Читать книгу Cedar Cove Collection (Books 1-6) - Debbie Macomber - Страница 24

If not for Olivia, Grace would’ve dropped out of the Wednesday-evening aerobics class ages ago. But since Dan’s disappearance, she’d found that working out was a great stress-reliever. Never had she sweated so much or breathed so hard. Every movement was done with enthusiasm and energy. Before, she’d always been the one who lagged behind; now she led the class.

“Keeping up with you is going to kill me,” Olivia complained as she followed Grace into the shower room. “What’s gotten into you lately?”

As if Olivia didn’t know. “You have to ask?”

“Well, yes, I understand you’re upset about Dan.”

“That’s not the half of it.”

Olivia wiped her face with a hand towel. “Have you had dinner yet?”

Grace shook her head. With only herself to cook for, it was easier to toss a frozen entrée into the microwave. Wednesdays she generally skipped dinner altogether. By the time she got home from aerobics, she was too tired to eat.

“Not yet.”

“Want to meet at the Pancake Palace?” Olivia suggested.

Grace wasn’t hungry, but it beat walking into an empty house. “Okay.”

She took her time showering and changing into her street clothes. She hadn’t done more than chat with her friend in several weeks, and she was looking forward to a real conversation. Sure, they saw each other, but there was rarely an opportunity to say more than a few words in passing.

Olivia had already secured the booth when Grace arrived. She slid in across from her and reached for the menu tucked, as always, behind the napkin canister.

“Wasn’t this our booth back in high school?” Olivia asked.

Grace had to think about that. Was it? “I don’t remember, but it might be.”

“Remember how Kenny Thomas broke up with me right here in the Pancake Palace?” Olivia reminded her.

“The rat fink.”

Their eyes met and they smiled, chasing memories. But Grace’s amusement faded as she recalled how often she’d met Dan here during their high-school days. How different her life might have been if he’d broken up with her, or she’d had the courage to return his high-school ring. Even then, while she was still a teenager, Grace had sensed that they didn’t bring out the best in each other. Deep down, Dan had known it, too. Then, just before graduation, Grace had discovered she was pregnant. Dan had wanted to marry her and she’d managed to convince herself it was the right thing to do.

“Kelly and I met here for dinner not long ago,” Grace told her, breaking off her thoughts before she fell into the abyss of self-pity. It was the night Kelly had persuaded her not to file for divorce. She’d promised to wait until after the baby was born, but she’d regretted that decision ever since.

“I envy your relationship with your daughters,” Olivia admitted.

“Aren’t you and Justine getting along?”

Olivia gave a slight shrug. “We don’t argue, if that’s what you mean, but we don’t talk openly. I heard through the grapevine that Warren’s asked her to marry him, but she hasn’t even mentioned his proposal to me.”

“Maybe she knows what you’ll say.”

Olivia’s eyes turned thoughtful. “I’ve vowed not to be negative, but it isn’t easy.”

One thing Dan’s disappearance had done was bring Grace closer to her daughters. They talked at least once a day, mostly to encourage and support each other. After the latest episode, they’d decided they could no longer bear not knowing where Dan was. The girls were willing to help with the expense of the private investigator; they felt as desperate for answers as Grace did.

“I hired Roy McAfee again last week.” Grace had talked to him soon after Dan’s disappearance, and decided after his initial investigation that she couldn’t afford his services anymore. As the weeks crept by, she’d come to understand that neither she nor the girls could afford not to hire him. They had to know what had happened to her husband, and there seemed to be no other way. “The frustration is driving me insane.”

“Do the girls approve?”

Grace nodded. “They’re the ones who talked me into it. They want answers as badly as I do. Badly enough to help foot the bill.” Hiring a private detective was expensive, but as Maryellen had said—only half joking—the medical bills for a nervous breakdown would be far higher.

Something inside Grace had snapped the night she cleared out Dan’s closet. She should probably have checked herself into a psychiatric ward. She’d reached her limit, and her daughters had immediately recognized it even if she hadn’t.

“What did Roy say?”

“I gave him what information I could, and he promised to get back to me.”

“Did you tell him about your suspicions?”

Grace sighed and picked up her fork, squinting at the water spots. “He didn’t agree or disagree with me. But I have faith that if there’s another woman, he’ll find out who it is.”

“And,” Olivia said, leaning forward, “what proof were you able to give him?”

“Not a damn thing.” Grace had searched through everything Dan owned and come away all the more confused. How careful he’d been, how clever. Not a shred of evidence remained—at least, nothing tangible she could hand over to Roy.

