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Title Page

Dedication

INTRO – East London – 20 January 2010

ONE – I Can’t Refuse the Task

TWO – The Biggest Arseholes in the Music Business

THREE – My Best Friend

FOUR – I Want Popstars off the Market

FIVE – William Robert Young

SIX – Old Mr High Trousers Himself

SEVEN – The Fat Lady Wins

EIGHT – I Didn’t Rip Off Anybody

NINE – As Much Money as I Can Get My Hands On

TEN – A Silly Little Man

ELEVEN – Work, Mum, Work … Then Me

TWELVE – Yerz Didn’t Expect That, Did You?

THIRTEEN – The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

FOURTEEN – Truthfully, Genuinely, Honestly

OUTRO – The Cast

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