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Minutes for the October 24th meeting of the Buffalo Valley Town Council

As recorded by Hassie Knight, Secretary and Treasurer, duly elected.

The meeting was opened by council president Joshua McKenna with the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag. Council members in attendance included Joshua McKenna, Dennis Urlacher, Heath Quantrill, Hassie Knight and Gage Sinclair. Robert Carr (also known as Buffalo Bob Carr), Maddy Washburn and Sarah Stern sat in as observers.

1. In the matter of old business, Joshua McKenna commended everyone for their hard work over the summer months. He declared the downtown clean-up program a great success and praised the council members’ efforts.

2. He also reviewed emergency procedures in case of fire. Jerome Spencer, head of the volunteer fire department, gave the council a readiness report and reviewed the emergency readiness situation in regard to tornadoes and blizzards. Joshua McKenna thanked him for his report and asked that it be distributed to everyone in the area.

3. Under the matter of new business, Joshua officially welcomed Maddy Washburn into the business community. Maddy thanked the council members for the invitation to sit in on the regular monthly meetings.

4. With the sale of the grocery and the departure of Mr. Hansen, one council position was left vacant. Hassie Knight nominated Buffalo Bob Carr to fill that position and Gage Sinclair seconded the motion. Buffalo Bob was voted in unanimously and is now an official member of the town council.

5. It was voted to grant funds to the high school so that the Christmas play can be held a second year. Lindsay Sinclair will address the council next month about the school’s needs.

6. Hassie Knight will place flags at the cemetery for Veterans’ Day.

7. Because of the luncheon being held to welcome both Maddy Washburn and Sarah Stern to the business community, the council meeting was cut short. The meeting adjourned at twelve-fifteen.

Respectfully submitted,

Hassie Knight

Dennis Urlacher studied the menu at Buffalo Bob’s far longer than necessary, seeing that he’d eaten there often enough to have memorized everything on it. The problem was, nothing sounded good.

“Beef stew’s the special tonight,” Buffalo Bob said, standing over him, pen and pad in hand.

Without much enthusiasm, Dennis returned the menu. “I’ll have that,” he muttered. It didn’t help that he’d eaten lunch there following the town council meeting that very afternoon. Of course the real reason for his indifference to Bob’s menu had nothing to do with the food.

“Hey, the stew’s not bad. I had a bowl of it myself.”

Dennis suspected Bob was right. To the community’s surprise, Buffalo Bob had turned out to be a halfway decent cook. Cook and everything else at the 3 OF A KIND. He’d rolled into Buffalo Valley on the back of a Harley-Davidson, with all his worldly possessions stuffed in his two leather saddlebags.

The name of the hotel, bar and grill was a source of amusement, since Buffalo Bob had won the place in a poker game. Considering that poker hand the luckiest thing that had ever happened to him, Robert Carr had named the business 3 OF A KIND. However, that wasn’t the only change he’d made when he took over from Dave Ertz, the previous owner. From then on, he’d insisted on calling himself Buffalo Bob.

Most folks didn’t know what to think when he first opened his doors. A lot of people feared Buffalo Valley would turn into a haven for “biker types,” the way Sturgis, South Dakota, did every summer.

The only other “biker type” who’d showed up was a woman named Merrily Benson. Dennis had the impression that Merrily hadn’t known Buffalo Bob until the day she’d arrived, but those two had taken to each other right away. Soon afterward, Merrily went to work for Bob as his one and only Buffalo Gal. In the years since, she’d come and gone a dozen times, leaving without notice and returning when least expected. Buffalo Bob’s moods swung with Merrily’s comings and goings.

Dennis might have felt sorry for Buffalo Bob if he wasn’t in the same situation himself. Whenever he thought he’d made progress with Sarah, something would happen to show him he was wasting his time. He’d been crazy about her from the age of seventeen. But the fact that she was five years older, married and with a kid, didn’t exactly make for a serious romance, especially since she was living in another state. Then one day she’d come home to Buffalo Valley, divorced, her daughter in tow.

Dennis had let her know his feelings, and she’d practically laughed at him. Sarah had claimed to be flattered by his attention and called him “sweet.”

Sweet? He practically burst out of his jeans every time he was near her and she called him sweet. He might have left Buffalo Valley, like so many of his friends had, if it hadn’t been for the way he felt about Sarah. The town was all but dead. He’d served Uncle Sam for a couple of years, then come back and bought out his father’s gas station with a small-business loan from the government. And he’d stood silently by as Sarah dealt with the painful issues brought on by her divorce.