“But gut instinct tells you there’s someone else?”

She nodded slowly. “As I think back, I see more and more clues.”

“Such as?”

“You know Dan. He didn’t care much about appearances, but recently I started remembering little things about the first time he went missing.”

“Like what?”

“That morning was the same as always, but I realized later that he’d combed his hair and shaved. Dan usually shaved at night. He altered his routine that day.”

“He was meeting her?”

“That’s my guess.”

“What about this time?”

Grace had reviewed their last morning together a hundred times or more. “I can’t remember exactly, but I think so.” What she did recall was the faint scent of his aftershave as he collected his lunch bucket from the counter and headed out the door.

“I remember a year ago I asked him if he felt guilty about something because he was acting kind of… furtive.” That incident had played back in her mind, too. Dan had shot her a stricken look as though she’d caught him red-handed. Naturally he’d denied everything, and because she’d wanted to believe him, she had.

“Have you heard anything from Roy yet?”

Grace wadded up the paper napkin in her fist. “He phoned this afternoon.”

“And?” Olivia’s eyes widened with anticipation.

“Nothing. He said that if Dan does have another job, he’s not using his social security number.”

“What about the woman? Did Roy give you any ideas on who it might be?”

“No. He’s asked around, put out feelers in Seattle and beyond, but he hasn’t come up with a single lead. Whoever it is, I suspect they’ve been meeting for years. She probably got tired of Dan’s inability to make a decision and told him it was either her or me.” Although Grace spoke without emotion, plenty of it churned inside her. It had become more and more apparent that Dan had been under pressure. He wasn’t by nature a cruel man, although at times he was capable of saying and doing cruel things. Whoever this woman was, Dan must have loved her very much.

“It’s like he disappeared off the face of the earth.”

“I know.” Grace stared down at the table. “All I want is an answer,” she whispered. “I know it might be hard to believe, especially after everything he’s put us through, but I want Dan to be happy.” She’d never been able to fill the emptiness inside him. It’d been worse after Vietnam. Then Kelly had been born, and it was as though this second daughter had renewed his purpose. For a few years they’d been happy. Dan had encouraged Grace to get a college education, and was an invaluable asset with the girls. They’d been a team, a family. Now he was gone.

“What if you don’t get those answers?” Olivia asked gently.

Grace had considered that, too. It was a very real possibility. Dan didn’t seem willing to tell her why he’d left—not to her face, at any rate. Perhaps that was the reason he’d decided to make a brief appearance in Cedar Cove. He’d wanted to be seen. Perhaps he was telling her he’d gotten on with his life and now she should do the same.

“If I don’t get any answers, I’ll deal with it just as I have everything else.”

Olivia shook her head admiringly. “You’re a brave woman, Grace Sherman.”

Grace didn’t view herself that way but accepted the compliment. “Hey, when are we going to get some service around here?”

Olivia placed two fingers in her mouth and gave a low piercing whistle. She’d always been proud of her ability to do that—and it had certainly impressed her sons.

“Hold on!” the sixty-year old waitress shouted from the other side of the restaurant. “I’ve only got two hands.”

“Same ol’ Pancake Palace,” Grace laughed. Some things never changed, and for that she was grateful.

The last week of June, Olivia suddenly realized she hadn’t heard from Jack Griffin in more than a month. Not since she’d returned from California. It wasn’t until she started planning her mother’s birthday celebration that she noticed it’d been so long. Between her work in family court, the problems with Justine, James’s new family, her mother’s obsession with Tom Houston and Grace’s troubles, Olivia had been caught up in everyone else’s life. She’d nearly forgotten she had one of her own.

Home from court early on a Monday afternoon, Olivia was in a rare domestic mood and prepared a batch of her favorite breakfast muffins, a family staple.

Since Jack hadn’t seen fit to phone her, she decided to call him. It wasn’t her habit to contact men, but this time she had a perfectly good excuse—an invitation. She didn’t have a home number, so she called him at the office.

“Jack Griffin,” he snapped, answering as soon as the receptionist had rung through.

“Hello, Jack.”

“Oh—Olivia.”

He sounded as if she’d knocked him off-balance. “I guess you weren’t expecting me,” she said.

“You could say that.” His voice softened.

It was probably best to get to the point right away. “Have you got plans for the fourth of July?”

“Depends,” he said cautiously. “What do you have in mind?” He didn’t wait for her to answer before he offered his own suggestion. “There’s an article I’ve been meaning to write about a nudist colony out by Home. Are you interested in tagging along?”

