Читать книгу The Cowboy's Baby Blessing - Deb Kastner - Страница 11

Chapter Two

Sunday was usually Rachel’s favorite day of the week. It was the only day out of seven that she allowed herself the opportunity to worship, relax and just be, after a frantically busy week filled to the brim with toddlers followed by a Saturday crammed with a week’s worth of leftover chores and errands.

After Sunday services, she could read or binge on a television series or just nap, which was her favorite way to spend a quiet Sunday afternoon. But today her usual sense of peace had been replaced by a nagging sense of worry.

This morning, she’d watched for Seth at the small church that was home to Serendipity’s community of faith. On the day of the auction, they’d agreed to meet after the Sunday service to go over the specific details of when and how he’d work off her auction win, but he hadn’t shown up. In fact, none of the Howells had been present, which was unusual, since Seth’s parents—Samuel and Amanda—along with Will and Samantha Davenport and their brood usually took up an entire pew.

She’d have to make time to seek Seth out sometime during the week, as soon as possible. Or maybe she could get his cell number from Samantha. She needed the work done without delay. Her day-care recertification was close on the horizon, and from what she’d heard, many of her friends’ in-home day cares were failing in favor of corporate-run day cares because of tightening restrictions.

She couldn’t afford to fail.

Her business was her lifeline—hers and Zooey’s. She couldn’t even imagine what she’d do if she lost the ability to take care of the children. It was the only job she’d ever had, the one thing she felt capable of and qualified for.

Rachel didn’t regret having Zooey, not for one second, but it had put a halt on her college plans and the dreams she’d had for her future. She’d intended to pursue a degree in early childhood education and get her teaching degree.

She’d adapted those dreams into running an in-home day care. Maybe she didn’t have the degree behind her name, but she knew she was a good teacher, and the best part of her day was sitting with the kids, reading to them and teaching them letters and numbers.

Every so often she had to pass a government inspection like the one that was coming up in a few weeks. She kept her day care strictly by the code, but the inspectors were becoming more nitpicky.

She had to keep hold of this job, not only because she loved it, but because it paid her bills and she was able to save a little toward her daughter’s future.

Zooey came first, and she always would. And that was tied to the other frustration in her life—that her daughter, whom she loved more than anything, was pulling away from her. And the situation kept getting worse.

This morning, Zooey had once again pleaded that she was too sick to go to church, when the truth was she was just trying to get out of going to the Sunday service. It had been happening far too often lately. Usually, Rachel insisted that her daughter accompany her, but she was beyond tired of arguing all the time, so this Sunday she’d given in and allowed Zooey to stay home and sleep in.

As soon as Rachel had walked through the doors of the church, guilt had crushed her. She was the parent in this situation. She needed to be the strong one, no matter how hard Zooey pushed back. She should have required that Zooey come with her—no matter what her flimsy excuses might be.

She wouldn’t let it happen again. It didn’t matter how tired Rachel was or how much stress she was under, she couldn’t shirk her responsibility as a parent. As long as her daughter lived under her roof and ate her food, she was going to go to church on Sundays.

Period.

It wasn’t a huge shock to Rachel when she walked in the front door of her modest two-bedroom house and found her daughter playing a video game and talking to someone through her headset. Unfortunately, Rachel had expected it. Zooey didn’t even look up—not until Rachel loomed over her with her arms akimbo and a frown on her face.

At least Myst, a black cat with the most extraordinary emerald-green eyes, appeared happy to see her. He threaded in and out of her legs as she stood waiting for Zooey to acknowledge her, his purr sounding like a truck engine.

“I thought you were too sick to go to church,” Rachel reprimanded. “And you know you’re not allowed to play video games on Sunday.”

Even though their family unit was small, Rachel had always tried to make it clear that family time was a priority. In particular, she went out of her way to make Sundays special, a quiet time to spend with her daughter away from the technology that so often drew them apart. She stayed off her phone and computer and she expected Zooey to do the same.

“Sorry, James. I have to go,” Zooey said into the headset. “My mom’s bugging me.”

Rachel stood silently as her daughter turned off her video game, unsure of which part of Zooey’s statement she should address first.

The teenager’s disrespectful words and behavior or the boy?

“Who is James?” She forced herself to remain calm and not sound accusatory.

“He’s just a guy, Mom.” She used to know all of Zooey’s friends. Though Rachel treasured the time she could spend one-on-one with her little girl, she had always been pleased to welcome any friend who wanted to come over for dinner or join them while they went shopping or to the movies. She’d willingly hosted birthday parties and slumber parties and had enjoyed seeing her happy, social daughter having fun with her friends.

