Читать книгу Longwalker's Child - Debra Webb - Страница 9

Gray stood in the middle of Thatcher’s only cemetery. The March wind whipped around him and through the branches of the old oak trees, the sound breaking the deathly silence. He felt cold and uncharacteristically lost inside. In the distance the small town that was supposed to be his home sprawled across the flat landscape that seemed to go on forever. The place had never actually felt like home to him, not even when he was a small child. No pleasant memories sprang to mind, no old friends he longed to visit. Nothing remained for him but pain and bitterness, and enough anger to last three lifetimes. But he’d been born and raised here.

And that made this place home.

Gray had always been an outcast. A half-breed bastard who worked like two men for half the pay of one. Gray swallowed the anger that accompanied that memory. Old man Jennings had at least given him a place to sleep, and three meals a day. No one else would have taken him in after his mother died, leaving him alone at sixteen, with no money or place to go. Gray drew in a deep breath and scanned the wide-open blue sky. It was during that eight-year stint on Jennings’s ranch that Gray had discovered his God-given talent with horses and how to use it. But it wasn’t until he left this hate-filled place that he had learned to utilize his skills to their fullest extent.

Horse training required great patience and the ability to open himself completely to reach the animals, and before Gray could do that he’d had to learn to control the rage that had driven him from the age of ten. Self-discipline had been hard earned and long in coming. But he had mastered the art four years ago. Oh, he had the occasional relapse, like today in Davis’s office, but he’d grabbed back control swiftly enough. He wasn’t the same man who left here all those years ago. Despite the indifference and taunting he had suffered growing up, he held no true grudges, except one.

Gray glanced beyond the rows of typical headstones until he found the one of the man who had sired him. A massive monument loomed over the family plot. He gritted his teeth and tamped down the churning emotions that threatened now, even after all this time. His father—the word turned his stomach—had taken advantage of Gray’s mother, turning her into his mistress. Then he’d killed her one inch at a time. Never once had the man spared one iota of concern for the illegitimate child born of their infidelity. By the time Gray had reached school age, the man had turned his back on both of them. Covered up his wrong doing, making their lives miserable in the process.

Determined not to be undone by his past, Gray shifted his gaze back to the small headstone that marked Sharon Johnson’s final resting place. Tiny blue flowers blanketed the year-old grave. A frown furrowed his brow as he tried to think why Sharon would hide the existence of his child from him. They had been friends. It was true that he’d made a mistake by taking her to bed that last night, but she seemed to need him as much as he needed her.

Gray blew out a weary breath. There was no point in wasting energy trying to analyze her motivation. The fact was she hadn’t wanted him to know, and she had made the Whitmore woman promise to keep the child from him. He could not bring himself to hold that mistake against Sharon. God knows he’d made his share. What was done was done.

The sound of a vehicle pulling to a stop next to his truck tugged Gray’s attention in that direction. It was an older model sedan, its dark-blue paint dusty from the gravel road. He squinted to make out the face of the driver. The door opened and an elderly woman slowly emerged from behind the steering wheel.

Mrs. Jennings.

Gray removed his hat and waited silently as the old woman approached the cemetery gate.

She hesitated when she noticed him. Gray saw the instant recognition flare. She eyed him another long moment. Then, using her cane for assistance, she closed the distance that separated them.

“I’d heard you were back,” she said in a voice rusty with age. Faded-blue eyes studied him with surprising sharpness. “Causing trouble already, too, they say,” she added, pointedly.

“Is that what they say?” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Maybe he did have one good memory or two. Marilee Jennings was one little old lady who had a stubborn streak herself. She liked nothing better than to put a cocky young man with a smart mouth in his place. No fifth-grader ever dared defy her authority. Not even Gray.

She nodded sagely. “Of course I set them straight about that.” She leveled her gaze on his and thrust out her thin chin for emphasis. “I told them that to my knowledge Gray Longwalker never started any trouble in his entire life, but he sure as blazes would end it if anyone started it with him.”

The smile won the tug of war with his lips. “It might not be so easy to end this time.”

She lifted a sparse gray brow. “You may be right on that one. That city gal’s mighty sweet and extra good to that little girl of yours.” Mrs. Jennings leaned on her cane for support. “She’ll give you a run for your money. Have you got yourself one of those fancy lawyers?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Gray assured her. “The best. I had hoped it wouldn’t come to that though.”

The old woman shook her head. “Don’t count on it, Gray.”

Gray glanced back at the sedan she had arrived in. “How is Mr. Jennings?”

She pointed to the far side of the cemetery with her cane. “He passed on last year.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “The ranch hasn’t been the same without him.” She glanced back up at Gray. “You should stop by while you’re in town. I still put dinner on the table at the same time every day.”

