Читать книгу Modern Romance October 2015 Books 5-8 - Дженнифер Хейворд - Страница 21
ОглавлениеGOD, SHE LOVED New York in the fall.
Diana smiled at the little terrier kicking up the red-and-orange-hued leaves on the sidewalk of their Chelsea neighborhood, sidestepped the frantic little pup and made her way toward the butcher shop. An extravaganza of color bursting with promise—that was what New York was like at this time of the year. She couldn’t get enough of it.
If it was the last place she’d expected to be, and she’d given up her dream of Africa, she now knew everything happened for a reason. She and Coburn clashing that night on his balcony, conceiving their baby, had been meant to make them face their feelings. To pull them back from the brink before it was too late for them.
She pulled open the door of the butcher shop, musical chimes announcing her arrival to the handful of customers in the store. She and Coburn had been home for three weeks now, during which time she’d transplanted her life back to Manhattan, focused on supporting her husband through what might be the biggest challenge of his career with this recall and bought a new home in Chelsea.
After grudgingly agreeing to go see the insanely expensive town house Coburn’s business acquaintance was selling, she’d fallen in love with the wildflower garden in the back rather than the extensive entertaining spaces and gleaming kitchen. She’d also come to love Chelsea. Coburn was right. It was the perfect place to bring up a child: vibrant, hip and family friendly, miles away from the very proper environment she’d been raised in. And maybe she needed that—to start over in every way with her husband.
She gave the butcher her order for the dinner they had planned with Frankie and Harrison and sat on a stool by the window to wait. Something had happened the night she and Coburn had come together in that raging storm that had electrified them both. She had finally penetrated the rock-hard exterior he’d adopted. Maybe not as completely as he had scaled her defenses, because her husband was now a complex enigma of a man she wasn’t sure she’d ever know entirely. But she did know when he expressed true emotion.
It had ruled him in the kitchen that morning on the island when he’d confided in her about the recall and taken her with a desperate need he couldn’t hide. Since then, he’d been letting her in. He was allowing her to support him through this crisis. It was clear he wanted, needed her on a level that was more than just sex. What that was, exactly, she wasn’t sure. It was the piece still tugging at her gut.
She turned her attention to the stream of passersby, tucked into jackets and sweaters to ward off the chill. She couldn’t deny it was strange to be running domestic errands instead of battling her way through a list of cases in the OR. She missed it. She missed it as if a piece of her identity had been stripped away. But she also knew this break had been good for her. She’d needed to take a step back and think about what she really wanted. Rescuing James on that cliff that night had confirmed everything about why she’d become a doctor. She needed to get back to that feeling, to that soul-deep confirmation that what she did mattered.
But right now her husband needed her. Her marriage had to come first for the next few months until her husband weathered this crisis.
Coburn’s words on the way home from the Kents that night had stayed with her. She couldn’t spend her life allowing what-ifs to rule. She’d spent her entire marriage doing that. Wondering every time she and Coburn had an argument if he was going to leave. Petrified he would. She’d crippled them before they’d even gotten started. And it hadn’t just been her marriage. She’d spent her life afraid to put herself out there. Afraid to say what she really wanted. Burying her identity in a job she couldn’t let go of because to do that meant she had to figure out who she really was.
She was figuring that out now. This opportunity she had with Coburn to make things right, to grab the happiness she knew they could have, was about building a new foundation for her life based on what she wanted for the future. On who she wanted to be. She needed to let her heart rule, not the insecurities that had driven her her entire life.
She watched a woman walk by with her toddler son wobbling beside her in a chunky knit sweater and pants, his hand tucked in hers. A throb pulsed low in her abdomen. She wasn’t messing her marriage up this time. This time she was going to be the one to offer her all. And if the thought of making herself that vulnerable made her want to throw up, so be it.
“Diana—I thought that was you.”
She looked up to find Frank Moritz, her mentor and the surgeon whose pediatric fellowship she’d refused to beg for, making his way through the door of the shop. She’d been so far in her head, she hadn’t even noticed him walk by.
