked, “What about all this asking for things and money? I’ve only been here a few hours and I’m ready to get on the next plane for home.”

Expats are uncomfortable and probably annoyed when people ask for money or other things. They normally have several reactions. First, they are unaccustomed to such requests and feel put on the spot. They are in a new situation, have no experience with such demands, and feel pressured to respond immediately. Sometimes the asker is aggressive and insistent, which makes the expat even more uncomfortable.

In the context of generosity, the focus of this section, the expat probably wants to be generous. In such a face-to-face situation, the “asker” presents a challenge. The Westerner is used to giving on his or her own terms. Here, the asker wants to set the terms. A major concern is knowing whether or not the asker has a real need or is a con artist. (For example, is the woman along the street with several infants, just “renting” them for the day, which is a common practice? But even when this is the case, there is obvious need, along with a strategy to elicit added sympathy.) Giving small sums to a beggar or person obviously afflicted with leprosy seems reasonable. But if there are many people lined up for a handout, the situation becomes difficult for the clueless newcomer. He or she needs to quickly learn the basic rules of how, when, and to whom to give. First, a Westerner may not realize that mendicants, or beggars, are not necessarily looked down on by society, and may not be in as severe need as they might seem. In some cultures begging is a craft that is often highly ritualized and well developed, intending to play on people’s sympathies, or even their sense of humor. Thus, people may have their beggar “clients,” just as they develop a patron-client relationship with a vender. They give exclusively to this one mendicant, thus proving themselves to be generous, but ignore the others. They are also careful not to give too much. It is expected that if many people give small amounts to the needy, together they can all help the poor. This stands in contrast to Western systems, where a person, operating individualistically, feels they need to give enough to make a difference on their own. One of the surprising “rules” is to not expect an expression of gratitude for a donation. Muslims believe that if a beggar expresses thanks, it deprives the giver of a reward in the hereafter, as he or she has then already received the reward.

The basic rules in any area are easy to learn so that they need not be a long-term problem. Local people are ready and able to provide advice in this as well as with other areas of understanding the culture. This whole issue is taken up in detail in chapter 3, “Friendship.” And as is described there, a key approach to the overall problem of generosity and giving is to find a respected local person to advise you. Advice should be sought for the different circumstances where generosity may be called for, whether dealing with street beggars, casual acquaintances, or friends of equivalent social standing. Local citizens often know certain beggars by name, and know their reputations. They are also careful to ferret out the family histories of people who ask for help, to determine whether there is a genuine need, or whether the person may need to repent of deeds, which have caused their family to isolate them for a time.

Giving gifts

Honor is food.

Yoruba proverb (Nigeria)84

84 www.gambia.dk.

Expats often travel to villages. Here the rules for respectful and generous behavior are quite different from those in urban settings. Expats have opportunities to be generous on their own terms as people are less likely to just ask for things. At least this is my experience. Village people often live on the margins of existence so that simple gifts will be greatly appreciated. These would include small amounts of sugar, salt, tea, powdered milk, and other staples, depending on the local diet. In some areas kola nuts are a standard gift that are very well received. However, one needs to be careful in how these gifts are given. One couple handed their hostess a half-kilo of sugar. When her husband heard of it, he was so humiliated that he beat his wife. In his mind the unsolicited gift implied that the visitors did not think his household was capable of properly hosting guests. After seeking advice, the couple would quietly pass a small paper bag with tea, sugar, rice, etc. to a small child and tell them to take it to the kitchen (personal communication, 2014).

Unsolicited “services”

Dust on the feet is better than dust on the behind (from sitting).

Wolof proverb (Senegal)85

85 Shawyer 2009:11.

A common experience in cities is encountering young men offering a “service” for which they expect to be paid, but which the expat invariably does not want. Services include washing and/or guarding your vehicle, cleaning your windshield, carrying your groceries or other bulky items, shining your shoes, and opening your car door, among others. A slightly different situation is when street vendors insist on selling you something. Mostly, these “services” indicate a lack of regular employment and a consequent desperation for finding a means of existence, though it may approach “extortion,” as in a guard who threatens to damage a vehicle if he is not paid. Life for the expat is made easier if such “services” are anticipated and the small amounts of local currency usually required are readily at hand so that making change is not an issue. Sometimes the same guard or grocery carrier is always available at a particular locale and a kind of relationship can develop, giving a sense of acquaintanceship rather than mere annoyance.