“I’ll try to do that,” he promised. It was probably the only place in the whole county where he was halfway welcome.

“You paid your respects to your momma yet?” she demanded in that once-a-schoolteacher-always-a-schoolteacher tone.

“I was about to do that.” It was a lie. He had no desire to visit his mother’s grave. He didn’t want to be reminded of her final days. But Mrs. Jennings still wielded an unexplainable power over him. Since fifth grade some deeply entrenched habit took over whenever she rattled off an order, and he found himself responding positively.

“Well come along, then, and we’ll see my Fred, too.”

Gray stepped back for her to lead the way. “Do you know Lauren Whitmore well?” he asked as he followed Mrs. Jennings’s slow progress down the long center aisle that separated the two sides of the cemetery.

“I know she won’t give up that little girl without a fight.” Mrs. Jennings turned back to Gray, her gaze connecting with his once more. “She loves the child like her own. She’s done a fine job since Sharon, God rest her soul, passed on.”

Though he appreciated what the Whitmore woman had done for his daughter, renewed anger twisted inside him that she somehow thought a few months of baby-sitting made the child hers. “That may be, but Sarah is my daughter, not hers.”

“Watch your step, Longwalker,” she warned.

“Things are not always as cut-and-dried as they seem. Lauren isn’t the only citizen of Thatcher who has an interest in little Sarah.”

Gray considered her words for a long moment. “Sharon had no living relatives,” he countered. There was no one, except him, that would be related by blood to Sarah.

“Let’s just say that blood isn’t always thicker than water. Buckmaster himself told me just before he left this world that he intended to make things right with you. I doubt his boys liked that idea very much.”

“They can rest easy,” Gray told her. “I never heard from the old man.”

LAUREN PACED the long entry hall that separated her living room and dining room, then peeked out the window for the umpteenth time. Nothing, only pastures quickly turning a rich-green spread out as far as the eye could see. Bluebonnets added a punch of color to the sea of green. Though Lauren’s small ranch only included fifty acres, she loved every square foot of it. Five years ago she would have laughed had anyone told her that very soon she would be living in the middle of nowhere on a former horse ranch. Lauren had loved the energy of the city. Loved the hectic pace of her job. But things changed.

Pushing the thoughts of the past away, she paced in the other direction, her fuzzy pink house slippers soundless on the polished oak floor. Otherwise Sarah would have wondered why her mommy was behaving so nervously.

Fluffy, Sarah’s huge black-and-white Persian, sauntered to the door and yowled. Lauren smiled and reached down to scratch the feline’s furry head. Like Spinner, the old horse left on the ranch she had inherited from her aunt, Fluffy had come with the place. It hadn’t taken Lauren long to realize that life on a ranch wouldn’t be complete without at least one cat and one horse. While most folks around here felt lost without a dog sleeping on the porch, Lauren had yet to make a trip to the pound in Dallas to adopt one. Something always came up. But she had her heart set on a big old Labrador. Fluffy voiced her irritation with Lauren’s slow reactions.

“Okay, girl, you can go outside even if the rest of us are stuck in the house.” Lauren opened the door just far enough for an impatient Fluffy to squeeze out, then closed and locked it. She immediately resumed her pacing.

This is ridiculous, she fumed silently. She couldn’t keep worrying that Gray Longwalker would show up at her door again. Don’s parting words echoed inside her head. You need a restraining order.

“Yeah, right,” Lauren huffed to the empty hall. She knew all about Longwalker’s reputation. If he wanted to drop by, it would take more than a legal document saying he couldn’t to stop him.

“Mommy!” The shrill little voice pierced the tense gloom shrouding Lauren, bringing a smile instantly to her lips despite her worries.

Lauren stepped into the living room to see what Sarah wanted this time. Five minutes ago, she thought, affection widening her smile, it had been Leah. Sarah hadn’t been able to find the special doll she’d had since the day Lauren brought her home to live with her. After searching every nook and cranny of the house, they had finally found the doll under the dining table.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” Lauren crooned to the little girl, who was gazing expectantly at her.

“Can I have a cookie, please?” The child smiled angelically, her expression hopeful as well as pleading.

“Pretty, pretty, please? With sugar on top?”

Sarah’s big gray eyes mocked Lauren, reminding her of the man poised to shatter both their lives.

Lauren tamped down the sudden urge to grab the little girl and run as far away as possible—maybe even back to Chicago. But Lauren knew that her life was here now, and Thatcher was the only home Sarah had ever known. And she had made that promise. She had to trust Sharon’s reasons, though she had not expounded upon them in depth, for not wanting the child to be raised by her father. If he was half as bad as the people in this town insinuated, he had no business raising a child.

