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Chapter Three: Letting Go of the Past

“I am the Lord’s servant…May it be to me as you have said.” (Luke 1:38)

How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most. (Stephen Covey)

Some things in life are difficult to let go of because most of us like to be in control. When we are in control of situations we have a feeling of security and confidence. However, there are situations in life we cannot control, and we must let go. It may be plans we have made, it may involve releasing our children as they get older or relinquishing some of our possessions, and for everyone it will involve letting go of life as we face our death.

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to let go of some things? Try going for an entire day without checking your email or responding to a text message or using your cellphone. In a recent Zoomer study of Canadians 45 and older, 76 percent said they would rather give up anything than their Internet-enabled device. Perhaps some are going into withdrawal just contemplating such an idea.

Here is a simple exercise to help you grasp the concept of letting go. Take a small object, perhaps a coin; place it in your hand and clench your fist around it. Hold it tight until your knuckles are white. Some people seem to live life this way. We make statements such as “I am trying to hold on” or “I am struggling to get a grip.” Life is perceived as a struggle, and we desperately try to be in control to make things work according to our plans.

Now slowly open your clenched fist and feel the relief as you allow the blood to flow back into your fingers. In the life of faith, when we learn to let go, when we no longer struggle, we discover a sense of peace and calmness.

In the Bible there are stories of people who let go. One of the key Old Testament figures was Job, who at the beginning of his life seemed to have everything. He was described as blameless and upright, a man who loved God and shunned evil. In addition he was a wealthy farmer with numerous herds, and servants to look after them. In fact he was regarded as the wealthiest man in the East. He had a wonderful family, and his children were the love of his life. One day Satan told God that the only reason Job loved and feared God was because his life was going so well. There are people who can claim to have faith and speak about trusting God when things are positive, but when things are not going as planned is when their faith and trust in God is put to the test.

Job lost everything. His animals were stolen, his servants were killed, and a great storm caused the roof of the house where his children were staying to collapse, and they all died. Then Job became very ill. Seeing the terrible things that had happened—natural disaster, illness, death and destruction—all that Job’s wife could say to him was “Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9). Through all of this Job relinquished control and declared, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him” (Job 13:15).

Author Richard Foster refers to this act of letting go as a prayer of relinquishment. He writes, “This is the kind of searching prayer that should permeate our entire life experience. In the prayer of relinquishment, we are committed to letting go of our will whenever it conflicts with the will and way of God.”¹⁴

Mary was a young woman whose life plans were radically changed. She and Joseph were engaged to be married. Like most young couples they had plans for their future that may have included building a home, having children and growing old together. All of their plans were radically altered when the angel Gabriel visited Mary and told her that she had found favour with God and had been chosen to be the mother of the Messiah. Furthermore, the child she would bear had been conceived by the Holy Spirit.

This was not the way things ordinarily happened. As Mary thought about this, she realized life would be radically altered. What would Joseph think? What would her parents say? How would the small community where she lived react to this? It was an incredible challenge for a young woman to face. However, as Mary contemplated everything the angel said, she made a decision to trust God. She declared, “I am the Lord’s servant…May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). This was Mary’s prayer of relinquishment. No matter the cost, Mary was willing to let go of all her plans and surrender herself to the will of God.

The most profound example of “letting go” was evident in life of Jesus. It began with the incarnation and continued through to his death. Jesus left the glory of heaven, came to earth as a baby, grew up as a young man, became the servant of all and ultimately died on a cross. The apostle Paul expressed it in this manner:

[Jesus], being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:6–8)

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who lived in the place of ultimate glory and beauty, voluntarily left it all. He had equality with the Father but chose to empty himself of his deity so that he might identify himself with us and ultimately take our condemnation. This act cost him his life as he went to the cross to make atonement for our sins. It meant letting go.

