Читать книгу How They Met - David Friedman - Страница 12
ОглавлениеJoe was out walking his dog in New York City, and he realized he’d forgotten to bring his pooper scooper. He went to the corner garbage can and picked up a newspaper someone had thrown out, intending to use it to clean up after his dog. The paper was open to the Personals section, and as he picked it up, a particular ad caught his eye. He ripped the ad out of the paper, used the rest for his dog, went home, called the woman who’d placed the ad, and they’re married today.
Sarah took a look around her house one Saturday and decided it definitely needed cleaning very badly. She put on some old, dirty work clothes and a bandanna and got to work, but soon realized that this was going to be a bigger job than she thought. She pulled out the phonebook, called a temp agency, and asked them to send somebody over to her house to clean it. A short while later, the doorbell rang and a gorgeous man was standing there. He was so good-looking, in fact, that she was sorry she was dressed in such a sloppy cleaning outfit. As it happened, that didn’t matter a bit. It turned out that the man at the door was a doctor newly arrived from Africa who hadn’t yet gotten his license to practice in the US, and was taking cleaning jobs to make ends meet until his license came through. They are married today.
She Listened to the Fortune Teller
Pat was nineteen years old and in college, but dating a guy from home she liked well enough. Even though there was no real magic or excitement in the relationship, she was actually thinking of getting engaged to him. Just for kicks, she went to a fortune teller. The fortune teller told her that she would meet the man she would marry within the year. She told Pat that his first initial would be either J or G (somehow she seemed to see both), that he was a doctor, and that the first thing she would notice about him would be his laugh. Pat brushed this off as fun but ridiculous, and soon forgot about it. A year later, she was sitting in her dorm suite at college and heard a group of her suitemates and some other friends having a rather raucous conversation across the room. She looked up and noticed that there was one guy who had a really infectious laugh and seemed to be laughing all the time. “Now that’s an attractive guy,” she thought. Turns out his name was Gerald (with a G), but he usually used the nickname Jerry (with a J). Today, over forty-five years later, he’s a doctor and he and Pat have been married for over forty years.
A Foolhardy Trip and a Missed Train
Steve is a Broadway musical director. He had a big show coming up in about five weeks and was pretty nervous about how he was going to prepare for it. All of a sudden, he had the urge to go visit an old friend in Vienna, Austria. Having been a music director myself and knowing how much preparation a Broadway show takes, I told him I couldn’t imagine why he would choose to go on a trip at this particular time instead of doing his work, but he was insistent. So off he went to Vienna to visit his friend Amy. After a few days in Vienna, Steve decided to go to Prague for a couple of days. He went to the train station to catch the last train out, only to discover he’d missed it. “Oh well,” he thought, “I guess I won’t be going to Prague.” Having a free evening ahead of him, he decided to see if he could get a ticket to the Wiener Staatsoper (Vienna State Opera). He went down to the box office and—surprise, surprise!—got the last available ticket. He sat down in his seat, and fell in love with the guy sitting next to him. They went out the whole time Steve was in Vienna, and a few months later the guy came over to the US to be with Steve. And that’s why Steve went to Vienna.
Midnight Snack in the Pickle Section
Mrs. Gold was in her early sixties and had been widowed for two years. One night she woke up at 3 a.m. and had such a strong yen for pickles that she actually got dressed and went to the open-all-night supermarket to get some. There, in front of the pickle jars, she met a lovely man who ended up being her husband.
They Didn’t Let a Little Attitude Stop Them
In 1935, Sylvia was ahead of her time. She owned a retail store and her own car. Mike was delivering a new mattress to one of his customers down the block from Sylvia’s store in Brooklyn, and as he pulled up, he watched Sylvia unsuccessfully trying to back her car into a parking space, something she never learned to do. Being a kind of cocky fellow with a dry sense of humor, he walked up to the car and said, “Where did you get your license?” And Sylvia, without a trace of rancor, resentment, or defensiveness, sweetly smiled and said, “If you were a gentleman you would offer to help instead of criticize.” To this day, Mike remembers this as the moment he fell in love. He parked the car for her, and asked her for her telephone number. She said, “I don’t give my telephone number to strangers,” and he said, “Well, if you met me at a dance, would you do it then?” She said, “Yes,” and he said, “So let’s pretend we’re at a dance.” She gave him her number and they were together until Sylvia’s death fifty-nine years later.
Carol was concerned about her daughter. True, her daughter was a beautiful and bright woman finishing her doctorate in psychology and seemed by all outside appearances to be a happy, well-adjusted human being. But Carol wasn’t fooled. Her daughter was twenty-eight years old, and not only wasn’t she married, but as far as Carol could see, she didn’t even have any prospects on the horizon. And to add to Carol’s concern, her daughter didn’t even seem to be at all worried about it. Something had to be done!
When Carol’s daughter received an invitation to attend the American Psychological Association conference in Colorado, Carol thought, “Great. She’ll get herself out of the house. She’ll get a break from her studies. She’ll be with her colleagues and will be staying with an old friend. She’ll be among people. . . . Maybe she’ll meet someone.” Her daughter was not as enthusiastic and spent the weeks before the conference complaining. She was feeling overwhelmed by the need to work on her dissertation proposal, and going to the conference would mean a week away from that. Furthermore, it was far away, expensive, intense, and she did not possess as much of a passion for research as she did for the practice of psychology. But with her mother’s prodding, she finally resigned herself to attending.
Being a Jewish Mother, Carol usually talked to her daughter pretty frequently—but they hardly spoke when she was in Colorado. Carol thought it must be because her daughter was busy with the conference, but when Carol started seeing pictures on Instagram of her daughter climbing mountains with two friends, one a very good-looking guy who Carol didn’t recognize, Carol began to feel a sense of hope and excitement. As Carol put it, “You wouldn’t catch my daughter climbing a mountain unless there was a Saks at the top of it!” Considering herself to be a tactful Jewish Mother, Carol didn’t push, but she sensed something was happening because when she did talk to her daughter, her daughter was very giggly and seemed to be having a great time. But her daughter didn’t tell Carol much of anything, so Carol remained silent . . . but hopeful.
