Читать книгу LoveDance: Awakening the Divine Daughter - Deborah Maragopoulos FNP - Страница 24

After Sarah’s second birthday, the family caravans in carts drawn by donkeys to the shore of the Great Sea. With Sarah in front of me, I have a hard time keeping Sheikan in pace with Teoma’s lumbering mare. Arriving ahead of the group, I take Sarah into the sea for the first time, her delight bringing a smile to Teoma’s face.

Teoma sets up a tent on a lookout point just above us, the better to survey the perimeter. A small group of armed men camp at various sites surrounding the family. When I ask about the zealots, he informs me that while he trusts the mystic kasa, he is under orders by Joseph to take every precaution to keep the family safe.

The days burn one into the other until it is nearly the end of summer. Miriam asks me to take Teoma away from the encampment so they can prepare a birthday celebration. He has been working too hard and not really enjoying himself, having to keep a higher vigilance at the shore.

We head north toward the great mountain known as Karmel. The energy of the sacred space enlivens our steps, yet even some distance from our destination, sweat soaks our skin. The cool sea laps invitingly, but Teoma continues marching down the beach. Halting, I lay my sadin on the sand, dressed only in my riding sash and a short hipcloth underneath and run into the water before Teoma notices and tries to stop me.

“For heaven’s sakes, Mary what are you doing?”

Laughing, I reply from the shallows, “Let’s swim for a while.” Sweat glistens on his face. Perhaps he is not comfortable getting undressed.

He approaches the water’s edge, “Come, we must get back.”

Teasingly, I splash him, “Relax, it’s your birthday. Come cool down.” I swim past the breakers and look back to see him hurriedly stripping down to his loincloth. He runs and dives into the turquoise water, reaching me in short time.

A soft blue hayye, very watery and light, touches mine and my heart sings. Not alone, dolphins circle us. These creatures swam along side our ship when my family sailed the Great Sea. They come closer, looking at us with dark eyes, blowing softly out of a hole in their backs. I yearn to touch their smooth sides, to swim out farther with them.

As I move toward them, Teoma grabs my arm, “Mary, be careful.” How can he feel fear near these glorious creatures? I push away and dive below the surface. Immediately, one of the dolphins swims up to me. Gliding against my side, its flesh smooth, its hayye loving, I yearn to hug it, but my breath is running out. As if sensing my need, it pushes me to the surface.

Horrified, Teoma swims swiftly over to pull me away from the creatures, easily overcoming my protests. My new aquatic friend intervenes by butting him in the side with its long nose, separating us. Catching his breath, Teoma cries out, “Mary, be still, I’m coming.” Again he tries to rescue me, but the creature pushes me back with it’s body.

Teoma’s fear magnifies so three other creatures begin to circle with calming energies. My new friend communicates in musical tones. Greetings Elat, we have been waiting for you.

Thank you, beautiful one. Your hayye brings me much joy. A distance from me, Teoma treads water, surrounded by dolphins.

We are your family from the seas, having been a part of your clan for a great span of eternity. Your companion is fearful to accept our hayye, ask him to relax.

I reach out to Teoma, tugging gently on his heartstrings. He looks at me and I ask him to accept their ministrations. As soon as he smiles his consent, the entire group encircles to bring us closer together. The dolphins dance about for a long time, touching us with their noses and bodies. We are bathed in light energy and filled with delight. When we tire from our long exposure in the water, they playfully escort us to the shore.

Reaching the warmth of the sand, we flop onto our backs, breathing heavily from our exertions. I bask in the dolphins’ joyful hayye before turning on my side. Teoma stares at me. Pushing my wet hair off my neck, I smile. The sun warms my chilled skin but under his gaze, I am acutely aware of my clinging wet garments. A quick glance confirms that the dolphin aroused other desires in him. Laughing, I toss a handful of sand at his chest.

“That is why you have been so grumpy lately. You are stuck here with us!”

Blushing, he rolls onto his belly with his head down in the cross of his arms. I reach over and touch his muscular back, “I am sorry to tease you, but wasn’t that the most wonderful experience?”

Turning his head toward me, he smiles sadly, “I am very grateful, but it is not the dolphins that arouse me.”

Hmmm! What to do with this growing tension between us? My own nature is so passionate, my sensuality increasing with less restrictive garments and these experiences in nature. Only three months since Teoma has been with a woman, but nearly fifteen months since I have found relief. What is Yeshua doing right now?

What is it, my love?