Her laugh was answer enough.

“That’s what I thought.” He muttered in a resigned voice, and Olivia laughed again.

“Actually, it’s my mother’s birthday on July fourth,” she said, “and I was planning a small surprise party.”

“How small?”

“You, me and Mom.” Justine had been invited, too. She would likely make an appearance without Warren, but Olivia doubted her daughter would stay long.

“Can I get back to you?”

“By all means.” They ended the conversation soon after that, and Olivia hung up with a sense of disappointment. Perhaps she’d offended Jack, although she couldn’t imagine when or how. She’d had to cancel their last date, because of a Bar Association meeting, but he’d sounded almost relieved and she hadn’t heard from him since.

Five minutes later, the doorbell chimed. When Olivia answered, she was astonished to see Jack Griffin leaning against her doorframe, doing his damnedest to look like Cary Grant in His Girl Friday.

“Jack? What are you doing here?”

“I thought it over,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “I’d love to come to your party.”

“Great.”

“Are you going to invite me in?”

“Oh, of course.” She moved aside and he stepped into the house, following her into the kitchen, where she’d brewed a fresh pot of coffee. The muffins were just out of the oven. “This is a family recipe,” she told him as she set a warm muffin on a plate. “Mom frequently reminds me how good bran is for the older person.” She rolled her eyes on the word older.

“Bran apple muffins? Your mother included the recipe in one of her first columns.”

“The very ones.” Olivia reached for a muffin herself and joined him at the table.

“I’m glad you called,” Jack told her. “It’s been a while since we talked.”

“You could’ve phoned me, you know.”

He hesitated. “I, uh, wasn’t sure that was such a good idea.”

“Why not?” she asked, her tone forthright.

He hesitated again, weighing his words. “I know you’ve been divorced a long time, but it seemed to me—and I could be wrong—that you and your ex are—”

“Friends?”

Jack’s gaze held hers. “More than friends,” he said. “Are you still in love with him, Olivia?”

It was a question she didn’t need to consider long. “Stan and I had three children together. We’ll always be linked through them.”

“That wasn’t what I asked you.”

“I know.” She wished she could explain what she felt for her ex-husband, but her feelings were complex and something of a mystery even to her. She took a deep breath. “You’re right, we’re divorced. I do love him, but it isn’t the same kind of love we had as husband and wife.”

Jack looked away as if he didn’t understand the answer. Or perhaps he did understand, but didn’t like what he’d heard. Olivia felt her words were woefully inadequate. The bond between her and Stan was more than the children they’d brought into the world, more than the child they’d buried. It was everything they’d shared. There were things they knew about each other that no one else could possibly know.

Legally they were separate. Stan had a new wife and a new family, but a court decree hadn’t completely divided their hearts.

“I don’t really get it,” Jack said, his face darkening. “Basically I’m wondering, seeing how you feel about your ex, if there’s room in your life for someone else.” He straightened and threw back his shoulders. “Actually, I should be a little more specific. Is there room for me?”

“That shouldn’t be such a difficult question to answer,” Jack muttered, when she didn’t speak right away.

“It isn’t,” she tried to assure him. “I’d very much like there to be.”

He stared at her. “Really?”

Olivia laughed. She found Jack Griffin smart and funny and in some ways almost childlike in his enthusiasm, his sense of adventure. She loved the spontaneity she saw in him.

“I like you, Jack.”

He beamed at her. “I like you, too. A lot. It’s probably not good strategy to admit it at this early stage, but what the hell do I know about strategy anyway?” Having said that, he leaned forward and kissed her.

Olivia was sure his original intention had been a friendly peck, a short kiss to seal this new understanding. However the moment their lips met, moist and warm with freshly brewed coffee, the kiss became…real. Passionate. Jack wove his fingers into her hair and he rose to his feet to lean closer. Olivia reached for him.

The intensity of the kiss heightened as his mouth expertly molded against hers. It’d been years since a man had touched her like this. She’d ignored that sensual part of her, let it grow dormant, and now Jack had brought it back to life.

A discordant sound drifted toward her, and Jack abruptly broke off the kiss. “Someone’s coming,” he whispered.

“Mom!”

Olivia jerked back and nearly fell off her chair. “Justine.”

“Oh, hi.” Justine stood framed in the kitchen doorway. She looked sharply from Olivia to Jack. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“No!” Olivia shouted. “I mean…” She glanced at Jack and—damn it all—blushed.

To her surprise, her daughter laughed. “Honestly, Mom, it’s no big deal. If you two want to continue whatever you were doing, go ahead, with my blessing. I’ll come back at a more convenient time.”