At the end of his life Jesus would let go again. Prior to his arrest, judgment and crucifixion, Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemane to pray. Knowing what was ahead, he fervently asked his heavenly Father to find some other way. His prayer is a prayer everyone needs to learn if they are to surrender their lives into the hands of God. Translator J. B. Phillips brings the prayer into focus: “Dear Father…all things are possible to you. Please—let me not have to drink this cup! Yet it is not what I want but what you want” (Mark 14:36). Richard Foster comments,

Here we have the incarnate Son praying through his tears and not receiving what he asks. Jesus knew the burden of unanswered prayer. He really did want the cup to pass, and he asked that it would pass. “If you are willing” was his questioning, his wondering. The Father’s will was not absolutely clear to him. “Is there any other way?” “Can people be redeemed by some different means?” The answer—no!¹⁵

This prayer of relinquishment by Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane is a pattern for us. He could have avoided the cross. He could have compromised with the priests, bargained with the high priest. Pilate wanted to release him and tried to get Jesus to say the correct words so that this innocent man could go free. In the garden on the night of his betrayal Jesus had enough time to run from the soldiers. However, he used his free will to turn the decision over to his Father and declared, “Yet not my will but yours.” Foster describes this prayer of Jesus as “grace-filled releasing of our will and a flowing into the will of the Father.”¹⁶

These stories give us some insight into letting go. In all of these incidents, letting go was not easy. Job did not understand what was happening to him. He believed, as was the norm of the day, that if you lived a godly life you would be blessed by God. Job did experience many blessings, so when everything changed, he did not know why. He examined his life to see if he had sinned against God but could find no sin. It just did not make sense. He had two choices, curse God or trust God. He chose to trust.

Mary wondered about the message of the angel and was somewhat puzzled. How could she, a virgin, bear the Son of God? As she pondered all these things, she came to the decision that she would do exactly as God asked, and she chose to trust.

Jesus repeatedly asked the Father to remove the cup. This was an issue he wrestled with for the entire night, and in the end he too chose to trust. Letting go and trusting is not easy; in fact, Job, Mary and Jesus discovered it is a struggle. In essence the struggle is “my will versus God’s will.”

We need to understand that the prayer of relinquishment is not one of resigning ourselves to fate but rather an act of acceptance. The late Catherine Marshall wrote,

There is a crucial difference between acceptance and resignation. There is no resignation in the prayer of relinquishment. Resignation says, “This is my situation and I must resign myself and settle down to it.” Resignation lies down in the dust of a godless universe and steels itself for the worst. Acceptance says “True, this is my situation at the moment. I’ll look unblinkingly at it. But I’ll also open up my hands to accept willingly whatever a loving heavenly Father sends.” Thus acceptance never slams shut the door of hope.¹⁷

As we learn to trust, hope emerges. Richard Foster writes,

Even when all we see are the tangled threads on the backside of life’s tapestry, we know that God is good and is out to do us good always. That gives us hope to believe that we are the winners, regardless of what we are being called to relinquish. God is inviting us deeper in and higher up. There is training in righteousness, transforming power, new joys, and deeper intimacy.¹⁸

Because Jesus was willing to give up what he wanted so that the will of the Father could be done, he now lives to enable us to give up our will and do the will of the Father. The Bible states, “It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose” (Philippians 2:13). When we commit our lives to Christ, our lives belong to him. The apostle Paul expressed it in these words: “I no longer live, but Christ lives in me” (Galatians 2:20). Such an act of commitment means we only seek to do the will of the One to whom we belong.

Is God calling you to let go?

It may be your plans, your hopes or your dreams that will not be fulfilled in the manner you thought. Are you willing to submit your will to the will of the One who loves you and will give you the very best? If you do, this is your act of relinquishment.

Reflections

1.What is difficult for you to relinquish? Take some time to write down the issues that come to mind.

2.From your list take one item at a time and offer it to God. Perhaps you need to write out a prayer that encompasses this act of letting go.

3.Imagine you are near the end of your life, or perhaps you are there now. What do you need to let go? Can you release this to God and trust him to meet all your needs?

4.Memorize this verse: “God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

5.Read the Prayer of Relinquishment and take some time to meditate on the words:

Relinquishment

Father, I abandon myself into your hands.

Do with me whatever you will.

Whatever you may do, I thank you.

I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,

and in all your creatures.

Into your hands I commend my spirit.

I offer it to you with all the love that is in my heart.

For I love you, Lord, and so want to give myself,

To surrender myself into your hands,

without reserve and with boundless confidence,

for you are my Father.

Amen.

(Charles de Foucauld)

A Prayer of Relinquishment

Today, O Lord, I yield myself to you.

May your will be my delight throughout the day.

May your love be the pattern of my living.

I surrender to you my hopes, my dreams, my ambitions.

Do with them what you will, when you will, as you will.

I place into your loving care my family, friends and my future.

I release into your hands my need to control, my craving for status, my fear of obscurity.

Eradicate all evil, purify the good.

Establish your kingdom on earth.

For Jesus’ sake.

Amen.

(Anonymous)