Whatever happened the next few weeks, Lauren had to act as if everything were normal until the problem of Gray Longwalker could be resolved. Hard as it might prove to be, she would keep a happy face in place for Sarah’s sake. Her daughter was particularly adept at picking up on Lauren’s feelings.

Lauren forced her usual disciplinary expression, which was not nearly effective enough, and said, “You know better than to ask, Sarah, it’s only four-thirty. You’ve had your after-school snack already.” She gestured toward the television. “Watch cartoons. Dinner will be ready in a little while.”

Sarah groaned and pulled her knees up under her chin. She shifted her doleful gaze back to the animated antics on the television screen. In a matter of seconds she had forgotten the denied request and was giggling at Bugs Bunny.

A long curtain of silky black hair slid around her thin little shoulders. Other than her skin being a shade or so lighter, the child looked exactly like her father. Lauren shivered at the memory of that haunting gaze of Gray Longwalker’s.

Exactly.

Lauren’s chest felt unbearably heavy. She couldn’t lose this child—not now, not after she had fallen head over heels in love with her and made Sarah her own. Her breath caught at the memory that Lauren had at first refused Sharon’s deathbed request to take the child. After losing the only man she had ever loved four years ago, Lauren had resigned herself about never having children. She couldn’t possibly ever love another man; the risk of losing was too great. Thus, there would be no children. She had turned off those emotions. Though she loved children, she had simply disassociated herself with the concept of ever having any of her own. The thought of a child without marriage first had never entered her mind.

She closed her eyes and allowed the memories she would just as soon forget to flood her mind. She and Kevin were both ambitious and career oriented. They planned to marry and someday in the distant future they would have had children. They had been happy. Until the accident. And then he was gone. Lauren opened her eyes and clenched her jaw. It was bad enough that she lost the man she loved that dark, rainy night, but fate had also thrown her one final blow—the headaches. Life-altering headaches. Headaches that kept her from participating in life as she once had. That sent her scurrying away from the stress and noise of big-city living. That kept her working from a home office to reduce her stress even further. She’d even had to hire an assistant to help her do a job she had once accomplished by herself without thought.

Lauren sighed wearily and shuffled back to the hall. But she had survived, moved to Thatcher and made two very good friends, Rosemary and Sharon. Just over one year later, and at Sharon’s perpetual insistence, Lauren had started spending large chunks of time with Sarah. The knowledge that the little girl would very soon be completely alone in the world had worn away at Lauren’s resolve not to grow attached to her. Slowly but surely, the child had stolen Lauren’s heart. And now Sarah belonged to her in every sense of the word. Nothing, not even Gray Longwalker was going to change that. He would not take her away, Lauren would see to that if it was the last thing she ever did.

She took one final peek out the window before going to the kitchen. Don was a good attorney. If anyone could prevent Longwalker from breezing back into town and taking Sarah, Don could. Lauren had to trust that, otherwise she would have a heck of a time maintaining her sanity.

A pleasant aroma met Lauren when she entered the kitchen. The roast she had planned for dinner simmered in the oven. Lauren smiled and double-checked the temperature setting. She loved to cook, even if it was only for the two of them. When she had remodeled this old ranch house, Lauren had designed a large, gourmet-style kitchen. Though she rarely entertained guests, she had wanted this big, airy kitchen and she had gotten it, guests or no.

Well, there had been those few dinners with Buck. Lauren shook her head. How could she ever have believed that she would be happy with him? She couldn’t love him, she was too gun-shy to give her heart away again. Lauren threaded her fingers through her hair. Lack of confidence in herself in her new role as mother and plain old fear of the unknown had made her vulnerable to Buck’s relentless pursuit. After Sharon’s death, Lauren had somehow gotten it into her head that Sarah needed a father figure in her life. And, she admitted ruefully, she had been desperate to ensure she raised the little girl properly. After all, what did she know about raising children? She was an only child.

Thankfully, Lauren had realized in time that she didn’t need Buck or anyone else to help her love and care for Sarah. Lauren was plenty capable of doing so on her own. Buck hadn’t given up completely, though. He still called her from time to time. In fact, now that she thought about it, his efforts seemed to have increased lately.

Just what she needed, Lauren mused, another man disrupting her life. She shivered. Gray Longwalker looked man enough for two lifetimes. That strange awareness pricked Lauren at the thought of just how much man Longwalker was. So very tall, dark and…dangerous. And it wasn’t just his rumored reputation, either. There was something about him…something Lauren couldn’t quite label that made her uneasy, restless even.