It was only in the past year or so that Zooey had become more secretive over what went on in her life. Her longtime friends rarely came over anymore—she seemed to have taken up with a new crowd that Rachel hadn’t met. Meanwhile, her grades had dropped to the point where she had to attend summer school. If Zooey had legitimately had problems with a subject, Rachel would have understood, but Zooey had simply not turned in assignments and, worse, had cut class on more than one occasion.

Though Rachel didn’t like to judge, she was responsible for Zooey’s safety, and in her opinion, some of her daughter’s current friends were questionable at best.

That was what had Rachel worried. She’d raised Zooey to be street-smart as well as book-smart, but she was only sixteen and, whether she wanted to admit it or not, was innocent and vulnerable. Those traits left a girl open to all sorts of predators wanting to take advantage, as Rachel knew all too well.

After all, Rachel’s life had drastically changed when she was sixteen. She wanted so much more for her own daughter.

“And how do you know this James?” Rachel knew her suspicion was creeping out in her tone. She had heard too many horror stories about creepy men stalking girls online not to worry or to ask questions. She wasn’t exactly sure how the game console worked, but she suspected it might be similar to a computer in the ability to connect with strangers. Zooey had been speaking in real time to whoever this James person was. For all Rachel knew, it could be a grown man on the lookout for a girl he could manipulate.

Zooey scowled and defiantly tipped up her chin.

“Check the attitude,” Rachel warned.

“He’s just a friend. My best friend Lori’s boyfriend. Nobody to worry about.”

“So you’ve met him before, then? He’s your age? You’ve seen him face-to-face?”

Zooey sighed overdramatically. “Yes, Mom. He’s in summer school with me.”

Not so long ago, her daughter had been a sweet little infant curled in her arms. It had been easy to protect and care for her then.

Where had the years gone?

Zooey was old enough to date, although up to this point she’d shown little interest in any particular guy, at least as far as Rachel knew.

Zooey used to talk to her about these things, but lately, not so much. The thought of Zooey dating frightened Rachel more than she could say. She knew it wasn’t fair to project her own teenage inadequacies on her daughter, but she couldn’t seem to help herself.

Zooey was a different girl from the teenager Rachel had been at her age. Zooey was smart. Confident. Beautiful. Maybe too much so. There was no doubt she would be catching the eyes of Serendipity’s young men. And all it would take was one bad decision, one mistake, one misjudgment.

Life could change in an instant. She knew that from her own life and had been reminded of it when she’d been talking with Seth at the auction. Rachel wanted her daughter to be able to be free to chase her dreams, something Rachel had never been able to do, but in order to do that, she had a lot of hurdles to jump.

Rachel had been insecure as a teenager and peer pressure had overwhelmed her. She’d had body-type issues and high school bullies had sometimes fat-shamed her into doing things she would not otherwise have done.

That was how she’d gotten pregnant with Zooey—trying to find someone who would love her for who she was. But the boy had dumped her the moment he found out she was pregnant, accusing her of sleeping around and denying that he was even the father of her child.

He’d never loved her. Looking back, she was pretty sure he’d never even liked her. Rachel had found out the truth the hard way.

She didn’t want that for her daughter. But she couldn’t seem to find a way to express her concerns without sending Zooey on another rant, angry that her mother didn’t trust her.

Rachel didn’t know how to bridge the gap that was growing between them, but she had to try.

She sat down on the couch, curling one leg underneath her and turning toward her daughter. “I was thinking maybe if you got more involved in church activities, you wouldn’t feel so inclined to skip Sunday services.”

Zooey twirled a lock of her dark brown hair around her finger and didn’t say a word.

“You’re really good with my day-care kiddos,” Rachel continued. “Maybe you could teach Sunday school when fall comes. The preschoolers would love you. And I’d like to see you go back to youth group this summer. Didn’t you used to have a lot of friends there?”

Zooey wouldn’t meet her eyes.

She looked—what?

Frustrated? Upset? Stricken?

“Zooey?” she prompted when the girl did not speak. “What are you thinking? You can be honest with me.”

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” she mumbled.

“This isn’t about my feelings. It’s about trying to figure out some solutions that will work for both of us.”

“Well, I don’t want to go to youth group anymore. None of my friends go to church. They think it’s stupid.”

Rachel felt like someone had slapped her. This was one battle she really didn’t want to lose, watching her daughter walk away from the faith she’d been brought up in. But how could she stop Zooey from sliding down that slippery slope?