When her daughter got back to New York, Carol casually asked her who the guy was, and her daughter replied, “Oh, that’s Mike.” Carol couldn’t resist asking if he was nice and if her daughter thought she’d see him again. Her daughter’s brief reply was, “Yes, he’s nice . . . and I’m seeing him on Tuesday,” It was Sunday . . . so that was good.
They went out on that date, and Mike immediately knew that she was the one. It took Carol’s daughter a little longer to get on board, but within the year they, along with an adorable dog, were happily living together on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.
Of course, Carol would never insinuate that she made this happen, but being a Jewish Mother from Long Island, she does take a bit of credit for pushing her daughter to attend that conference.
Recipe for Love—Depression, Eating Disorder, Bad Hair, Apathy
Things seemed to be going well for comedienne Julie Halston. She had been in California doing a play and some television guest appearances, while her long-term boyfriend was in New York. Although they were three thousand miles apart for an extended period, Julie had remained true to her boyfriend, even turning down a date from a very well-known, handsome movie star, telling him, “I’m sorry but I’m in a committed relationship back home.”
When her TV pilot was over, Julie headed back to New York to star in an Off-Broadway play, do her one-woman show in a club, and move in with her boyfriend. Shortly after she opened in the play, Julie was nominated for a Drama Desk Award.
Unfortunately, just as all this was happening, Julie discovered that her boyfriend was having an affair. Determined to make the relationship work, she tried to stay and work it out, but after a few futile attempts, they decided to call it quits.
Julie went into a tailspin. She had given her New York apartment to a dying friend when she’d moved in with her boyfriend, so she now had no boyfriend and no place to live. She soon became extremely depressed and began developing symptoms of anorexia, but somehow she managed to find a temporary place to live and spent her days sleeping, going to do her shows and going home by herself.
One night, her publicist mentioned that he wanted her to meet his friend, radio interviewer Ralph Howard. Julie informed him in no uncertain terms that the last thing she wanted to do was meet a man. She was absolutely uninterested! After the run of the show, she was going to go to California, by herself, to pursue her career. At least there people seemed to like her.
Unbeknownst to Julie, and in spite of her protestations, her publicist asked Ralph if he was available (yes, he had just stopped dating a woman in Washington, DC) and brought him to see her show. Although Ralph and Julie didn’t meet in person that night, Ralph was very impressed with her performance and asked Julie’s publicist if he might interview Julie. Julie was not interested, but when her publicist forced the issue (mostly to get Julie out of the house during the day, as he was worried about her health and state of mind), Julie reluctantly accepted.
On the day of the interview, her hair a mess, wearing no makeup and a pajama top (she could care less), she went to the studio. When Ralph opened the door, she was pleasantly surprised at how cute he was and how comfortable she felt with him. “Hmm,” she thought, “maybe a little affair before I leave for California would be nice, nothing serious of course.” She found herself sitting at attention and on her best behavior during the interview. But she left with no plans to see Ralph again.
Julie’s publicist called and insisted she come see a show he was involved with on a certain night because that was the night Ralph was going to be there. Again, reluctantly, Julie said OK. However, when she got there and saw Ralph sitting across the room, for reasons she couldn’t understand, she found herself climbing over chairs and pushing people out of the way to grab a seat near him. She suddenly had the sinking feeling in her stomach that this would not just be an affair but was something more serious. And she didn’t want that!
She and Ralph had a pleasant evening together, and a few days later she left for California. When she arrived in California there was a message from Ralph welcoming her to California (he was still in New York), and while she was out there they spoke every day on the phone. But Julie was making her life in California and Ralph was on the radio in New York, so it seemed unlikely much would happen.
As fate would have it, the development deal Julie was working on in Los Angeles became contingent upon her appearing in a show in New York, so before long she found herself back there. She and Ralph still hardly knew each other, but out of the blue Ralph invited her on a vacation to Aruba and she found herself accepting. Four months later, Ralph had a heart-to-heart talk with her about having to take a leap and get serious. That night they went to see the movie Frankie and Johnnie, which was about just that, and Julie found herself weeping through the whole film. The next day they got engaged and they’ve been happily married for years.
When Al was in his early twenties, in the late 1930s, he was a great dancer. He would go to clubs in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut and dance the night away. He had beautiful dancing partners in all these places, but none of them ever clicked for him as being the girl he could get serious with. When he went to the army, he was transferred to Arkansas.
In the evenings, some of the men would cross the state border into Tennessee and dance with the girls who were brought down there, with chaperones of course, to dance with the soldiers. At his first dance, he spent the evening watching a girl on the dance floor and said to himself, “That’s the one.” He says he’ll never forget the feeling and doesn’t know why she was the one. She just looked right to him. As her bus was leaving after the dance, Al jumped on the back and through the open window asked her out. They immediately began dating and spending evenings dancing together.
Before he went overseas he gave her a ring and he said, “If things don’t work out well for me overseas, throw away the ring and start over. If they do work out well, marry me when I get back.” Al came back, they got married, and remained married until her death in 1990.
Heartbreaks in Common Brought Them Together (Very Slowly)
Marianne was in her early forties, was married to a very wealthy oilman, and was the mother of seven children. During a fairly routine discussion one evening, her husband shockingly informed her that he no longer wanted to be married and left. Suddenly, she was the single parent of seven kids, and her whole life turned upside down. Although she felt extremely humiliated and frightened, Marianne quickly determined that she was going to face the challenge in front of her and raise those children. Meeting someone was the last thing on her mind.
A couple of years after her husband left, Marianne decided to go back to school. She was taking a course in Ethnic and Economic Backgrounds, and Joe was her teacher. In this course, students had to get up and tell their life story, so Joe knew a good bit about Marianne’s history. Joe also thought she wrote thoughtful, intelligent, well-written papers. During that year, Joe’s wife, who had been going through a long illness, died. The class knew about it, and Marianne sent him a card.
