Читать книгу Bedlam - Derek Landy - Страница 16

It was a messy business, crying.

Sebastian hated it. His tears would fog up the lenses on his mask and his face would get all wet and dribbly and there wasn’t anything he could do about it except wait. Eventually, the mask would soak it all up, just like it did when he perspired. Or sneezed.

Sneezing was the worst. Well, sneezing was the worst so far. Every night, before he went to sleep, he prayed that there would be no reason for him to throw up the next day.

His suit. God, he hated that thing. The beaked mask that made him look like a crow. The heavy coat. The hat. Why was there even a hat? Why was the hat necessary?

He hated it all. He longed to touch his own skin, to rake his fingers through his hair. Ever since he’d put the suit on, he’d been unable to scratch himself. Itches drove him mad.

And breathing. Oh, how he missed fresh air. How he missed the taste of it. And the feel of it. A breeze. What he wouldn’t give to feel the slightest breeze against his face.

But the worst thing about this whole mission was the loneliness. The sheer, terrifying loneliness of his situation. Every other day, he’d get an update on the continuing search for Darquesse. He’d stand there and nod while Forby took him through the details of what he was doing, pretending to grasp at least some of the fundamentals when it came to scanning an infinite number of dimensions for the slightest trace of Darquesse’s energy signature. He was sure Forby now regarded him as an idiot, and probably regretted voting for him to be the leader of their little group, but for Sebastian it was one of the few chances he got to interact with a real live person, so he loved it. He loved every mind-numbingly confusing second of it.

And, every week, they’d have their meeting. They’d all get together at Bennet’s, or Lily’s, or Kimora’s. Never at Ulysses’s house, because his wife didn’t approve, and never at Tarry’s, because he said his place was always a dump, but they got together and they chatted and either Ulysses or Lily would bring cake, and even though Sebastian didn’t need food – his suit took care of his nourishment – and he couldn’t eat even if he wanted to, it was good. He had friends.

But then the meeting would end, and they’d all head back to their families and to their lives, and Sebastian would return to the empty house he’d made his own, and sit there. In the dark. In the silence.

Metaphorically, of course. Every house in Roarhaven came fully furnished and hooked up to electricity, so he actually sat in a warm, brightly lit house, watching TV or reading a book.

But no amount of TV and no amount of books, as wonderful as they were, could ever provide him with the friendship he needed – that he’d once had, but he’d left behind. For the mission. For the damn mission.

For the mission he was failing at.

Of course he was going to fail. It was inevitable. He was going to let them all down. The world needed Darquesse. They needed her power, even if they didn’t realise it. And it was all up to him to find her. All up to Sebastian Tao, the Plague Doctor, the Idiot Who Was Going To Ruin Everything.

There was a doomsday clock, somewhere in the world, and it was ticking steadily down.

A knock on the door snapped him out of his melancholy. He opened it. Bennet stood there, holding two bottles of beer.

“Hey, buddy,” Bennet said. “I was passing, and …”

Sebastian frowned behind his mask. “There’s nothing beyond this house except more empty houses.”

“Well, I meant I was in the neighbourhood and …” Bennet sagged. “The fact is, my TV packed up on me, and there’s a game on tonight that I’ve been looking forward to, so I was wondering if I could watch it with you …?”

“Sure,” Sebastian said, the brightness in his voice surprising him. “Come on in. I’m afraid I can’t offer you anything, because I don’t eat or drink.”

“That’s why I brought these,” said Bennet as they walked into the living room. “They’re non-alcoholic, don’t worry. I have to drive home.”

“Wise man,” said Sebastian. He sat in the armchair, searching for the remote, while Bennet took up his position on the couch. “I’m pretty sure I have the sports channels. I vaguely remember flicking past a football game once.” He found the remote and sat back.

“It’s nice and quiet here,” Bennet said.

“Yeah,” Sebastian responded. “No traffic outside. No neighbours.”