She pinched the bridge of her nose where another headache was developing.

Peer pressure.

Rachel’s breath snagged in her throat. She knew all about peer pressure.

Lord, help me reach my daughter.

“Which friends are those, exactly?” she asked through a tight jaw, barely restraining herself from adding that those friends probably weren’t real friends at all if they led her away from church.

“Lori and James. We want to hang out at the community pool and get a good tan once summer school is over. That’s where all the cool kids go.”

“I see.”

She saw all too well. But she didn’t know what to do about it.

Push her? Back off?

At least it was just suntanning at the pool.

For now.

“I’m not going to force you to go to youth group, if that’s what you’re worried about. But you should have been honest with me earlier and told me that you didn’t want to go rather than lying about being sick. You don’t want to participate? Then don’t. But please, be honest with me either way. And don’t make your decision based on what your friends think. I’ve taught you better than that.”

Zooey stared at her a moment without speaking. Rachel held her breath, praying she’d gotten through to the rebellious teenager. But when her daughter picked up the headset to the video game console, intending to hook it back up to the system, Rachel felt a sinking certainty that her words hadn’t had any impact at all. Reaching out to her daughter wasn’t going to work this time. So instead, she’d have to try standing firm. She stopped Zooey with a hand on her arm.

“You may be your own person, but you are sixteen years old and you are living in my house, so I make the rules. No video games on Sunday.”

Zooey’s face turned red and she dropped the headset onto the coffee table, where it bounced and then clattered onto the wood floor.

“I’ve had enough of your attitude, young lady.”

“Fine.” Zooey scowled and then marched straight out the front door.

“Where do you think you are going?” In her frustration, Rachel enunciated every word.

“Out. I’m going out. I can’t stand this. I don’t want to be around you right now.”

“Zooey, stop.” It wasn’t a suggestion, but the teenager ignored it anyway and shot off down the street on foot, not even bothering to look back.

Rachel huffed out an irritated breath and made to follow her, but just as she was leaving, Seth pulled into her driveway and exited his car—

With a baby in his arms.

* * *

Seth’s knees were weak and his gut clenched into knots in an excruciatingly uneven rhythm. His vision felt fuzzy and it was all he could do to plant his feet on the ground, step by agonizing step. The only thing that was keeping him upright was the fact that he was carrying a two-year-old baby in his arms, curled up against his shoulder and sound asleep.

The baby he had vowed to protect, never realizing that one day he would be called to do just that.

Grief sucker punched him, but he willed it back. He had to stay strong for Caden’s sake.

“I saw Zooey fly out of here,” he said, rocking back and forth on his heels and patting Caden’s back. “Is everything all right?”

Rachel nodded, tight-lipped. Her face was flushed red and marked with lines of strain. She didn’t look much better than he felt.

“Well...good.”

He hesitated. Obviously this wasn’t a good time for Rachel. He wasn’t even positive why he was here, except for a niggling sensation in the back of his mind that Rachel might be the one person in Serendipity most able to understand what he was going through right now.

She narrowed her gaze on him, studying him intently. “You don’t look so good. Would you like to come in?”

“Um, yeah. Thanks.”

He followed her through the door and took a seat on the plush armchair. Thankfully, the baby was still sound asleep on his shoulder. Seth hadn’t been able to get Caden to stop crying earlier in the day.

He’d tried everything to no avail—changing, feeding, rocking. Nothing had worked until the little tyke had finally worn himself out.

It was only one of many new challenges he was about to face. Despite the way his family had rallied around him, he’d never felt so alone in his life.

“Would you like some coffee? It’ll only take me a minute to make us a pot.”

“No, thank you.”

She gestured to Caden. “I see you’ve got Caden with you. I love that he has Luke’s blond hair. He’s such a sweetheart. Are you babysitting for Tracy today?”

This time he couldn’t hold his grief back. It burned like molten lava from his gut to his throat and he had to swallow hard just to speak.

“Tracy’s dead.”

Rachel’s eyes widened and she grasped for the arm of the sofa, shakily seating herself.

“I’m so sorry. I hadn’t heard.”

“To tell you the truth, I feel numb, like I’m in the twilight zone or something. Yesterday afternoon, she dropped Caden off at my house, saying she had a bad headache. She asked me to watch him. I thought I would only be babysitting for a couple hours.”

He blinked hard several times to erase the moisture forming in his eyes.