At the end of the last class, Marianne and Joe were talking, and Marianne told him about her husband leaving her with the seven kids. After Marianne left the room, Joe turned to someone standing next to him and said, “My God, how could he leave a woman like her?” Over the next six months they would pass each other in the cafeteria and say hello. One day, on a whim, Marianne approached Joe and invited him to the ballet. He accepted. On their first date Joe was really strange, talking about other women and seeming not to be interested in Marianne at all. Marianne left that date thinking, “Forget about him, he’s really weird.” About six months later, Marianne’s phone rang and it was Joe. At first she didn’t even call him back, but then he called again, she went out with him, and they married soon after.
For those too young to remember, Horn & Hardart (better known as “The Automat”) was a very popular New York restaurant chain. It was unique because the walls were lined with little glass doors behind which were sandwiches, salads, desserts and drinks. You put a nickel, dime, or quarter in the slot next to a particular door, it opened, and voila, you had your meal. No waiter, no check, just “Automatic” service.
Gene had just returned home from World War II and was eating in the Horn & Hardart in Manhattan. He saw a young woman eating with her sisters and went over and asked her to dance. It was a strange and unusual thing to do in a fast food restaurant, but she said yes, and not long after she said yes again when he asked her to marry him.
Bill and his brother John were walking down the street in the small town in which they lived, when they came across a group of pretty young girls. John went up to the girls and asked, “Who wants to marry my brother Bill?” Dee raised her hand and said. “I will.” And she did!
“Hey Minister! Who’s the Babe in the Pew?”
Joe was the new music minister at a church in Texas. He was sitting on the dais one Sunday morning with the Head Minister during services when a young woman in a purple dress walked in from the back of the church and sat down. Joe, totally knocked out by this woman, leaned over to the minister and mouthed, “Who’s the babe?” “What?” said the minister, unable to make out what he was saying. “Who’s the babe?” “What?” “Who’s the really hot babe in the purple dress who just walked in and sat down?” “That’s my daughter!” Oops. Anyway, it turned out the girl was the minister’s daughter and that she didn’t very often come to church. Joe decided that the way to meet her was to get her to join the choir. A novel approach, walking up to a girl you’re interested in and saying, “You look like an alto, why don’t you be in the choir?” But she joined and they got friendlier, and one day Pamela asked her father if it would be alright to invite Joe to the house for dinner. Her father said yes, but for some reason Pamela didn’t follow through. But Pamela’s mother went to Joe and told him that Pamela had asked, which gave Joe the courage to ask her out. They’re married today.
Phyllis was twenty-one and went to Israel to work on an ulpan, a work farm for foreigners wanting to help Israel. Her brother-in-law, who had decided that Phyllis would marry Betzalel (her brother-in-law hadn’t told Phyllis this, and Phyllis had never met Betzalel) told Phyllis she had to look Betzalel up at the King David Hotel to send his regards. Dutifully, Phyllis called Betzalel and conveyed her brother-in-law’s regards. Betzalel, in an aloof sort of way that some might say is indigenous to Israeli men, said, “Who are you?” He decided they were obligated to meet, and he went out to the ulpan where Phyllis was working. This was a little uncomfortable for him since for an Israeli to go out to an ulpan was often construed as the Israeli trying to hook up with an American to procure his rights both in Israel and America. But he went and invited her out on Friday night. Phyllis had already been invited to a Shabbat dinner at someone’s house, but Betzalel insisted they go out afterward. They went out and the next Friday Betzalel’s mother invited Phyllis to her house for Shabbat, and that was the beginning of the relationship. They’ve been married for over forty years.
If It’s Meant to Be, It’s Meant to Be
Ron had just broken up a long-term relationship with a man who was quite a bit older and very much more accomplished and further along in his career than he was. He was now alone, and his friends suggested that he make a list of all the qualities he wanted in a man and put it up somewhere where he could look at it every day. Ron did that, writing down a specific description of the attributes of his dream lover, and put the list on his refrigerator. Nothing seemed to happen, so after a few months he took it off.
After several years of being by himself, Ron got involved with a man who was certainly not his dream lover, but the relationship lasted a long time. He and his boyfriend were in therapy but there was a certain complacency, joint property, and an intertwined lifestyle that made them both feel that even though this relationship was not really working, it would go on.
Ron was standing by the subway entrance on 86th Street in Manhattan saying goodnight to a man with whom he’d just had a business meeting. Ron found himself wondering if this man was gay or not . . . he just couldn’t tell. All of a sudden a very attractive tall man walked by and looked right at them as he passed. Ron said to the man he was with: “I think you just got cruised,” and the man responded, “Ooh, honey, I don’t think it was me he was cruising.” Ron smiled thinking “Okay, now I know this guy’s gay.”
The man who had cruised Ron went into Gristedes. Ron said goodnight to his business associate and walked down into the subway. The train was slow in coming, but there was a singer performing on the platform and Ron really got into it and was standing there enjoying the performance when he realized the handsome man who’d cruised him was standing near him. This made Ron really nervous so he didn’t look—he just kept listening to the music. When the train finally arrived, Ron made a point to see which car the guy was going into and proceeded to go into a different one. He sat down and thought, “Whew, glad I don’t have to deal with that.” A few minutes later he looked up and realized that the man was now standing near him in his car. (The interesting thing is that Lars, the man who Ron thought was cruising him, does not remember going after Ron, switching cars to be near him or following him in any way.)
Ron surreptitiously began to glance up at the man, trying to find things he didn’t like about him. Didn’t like the shoes. Didn’t like the tie. He said nothing to the man—he was just too unnerved at the thought of talking to this stranger on the subway—but something kept drawing the two of them together. He was on the local train, and at 34th Street he thought he heard the conductor announce that the train was now going express. He had been told to take the local train, so he got off the train. (Actually, he was going to 14th Street, which would have been the next express stop, but he got confused about directions and thought he needed to get off.) He was standing on the platform and he noticed that the man had gotten off too. Then he heard the conductor announce that the next stop was 28th Street, which meant that the train actually was a local, so he got back on. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that the man had gotten back on too. (Again, the fascinating thing about this is that Lars has no memory of following Ron or cruising him or anything. He was just going about his business, not even noticing where Ron was.)