He didn’t know how long it would have taken her to accept his love if not for Jeb’s accident. Dennis had made a routine stop to fill the gas pump at the farm and been the one to find Jeb trapped under the field cultivator. For two days, Dennis had stayed at the hospital with Sarah and her father while Jeb battled for his life. It was during this time that he and Sarah had first become lovers.

Dennis still remembered the jubilation he’d felt, the excitement, as clearly as if it had been yesterday. He’d been crazy about Sarah for years, steadfast in the hope that once she’d dealt with the disappointment of her marriage, she’d realize she loved him, too. During those weeks after her brother’s accident, they’d shared the most incredible intimacy of his life. If they weren’t in bed together, they were at the hospital with Jeb.

Dennis waited until Jeb was home and on the road to recovery before he asked Sarah to marry him, confident now that she no longer looked on him as a kid, “sweet” or otherwise.

Even now, four years later, his heart reeled at the force of her rejection. Without explanation, she’d simply said no. No. At first, he’d assumed it was a joke. She couldn’t possibly mean it. It didn’t make sense to him; they loved each other so intensely and yet she’d rejected his marriage proposal.

Following those two weeks of lovemaking—and his proposal—she’d abruptly cut him off. For no discernible reason, no reason he could understand. All she’d said was that it wouldn’t be a good idea for them to continue as lovers. The frustrations of the next three months had nearly been his undoing. If it hadn’t been for Jeb and their lifelong friendship, Dennis would have sold out and left Buffalo Valley right then and there. In retrospect, he almost wished he had.

Then, one day when he least expected it, Sarah had phoned and asked to see him. They’d met at Jeb’s farmhouse, while he was in Grand Forks undergoing physical therapy. Two minutes after Dennis arrived they were in bed together, so hungry for each other they barely took time to undress. Sarah had wept afterward, and said this wasn’t what she’d intended to happen. He’d kissed her and held her and asked her once more to marry him. Again, she’d rejected him, rhyming off a list of reasons. Not reasons, excuses. He countered every one—until Sarah mentioned her daughter. Calla was having trouble adjusting and needed all the love and attention Sarah could give her. She couldn’t, wouldn’t put her own wishes above those of her daughter. Dennis had no argument for that.

That afternoon set the pattern. Every few months Sarah would phone and without hesitation, he went to her. Nothing could have kept him away. She knew how he felt, knew he loved her and wanted to marry her. She also knew he was losing patience. All he needed now was to find the courage and the strength to cut his losses and leave Buffalo Valley.

“You’re looking down in the mouth,” Buffalo Bob said when he brought his meal. Steam rose from the hot bowl of stew and he recognized the scent of sage. It reminded him of home and family and Thanksgiving—reminded him that, once again, he’d spend these special days without the woman he loved.

“A man gets to recognize that look,” Buffalo Bob continued, lowering his voice. “Woman problems, right?” He didn’t give him a chance to answer. “Sarah?”

Dennis nodded, not wanting to talk about it. Their meeting that morning had left him feeling sick at heart. At the luncheon to welcome Maddy into the community, they’d avoided each other completely.

Dennis was thirty and wanted a wife and children. He’d given Sarah four years and she hadn’t changed her mind, and after all this time, it wasn’t likely she would.

“I want to get married,” he said. “She doesn’t.” Sarah’s excuses had disappeared but the real reason hadn’t changed. Calla. It was always Calla. The kid had been a real pain. Calla had gone out of her way to let Dennis know she didn’t want anything to do with him. She resented the fact that her mother was obviously interested in him.

“You talk to Calla much?” Bob asked.

He shook his head. The teenager lashed out at him every single time he made an effort. She clearly considered him a threat and refused to accept him, no matter what he said or did.

“Hmm.” Buffalo Bob rubbed the side of his face. “You find a way to smooth things over with Calla, and my guess is Sarah will marry you.”

As God was his witness, Dennis had tried. Tiredly, he pointed that out.

Instead of leaving Dennis to eat his meal in peace, Buffalo Bob swung a chair around and straddled it. “If that’s the case, then why aren’t you doing more? It took you quite a while to get Sarah’s attention, didn’t it? What makes you think it’s going to be any easier with her daughter?”

“I guess you’re right… She’s not a bad kid, you know,” Dennis muttered, thinking out loud.