Teoma raises his head. Poor man, not sure what to make of me, calling in my husband to witness our precarious situation. We just had a wonderful experience with the dolphins. Did you meet them on your trip across the sea?

Yes, they swam close by the ship. What amazing hayye! I suppose they spoke directly to you.

Yes, they welcomed me and ministered to Teoma, who was a bit apprehensive at first.

Yeshua laughs. Did he try and save you from them? How is my good friend now? He scans Teoma’s hayye then quickly returns to mine. Hmmm, it appears as if the two of you are in a bit of a situation.

Teoma stares at me wide-eyed. “Mary, tell Yeshua to please forgive me, I will escort you safely back.”

Reassure Teoma that I trust him with my life as well as my wife, but he must hurry for the family is nearly ready for you to return. And to you, my sensual wife, look forward to my visit tonight. Teoma presents a physical temptation I wish to help you forget.

Teoma seems relieved when I relay my husband’s message. Taking my hand, he leads me back to the family.

***

“Ima, you be a sheep and we’ll catch you,” Sarah suggests, not satisfied with one human animal. Teoma smiles at me through his bridle, some ribbon she tied about his head. He has a way with wood as well as food. The friendly Trojan horse he carved for her birthday sits alone in the nursery, for today he is her mount.

“All right, Sarah, but as soon as you catch me, it will be time to rest and have a snack.”

She pouts, “But, Ima, I’m not tired.”

Giving her a kiss, I pat her horse on the head. “Your steed is getting tired and needs to be put out to pasture.” Teoma laughs as I assume my position.

Although I am agile, Teoma outcrawls me too quickly for Sarah’s satisfaction. “No, Ima, you have to try and get away.”

“I am trying, Sarah, but your horse is much faster than a sheep.”

Frowning, she ponders the dilemma. “Why don’t you stand up a little bit so you are faster, like this?” She hops off Teoma’s back and demonstrates how to lope away on hands and feet.

I comply and soon there is a bit of a challenge. Sarah spurs her mount on, but when Teoma grasps my fleeing ankle, I trip, landing hard. “Mary, I am so sorry. Are you all right?”

Sarah lifts my sadin to expose a bloody, abraded knee. “Poor, Ima, you’re hurt. Here,” she beckons, “kiss it better, Dod Teo.”

I try to cover my knee, “I’m fine, Sarah.”

“No, Ima, Dod Teo hurt you on accident, but he must kiss it better.” In her two-and-half-year-old mind only kisses will make amends, so I consent, but Teoma is hesitant. “Please, Dod Teo, please, make it better.” He kneels in front of me and tenderly kisses my injured knee, lingering a moment as Sarah hugs us.

A cleared throat draws our attention and we look up to see Saada holding a tray with Sarah’s lunch. Teoma hurriedly stands and helps me to my feet. Sarah runs over to Saada exclaiming, “Dod Teo kissed Ima’s hurt away.” Saada lets out a little huff and sets down the tray before giving me a cold look.

After the evening meal, I am called into the study. Miriam greets me. “Mary, you are aware that Saada was disturbed by what she saw in the courtyard today.”

“Ima, I can explain.”

She shakes her head, “There is no need, but you must understand how the staff feels.” I hold my tongue. “Saada and Leah have been with us since before Yeshua was born. They are very protective and see Teoma as a threat. Now I realize that you and Yeshua have come to an understanding about Teoma and while I can encourage him to make more social visits, you are still left in need.” My tears well as she gets to the heart of the matter.

She kisses the top of my head. Reaching the end of my endurance, I weep in her arms. “I know, dear, how hard this is for you.” She lifts my chin. “Your mother has requested your presence alone tomorrow evening. I believe she wants to speak to you about this very matter.” What, are our staff related? “As I can trust no one else to escort you safely there and back, Teoma will go. He will have some business to attend to in Sepphoris while you are visiting with your family.” I sigh for this does not sound like a social visit.

The next afternoon, Teoma escorts me to my parent’s home in Cana. He is dressed like a Roman soldier with sandals strapped high up to his knees, a short blue tunic, and a gladius secured in his wide leather belt. Both goyim and Romans greet him as we travel north.

“Teoma, how is it that you are so comfortable with the ways of Rome?” He escorts me very formally, only offering his arm so I do not stumble over some obstacle.

“I thought you knew my father is Roman.”

“Yes, and I think you look very handsome with your short hair and clean shaven face. Isn’t it odd that Joseph would be comfortable with your attire?” I smile up at an impassive face.