At 14th Street, both men got off the train, Ron stood on the platform trying to figure out which exit he should go to, and the man went toward an exit at the end of the platform. As Ron was standing there he saw the man turn around . . . the exit he was going toward was closed, and the man was heading toward Ron on his way to the other exit. As the man passed Ron, something made Ron reach into his pocket, grab his business card, hand it to the man and say, “Call me.” The man said nothing, did not give Ron his number, just took the card and kept walking.
Even though Ron was still in his relationship, for some reason he was very excited. The next day he came into work and asked his secretary if anyone had called. The secretary said, “Yes, Bob called.” “Bob,” thought Ron. “Hm. That’s a nice name. Could it be him?” Ron asked, “Did you get his number?” and the secretary said, “He didn’t leave one.” Ron went into a whole tirade, saying, “How could you not get his number?!” The secretary looked so taken aback at this outburst that Ron, who had never shared any of the details of his personal life with his secretary, told her the whole story. She was very intrigued and into it, but informed him that she hadn’t gotten Bob’s number because it was Bob, their accountant from downstairs, who had called.
For the next five days, both Ron and his secretary waited anxiously for a call from the mystery man. The call never came.
Ron’s relationship dragged on. They were in couples counseling and Ron even brought up the mystery man in a session, but there was such a sense of inertia and settledness in their relationship that it didn’t even seem to ruffle his partner. Over the next year and a half, the relationship continued to drag on, but clearly there was nothing left of it and only familiarity and a sense of “nowhere else to go” were keeping them together.
Ron left his job and moved to another one. A year and a half after the subway encounter, Ron’s secretary from his old job got a call. “Hello, this is Lars, is Ron there?” “I’m sorry, Ron doesn’t work here anymore,” was her reply. “Thank you,” Lars said, and was ready to hang up. Now this was a government agency and their policy was not to give out forwarding numbers of employees who had left. But the secretary had remembered the story of the mystery man on the subway, and even though Lars had said nothing to indicate that he was that mystery man from a year and a half ago, the secretary said, “Would you like the number where Ron works now?” Lars, after hesitating, said, “Okay.” Ron was sitting at work when the phone rang.
When Ron answered the phone, he heard a voice on the other end say, “This is Lars, I’m the man you gave your card to on the subway a year and a half ago.” Now Ron knew that quite a few friends of his knew about the subway incident and he assumed someone was pulling his leg. “Oh, helloooo Laaaars,” he said in an extremely sarcastic voice. But when Lars began to talk to him and related things about the incident that only Lars could have known, Ron realized he was really talking to the guy. “What took you so long to call?” Ron asked. Actually, Lars had at first not wanted to call because he assumed that he wouldn’t be interested in a guy who makes a habit of giving his business card out on the subway. He’d then lost the card and was cleaning out some things and found it in a box. His friends had been pressuring him to be more aggressive in looking for a boyfriend . . . he’d been single for a while, doing a bit of casual dating but nothing serious, and his friends were warning him that if you remain single too long it becomes a way of life and your relationship muscles shrivel up and atrophy. So when he found the card, he figured he’d go through the motions and take the initiative, even though it seemed ridiculously unlikely that it would lead to anything.
Lars was shocked that Ron even remembered him, thinking that Ron must give out his card on the subway all the time, but as they talked, he realized that Ron had never done such a thing before or since. They talked for forty minutes and at the end, Lars gave Ron his home number, his work number, his address, and his cell phone number. Ron said, “Well, you have my work number” and left it at that. Now Lars was paying attention, so he said, “Something is strange here. Are you involved with someone?” “Well, sort of.” said Ron. “Well, if you ever become totally available, give me a call.” was Lars’ reply. A few weeks later, Ron and his boyfriend finally decided to split up. Ron actually called his former boyfriend, the one who was older and very successful, and asked if he could use the empty apartment he kept in New York. (The ex-boyfriend had moved to L.A.) His ex said fine, and Ron moved out of the apartment he was in and into this one. The first call he made was to Lars.
Lars spent about two weeks having long conversations with Ron, making sure that he would not just be a rebound relationship. They then got together, and the rest is history. They’ve been partners for the last thirty years.
Oh, and by the way, the list Ron had placed on his refrigerator years before . . . described Lars to a tee.
It Took Five Disasters to Bring Them Together
Without the simultaneous occurrence of five disasters, Rene and Peter would have never gotten together. Rene had spent several years caring for her ailing father who was suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease. Shortly after he died, her mother developed the same disease. Rene, who had been single for a long time, was the only child really in a position to give up her life as she knew it and care for her mother. After several years during which Rene spent most of her time shuttling between her home in New York, her mother’s homes in Florida and New Jersey, and her brother’s home in Los Angeles, where her mother often stayed, Rene’s mother finally died.
The next day, when Rene picked up the phone to call one of her oldest and dearest friends, Penny, to tell her her mother had died, Penny informed Rene that she had just been diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma. Rene had always been a natural caretaker. In addition to taking care of both her dying parents she had also spent many years volunteering at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center and continues to do so to this day. So even though her mother had just died, Rene volunteered to come to New Jersey to accompany Penny to all her chemotherapy sessions and help take care of her during her treatment.
While this was going on, Penny’s brother Peter was having his own problems. Peter lived in Florida, and after a fifteen-year marriage, his wife told him that she wanted a divorce. At the same time, in the course of a one-month period, two of Peter’s best friends committed suicide. Then Peter got the call that his sister had cancer. Like Rene, Peter volunteered to come up to New Jersey to take care of her.
Rene had known Peter slightly from high school, but basically she’d just known him as Penny’s older brother. Rene and Peter spent a lot of time sitting in chemo waiting rooms and hanging out and helping Penny at her home. Rene began to notice that she felt really comfortable with Peter, although she wasn’t feeling any romantic feelings. But as time went on and they began to spend more time together, feelings started to grow between them. It was a long, complex courtship, both were recovering from a lot of pain and trauma, but they took their time, often not being in contact for months as they each took care of their personal business in their own cities, going as slowly as they needed to with each other. After about nine months, a love that was stronger than either of them had ever experienced blossomed and they are now married.
