Читать книгу Hindsight: The Unraveling Effects of Addiction - Denise Williams - Страница 16

Ryan

Ryan and Matt and their partners were all living together. This was the worst-case scenario: four people with drug addiction living in the same house.

Ryan’s fiancée was the first to admit that it was a mistake and left. She also broke up with Ryan. He took it very hard. He became extremely depressed and was cutting himself. He cut her name into his arm. Ryan came to me crying one day. He curled up on the sofa, put his head on my lap, and cried like a baby for hours. He finally admitted that he had a drug problem and was in a ton of debt. He told me how deeply his ex-fiancée had hurt him. He said he knew she had cheated on him. I wanted to call 911 to get him treatment that night. Ryan refused. He said he knew he would have to claim to be suicidal to get immediate help. He was not suicidal. He just wanted to be loved—he wanted to live. He agreed to let me take him to GBMC Greater Baltimore Medical Center the next morning for a psychiatric and drug evaluation in the hopes of them getting him into Sheppard Pratt for a dual treatment.

The next morning, Ryan was ready to go. They kept him under observation for a few hours before discharging him. They asked him several times if he was suicidal. His answer was always the same, “No, I am very depressed, I have a drug problem, and I just want to be happy.” At discharge, they gave him a list of doctors whom he could go to for help. It was a lot of the same names that we had gotten for Matt at Hope House. It was a total letdown. That night, Ryan shot heroin for the first time.

The next few years went from bad to worse. Now that Ryan was also using heroin, the boys were feeding off each other’s addictions. They both had several attempts at in- and out-patient treatment but never at the same time. They each also spent a few short weekends in jail. Nothing seemed to work getting and keeping them clean. Katie and I continued to try to stay one step ahead of them. As it turned out, however, they were always one step ahead of us. Matt attempted suicide two more times. One of the times, he was hospitalized for a short period.

More money, jewelry, electronics, and tools went missing. I went to a few of the pawnshops in the area. I didn’t go to buy everything back. I went to vent my frustration as to how these shops were enabling addicts. I accused them of being addicts’ best friends. The only thing I accomplished was to get myself banned from two of the shops. My addict sons were welcome back any time.

One time, my car was traded for a weekend of free drugs. The car was returned late Sunday afternoon. There were several receipts from fast-food places, gas stations, and convenient stores down the I-95 corridor to Norfolk, Virginia. I was told this was how the dealers allegedly brought drugs back to the area to sell.

We found three bullet holes in one of the family vehicles. Supposedly, the bullets were a warning to pay the $10 debit for the drugs they were fronted the week before.