Читать книгу ELVIS SAILS AGAIN - DAVID J CHRISTOPHER - Страница 11

"What in heaven's name was that?"

Jeremy had a headache.

"I feel pretty bloody nauseous and I definitely don't need some damn fool banging on the side of the boat. I'd literally only just got to sleep," he groaned.

Lying next to him his wife, Caroline, frowned.

"You've been asleep for hours," she said, "either that or you snore awake."

Jeremy and Caroline were aboard their home for the week, Jabba the Hut.

"God, the mattress is still soaking, why did we sleep on this?" Jeremy griped.

"Because we were too pissed to care," replied Caroline.

The couple had come on holiday with their neighbours of fifteen years, Jeffrey and Miranda. The foursome had holidayed together every year for the last five, but this was to be their first sailing experience together. They had tossed a coin for the sleeping accommodation and Jeremy had won, or so he had thought.

Next to them on the pontoon, was Obi the yacht Wan Kenobi. This week it was to be occupied by four friends from Bournemouth University. Flick and Toby were a couple, but their friends Gigi and Tristan had still not taken the plunge into a relationship. As a result, and much to Toby's frustration, Flick was sharing with Gigi, and Toby with Tristan. None of students stirred a muscle at Barry's attempts to wake them, they all slept on soundly.

Princess Leia was host to the newly married Kurt and Dave. This holiday was a honeymoon for them. Dave had hoped for something a bit more romantic, maybe a tropical island, but Kurt had booked the holiday as a surprise for them both, but mainly for him as a keen weekend sailor.

The occupants of the boats Emperor Palpatine and Han Solo were also married couples. Jonny was with Donna on the former, whilst Graham was with Tina on the second. At least that was how things would be starting. The four were members of a newly created online club called It could only happen at Sea. The club had been set up by people who shared a passion for sailing, and swinging. This trip had been arranged so that both passions could be enjoyed. There was no set agenda to how the week might go, but if things went well between the couples, then at some point there might well be a boat swap.

The final members of the flotilla were aboard Yoda and were middle aged, middle England couple William and Cordelia, along with her parents, Ernie and Joyce.

Barry and Brenda found Jock outside his office drinking coffee and updated him on their efforts.

"Right? You've been around waking everyone up have you? That's brave. I think there might be some sore heads this morning," Jock told them, "that lot shifted one heck of a lot of booze."

"Remember that the two of us are ready, willing and able to assist you in your hour of need in any way you see fit," offered Barry. "Isn't that that right Bren?" said Barry.

"Much appreciated, but Elvis and Naomi should be here soon," he announced, "They are going to be the new flotilla leaders for the week."

Don't you worry yourself Jock, Barry and Brenda will sort them out. These youngsters, brand new to the job I expect, wet behind the ears, they will need all our help and experience."

"That they might," said Jock, "that they might."

Having waited nearly two hours for their lift and having tried Jock's mobile repeatedly with no success, Elvis and Naomi were at that moment still standing outside the ferry port in Igoumenitsa. Their early start, preceded by a disturbed night, courtesy of a Hen Party's antics, together with a packed ferry with inadequate seating, was responsible for a heavy atmosphere between them.

"Where the flip is Jock?" asked Naomi for the fifth time.

"Only thing for it is to take a taxi," Elvis said.

"How much cash have you got on you darling, because I've used the last I had on those two coffees from the stand."

"I never carry cash; you know that I'm like......"

"The Queen, yes I've lost count of the number of times I've heard that one. The thing is though, I'm betting Her Majesty probably doesn't find herself sitting outside a noisy ferry port with no obvious means of transport all that often," replied Naomi testily.

"Let's do what we did when we were last here and had no money, let's thumb it!" suggested Elvis.

"You have got to be joking, there is no way that I'm going to stand by the side of the road thumb in the air, waiting for a Greek knight of the road to pick us up."

"OK, fair enough. I'll do it then. In fact, I'm going to go one better and write a sign," he said.

"You speak Greek then do you sweetheart, because as far as I know they don't actually spell Nidri "Nidri" here on account of the fact that the alphabet is totally different."

"They all speak English, don't worry about that," assured Elvis as he borrowed Naomi's lipstick and carefully wrote his sign on a discarded piece of paper.

When it was done, smiling in what he hoped was a please give us a lift sort of way, he held it proudly aloft, sticking his thumb firmly in the air. However, as time passed, he became more and more despondent as lorry after lorry swept past them without even a glance at him or his sign.

"Let me have a go, you're getting nowhere fast," Naomi shouted, so she could be heard above the noise.

She put on her sunglasses and shook down her hair from underneath her hat. Elvis was impressed by the transformation as obviously was a lorry driver a few minutes later. A dirty open topped truck pulled over, and a chunky chap with a bushy black beard leant out of the cab.

"Hey lady, you want lift, come on up, where you go to?"

"Beggars can't be choosers," muttered Naomi.

"Room for the husband too?" asked Naomi with the hint of a wink. Elvis had been taking a well-earned rest behind a lamp post and stepped into view for the first time.