Bennet sipped his beer. “It’s been pretty quiet at my place, too. Christmas was particularly hard. I’m just used to, you know, decorations and the tree, and the music and all the fuss and the … the feeling, you know? But the house was very quiet this year. Very quiet. I didn’t bother with any of the … things. That was Odetta’s area.”

“How is Odetta?”

“She’s good,” Bennet said with a sad smile. “She really seems to be happy with Conrad. He doesn’t say much, you know. Or anything, really. Apparently, Hollow Men can grunt, if they churn their gases in a certain way? But I’ve never heard him make a sound. He treats her well, though. I think. I don’t know. He doesn’t do a whole lot except stand there.”

“Right.”

“Makes you wonder how bad a husband I must have been if Odetta chose a Hollow Man over me, eh?” Bennet said, and laughed. “But naw, she’s good. She’s happier. And Kase is living with them. He’s doing well at school. He’s a good kid.”

“He is,” Sebastian agreed. “Do you spend much time with him?”

“Not as much as I’d like. And now, with my new job and all, I’ve got to focus on not getting fired, so that cuts down on the father-son thing.”

“You want my advice?” Sebastian said. “Spend more time with him. He deserves all the attention he can get from parents who love him.”

“Yeah …”

“We never know how much time we have left, Bennet.”

Bennet took another sip of his beer. “This is true.”

“If I had family, I’d be cherishing every moment I had with them.”

“You don’t have family?”

“Not any more.”

“You … want to talk about it?”

“Not especially.”

“Sore subject?”

“Yeah.”

“OK,” said Bennet. “But, if you ever do need to talk, that’s what friends are for.”

“Thank you,” Sebastian said, fighting the sudden rush of warmth that threatened to bring tears to his eyes. He clicked on the TV. “So what channel is the game on?”

“Do you ever doubt what we’re doing?”

Sebastian lowered the remote. “What do you mean?”

“What Forby’s doing with the machine and all?”

“Looking for Darquesse?”

“No. Well, yes, but not the search itself – just the likelihood of finding her.”

Sebastian sighed. “It’s tricky,” he admitted. “I’ve got this little voice in my head and every day it whispers to me, Maybe Darquesse is dead. Maybe the Faceless Ones tore her apart years ago.”

“Or maybe, if we find her, she won’t want to come back.”

Sebastian frowned. “You think that’s a possibility?”

“Don’t you?”

“I don’t know. It never occurred to me that she might not want to return. I mean, this is her home.”

“That she left.”

“Well, yeah, but she left under false pretences, didn’t she?”

“Which brings me to my next point,” Bennet said. “What if she comes back to finish the job? If we find her, if we tell her that she was fooled into thinking she’d ended all life on earth … what if she only comes back to do it for real?”

“That,” said Sebastian, “is a possibility. We all know that. But do you believe it?”

“No,” said Bennet. “But can I be trusted? Can any of us be trusted? We saw what Darquesse can do. We saw her power and it unlocked something in us, a love and a devotion that could quite possibly be self-destructive. I don’t think she’d kill us if she returned. But I might be wrong. We all might be wrong.”

“Sounds like you’re going through a crisis of faith, my friend.”

Bennet suddenly looked flustered, like he’d miscalculated. “I mean … I mean, I’m still devoted to—”

Sebastian held up a hand. “I didn’t mean it as an accusation. Of course you’re doubting all this. Everything you’ve said is one hundred per cent true. These are the thoughts that go through my mind a thousand times a day.”

Bennet relaxed. “So how do you handle it?”

“I … believe, I suppose. I choose to believe that it’ll work out, that we’ll find her, we’ll bring her home, and that everything will be OK. You’re not alone here, Bennet.”

Bennet finished his first beer, and put the empty bottle on the coffee table. “Well, neither are you. I hope you know that.”

Sebastian smiled. “Thank you. So, which channel is the game on?”

“I don’t know,” Bennet answered. “I don’t even like football. I came over here because I was lonely and I thought we could hang out. Do you have any video games? I’m pretty good at—”

Bennet’s phone beeped at the same time as Sebastian’s buzzed. They looked at their screens at the same time. It was a message. From Forby.

I think I’ve found Darquesse.