“Ah…”

“I think I should leave,” Jack said. He kissed Olivia’s cheek. “See you on the fourth. Do you want me to bring anything?”

Her mind a blank, Olivia shook her head. For the life of her she couldn’t remember what they were doing on the fourth. Oh, yes, her mother’s birthday.

Jack sidled past Justine, and whistling a catchy tune, let himself out of the house.

“Mother,” her daughter said, arms folded. “I’m shocked.” Her delight was unmistakable.

“Don’t act so amused. I’m not as old as you think.”

“I know that,” Justine assured her, “but I wasn’t sure you were aware of it.”

Olivia stood on feet that felt a little unsteady. Jack’s kiss had shaken her more than she cared to admit. She walked over to the coffeepot and refilled her cup, then automatically poured one for her daughter. What had prompted this visit, Olivia couldn’t even guess.

“So how long have you and Jack been involved?”

“We’re not.”

“He was at the house when you returned from California, remember?” Justine reminded her.

“Yes, I know.” She hated the way these questions flustered her. Nothing had been settled between her and Jack. Not really. Okay, so they’d agreed to start seeing each other, but it was too early to know how significant their relationship would become.

“I asked Jack then, and he claimed you were only friends. Foolish me, I believed him.”

Justine certainly seemed to be enjoying this.

“We are friends.”

“Oh, yes,” her daughter teased.

“Justine!”

“Friends and then some.”

Olivia shook her head. “All right, if you must know…this is a recent development.”

“How recent?”

Olivia peered at her watch. “Twenty minutes.”

“Mother!”

“It’s true.” And Olivia felt good about it. Optimistic. No way of knowing what would happen, of course, especially as they hadn’t yet defined their relationship. But she couldn’t help wondering where the kissing would’ve led if they hadn’t been interrupted.

“Enough about me,” Olivia said abruptly. “To what do I owe this unexpected visit?”

“Well,” Justine said, sinking down in the chair recently vacated by Jack, “I came to see what you had planned for Grandma’s birthday.”

That was only an excuse; Justine could easily have asked over the phone. “I thought we’d have a small picnic.”

“Waterfront Park?”

“I hadn’t decided where, but that sounds like a good idea.” Her mother’s home was within walking distance of the waterfront area, and there’d be a lot of festivities there on the fourth. “Can you come?”

“I should be able to drop by for an hour or so.”

Not looking at Justine, she reached for her muffin. “Will Warren be with you?”

“Probably not, but we’re still seeing each other.”

Olivia was afraid of that. More than anything she wanted to ask her daughter what the future held for her and Warren, but she dared not say anything that would upset the delicate balance of her relationship with Justine.

“The truth is, Warren and I haven’t been getting along lately.”

In one way, Olivia was glad to hear that, although she chastised herself for such an ungenerous reaction; in another way, she was distressed by Justine’s evident unhappiness. If Warren was what she really wanted… “Any reason?” she asked carefully.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Justine exhaled sharply. “We’re different people.”

Different generations, too, but Olivia didn’t mention that. “You might want to remember what attracted you when you first started seeing each other.”

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.” Her hands cradled the coffee mug. “I was drawn to him right away—he was so polished and successful. I’d dated other men and they were always pressuring me, wanting more from the relationship.” She hesitated. “That’s probably an oversimplification.” Lifting her mug, she stared at the coffee and then lowered it to the table without taking a drink. “Actually, I was the one to blame for past dating failures. I don’t want a long-term committment or a family.” She stared at Olivia. “I’ve told you that before. I know it upset you, and I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”

“Warren’s already been married,” Olivia said, wanting to keep Justine talking, hoping that as her thoughts emerged, she’d gain insight into her daughter’s emotions.

“Actually, he’s been married three times.”

Olivia had only known about two of his former marriages, but wisely refrained from comment.

“His children are raised.”

From what she’d heard, Warren Saget had a daughter four years younger than Justine.

“In other words, he wouldn’t be interested in starting a second family.”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

Olivia merely nodded.

“Warren represents safety and security to me,” Justine said in a low, serious voice. “It’s comfortable being with him. It seemed that everything I objected to in other relationships isn’t a problem for him. He’s always been good to me and I didn’t need to worry about…you know.”

Olivia wasn’t sure she did, but again she held her tongue. “You’re looking sad.” Reaching over, she stroked the side of her daughter’s face.

“I am sad,” Justine repeated as though this was a revelation. “That’s exactly what I am.”