"No problem lady, but I only have room in the cab for you, husband on the back, is ok?" he said. "Absolutely fine," replied Naomi.

"There is no way I'm travelling in that," started Elvis, "it's embarrassing."

"OK you stay here then darling and try your luck with something a bit posher, but I thought you wanted to travel like we did back in the day," Naomi grinned.

Elvis did not fancy his chances of getting one of the air-conditioned trans-European juggernauts with plush interiors to stop, and he had the good sense to realise that, without Naomi, his chances diminished further. No, there was nothing for it but to swallow his pride and jump up on the back. After all he wouldn't have thought twice thirty years ago.

"At least give us a hand up will you?" he asked Naomi holding out his arm.

There was no getting away from it, the truck had definitely seen better days, and quite some time ago too.

"Don't they have MOTs here?" said Elvis, "it's only the rust that's holding this old thing together.

"Perhaps the nice man's cousin works at the testing station," whispered Naomi, "anyway we only want a lift, we're not buying it. Now get a move on before he changes his mind and we end up walking."

As Naomi helped a reluctant Elvis clamber up and over the lorry's sides he was surprised to be met by two grumpy faces staring back at him. His companions were both dark, and extremely hairy. They also stank.

"Naomi," he called out as she closed her door, "There's two angry looking goats up here and they don't look like they were expecting company."

Elvis opted to sit on the other side of the flat bed, as far away from the goats as he could manage. At first the pair snorted and grunted at him. Feeling uneasy Elvis made what he hoped were soothing goat noises at them, although he wasn't quite sure how you sweet talked a billy goat. After a while however they lost interest in him and returned to chewing the straw that had been provided for them. The only real inconvenience for Elvis was that surprisingly frequently one or other of them would urinate, causing a small river to wash its way down the back of the truck. To avoid this Elvis found a small crate to sit on, and once he got the hang of the bumps and jolts as the lorry made its way towards Preveza, he actually began to quite enjoy the experience. Didn't he long to be out of the office and in the open doing something a little different? Well, here he was, doing something he certainly would never do in North Hamble. He started waving at people that he passed, and they waved back apparently unfazed by the sight. Perhaps, he thought, in rural Greece riding shotgun with your goats was the norm?

The truck drove around Preveza through the tunnel under the bay, and then on towards Lefkas. The roads were getting busier now and the sun warmer. Elvis was just beginning to ache a little from keeping himself upright when the lorry pulled off the road onto a rough piece of land. Taken a little by surprise, Elvis toppled from his crate and landed on his bottom in the hay next to the goats. Naomi's head appeared out of the opened window on the passenger side.

"Georgios says it would be a good idea to keep your head down as we go through Lefkas, but I see you are already" she shouted.

"You're on first name terms then?" grumbled Elvis.

"Oh yes we are having a lovely time, I've been hearing all about his gorgeous family, he's been showing me their photographs on his telephone, and his home in the mountains too. He's heading there now with the goats. They are going to service his lady goats, apparently they are prize winning you know. He's got to stop off in Lefkas to pick up a couple of new bells for them."

"Fascinating," said Elvis flatly, "Why have I got to keep my head down then?"

"Well apparently there are usually quite a few policemen in and around Lefkas and technically it's illegal to have someone on the flatbed. Usually the police here aren't interested but sometimes there's a new chief who wants to sweep his clean broom, so to speak so we suggest you lie down flat for a while. Will that be alright?"

"I can't imagine how lying flat on this urine-soaked bed of hay will be a problem," he said, "and how come you've become an expert of Greek policing all in the space of half an hour or so?"

Naomi simply stuck out her tongue and popped her head back inside the cab of the truck. Through the rear window Elvis could see her and Georgios once again engaged in enthusiastic conversation as he pointed out the various sights of Lefkas. Elvis watched him showing Naomi the distinctive brightly coloured corrugated iron houses that made up the old town. He was probably telling her that the houses were built in this temporary fashion because the locals were expecting earthquake at any moment, just like the devastating ones of the 1950s and the regular smaller ones since. In some parts of the world affected by earthquakes architects designed buildings able to withstand the tremors, here they simply let them fall down one day and rebuild them the next. Elvis couldn't help but love that attitude to life, it's wonderful fatality.

Naomi's enthusiastic guide made sure she missed nothing of what Lefkas Town had to offer. After what felt like an age to Elvis, the lorry pulled up in a side street in front of a hardware store. Georgios' tour hadn't left out even one cobbled street, he had also shown Naomi the marina, which was a lot larger than Elvis remembered, and the canal. He had even shown her the bus station and the rubbish dump too.

Lying flat on the bed of the truck with one of the goats nibbling at a piece of straw inches from his left ear, Elvis heard one door slam shut and then the other. Naomi's voice called out cheerily, "Won't be long, Georgios wants to show me the bells, and says I can choose them."

"Have a lovely time and don't give me a second thought. I'm perfectly happy back here with my new friends," called out Elvis sarcastically.

"Okay," Naomi replied ignoring the tone. "We'll leave you kids to it then, get it? Kids, as in goats."

"Can you bring me back a sewing kit," replied Elvis, "I've got to stitch my sides up."