“I do know,” Buffalo Bob said, grinning. “I’ve talked to her a few times.”

“You have?” This was news to Dennis.

“Yeah. Remember that Sweetheart Dance the high-school kids put on last February? Calla was in charge of selecting the music, and her and me got on real well.”

Buffalo Bob’s news didn’t encourage Dennis. He’d tried to win over Calla, but every attempt had been met with attitude, all of it bad. She made it plain she wanted nothing to do with him. The fact that she’d been friendly to Buffalo Bob cut deeper than Dennis wanted to analyze.

It was dark by the time he returned to his home on the outskirts of town. Still feeling discouraged, he pulled into the yard. Through the narrow beam of his headlights he thought he saw a shadowed figure standing beneath the willow tree in front. His heart raced with the hope that it might be Sarah, but she rarely came to the house, and never on her own.

He parked, then looked again and saw nothing. A figment of his imagination, he decided. He’d just stepped inside the house and flicked on the lights when he remembered he’d left his mail in the truck. He turned back, opening the door. To his amazement he discovered Sarah standing on the porch.

“Sarah.” Her whispered name caught in his throat.

She flattened her palm against the screen door, and he saw tears glistening in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, reaching for her, urging her inside.

She shook her head and stepped back.

Dennis moved onto the porch with her.

Wiping her cheeks, she stood on the top step, as if ready to take flight. “I shouldn’t be here,” she murmured.

He longed to tell her this was where she belonged, where she’d always belonged, but realized that if he did, she would simply walk away. “What happened?” he asked, coming to stand at her side, not touching her.

She shook her head again. Then she raised her eyes and looked directly at him. She seemed about to make some statement, but when their eyes met, hers softened and she lowered her lashes and bit her lower lip.

“Don’t love me, Dennis. Please… don’t love me.”

He almost laughed. “Do you think I can stop?”

“Yes…”

He did laugh then, but quietly. “I’ve loved you for so long, I wouldn’t know how not to.” He’d hardly ever seen Sarah weep, and her tears unnerved him. He desperately wanted to comfort her, pull her into his arms and assure her he could fix whatever was wrong, but he knew she wouldn’t allow that.

Taking her hand, he wrapped his fingers around hers and drew her inside the house. At first she resisted, but then, sighing, she followed him. No sooner had they walked in than he turned her into his arms. They kissed, and as his mouth worked on hers, he unfastened the buttons of her blouse until he’d opened it enough to reveal her breasts.

“Dennis…” she objected, her voice trembling.

“Shh,” he whispered huskily.

She buried her face in his shoulder, her own hands busy unbuttoning his shirt. “I didn’t come here to make love.”

Once again, he knew better than to argue; he also understood, even if she didn’t, that making love was exactly why she’d come. Dennis didn’t care. He loved Sarah, and if all she sought was a few moments of shared passion, then fine. He’d swallow his pride and offer her a small part of his soul, as well as his body.

Thursday morning, as Maddy Washburn was sweeping the grocery store, she found a slip of paper that had apparently been someone’s shopping list. She stared at the sheet and decided that whoever had written it was probably a man. The handwriting was brusque, impatient, and the items listed were without detail or description.

Maddy grinned. A few months ago she hadn’t been sweeping floors; she’d been cleaning up the messes people made of their lives—and their children’s. As a social worker for the state of Georgia, she’d worked long, difficult hours until she’d finally reached a point of emotional collapse.

Meeting the Hansens at Lindsay and Gage’s wedding had felt like fate, and even if buying the grocery store was the biggest risk she’d taken in her life, it seemed right to her. Never mind that her mother considered the move too drastic, too outlandish.

The wedding was actually Maddy’s second visit to Buffalo Valley. A year earlier, she had accompanied Lindsay, who’d come to Buffalo Valley to see her grandparents’ house. Like her friend, Maddy had been drawn to the town and she liked to think her encouragement had contributed to Lindsay’s decision to accept the teaching job. Over the next twelve months, Lindsay had kept her updated in an exchange of newsy letters and e-mail messages. Long before she met them at the wedding, Maddy knew many of the townspeople from Lindsay’s descriptions and anecdotes.

The Hansens had been eager to sell and the terms they’d offered were ideal. She’d spent two weeks with them, learned the ins and outs of the business—ordering and stocking shelves, bookkeeping, inventory control. She absorbed as much as she could. Then, while the Hansens packed up nearly forty years of memories, Maddy unpacked and began her new life.