Sometimes certain services are a way through which poorly paid employees can supplement their income. An administrator demanded that an office courier wash the office vehicles when there was little to do, rather than waiting around. The courier argued that this was not his job, but this made little sense to the American office manager, who did not understand the implications of assigning a menial job to an employee of higher status. Neither did the American understand how employment roles are specialized and multi-tasking by employees is little known and resisted. The courier felt such deep guilt over taking money away from the guard, that he paid the guard to wash the vehicle from his own pocket (personal communication, 2014)!

Men vs. women

With wealth, one wins a woman.

Ugandan proverb86

86 Richmond and Gestrin 1998:49.

The literature related to African women and expatriate women in Africa, and similar topics, is huge. To begin to do it justice would warrant a separate volume. A very short list of relevant titles could include the following: Arnoldi and Kreamer 1995; Barber 1997; Cummings 1991; McNee 2000; Mikell 1997. The purpose here is to provide a short, introductory discussion of a few helpful points that are relevant to Western women living or working in Africa.

When expats, whether anthropologists or other inquirers of culture, explore local customary life, they are often told by men that African women are unreliable in providing cultural information, except in topics that are specifically part of women’s domains. African men think that women are ill informed because they are absent from the discussions of those in positions of authority, or have not been through male initiation rites. Therefore they must be ignorant of the important inner workings of society. To some degree this masculine bias is understandable. Most African societies are patrilocal. There, when women marry they go to live in their husband’s compound, surrounded by his male relatives and their wives, to whom the in-marrying woman is not usually related. Although women may be alert to the way their own natal family functioned, they are not accustomed to explain, and may not be immediately conversant, in the way their husband’s family works. However, Nigel Barley found women to be helpful, accurate sources of cultural information for at least two reasons.

Whereas men regarded themselves as the repositories of the ultimate secrets of the universe and had to be cajoled into sharing them with me, women knew that any information available to them was unimportant and could quite happily be repeated to an outsider. They often opened up new fields of enquiry for me by alluding in passing to some belief or ceremony I had never heard of, that the men would have been reluctant to mention.87

87 Barley 1983:76.

De Jong also found that women even had detailed knowledge of men’s affairs. Even though many men believed that spirits would punish society if women learned about ritual secrets, women were frequently able to provide him with details of men’s secret societies.88 And of course when it comes to the affairs of women, men have little knowledge or interest, so women researchers have a great advantage when researching women’s and family affairs.

88 De Jong 2007.

Some expat women working in Africa have found it to be a man’s world. When they occupy positions of authority, it is common for some African men to resent them. In such cases it is prudent for a woman to not insist that men respect her rights, authority, or equality, if she wants to build productive relationships. One Western woman describes her experience:

Working in the accounting office I had a man working under me. I was in a way his boss, supervising some of his work.…He always treated me as if he was my superior.…After learning about the social hierarchy (God above man, then in descending order: women, children, animals, and nature) I found a strategy to use when needing men to do something for me. I would say to this man: ‘My husband sent me, would you do this or that for me?’ This seemed to have a soothing effect and the task would be done very effectively.89

89 Haibucher 1999a.

Not all Western women have the humility to put smooth relations above what they perceive of as their rights. This example from real life shows that it is more productive to value the project’s success rather than trying to change African culture.

Mani points out to what extent Africa, or at least the Kamba region of East Africa, is a man’s world. Male dominance is demonstrated even in the way men are served food. At mealtime the best portions of meat are reserved for them. This dominance is also shown in decision-making, where women are thought to be incapable of making important decisions. Decisions which affect the family are the prerogative of men to make. Mani concludes that these patterns of subordination of one gender promotes inequality across the society.90

90 Mani 2010.

Westerners may look at traditional male dominance as predominantly negative. They should not do so. In many ways, traditional African women have a great degree of freedom. Beyond performing their required duties with husband and children, they are at liberty to carry on business and other activities outside the home. Many sell products from their gardens in local markets. More and more, development agencies recognize the dynamism and management skills of women. Micro loans to women are part of many successful programs. “In some countries women dominate the markets and the retail trade, and some have become quite wealthy. Those who drive Mercedes-Benz cars are often referred to as ‘Mama-Benz.’”91 On many flights to and from Africa I have traveled with African businesswomen, who are profitably engaged in international trade. Traditional Africa may be a man’s world at home, but that is far from being the whole story.

91 Richmond and Gestrin 1998:43.