Olivia searched for something comforting to say, some wisdom she could pass on to her daughter. Unfortunately her mind was a blank. Every day she sat in court and issued judgments that would alter the way families lived their lives. But when it came to her own child, Olivia was at a loss.

“Have you decided to break it off?”

It was the wrong thing to ask. Justine instantly bristled. “That’s what you’d like, isn’t it?”

“No,” Olivia responded, sorry now that she’d said a word. “Whatever happens between you and Warren is your business. It’s obvious that you care for him.”

“I do. Sometimes he irritates me, and then sometimes he’s so kind and thoughtful…. I know what you think, Mom, what everyone thinks, but Warren’s got his insecurities, just like most people. And in his own way, he loves me.”

“I’m sure that’s true.”

Justine stood and deposited her coffee cup in the sink, as though preparing to leave. “Thanks, Mom, I feel better.”

Well, that was good, but Olivia felt confused. She had no idea what the visit had been about; she only knew she didn’t want it to end. “Isn’t your class reunion coming up shortly?”

“Next month,” Justine mumbled, reaching for her car keys. “I doubt Seth will be there in case you’re wondering.”

“I’m not,” Olivia lied. “But…why not?” she asked, surprised that her daughter had voluntarily brought up the other man’s name. Generally Justine went out of her way to avoid the subject of Seth Gunderson.

“He’s in Alaska, and this is his busiest time of year. He won’t be able to take four or five days off and fly home for a class reunion.”

“Perhaps not,” Olivia agreed mildly.

Then out of the blue, Justine looked her square in the eye and blurted out, “Falling in love with Seth would be a terrible risk.”

“Why is that?”

“Oh, Mom, think about it. I have nothing in common with him. He’s just the type of man I want to avoid. He’s a fisherman—that’s a dead-end career if there ever was one. Besides, he lives on a boat. I have more tablecloths than he has dishes. We just don’t…mix.”

“But you’re attracted to him?”

“He makes me crazy.” She clamped her mouth shut and folded her arms tightly across her chest.

“Loving him is a risk,” Olivia repeated her daughter’s words back to her.

Justine groaned. “I know that, Mother.”

“Oh, Justine,” she whispered, hugging her daughter. “Think about it. Everything of value in life involves risk.”

Her daughter pressed her forehead against Olivia’s shoulder. “Oh, Mom, I wish I knew what to do.”

“Follow your heart.”

“I can’t,” she whispered brokenly.

“Why not?”

“I’m afraid it’ll lead me straight to Seth.”

Olivia patted her back gently, but found it impossible not to smile.

June 25th

Dearest Cecilia,

I know it’s probably a shock to get a letter from me. I’ve gotten into the habit of sending e-mails because they’re convenient and easy, and so much faster. Today, however, e-mail just seems too impersonal. It doesn’t feel right to sit down at a computer. Not today, June 25th.

You didn’t say anything, but I’m sure Allison Marie has been on your mind. If she’d lived, we’d be celebrating her first birthday. And this year, just like last year, her daddy’s out at sea.

I don’t know if there are words enough to tell you how much I regret not being with you when Allison was born. I would’ve done anything, given everything I possess or ever will, to have the opportunity to hold my little girl just once. There’s an ache inside me that will never go away, knowing that not only could I not be with you, but I was denied the one opportunity I had to see my daughter.

Your getting pregnant when you did last year wasn’t a real surprise. A part of me was looking for it to happen, I think. I was crazy about you from the moment we met, and despite the separation, that hasn’t changed. Allison Marie was a gift from God. I don’t know why she had to die or what purpose her life served, but I do know I have no regrets about us marrying. Not a single one. Together we created a beautiful baby and together we loved our child. We still love her. The key word here is together, Cecilia. And that’s the way I want us to stay.

After the accident on the John F. Reynolds, you told me you love me. Oh, honey, you don’t know how good it was to hear you say it. My ribs hurt like hell, otherwise I would’ve been shouting loud enough for you to hear me all the way in Cedar Cove.

Let’s not do anything foolish—like get that divorce. When the John F. Reynolds pulls into Bremerton shipyard, I hope you’ll be there with all the other wives, waiting for their husbands. I don’t want this to be the end of our marriage, but the beginning of our lives together. I think Allison would approve of her mommy and daddy celebrating her birthday, don’t you? After all, she brought us together, didn’t she? It’s time we put away the pain and celebrated her life, short as it was. Because of Allison, you’re my wife and I’m your husband and that’s how we should remain.

I love you so much.

Ian