The community had welcomed her, and she’d noticed none of the reserve Lindsay had originally experienced. Just about everyone she’d met seemed friendly. Gradually she was putting faces to names. But she had to admit the most interesting person she’d come across in the past few weeks was Jeb McKenna. In fact, looking at the discarded grocery list, she realized it could very well have been his.

What an intriguing person Jeb McKenna had turned out to be. People called him a recluse, and the description seemed accurate, since Calla had informed her it’d been nearly ten months since his last visit to town. Others referred to Jeb as a loner, a man with a chip on his shoulder, a cripple. Maddy could see that he most likely was a loner, and he did maintain a certain emotional distance. She’d met people like him before and didn’t take offense, although she could understand how others might. But despite what she’d heard, she couldn’t think of Jeb as a cripple.

She recalled their brief meeting. He’d been cordial enough although he’d obviously been thrown by her presence. Maddy had no idea what to think of him—except that he wasn’t what she’d expected. Rumor had led her to believe he was a small, thin man, but quite the opposite was true. He was a good six feet, with a robust build and wide muscular shoulders. He resembled his sister somewhat, since they both had dark hair and deep-brown eyes. At first, Maddy and Jeb seemed capable only of staring at each other.

Oh, yes, finding her at the store had definitely unsettled him, and after he’d gone she’d found herself smiling at the haste with which he’d made his purchases and left. Almost as if he was afraid she might actually want to talk to him—or ask something of him that he was unwilling to give.

Crumpling the list, she was about to toss it in the waste-basket when she noticed the sharply slanted words. TOILET PAPER. Maddy didn’t recall ringing up any toilet paper for Jeb McKenna. Now, that was a household item no one should be without. Since she was making a trial run out toward Juniper Creek, anyway, she decided to stop by the ranch. She’d bring a package or two of a premium brand, and if Jeb was available, she’d ask him about it.

Earlier that month, Maddy had hired Larry Loomis to work for her part-time during the afternoons. The burly high-school senior was a bit awkward around her, but she was grateful for his help. He’d been around the store often enough for her to feel confident that he could assist customers and handle the cash register for three or four hours. Eventually he’d be stepping in for her when she made her Thursday rounds. In fact, he’d volunteered to deliver groceries himself, if she wanted. Maddy had refused, welcoming the opportunity to get to know people in the surrounding areas.

Jeb McKenna’s was one of the last houses on her route. The day was lovely, with just a hint of cooler weather to come. The huge sky was blue and cloudless. This was a true Indian summer, she thought, something she’d only read about before. Despite the warmth and mellow sunlight, Maddy sensed the weather was about to turn. It was October, after all and she could feel autumn in the wind, slight but constant. It shifted the long, browning grass on either side of the road as she drove by.

Autumn meant winter would make its appearance all too soon. So many people had happily described the horrors of endless days of blizzards and fierce cold, but it was difficult to think about the approach of winter on such a beautiful afternoon.

Maddy carefully checked the directions Jeb had given her to his ranch. She followed the road until she saw Highway Post Three, marking the miles. After a dip in the road, there was a road sign indicating a sharp curve ahead, with a speed limit of twenty-five miles per hour. His driveway was exactly two-tenths of a mile from that sign. His mailbox was on the opposite side of the road.

Maddy reached the entrance to his place and drove down a long dirt driveway, leaving a track of churned up dust behind her. She’d gone almost a mile before the house and barn came into view. The barn was massive and startlingly red against the blue, blue sky. To her disappointment, she didn’t see any bison in the pasture beyond, where large dusty wallows dotted the landscape.

She parked in the yard and noticed a calf in a small pen outside the barn. When she realized it was a buffalo calf, she gave a little cry of excitement and walked directly over to it.

“Well, hello there,” she said as she approached. His woolly coat was a brilliant golden red, with two nubby horns on his forehead. Did that mean this was a male? She decided it probably did.

The calf nervously raised his head as she advanced and she slowed her pace, not wanting to frighten him. His eyes were large, a dark liquid brown. Patiently she moved to the fence, talking softly as she eased her way forward, although she didn’t know how clearly the calf could see her, despite his beautiful eyes. From what she’d read, bison had notoriously bad sight, and she didn’t want to startle the poor creature.

It took a few minutes before the calf accepted her presence. Once he had, she slipped one hand between the slats of the fence and stroked his neck. She’d never been this close to a buffalo and was so intent on what she was doing that she didn’t hear Jeb’s truck until he’d entered the yard.