Michael was the extremely successful owner of a very large company. Lisa worked running one of the departments. They hardly knew each other. One day, Michael was giving someone a tour of the company facilities and when they got to Lisa’s department, the man who was receiving the tour said, “Is she your wife?” That was a really strange thing to say out of the blue, but Michael found himself saying, “No, but I wish she was.”
Now Michael had recently been through a very painful divorce and he says that Lisa looked like a much younger version of his ex-wife, although considering how rancorous that divorce had been, it’s surprising that he would have had feelings for anyone who looked like her. Perhaps Lisa was his “type.” At any rate, one thing led to another and they began to go out.
But as they got more serious, Michael’s distrust and his memory of past failed relationships made him reluctant to want to commit. Michael was a good deal older than Lisa and felt they wanted different things. Lisa was pressuring him for more commitment. Finally, Lisa gave him an ultimatum, and when he didn’t rise to it, Lisa left.
For the next period of time, they were apart and Michael began to date other women. Being a very wealthy man, he would drive up in an antique Bentley, pick up his date, drive to the airport where they would board his private Gulfstream jet, fly over to Martha’s Vineyard or some such place for dinner, and fly back. As Michael tells it, by the second date many women would be falling in love with him, telling him how sexy he was and how anxious they were to make a commitment. Michael was astute enough to realize that these women were not falling in love with him but rather with the material things he was providing.
During this time, Lisa had worked very hard to get over Michael. She went through months of tears and pain and finally felt she had let go and was ready to move on. Then, one day, after nine months of separation, the phone rang and it was Michael. She couldn’t imagine why he was calling. Michael told her that, after months of empty dating, he had realized that Lisa was the one who had loved him for himself and not for his money and that he was now willing to make the commitment and marry her. They’ve been together ever since.
In a Bar
I met two people in a restaurant the other day. She’s forty, he’s sixty, they’ve been married less than a year, and amazingly enough, it’s a first marriage for both. They happily own a restaurant in Nantucket together, as well as having two careers in New York. Since I collect stories about how people met, I asked her to tell me theirs. “How did you meet?” I asked. “In a bar,” was her reply.
Sometimes it’s just that simple.
A Pickup
On September 22, 1990, Russell went out to a bar in Wilmington, North Carolina, met Anthony, brought him home, and they’ve been together ever since. They were legally married on September 5, 2013 in Potomac, MD.
He Went to That Party He Didn’t Want to Go To
Burgess had had a horrible breakup with his former boyfriend, when he discovered that he was having an affair with the husband of a woman friend of theirs. After that, Burgess didn’t date for almost five years, and was just starting to date casually when he was invited to a New Year’s Eve party. He didn’t particularly want to go, but at 10 p.m. got himself dressed and went. Dan had been invited to the same party. Also being single and, like Burgess, casually dating someone, Dan hadn’t really felt like going either, but decided that he would go, help the host, and leave early. The moment Burgess walked in, Dan says that he saw him across the room and remembers thinking, “This is a man I’d want to settle in and spend the rest of my life with.” Burgess remembers also spotting Dan across the room and thinking him attractive, but not really being interested since Dan was not young, hot, dark, and Cuban, the type Burgess was usually attracted to. However, they did get to talking and didn’t stop the whole evening. After the party they went out to a coffee shop and continued to talk until three in the morning. They talked about the guys they’d begun to date, about their problems, and about life, with no discussion of their dating or anything like that, but just as new friends.
Over the course of the next six months, they became fast friends. Sporadically, they would spend a lot of time with each other, talking, doing things together, having meals, and in time they grew to be really close friends, still not making the move toward becoming more. Then one day, as Burgess tells it, Dan called him and said, “I’d like to cook for you.” Now Dan is a wonderful cook, so Burgess immediately accepted. They decided they would have a picnic by the sea, and during the course of the meal, as the sun set over the ocean, Burgess noticed that Dan had taken his hand. Dan proceeded to tell him that he couldn’t hold out much longer and that he hadn’t wanted to push or rush him, but he’d been in love with him and extremely attracted to him since the night they’d met. Burgess was taken by surprise and hadn’t really allowed himself to think that way, but he and Dan went back to Dan’s house and made love, and have been together ever since, which is over thirty years now. And Burgess tells me their lovemaking and their closeness are as fresh and new as they were all those years ago.
Ervin Drake, world-renowned songwriter of such hits as “I Believe” and the Broadway musical Golden Boy, was nineteen when he met the love of his life, who was sixteen. At the time, Ervin was a starving songwriter who was having a lot of trouble finding success. The love of his life came from a well-to-do, socially prominent family. Though they were madly in love, she was concerned about settling down with him, so she broke up with him to play the field. Ervin was devastated to the point of contemplating suicide. So devastated in fact, that he wrote the scathing song “Good Morning Heartache,” which became his first big hit.
Ervin and the love of his life each went on to marry other people. Coincidentally, they both ended up living in Great Neck, Long Island. After twenty-five years, Ervin’s wife died. Around the same time, the love of his life’s husband also died. Hearing about Ervin’s wife’s death, she called to console him and they arranged to meet for dinner. Right then and there they realized that they’d always been soulmates. They got married very soon after, and stayed married for the rest of their lives. So her breaking up with Ervin handed him his career, and they ended up together in the end.
Linda, an aspiring young actress just out of college, had been dating a Hollywood celebrity for four years and had thought that this was the man she would be with for the rest of her life. However, as it gradually began to dawn on her that her boyfriend was unable to be faithful to one woman, she reluctantly realized that she had to end the relationship.
On the day she moved out, she arrived at her new house to find a dog sitting in her driveway. The dog had no collar and no tags, so she went into the house and left it outside, figuring it would go away.