“Tracy...she...she passed away last night. She didn’t just have a headache. She had a brain aneurysm. One second she was here and then she was gone. I’ve been with my family since yesterday trying to process everything.”

“Lord, have mercy.” Rachel whispered the prayer. “Poor Tracy. Poor Caden.”

Rachel’s gaze was full of compassion, but she didn’t speak further, as if she somehow knew he needed to get it all out at once.

“May I?” She stood and held out her arms for Caden, who had awoken and was making tiny sounds of distress.

As soon as Caden was in Rachel’s arms, his crying abated. To say the woman was naturally gifted with children would be an understatement. Caden was responding to Rachel way better than he had to Seth or even to Seth’s mother or sister throughout the long, grief-filled day.

This was so hard to talk about, or even to think about. The circumstances were surreal.

He felt more helpless at this moment than he had even when he’d seen his best friend gunned down right in front of his eyes.

“You know how the Bible says God won’t give you more than you can bear?” he asked, his voice cracking with strain.

She nodded and ran her palm over Caden’s silky hair, quietly shushing the baby.

“I don’t think that verse is true. I think God has just given me way more than I can handle.”

He pulled in a deep breath and continued. “The reading of the will is going to happen directly after the funeral. I already know what’s in it. Luke and Tracy appointed me as Caden’s guardian should anything ever happen to them, but—I don’t know. I never thought it would actually play out this way. After Luke’s death...well, I should have realized whole lives can change in a split second. But it’s just not something that I wanted to think about, so I put it out of my mind.”

“There’s no one in Caden’s extended family who might be able to take him?”

“No, Luke told me that wasn’t an option back when he asked me to be godfather. Luke’s parents died in a car crash a few years ago. His grandparents are in an assisted-living facility. Tracy’s dad is disabled from a stroke and needs constant care from her mother. They’re in no position to raise a child, even their own grandson. Tracy has a sister, Trish, but I’ve never met her. Luke told me she took off for New York the moment she graduated high school and never looked back. She wasn’t at the wedding, and she’s never even met Caden, to my knowledge.”

He set his jaw to clamp down the emotions roiling through him. “I’m all Caden’s got.”

“You’ve got your family to support you.”

“Yes, but—” Panic reared and bucked in his chest like a wild stallion. “Luke and Tracy left me the Hollister ranch, as well. It’s been in the family for generations. It’s Caden’s legacy. But I’m not a rancher, Rachel. I hardly even know how to ride a horse, and I don’t know the first thing about running a cattle business. I can’t do this.”

Rachel was silent for a moment.

“Of course you can,” she said at last.

“No. I...I had plans. I wasn’t going to stick around Serendipity. I’ve already got college lined up, although obviously now there’s no way I’m going to go.”

His panic was rising steadily in his chest. “I can’t be Caden’s daddy. I don’t know how.”

She chuckled mildly. It wasn’t a happy sound, but her expression radiated empathy. “Not to quote clichés at you, but you know what they say about the best-laid plans. You’ll find a way—a way to take care of Caden and to get your education if you want.”

“But a baby.”

She nodded. “I understand. That’s why you’ve come to me seeking advice. I can empathize with you because I’ve been there myself. It’s mighty intimidating thinking about raising a child on your own. An unplanned pregnancy really threw my life into turmoil, and I was just a kid myself.”

Yes.

He’d come here thinking he needed to ask Rachel’s help in caring for Caden.

Of course, he needed to get Caden set up in day care so he could spend his days trying to figure out what he was going to do about the ranch. But now he realized it was more than that.

Because she really did know what he was going through, the outrageous cyclone of emotions that swirled through him, threatening to blow him away.

He looked her right in the eye. Her gaze was shiny, too, as he expected his own was.

“I am not responsible enough to raise a child,” he told her. “I’m only twenty-six myself.”

She reached out and touched his arm. The contact somehow grounded him.

Human-to-human.

“I was ten years younger than that when I had Zooey. And I really was all alone. You have your family—and me, if you need me, to help you get your bearings. God brought Caden into your life. He will see you through. It’ll take a while, but you’ll work this out. For Caden’s sake, you have to.”

He jerked his chin in a brief nod. He was glad she was straightforward with him instead of couching everything she said in softer language. He desperately needed to be told exactly what to do.

“How?” he asked gravely.

“By taking it one day at a time.”

“Sage advice.”

But not nearly enough.

“For starters,” she continued, “where is Caden sleeping tonight?”

