Читать книгу Wind and Whirlwind - David Moffett-Moore - Страница 7

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November 11, 2007

I was more nervous than I’d been in years: frightened, scared, terrified. I had no idea what would happen next. I could not concentrate on what I was doing or anticipate my next steps. I hadn’t slept well in weeks. Becki and I had talked and planned and prayed, but nothing was settled. Fear, not faith, was my constant companion.

It was Sunday, November 11, 2007. We were having our regular quarterly Congregational Meeting, but there was nothing regular about this meeting. I stood behind the lectern, bracing myself for whatever might happen next. Clearing my throat and trying to look brave, staring down the congregation, I began what was listed as my Pastor’s Report.

“The Church Council has asked for my resignation. I have agreed to their terms, including a three month notice. I will no longer be your pastor as of March 1, 2008. Thank you for the honor of serving as your pastor these past four years. I wish you all the best and pray that God may guide you in your next steps.”

I don’t think very many heard the last two sentences. After the first two sentences, there was a cry of uproar from the congregation, which was hearing this for the first time, shouts asking questions and some demanding the resignation of the Council. It was chaos. Still shaking, I sat down to let the Council President sort it all out. As Council President, he chaired the Congregational Meeting. He was also the face of the loyal opposition. I had no idea who or how many were behind him seeking my resignation or how many might support me if it came to a floor fight. I certainly had not expected that the floor fight we hoped to avoid would become so tangible a reality.

Different denominations have different ways of dealing with church conflict. The United Church of Christ allows for a very strong congregational polity. The local church owns all its property, selects its own pastor, writes its own constitution and by-laws, establishes its own requirements for membership, etc. By simple majority vote, it can leave the denomination at any duly called congregational meeting. Each congregation is independent, while in covenant with one another. I call it “defiantly autonomous.” I grew up in a Methodist parsonage, a denomination with a much more hierarchical structure. Coming to the United Church of Christ was both a breath of fresh air and a leap into chaos.

I was born in 1953, ordained in 1976 and have had employment since I was eleven years old, secular or sacred. I had never been fired. As a pastor in a parsonage, I was also losing my home and all my contacts with people whom I had regarded as friends. When a pastor loses his or her position, it has shattering effects that are emotional and spiritual as well as financial. The money may be the least of worries.

The church I’d been serving for the past four years was a grand historic church that had a great heritage, a beautiful sanctuary where hundreds gathered weekly for worship, a pipe organ for a space twice as large as they had, and a history of large Sunday school classes. Historically, the local mayor was almost always a member of the church. It was a church that seemed to have more glory days behind it than before it, had decreased while the community had increased and was not sure of its destiny. It was also a church that had fired five of its previous seven pastors.

The Council President restored order and I regained some semblance of composure. The question was put by the congregation to me was whether or not I was willing to stay. I replied that I felt I needed to comply with the will of the Council. In any case, given the state of the congregation, we would need to obtain the services of a church consultant to help us work through this crisis.

A petition was circulated around the congregation which gained the signatures of nearly all our active members. The Council rescinded its request for my resignation, and six of the twelve Council members resigned from the Council. By the time all the dust had settled, we lost five of our three hundred families. Some who had been active became less so and some who had not been active became more so. We contracted with the Alban Institute, which met with most of our membership individually or in groups over a three month period and presented an in-depth report of their findings. They also provided a lengthy and detailed paper documenting their work and recommending next steps.

That February I left for a month’s sabbatical to stay with my brother-in-law’s family in Hawaii. If you’re going to be homeless — why not Hawaii? I took with me a dozen books on stress management, conflict resolution, dealing with disagreeable people, etc. I eventually read every book and watched every video the Alban Institute recommended and enrolled in a Clergy Clinic course offered by the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center. I shared with pastors whose wisdom I respected and whose opinions I trusted. I found a life vest and safety rope in the Academy of Parish Clergy, an independent national ecumenical organization of, by and for parish clergy organized for mutual support, encouragement and accountability. In short, I checked the “all the above” option.

I found out that I am not the only one. I found out that most congregations are living in stress and dealing with some low level of conflict on an ongoing basis and that it flares up every three to five years. I found out that most clergy are stressed. The stress means we are always living with some level of anxiety, and there are long term negative consequences. The stress and conflict leads to a question of call: on the part of the pastor, a question of call to this congregation and to ministry in general; on the part of the congregation, a question of identity, purpose and meaning.

It is good to remember that there are positive benefits to stress. Stress simply means there is more than one force at work in our lives, more than one priority, and more than one perspective. It is good to have more than one idea in the room at one time! No trapeze artist or tight rope walker would endeavor to work in a stress free environment; stress is necessary for the artist to swing and to hold the rope taut for the walk. We need a healthy tension, but we need a tension that is truly healthy.

There must be a better way!

Meditation

Look back over the events of your life. When have you been most frightened, most fearful? As a young child? As a youth? As an adult? Put yourself back into those situations. Remember how it feels to be afraid. How does it affect you physically, your heart rate, etc.? How does it affect your ability to think and to focus?

When we are truly afraid, it is hard to feel anything but that fear.

Questions for Reflection and Conversation

1. Look over the events described above, how do those events compare? How does the fear you experienced in those events compare? How did you respond in those events? Looking back, are there other ways you could have responded? How would a different response have affected the outcomes? What did you learn about yourself in those events?

2. What was the first crisis you faced in your ministry? What were the events that led up to that crisis? Describe how you handled it? What might you have done differently? How would it have helped? What resources were helpful to you?

3. Often in crisis, we feel most alone. What support was helpful to you, personally, professionally and spiritually?