“Hello,” she said, straightening as he climbed out of the vehicle and walked toward her. He resembled a cowboy straight out of the Wild West, she thought admiringly, complete with a wide-brimmed hat. She shaded her eyes as she stared up at him.

He touched the brim of his hat in greeting and showed no surprise at seeing her.

“I was in the neighborhood,” she said, then laughed at how corny that sounded. “Actually, I was. I did a dry run on the delivery route and I wanted to be sure I knew where your ranch was.”

He nodded.

“I hope you don’t take this wrong, but when you were in the store last week, did you forget to buy toilet paper?”

His eyes narrowed. “I beg your pardon?”

Maddy was feeling more foolish by the minute. “I found a discarded list… I thought it might’ve been yours, and well, I remember packing what you bought and I didn’t think you’d purchased any toilet paper.”

“You mean to say you brought some with you?” he asked.

“I did.” She nodded for emphasis. “It isn’t the type of supply one wants to get low on.”

“True,” he agreed.

Maddy thought she saw a fleeting smile. But then—as if he was reluctant to feel amusement—he turned and headed toward the barn, limping as he went.

“Since I was coming by your place anyway, I thought I’d deliver it—the toilet paper, I mean. If that was your list,” she called out after him, thoroughly embarrassed now.

“It wasn’t,” he assured her.

Maddy watched the calf for a few more minutes. During that time, Jeb walked out of the barn and toward the house.

Gathering her nerve, she asked, “Do you mind if I stay awhile? With him?” She pointed at the calf.

“Suit yourself,” came his brusque response, as though he didn’t care one way or the other. He disappeared into the house.

Maddy didn’t need it spelled out—he didn’t welcome her company. Okay, fine. Standing on the bottom board of the fence, she rested her arms over the top and watched the calf. On such a glorious day, she was in no hurry to get back to the store. This was her first real break since she’d arrived.

Ten minutes later, just as she was about to climb off the fence, Jeb called from the house. “You interested in a cup of coffee?”

“Please,” she said, delighted by the invitation.

“How do you take it?” he asked, standing at the door.

“Sugar,” she said.

“Me, too.” He went back inside.

She walked toward the porch, and he met her there with a mug. He handed it to her and she sank down on the top step. He stood, leaning casually against the railing.

“How long have you raised buffalo?” she asked.

“Bison,” he corrected. “American bison. Even though almost everyone calls them buffalo.” He paused. “I started the herd about three and a half years ago.” He stared straight ahead, obviously uncomfortable making polite conversation.

“Why?” When he frowned, she quickly added, “I don’t mean to be rude. I’m sincere. What made you decide to raise bison instead of cattle?”

He snorted a laugh. “Well, the potential for buffalo is virtually untapped. The meat is better, higher in protein and lower in fat. People have been saying for a long time that buffalo tastes the way beef wished it did.”

“So you sell them for meat?”

“I don’t raise them as pets.”

“No… I suppose not.”

He went on to explain that to date, not a single person had ever had an allergic reaction to buffalo meat, including people who suffer from allergies to other red meat. No one was sure exactly why, but Jeb thought it was because buffalo were “organically” raised. They weren’t subjected to chemicals, hormones or growth drugs, or force-fed in high-density pens.

It was clear from the way he spoke that he knew and respected the buffalo and although it might have been fanciful, Maddy suspected he somehow identified with these animals, fighting their way back from extinction.

“Another thing,” he said. “The meat sells for up to three times the price of beef.” He continued, warming to his subject. “Buffalo are hardier, need less care and have a reproductive life that’s three to four times that of cattle.” Abruptly, he looked away. “I didn’t mean to start lecturing you,” he muttered. “Getting back to your original question, though, I do sell some of my animals for meat. But most of them are sold as breeding stock.” He gave her a quizzical glance. “This is way more than you wanted to know, isn’t it?”

“Not at all,” she assured him, thanking him with a smile. “I find this fascinating.”

Not wanting to outstay her welcome, Maddy made a point of glancing at her watch. “I’d better leave,” she said, returning her empty mug as she got to her feet. “Thanks again for the information on buffalo.”

He ducked his head, acknowledging her words.

“I make my first official stop next Thursday if you’ll get me your list,” she told him.

“Fine.” He stayed where he was on the porch as she walked toward her parked car.

“Good seeing you again, Jeb,” she said, then climbed into her Bronco.

