Читать книгу Not By Chance By Choice - Desmond Richardson - Страница 8

A New Beginning

This new plan came about in a matter of days, but I had a pending problem. Why am I empty? The jobs I worked were easy, I didn’t stress, and I could do whatever I wanted. Maybe my heart was blinded by success? Maybe I took a wrong turn? These where complex questions at the time that I had no answer for, but I did have two options: change my life, or do the same thing year by year. It sucked not having and education. I saw mental blocks that I could not explain. My emotions had me believe it had more to do with life than saving money. Ongoing battles at night with my emotions would cause me to call out to the Creator, but not in a humble way. I was frustrated, and in my frustrations, I cursed the Creator.

To have everything and feel incomplete was a trick in itself. I knew pain, but pain from emptiness was a different type of battle. Emptiness is a sickness I did not foresee, so I could not plan for it. A few months would go by, and my emptiness would consume me. Being empty was a terrible way to live. And knowing that my past way of thinking led me this way sucked even more. I needed a new mentality.

Then Tom would come to me about enrolling in school. He would choose to attend a Bible college. I laughed at him. I wanted him to stop putting faith in an invisible God. Tom needed to see life for what it was, and I couldn’t help him. After that, Tom and I debated a little longer, and we headed over these twins’ house. The twins were two beautiful young women Tom and I wanted to get to know. Even though my heart was empty, I still had a soft spot in my heart for women. I would try to hide my emptiness by hitting on women. Once Tom and I got to the twins’ house, their brothers were standing outside. I was forced to talk to them. I was confused about their relationship because the brothers were white and the sisters where black.

They would explain to me that the Gospel of Jesus is why they called themselves brothers and sisters. I paid them being brothers and sisters no mind after that. I directed my attention to Kim. She was the best looking of the two twins. Kim and I would sit down on the concrete and talk about a multitude of things, then I would overhear Tom talking about the Bible. I did not know what to think. Tom always used that Bible to hit on women. I would laugh at Tom, but Kim’s brother, Paul, was a man who really claimed to know the Creator also. Tom and Paul would conversate back and forth about Jesus. I could not stomach Tom and Paul’s conversation any longer, so I joined in.