“Mary, it is best if we save this conversation for the privacy of the house.” He looks straight ahead, chin high. Why all the secrecy? If we cannot talk freely, perhaps I should have journeyed to my parent’s house under kasa. As if reading my mind, he replies, “I considered using kasa as well for your protection, but it seemed unnecessary.”

I remove the lovely shawl Teoma gave me as we enter the outer courtyard of my family home. “Under no circumstances are you to leave this house until I return.” With that warning, he makes sure I am escorted safely inside by a servant before taking his leave. What is the matter with him?

A lovely supper is set for us with three servants attending to our every need. I chat for a bit with my parents before Ima decides to make her point.

“Mary, soon Sarah will be three.” I nod, Yeshua left shortly after her first birthday. “How are you doing?”

“I am fine, Ima. I have much to keep me occupied.” I really do not want to discuss this with her, especially in front of Abba.

Undaunted, she asks, “How wise is it for that young man to stay at the house while Yeshua is away?”

“Teoma has been taking care of us.” Ima raises a brow. I turn to look in my father’s pale eyes, “Abba, perhaps we can go riding together sometime.”

Abba’s balding pate belies his age, his face usually so jovial, but not tonight. “That would be nice, my dear, but I believe your Ima has more to say.” I sigh and turn back to her.

“Mary, our last conversation about this over a year ago has left me with grave concerns as to your chastity.”

“Ima!” Why did I have to come? But my mother is just getting started, so I must sit and listen, forever it seems, to her concerns. She believes that Teoma and I are allowed to spend too much time together without a chaperone, that my behavior is not suited to a faithful wife. They claim Teoma had designs on marrying me himself and feel that he cannot be trusted to just fulfill his duties as the family guardian. She even belabors an offer to have me live here with Sarah until Yeshua returns.

I choose not to argue with her and stay quiet. My lack of excuses further incites her, but at this point, I have broken so many rules, she will find something to scold me about. How is it that even when one has left home, is married and has a child, when with her parents, she still feels like a child herself?

“Well, I will have to talk to Miriam about the situation. She must find another guard and release Teoma or you will have to come home.”

“Ima, Miriam will follow Joseph’s counsel only. So you will just have to wait until Joseph and Yeshua return and talk to him about your concerns. But then Yeshua will be home so it will no longer be a problem, will it?” I stand up, shaking, as Abba reaches over and pats my arm.

“There, there, Mary, do not get upset, Ima is only trying to help.” This has not helped at all. I wring my napkin, needing fresh air. “Go to the courtyard, my dear, and take some time to consider Ima’s proposal.” Thank goodness! I kiss his cheek and hurry out, my mother’s raised voice trailing after me.

With few oil lamps lit, the courtyard is very dark, but I feel better outside. My childhood house is not home to me anymore. I do not even miss it. Saddened, I hope Teoma arrives soon.

After what seems an eternity, there is an insistent knocking on the front gate. Neither the servants nor my parents appear, so I get up, hesitantly. It must be Teoma. Where are the servants to see to the gate? The knocking becomes pounding, so I go myself but once again hesitate. I feel wary. Don’t be foolish, I chide myself. It’s only Teoma.

Opening the heavy gate, I peer out. There is no one at the entrance. As I take a step outwards, Teoma’s warning whispers in the breeze. Fear engulfs me but before I can move back behind the gate, a strong rough hand clamps my arm and pulls me into the shadows outside the wall. Paralyzed by fear but managing to find my voice, I scream, but my assailant secures me up against the wall. Breath foul with wine, he whispers crude Latin. I struggle when he tries to lift my sadin, pushing roughly against me. His dirty hand silences me. Archangel Uriel alights behind him and instructs me to call for Teoma. Concentrating my hayye, I silently scream his name.

As if my assailant can feel the angel, he moves back slightly, enough for me to twist away. I try to reach for the archangel’s hand, but my assailant will not be deterred. Just as he roughly drags me back against the wall, Teoma appears!

Swiftly, silently, he pulls my attacker off and throws him to the ground. The man addresses Teoma in a rather familiar tone. Still plastered to the wall by fear, I do not move until Teoma instructs me to go back into the house. My legs shake as I back away.

Having regained his feet, the man draws his sword. Teoma does likewise, so I escape into the empty courtyard. In a short time, a man screams but before a tear can fall, Teoma steps through the gate. I rush into his arms. Gently seating us on a bench, his arm protectively around me when a servant appears. Seeing the two of us, she hurries back inside. Abba follows shortly.

“What is the meaning of this?”