She shook off the ridiculous feeling and turned her attention to the bread rising on the counter near the sink. She did not need anyone except Sarah to make her life complete. They were a family. And Lauren’s parents were thrilled about having a grandchild. Both college professors, they would be coming for a visit at spring break. Lauren smiled when she suddenly remembered Sarah’s glee at seeing snow in Chicago this past Christmas.

A wave of dizziness broadsided Lauren. She clutched the counter to steady herself, belatedly realizing she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. The dizziness passed, but the deep, heavy ache that settled on the right side of her head didn’t.

“Geez, you know better than this, Whitmore,” she grumbled. Lauren reached for the medication she kept by the sink. She hoped she hadn’t waited too late for the drug to be effective. Everything around her had spun out of control, the last thing she needed to do was let this monster rear its ugly head.

A loud knock at the front door startled Lauren. She jumped, and a few of the pills scattered across the counter. She hastily scooped up the runaway pills and dropped all but one back into the bottle.

She blew out a breath and willed herself to calm. She was letting her imagination run away with her. Lauren popped the single pill into her mouth and washed it down with the last sip of cold coffee left in her favorite mug. She grimaced at the bitter dregs, set the mug that said I Love You, Mommy down and headed into the hall to answer the door. Lord, there was nothing in the world that tasted worse than cold coffee.

She prayed it wasn’t Longwalker. Don had mentioned calling this evening, maybe he had decided to drop by instead. Lauren could use a little more of his reassuring to shore up her waning resolve. She had spent the entire afternoon pacing the floor and worrying about the situation.

“Pull yourself together, Lauren,” she chided aloud.

“Falling apart isn’t going to help.” Another knock echoed down the long hall.

“I’ll get it!” Sarah squealed.

“No!” Lauren shouted as she bolted for the door. She caught Sarah just before she opened it. “I’ll get the door. You go right back into the living room and play or watch cartoons.”

“Mom-mee,” Sarah whined. Her big eyes darkened with disappointment. As they had so few callers, the child loved answering the door when the occasion presented itself.

“Do as I say, young lady,” Lauren told her firmly. The little girl dropped her chin to her chest and trudged back into the living room. Not wanting Sarah to overhear any conversation regarding the present situation, Lauren closed the French doors behind her.

She chastised herself for being so hard on the child. They usually played games after school or watched Sarah’s favorite cartoons together, but today had been different, and Gray Longwalker was to blame. None of this was Sarah’s fault, yet the effects were already filtering down, changing Sarah’s routine. No matter how things turned out in the long run, Lauren knew that Sarah would be the one to suffer and not understand why.

The pounding came at the door again, louder this time, more insistent.

Lauren exhaled and braced herself for the worst. Surely Longwalker wouldn’t show up again today. Don had told him that all contact with her was to be made through him. But she knew deep in her heart that it was most likely him. Don wouldn’t pound on her door like that. Outside of calling the sheriff, who would be a good twenty minutes responding, she felt she had no choice but to answer the door. If it was Longwalker, she doubted he would simply go away if she didn’t answer.

The knock rattled the hinges this time. Lauren muttered an unladylike curse. What was she so worried about? Don was convinced that Longwalker couldn’t possibly really want Sarah. Once he’d had a chance to think the whole thing over, he’d surely realize that fighting over a child he didn’t even know would be far more trouble than he wanted. Once his indignation cooled, he would likely be on his way.

He was a drifter, what would he do with a child?

Feeling a boost in her confidence, Lauren pulled the door open and looked up into the very face she did not want to see. Gray Longwalker stared down at her with equal measures of wariness and impatience. She tried without success to blink away the black spots that suddenly floated before her eyes. A bolt of pain shot through her head, and she almost winced.

“Is my daughter here?” Gray asked quietly, his gaze steady from beneath the wide, black brim of his hat.

“Mr. Longwalker, this is my home, you have no right to be here.” Lauren kept her voice low so as not to draw Sarah’s attention. “I didn’t extend an invitation, so please leave.” She took several slow, deep breaths to counter the intense pain sizzling around the edges of her consciousness. She had waited too long before taking her medicine and now she would pay the price. She blocked the doorway with her weakening body. Please God, she prayed, let him leave before—

“I only want to see her,” he persisted. “You can’t keep her from me.”

“You can’t just show up like this,” she argued with the last of her waning strength. Nausea rose in the back of her throat. She needed to lie down. Her body trembled. “Please go away. Talk to my attorney.”

That silvery gaze settled fully onto hers, the weight almost buckling her knees. “I can’t do that.”

Lauren opened her mouth to protest, but a blinding flash of light obscured his image. Her knees gave way beneath her.

No, she willed silently, not now. This can’t happen now.

Lauren struggled to hang on to consciousness. Darkness swallowed her as the pain exploded inside her head.

As if from some place far away, Lauren heard Sarah’s cry…Mommy.