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December 19

11:30 p.m.

I can’t believe it! Even now, when it’s long past time for bed, I’m wide-awake and so furious, any chance of falling asleep is impossible. I doubt if anyone could do a better job of looking like a world-class idiot. Right there in the theater, with my little sister at my side, I behaved like a juvenile.

I’ve worked hard to be a positive influence on Carley. I take my role as oldest sister very seriously. Then I go and pull a stunt like this. Adding insult to injury is the fact that I then had to face Thom, knowing he was completely aware of what a fool I’d made of myself.

Speaking of Thom…no, I don’t want to think about him. First the airplane and now this! I’d sincerely hoped he’d be married with a passel of kids. I wanted him to be so completely out of the picture that I’d never need to think about him again. Instead—just my luck—he’s single, eligible and drop-dead handsome. Life can be brutally unfair.

One good thing that came from all this is the long conversation I had with Carley after the movie. She’s young and idealistic, much the same way I was at her age. We talked some more about Mom and Mrs. Sutton. It’s really a very sad feud. I told her what good friends our two families used to be. The telling brought up a lot of memories. At one time, our families did everything together.

Thom was the first boy ever to kiss me. We were both sixteen. Wow! I still remember how good it felt. I don’t remember what movie was playing and I doubt Thom does, either. That kiss was really something, even though we had no idea what we were doing. There was a purity to it, an innocence. His lips stayed on mine for mere seconds, but somehow we knew. I certainly did, and I thought Thom did, too.

It’s funny how much it hurts to think about the way he deceived me. I try not to dwell on it. But I can’t help myself, especially now….