Teoma does not stand because I am clinging to him, “Sir, I returned to find Mary being attacked by a soldier.”

“How can this be? She was only waiting for us. Oh my daughter, I pray it is not so…” The cawing of a crow interrupts my father and he quickly returns to the house to retrieve Ima.

Buried in Teoma’s chest as he strokes my hair, I cannot be comforted. With a dark flapping, the crow startles my mother, whose rage precedes her. Shielding me with his form, Teoma carries me inside and sets me down on a cushioned lounge, but I do not release him. “Please take me home, do not leave me here.”

Blue eyes fill, he touches my cheek gently, “I will not return without you.”

Ima tends to me as best she can, but I yearn for Miriam’s healing touch. “Please, I will be fine. Sarah will miss me.”

“You must wait for a few days. Your injuries will upset her.”

What injuries? Shaken up and roughly handled but thank goodness, that is all. My mouth feels bruised and tender, but I just want to go home.

“Please, Teoma will take good care of me.”

“If it wasn’t for him, this would have never happened.”

Teoma stands rigidly as I rise. “Ima, if not for him, that man would have raped me.” She is shaking with emotion. “I should have paid attention to my intuition, but unfortunately I did not. I will not make that mistake again.” With trembling lips, I end, “Yeshua trusts Teoma implicitly. So should you.” I gingerly kiss her cheek and then Abba’s.

Under the healing energy of the stars, Teoma escorts me home. Miriam is waiting for us in the study. Upon seeing my face she rushes to my side, “Mary, Teoma, what happened?” I explain in as much detail as I can remember, but my fear seems to have blurred it all. Before completing my story, I begin trembling uncontrollably.

Having sat us down side by side, Miriam kneels before us, eyes welling with tears. “I should have insisted that your parents come here.” Teoma slumps forward, his head in his hands. She touches his knee, “How are you doing?”

“Not well, Ima. All I can think of is how selfish I was.” He rises impassioned but pacing the room only heightens his angry despair.

“Please, Teoma.” Miriam motions for him to sit. “There is an energy here that must be released. Each of you in turn reacted with guilt, blaming yourself for what happened. I did the same thing.”

What am I going to tell Yeshua? He will be so upset! Teoma’s sigh brings me back to the moment and I try to focus. Perceiving the darkness of guilt, images of my hesitancy to open the door before the attack go through my mind. Miriam holds the hayye as we sit before her. All the tender areas on my body inflame, burning into my core. Teoma softens as Miriam speaks.

“You are now being given the opportunity to forgive, not one another, but yourselves. Teoma, you hold within your hayye a powerful energy of devotion, but it is wrapped around a core of guilt. Time to release the guilt and forgive yourself, then you will find your devotional energies will bring you much joy.” His smile is tightly laced with doubt.

Miriam turns to me. “Guilt is a magnification of your judgment of the human condition. You are learning to be more gentle with yourself and those around you. You have the opportunity to love yourself more deeply by forgiving yourself for making mistakes.”

“But I am concerned about telling Yeshua. He will know!”

“Remember that this is Yeshua’s lesson in forgiveness as well.”

Teoma murmurs, “I pray that he forgives me.”

“First, you must forgive yourself for your human errors and weaknesses.” This is difficult for him. “Teoma,” Miriam continues, “you deserve to have time to yourself.” His cheeks redden. He was with a woman!

Miriam leaves to prepare healing herbs. Teoma and I are alone. Hesitantly he ventures, “I am so sorry. How can I make it better?”

“Sarah would suggest a kiss.” When he tenderly kisses my bruised cheek, I feel safe and comforted.

Miriam stays up a long while tending me, rubbing healing creams into my bruised skin, placing poultices on the swollen areas. Gratitude fades the images of the attack. I surrender my guilt and intend to heal fully in body, mind, and soul, praying that Teoma will be relieved of his guilt and find forgiveness in his heart. Then I pray that Yeshua will be open to this lesson as well. I ask that my attacker be healed, for I wish no others to suffer from his fear. Finally, I give thanks for this experience that shall bless me with greater compassion for my humanness. When Miriam finishes, my prayer is complete.

Only Archangel Uriel appeared, and while I feel immense gratitude for his love and devotion, where were the others? Only the light of Eloha can penetrate the veil of fear. Gavriel explains, That is why Uriel was given dominion over the earth as the human experience encompasses all emotions including overcoming fear. Only Uriel can bring one through her darkest time and back into the light of love where Source and it’s host of angels can minister to her soul.

I express my deepest gratitude to my savior, the morning star.