“My place, I guess. I’m staying in one of my mom and dad’s cabins. I suppose I’ll have to move into the ranch house eventually, but right now, I just can’t be there. The memories are too fresh. They hurt too much.” He picked off his cowboy hat and threaded his fingers through his hair. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I can’t seem to think beyond minute to minute, much less one day at a time. How am I going to do this?”

“Stand up,” Rachel said, moving to his side. Her voice was strong and determined, as if she were giving him an order. “Now take the baby in your arms.”

Seth swallowed hard but did as Rachel bid, tucking a once-again-sleeping Caden against his shoulder. The boy was all toddler, with chubby cheeks and with thick arms and legs, and yet he was so light he seemed to curve right into Seth as he shifted his weight side to side in a rocking motion. The gentle rhythm of the child’s breath against his neck soothed Seth as much as the rocking did Caden.

“What are you feeling?” Rachel asked gently.

Seth closed his eyes and breathed in Caden’s little-boy scent.

How did he feel?

Nervous. Overwhelmed. Panicked. Devastated. And yet there was something more, something indefinable, hovering just below the surface.

He was responsible for this little human being. And even though it meant his entire life had just been turned upside down and backward, there was something somehow...right...about holding Caden in his arms. He couldn’t name the emotions, but they were there, cresting in his chest.

“See?” Rachel murmured, even though Seth hadn’t answered her question aloud. “Pretty special, isn’t it?”

“Mmm,” Seth agreed softly, afraid to put his emotions into words.

“I have a mobile playpen that you can use until you have time to outfit yourself better. Caden will be able to eat finger food and finely cut meats, fruits and vegetables. I don’t even have to ask if you’re a healthy eater, so I imagine you’ll have everything you need already stocked in your refrigerator. Do you know how to change a diaper?”

“Caden is in those pull-up ones. My mom showed me how to work them. Although those dirty diapers are going to take some getting used to.” He wrinkled his nose at the thought.

“Since you’ve got the Hollister ranch to worry about, you’re probably going to need someone to watch him during the day. Or is your family on that?”

“That’s actually why I originally came over. It wasn’t to break down on you, I promise.”

She laid a reassuring hand on his arm. “I know. It just so happens that I have an opening in my day care, so you can bring Caden over in the morning while you take care of whatever needs doing at the ranch. No charge for the first week while you get on your feet and find the lay of the land. No pun intended.”

Her joke drew a slight smile from him. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You didn’t ask. I offered. Honestly, things are going to work out. You may not be able to see it now, but God’s got it all in His capable hands. Start walking the path, step-by-step, even if you can’t see a single thing in front of you. Trust Him to show you the way.”

“Mmm,” Seth said again. He wasn’t sure he believed what Rachel was saying, or even understood all of it, but she did, and he didn’t want to contradict her when she was doing so much for him.

“You’ll have to baby-proof your house right away. Toddlers have the tendency to get into everything and climb on everything. Caden will bump his head and fall to the floor more times than you’ll be able to count. But we can at least make the bumps less bumpy and the falls less painful.”

We?

Had he really come over only to find day care for Caden, or had God led him over here for more than that? He knew what Rachel would say if he voiced the question aloud. He appreciated her so much for offering her advice and assistance, but again he had trouble forming the words to express his gratitude.

“I know a little bit about baby-proofing. My sister gave me some extra hardware they had left over after putting their own house in order for the twins, but I’m not sure where everything goes or how it works. Samantha or Will can probably help me, but they’re busy with the store, so it may be a few days.”

“I’m sure they have their hands full with the grocery and their own kids. I’m free after work tomorrow. I could come over and help you set everything up,” she offered.

Caden started hiccuping in his sleep, and Seth and Rachel chuckled softly together.

“I guess this will be an adventure,” he admitted. He’d always been one to chase adventure...though he’d never expected to face one quite this huge. There was a big, wide ocean in front of him and he didn’t even know how to trim the sails.

But he could learn. And whether it was God or circumstance or whatever, he was grateful for all the support he was receiving. From his family...and from Rachel. What if she hadn’t been the one to win him at the auction, telling him her story and putting her in his head as someone he could turn to in this situation? He didn’t even want to think about that.

“Adventure is a good way to look at it,” she said. “You and Caden are a team.”

He looked down at the still-hiccuping but soundly sleeping little boy in his arms and his heart welled.

He wouldn’t let Caden down, no matter what.

He was Caden’s permanent legal guardian and would be the only parent the boy would ever know.

It was what Luke and Tracy would have wanted. It was what Caden needed. And it was what Seth was determined to be.

A father.