He might not have enjoyed himself, but Maddy had. He was a difficult sort of person, but that didn’t bother her. During the past few years, working in social services, she’d dealt with more than her share of unfriendly types. Jeb McKenna was Mr. Personality compared to some of them.

She started her engine and put the car in Reverse and was about to wave goodbye when she noticed he’d gone back inside.

It seemed odd to be having a date with her own husband, Joanie Wyatt mused as she nursed her two-month-old son. Jason Leon Wyatt had been born at the end of July in Fargo, when Joanie was separated from Brandon.

Shortly after Thanksgiving a year earlier, she’d left her husband, taking their two children with her. They’d reconciled some months afterward, but the time apart had taught them both some crucial lessons. Joanie had postponed telling Brandon about the pregnancy, and it was the news of the baby that had forced them to talk to each other again. Brandon had been with her when Jason was born, and for a while it looked as if everything was going to work out. Joanie didn’t want a divorce; she believed Brandon didn’t, either.

While they were separated, Joanie learned that she genuinely loved her husband, but at the same time she couldn’t go back to the farmhouse, fearing they’d slide into their old destructive patterns.

After Jason’s birth, they decided that Joanie and the kids would return to Buffalo Valley. Only they’d rent a house in town while Brandon continued to live on the farm. So far, things had fallen into place even better than they’d hoped. The house on Willow Street had belonged to an uncle of Brandon’s who’d left town when the equipment dealership closed. The house, like so many others, had sat empty for five years. He’d been willing to let them use it free of cost, preferring that someone live there rather than leave it empty any longer.

Sage and Stevie were pleased to be back in school with their friends. Despite several visits home, both had missed their father dreadfully during the months away. The situation now wasn’t ideal, but Joanie saw real hope for her marriage.

Calla Stern arrived five minutes before Brandon was due to pick up Joanie. With shrieks of delight, Sage and Stevie raced toward the teenager. This evening out was as much a treat for her children as it was for her. Jason, however, would travel with her and Brandon—first to dinner, then to the counseling session in Grand Forks. He was too young to be left with anyone else for more than an hour or so.

Brandon was right on time.

“Hi,” Joanie greeted him as he waited in the hallway, thinking it was a little silly to be this shy around the man who’d fathered her three children. After nine months apart, plus two months of counseling, they were still a bit awkward with each other. A bit unsure.

“Daddy!” Sage dashed in from the living room. The nine-year-old threw herself into her father’s arms.

Stevie followed. Brandon crouched down and hugged his older children. “You be good for Calla now, understand?”

Sage nodded.

“Do we have to?” Stevie asked, laughing at his own humor.

“Yes, you do,” Calla answered. “Otherwise you know what’ll happen.” She grabbed the boy and wrapped her arm around his neck, rubbing her knuckles over the top of his head. Stevie gave out a shriek of mock terror and promised, between giggles, to be a model child.

Joanie was smiling as Brandon led her to the truck parked at the curb. He hadn’t even started the engine when he asked, “How much longer are we going to have to see the counselor?”

“Are you complaining already?” she asked.

“Joanie, I’m serious.”

“So am I,” she insisted. “We’ve only been to six sessions. I’ve found Dr. Geist to be very helpful, haven’t you?”

After a moment’s silence, he said, “Not particularly.”

This was news to Joanie. “Why not?”

He took even longer to answer this time, long enough to drive through town and turn onto the highway, heading east to Grand Forks. “Dr. Geist is a woman,” he muttered.

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Joanie demanded, unable to hide her annoyance.

“Plenty,” he shouted, just as angry. “She thinks the same way you do. The only reason I agreed to these sessions was so we could get back together. I didn’t know I was going to be expected to sit there for an hour every week to have my ego demolished.”

Joanie felt shocked by what she was hearing. “No one’s bashing you.”

“Then tell me why I come out of these sessions feeling like a big pile of horse manure.” His hands were tight on the steering wheel. “You want me to tell the world I’m a terrible husband? I admitted it once already. Wasn’t that enough for you?”

“I never said you were a bad husband, and besides, that’s in the past. All I want to do is build a better future for us both.” The tension between them grew, and sensing it, the baby started to fuss and then cry. Nothing Joanie did could quiet him.

“Now look what you’ve done,” she snapped, and even as she said it, she realized how unfair she was being.

“When the baby cries, it’s my fault now, along with everything else.”