As soon as she went into the house, the dog came up onto the porch, jumped up on a table, curled up, and went to sleep. (She realized later that the dog was sleeping on the table so it could look into the house and see her.)
Day after day, the dog would be parked in front of her house, and night after night, the dog would sleep on the porch. Finally, Linda decided to take the dog in. She named him Charlie.
Linda took Charlie to the vet to have him checked out, and discovered, to her dismay, that Charlie had a serious heart condition. “I’m afraid this dog has about three days to live.” was the vet’s prognosis. “We can try and give him medication, but I don’t think it will help.”
Linda had no money at the time (she was basically subsisting on small fees she would receive from acting jobs here and there) and could not afford the medication. The vet, seeing her upset, offered to give Charlie the treatment and medication for free if Linda would allow the vet to use the dog for a research project after its death.
She took Charlie home, and Charlie lived healthily for three more years! During that time, Linda and Charlie were inseparable. She got a job doing presentations for an advertising company, and Charlie, who was never on a leash but would follow her everywhere, would actually go on stage with her and sit by her for all the presentations.
Linda began dating someone else, but not particularly seriously, because she felt so burnt by her previous relationship. She also befriended a man at work named Bob. They worked side by side constantly and had a wonderful collaborative friendship, but there was no thought of anything more. They were just friends who liked each other a lot and worked well together.
As time went on, Bob began to be interested in Linda as someone he could like as more than just a friend, but because Linda was seeing someone else, Bob felt that nothing could happen between them.
One day, Linda and Bob had a serious problem with their boss. They had done a presentation and the boss was dissatisfied and became unreasonably enraged. On the bus ride back to the office, the boss was screaming at Bob, berating him publicly and threatening to fire him.
When they got back to the office, Bob went to a restaurant next door to try and cool off. Linda found herself waiting around for Bob to make sure he was alright. Finally, she went into the restaurant and they decided to go to a different restaurant and have dinner. During that dinner, as they talked and talked and talked, they both had an unspoken realization that something had changed between them and that something romantic seemed to be in the air.
A few days later, Bob decided to take the chance and asked Linda out on a date. He took her to dinner and to see Beatlemania, and then took her home. He couldn’t come in though, because he was highly allergic to dogs and Linda still had Charlie. But he kissed her goodnight, and Linda reports that after that one kiss, she closed the door, slid down to the floor and thought, “My God. This is the one.”
But still reeling from her four-year relationship-gone-wrong, and seeing her relationship with the man she was presently dating falling away, Linda was reluctant to get involved, so she held Bob at bay. She told Bob that she didn’t want to get serious, and anyway, she had a dog and Bob was allergic to dogs. Basically, out of fear, she used Charlie as an excuse to not get closer.
Bob responded by saying he understood and they should remain just friends.
And then . . . Charlie died.
A few days later, Linda and Bob were working late in the office and were the only ones left. Bob asked Linda if she would like to grab some Chinese food, making sure to emphasize that this was not a date, just dinner between two friends. Linda accepted the invitation, they went to dinner, they went back to Linda’s house (where there was no longer a dog), and Bob never left.
They’ve been married for thirty-five years.
It’s very clear in Linda’s mind and heart that Charlie was her guardian angel. He showed up out of nowhere on the day Linda’s relationship ended, kept her company through her years healing, living far past the time he was supposed to, and “stepped out” when Linda was taken care of and ready for the love of her life.
That dog “knew” something.
This story was told to me by my friend Mel. It’s not exactly a “How They Met” story, but it so supports the “you never know” theme that I wanted to include it.
Over thirty years ago, Mel was best friends with a guy who was “absolutely gorgeous.” So gorgeous in fact, that Mel never gave a romantic relationship a thought, even though he secretly pined for this guy. Being sensible and knowing that a knockout like this would never give someone like him a second glance, Mel contented himself with a wonderful friendship. They were, in fact, almost inseparable, they hung out a lot, the guy always invited Mel places, they had great dinners and spent a lot of time enjoying each other’s company and talking about life. Ultimately Mel was grateful to be friends with this guy, even though he knew it could never be more.
Eventually they drifted apart, and after not too long Mel met Paul and began a relationship that has lasted to this day. He had long ago forgotten about his gorgeous friend, until one day he ran into him in the supermarket and they got to talking. His friend was also in a long-term relationship, and as they began to share the stories of their lives, Mel’s friend looked at him and said, “Were you aware of how much in love I was with you?” Mel replied, “WHAT?!?!” His friend continued, “I tried everything to get you to notice me, calling you up all the time, going places with you, but you seemed so uninterested in a romantic relationship that I eventually gave up.”
Thirty years later both are content to be where they are with the partners they are with, but it goes to show you, “Never assume! And never underestimate your own attractiveness.”
She Didn’t Catch the Bouquet, But She Did Catch a Husband
Victoria’s close friends were getting married and she was going to the wedding without a date.
Victoria had been dating a guy for some time but he had neglected to tell her one small detail about himself. He was married.
About two weeks prior to her friends’ wedding (to which Victoria had invited her “boyfriend”) Victoria was at work (she was a producer for a morning talk show in New York City) when she received a call from a woman who told her she was her “boyfriend’s” next-door neighbor and that she felt Victoria should know that her “boyfriend” was married. Apparently, so as not to get caught by his wife, Victoria’s “boyfriend” had set up a phone line in his next-door neighbor’s house, his next-door neighbor being a close pal of his. When Victoria would call, unbeknownst to her, she was calling an answering machine in the neighbor’s house. The neighbor would then go next door, notify Victoria’s “boyfriend” that Victoria had called, her “boyfriend” would go next door, and call Victoria back from that phone. The guys were pulling it off until the neighbor’s wife got wind of what was going on and felt compelled to tip Victoria off.
A few minutes after Victoria found out the truth, her “boyfriend” called her at the office. Victoria worked in a large open room with a lot of people sitting at desks nearby, so all of her coworkers were privy to Victoria’s top-of-her-lungs tirade where she reamed him out for deceiving her, ending the conversation with, “And you were lousy in bed!”
Now, in addition to not having a boyfriend, Victoria had another social dilemma. She was scheduled to go to her friends’ Pat and Chas’s wedding in less than two weeks, and she now didn’t have a date. The wedding was going to be a very expensive and fancy affair at the Union Club, and Victoria knew that they were paying a lot of money per plate. So she called Pat and asked if she should bring a friend or relative as a date so the table arrangements wouldn’t get messed up, or if she should just come alone and save them the cost of the extra plate. Pat said, “Come alone. We’re going to have a single’s table, so you’ll be fine.”
At the same time, Tony was having a similar problem. Tony, born and raised in New Zealand, had come to Aspen to ski for a season and liked it so much that he stayed for five years, working as a ski instructor and housesitting for the rich and famous. Chas, also an avid skier, was working in Aspen as a sommelier. Tony and Chas hit it off and became fast friends.
Fast forward a number of years: Chas had moved to New York, and Tony was now living in northern New Jersey at Great Gorge, working at the former Playboy Club which had been converted to timeshares. Tony had been dating a girl and Chas invited him to come to the wedding with her, but two weeks before the wedding, Tony and his girlfriend broke up. Tony called Chas with the exact same concern that Victoria had had. “Should I bring someone else to hold the place, or come alone?” Chas told Tony not to worry. They had a singles table and it would be fine for him to come alone.
Although Victoria had been very friendly with Pat for years, and Tony had been very friendly with Chas for years, Victoria and Tony had never met.
Tony and Victoria were both seated at the singles table, though not next to each other. (They later found out that Chas and Pat had assumed that the two of them would never get along, so they seated them next to other, more “suitable” people.) Victoria was seated next to an Italian guy who she found to be snobby and off-putting, and they put Tony across the table next to a girl who he didn’t like either.
Everyone was dancing, and suddenly, in this very fancy Park Avenue club, the air conditioning broke down. It being a formal wedding, with all the men in tuxedos and all the women dressed to the nines, it got very hot in there very quickly. The club was on the first floor, so they opened all the windows to try to at least create a cross-breeze.
Tony took his jacket off and was sitting on the windowsill to get some air. (The club was on the first floor, so there wasn’t any danger of falling out the window.) While Victoria was dancing, and really beginning to feel uncomfortably hot, Tony caught her eye from the windowsill and beckoned her to come over. Victoria gave him a look as if to say, “Me? Who? What?” since she didn’t even know this guy, but he nodded as if to say, “Yes.” So she thought, “Well, I am really hot and he’s sitting next to an open window, so I might as well partake of the breeze.”
Victoria walked over and said, “Are you talking to me?” to which Tony said, “Yeah, you.” The moment she heard him speak, Victoria said, “Oh, where are you from, Australia or New Zealand?” Tony said, “New Zealand,” and Victoria said, “Oh, where men are men and sheep are nervous.” Tony got a good laugh out of that, and Victoria said, “I just got back from New Zealand.” Tony didn’t believe her, telling her, “No way! You’re a city girl.” (She was dressed in a very dressy sequined black dress and heels, and did, indeed, look like a city girl.) Victoria proceeded to inform him that she had spent her trip driving a camper van all around the country. Tony, a country guy who rarely even came into Manhattan, still didn’t believe her, so he began to grill her. “What was your favorite place in New Zealand?” “Oh, definitely Queenstown.” Victoria began describing specific things and places she had loved, and finally Tony said, “OK. I guess you really have been to New Zealand.”
They began chatting and laughing, and in the course of their conversation—since it was so hot—they convinced themselves that there must be a pool somewhere in this fancy club and set out to look for it. They didn’t find one, but they did find a room with a pool table, and as they were leaning against it talking, Tony kissed Victoria. Victoria, feeling the sparks start to fly, said, “We’d better get back to the party.”
As the wedding started to wind down, Tony said, “Why don’t we go back to your apartment.” To which Victoria said, “Oh no. We haven’t had a proper date yet. You have to at least take me for a drink.” Tony took her to a bar across the street from her apartment, and when they sat down and ordered, Victoria said, “I’ve got to ask you at least twenty questions.” She got through about ten questions and then said, “I just met you. I have to be able to trust you. Give me your wallet. Let me go through your wallet.” Tony handed her his wallet. There were no pictures of girlfriends, no drugs and no condoms. There was something about this guy that Victoria just instinctively trusted, so she took him home with her and he never left.
They were married soon after in a beautiful wedding in Grand Cayman Island, and it’s been twenty-seven years and they’re still happily together.
While Victoria and Tony had been out of the room at the wedding, the bride had thrown the bouquet. One of Victoria’s girlfriends later told her, “I caught the bouquet.” To which Victoria responded, “Yeah. But I caught the man.”
Anne, a successful Broadway actress/singer who starred in such shows as Cyrano, Les Misérables, Victor/Victoria, and The Phantom of the Opera, suddenly found herself widowed at a young age. For a while, she and her seven-year-old daughter stayed in New York, Anne starring in “Phantom” while her daughter performed in “Les Miz” right next door. But it soon became apparent that Anne and her daughter needed a break to gather themselves, heal, and grieve, so they left New York and moved to California to live with Anne’s mother, taking Anne completely out of the Broadway environment where she had lived and worked for so many years.
After a period of time, Anne’s therapist and others around her encouraged her to start dating. As Anne describes it, “When I started dating, I used a lot of online dating services. I was very open to meeting different kinds of people, and I sort of had the philosophy that I’d been in show business my whole life, had pretty much only dated people in show business, and it would be really interesting to meet people outside of that world. So I met people who did all kinds of different things, but nothing really clicked. I’d go out on one date, a couple of dates, even date someone for six weeks or a few months, but I didn’t find anyone who seemed like they were going to be worth any sort of compromise.”
So consciously trying to meet someone and using all the tools available didn’t seem to be working.