Joanie ignored him while she struggled to comfort their son. Jason rested in the car seat between them, but everything she tried seemed to irritate him. With the baby’s wailing, plus the horrible tension between her and Brandon, Joanie soon felt like crying herself.

“I want you and the kids back home,” Brandon said, shouting to be heard above the baby. “I’d feel a lot better about everything if you were living on the farm.”

“It’s too soon,” Joanie muttered.

“Are you planning to walk out on me again?”

“I didn’t walk out on you the first time.”

“The hell you didn’t.”

He was speeding now, letting his anger affect his driving.

“Slow down!” she yelled. “You’re driving too fast.”

“So you intend to tell me how to drive, too! You’re trying to manipulate me and tell me how to live my life. You don’t want a husband, you want a whipping boy.”

“That’s not true, dammit!” She couldn’t believe he was doing this. Only minutes earlier, she’d been looking forward to this evening out. This was their weekly date, their time away from the kids, their chance to rebuild the foundation of their marriage. Her hope was that through these sessions with the counselor, they would rediscover one another and rekindle the desire that had once been so strong between them.

Brandon slowed down, and neither of them said a word. The baby eventually fell into a restless sleep, but the air throbbed with tension for the remainder of the drive into Grand Forks.

As they arrived at the outskirts, Joanie said, “Let’s just skip dinner, okay? I’m not hungry.” She couldn’t possibly relax and enjoy a meal with her husband now.

“Fine,” he said, his voice expressionless. “Whatever.”

Dr. Geist ushered them into her office soon after they entered the clinic. “Hello, Joanie,” she said, then smiled at Brandon. “Welcome, Brandon.”

She was a tall woman, thin as a sapling, with short white hair. The doctor at the pregnancy clinic in Fargo had given Joanie Dr. Geist’s name, and after a short interview by phone, Joanie had felt optimistic about the three of them working together.

“How was your week?” Dr. Geist asked, after they’d all had a chance to sit down.

Brandon looked down at his hands, so Joanie answered. “Good.”

“Fine,” Brandon muttered with little interest.

“Did you complete the homework assignment I gave you?”

“I did,” Joanie said, and reached for the diaper bag where she’d stuffed the folded sheet. Dr. Geist had asked them each to compile a list of strengths and an equal number of weaknesses.

“Brandon?”

He shook his head.

“Did the dog eat it?” Dr. Geist asked, giving him a humorous excuse.

“No,” he said flatly, “I didn’t do it. As far as I was concerned, it was a complete waste of my time and energy. I want my wife and family back. I’m not here to learn about my flaws and what a rotten husband I am.”

“No one’s—”

Brandon didn’t allow Dr. Geist to finish. “I want my wife back,” he said angrily. “I’m tired of living in an empty house. It’s been nearly twelve months since we made love. Condemn me if you want—”

“In other words, you just want me for sex?” Joanie asked through gritted teeth.

“No,” Brandon shouted, then changed his mind. “I wouldn’t object to us sleeping together, Joanie. In my opinion, these counseling sessions are useless.” He glared at Dr. Geist. “You want us to make lists? Fine, I’ll give you one. Ten reasons my wife and children belong with me. That’s the only kind of list you’re going to get.”

“Joanie,” Dr. Geist said calmly. “Are you ready to sleep with your husband?”

“No,” she said immediately. She wanted to rekindle more than desire. Yet sex seemed all Brandon wanted from her.

As far as she could see, he wasn’t really trying, wasn’t willing to do even the basic assignments Dr. Geist had charted out for them. He wanted everything, but was willing to give nothing.

“I’ve sacrificed a lot in order to save this marriage,” Brandon announced. “Nothing makes Joanie happy. It isn’t enough that she brought me to my knees, now she wants to walk all over me.”

“That’s not true,” she said, flushed with anger. “I’ve sacrificed, too.”

The entire session ended up being a shouting match between them. Joanie felt sick to her stomach by the time the hour was over.

As verbal as they’d been during the session, neither said a word on the ride home. What remained unspoken seemed louder than any disagreement they’d ever had. When he pulled into Buffalo Valley, Brandon didn’t get out of the truck to help her with the baby or see her to the house.

Joanie paused at the curb, but knew she’d only do more damage if she said anything now. Brandon was determined to misread any comment she made. The second she’d stepped away from the truck, he drove off, tires squealing as he rounded the corner.

Swallowing the hurt, Joanie walked slowly toward the house, afraid it was too late for them both.