After a number of years, Anne decided it was time to move back to the New York area, so she and her daughter flew East and settled into a home in Westchester, a suburb just north of the City. Anne was not dating anyone at the time and was no longer using online dating services, but a few friends set her up with people, and after going out on a couple of dates, Anne had a revelation. She thought, “You know what? I’m done. I’m really done. I don’t want to date any more. I’ve met so many people, some really nice people, but nothing is clicking. I’m very self-sufficient, I’m very happy being single, being a single mom, I love my life with my daughter, I have a horse, I love my horse, I love where we live, I’m able to provide for us, I don’t need more. And maybe you only get a couple of really great loves in your life, and maybe I’ve had that and it’s just not in the cards for me. So I quit. With contentment. And I was really good with it. I loved my life, my life was really great, I didn’t feel lonely, I didn’t feel compromised, I didn’t feel like I was lacking anything. I had great friends, many from show business, where I had developed incredible friendships with so many people I’d met through the years and become very close to, as well as great girl-friends and man-friends. So my life was very, very full and that’s where I was at.”
So . . . Anne often made concert appearances with symphonies, and she was invited by Marvin Hamlisch to sing for him at the New Jersey State Theatre with several other Broadway stars. The concert was about two hours’ drive from her home, and part of the evening was a black-tie reception after the concert to honor the CEO of Johnson & Johnson. Anne told her agent that since it was a two-hour drive, a sitter was watching her daughter, and since Anne didn’t like driving late at night, she wouldn’t be staying for the reception. At first her agent said, “Fine, no problem,” but then called back an hour later to say. “Everyone’s going to the black-tie dinner, you’re the only one who’s not going, Marvin’s going, you need to go.” So Anne said, “OK, I’ll show up, I’ll go for like twenty minutes, I’ll sit at the table, I’ll talk to everyone who’s at my table, but then I am going to have to excuse myself and leave.”
Anne sang the concert and went to the reception where she sat at a table next to Montego Glover, who was one of the other Broadway stars on the bill, and chatted with a group of lovely people who were sitting with them. Out of the corner of her eye, Anne noticed a gentleman, with a woman with him, approaching her . . .Anne remembers thinking, “Oh, he’s so handsome. Obviously he’s with his wife. The good ones are always taken!”
As the man got to the table, he leaned forward and said to both Anne and Montego, “I just wanted to tell you what a fantastic performance both of you gave. You were terrific: you lifted everybody’s spirits.” He then looked directly at Anne and said, “Are you single?” Kind of taken aback, Anne said, “Yes.” To which he said, “Do you have a boyfriend?” to which Anne said, “No.” To which he said, “How do I apply for that position?” To which Anne said, “Well, why don’t you sit down and I’ll see if I’m taking applications.”
Montego, being an actress who knew how to take a cue, immediately stood up, said, “I have to go make a phone call,” and left the table, leaving her seat vacant for the gentleman to sit down.
So he sat down and they began to chat. Anne explained to him that she would be leaving shortly because she needed to get home, since she had a daughter at home and was a single parent with a two-hour drive. He said, “Promise me that you will save me a dance before you leave,” to which Anne said, “Absolutely.” He then went on to say that he would love to get together and asked whether Anne would be open to having drinks or dinner or something. Anne explained that she was going to Dallas the following week to perform with Marvin Hamlisch again, but after that she would be home and yes, she would love to get together.
Anne says that one of the first things she fell in love with was that when he took out his phone to take her number, being in his fifties, he was having trouble seeing the phone and was squinting trying to put her number in. She found it adorable.
He took her phone number, and as he tells it, he didn’t know whether she was giving him the right number or not. But he gave Anne his phone number and asked her to let him know that she had arrived safely home when she got home that evening.
They did have a dance, had a little more conversation, and then Anne said goodnight and drove home. By the time Anne arrived at home, there was a text from him saying, “Just wanted to make sure you got home safely,” to which she texted back saying, “Yes, I did. Thank you for checking.”
The following week, when she arrived in Dallas for her concert, there was a large bouquet of flowers waiting for her in her dressing room. He had looked up Marvin Hamlisch’s concert schedule and found out where she would be performing.
From his point of view, the reason he had been at the concert that evening was that the CEO of Johnson & Johnson was on the board of the university where he worked, so he had been there to support him. He had come without a date (the woman walking with him had nothing to do with him, she just happened to be there at the same time), he was sitting at a table with his board members and their spouses, and he was saying, “I really would love to meet this girl.” The people at his table said, “Well, what are you going to do? Are you just going to walk up there?” And he said, “Yeah, I’ve got one shot, to just walk up there and say something. Otherwise, what am I going to do? Email her later and say, ‘I was sitting in Row G, Seat 5, did you notice me?’ ”
So he took a shot, and Anne thought it was very interesting because she had quit dating, and she remembered a friend had said to her years before, when she was still online dating, “Anne, you’re not going to meet someone online. You’re going to be like in the line at Starbucks. That’s how you’re going to meet someone. It’s going to be something completely random.”
And her friend was right. Anne wasn’t even going to go to this thing, and there he was.
The week after Anne got back from Dallas, they had their first date, a dinner at the Bedford Post Inn, and it was magical. It was definitely different than any of the dates she had had, and Anne remembers telling her girlfriends, “This one feels different.”
In retrospect, Anne is grateful that she had all the experiences of dating men who were not quite right so she could tell the difference.
Anne and Don were married a year and a half after their first meeting.
All because she said yes to something she would have said no to, and because he had the desire and the guts to risk embarrassment and rejection and go after what he wanted.
I will NEVER Marry Another Actor
Marsha, an actress previously married to an actor who, as she put it, was “the poster child for why you don’t want to marry an actor,” had made a deal with a friend that if he took the acting class she was leading, she would take the acting class he was leading.
The first day of class, Marsha was clear that the last thing she was looking to find was a date in a theater full of actors. She had been married to one egomaniacal actor, and was not about to make that mistake again!
The class was great, and Marsha did notice one actor she thought was the cutest guy in the room. But that observation was purely aesthetic, since she was not looking for a hookup.
She would later find out that John (the cute guy) had thought she was a cute little Jewish girl. She was, in fact, a cute little Spanish girl, but “two out of three ain’t bad.”