He was as tall and dominating as ever, and there was a distinct European twist to his mouth as he bent to give her a kiss on both cheeks.
“I thought you were in Africa working. Or have I screwed up the timing?”
“No—” She hesitated. “My plans changed. I’m back in New York.”
He fixed her with one of his trademark aggressive studies. “Well, that’s an interesting development. I wanted you for the fellowship. Why didn’t you compete?”
She swallowed. Lifted her chin. No time like the present to start speaking her mind...
“I thought my work spoke for itself. I didn’t want to win a popularity contest with you, Frank. I wanted you to choose the surgeon who deserved it.”
He kept up that level stare, as if deciding whether or not to take the insult. Finally he inclined his head. “You were the best. I wasn’t happy with any of the applicants. It’s still open if you want it.”
Her heart sped up in her chest. Oh, my God. Then the reality of her situation kicked in. She was pregnant. Even if she told him the facts and he was okay with her taking a few weeks off to have the baby, it would be an excessively short period for her to bond with her child. Nothing as Coburn had envisioned.
She dipped her chin. “I’m not sure it’s the right timing for me.”
His gaze narrowed. “You know what this fellowship is worth, Diana. The window is narrow. I’ve got to make a decision by the end of the month. Think about it.”
How could she not? It had been her dream to work with him.
She nodded. “I’ll think about it.”
His cool blue gaze rested on her face. “Tell that possessive husband of yours it’s only a couple of years. He can have you back after that.”
Or not. Coburn would lose his mind if she brought this up. She wasn’t going to say anything until she’d thought it through.
Frank glanced at his watch. “I must go. You know where to find me. I’m glad I ran into you.”
She felt as if a train had hit her as his tall figure disappeared through the glass door. Fate was being very cruel. To offer her her dream at this crucial point in her marriage with a baby on the way? When she’d finally come to peace with her circumstances? What was this particular test supposed to accomplish?
Head spinning, she collected her shopping and walked home to Coburn’s apartment they were still sharing until the house was ready. He got home ten minutes before Frankie and Harrison were due to arrive, dark shadows under his eyes as he dropped his briefcase to the floor.
Her heart stuttered with the same half beat it always did when he walked into a room. He had the whole distracted hot-man-in-a-suit thing perfected. And then there was the fact she knew every amazing inch beneath it...
Setting the bread she was cutting on the counter, she walked to the door, grabbed the lapels of his jacket and rose up on her toes to give him a kiss. He snaked an arm around her waist and returned the kiss with a hungry force that underscored the edginess she’d read on his face.
“Bad day?”
He nodded, releasing her to strip off his jacket. “We’re announcing the recall next week. The allocation of blame, the messaging around it, it’s been brutal. Everyone wants someone’s head on a platter.”
She took his jacket. “That can’t be easy.”
His eyes glittered with frustration. “I want to get out in front of this. Accept responsibility and help the victim’s families. Find a solution to the problem so it doesn’t become a systemic part of our processes. But the more time we waste arguing over the semantics, the longer it’s taking us to attack the issues.”
Her mouth curved in a wry smile. “Sounds like hospital politics. But who could want you to not take responsibility? That seems like Crisis Communications 101 to me.”
“The board wants to minimize our culpability. Share the blame.”
“But aren’t Grant parts responsible for the brake failures?”
“We’re ninety-nine percent sure they are.”
“Then, doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.”
“My critics think we can do both.” He dug his fingers into his tie and loosened the knot. “How was your day?”
“Scintillating,” she said drily. “I worked out, went for lunch with Beth, then shopped for dinner. The highlight was a half hour spent picking out which wine to serve with the steak.”
His gaze raked her face. “Diana—”
“Stop.” She cut him off softly. “I was being facetious. I’m good.”
He gave her a long look. “I need to change.”
“Go.”
She finished prepping dinner. She wanted to tell Coburn about her chance meeting with Frank Moritz that afternoon and his earth-shattering offer so badly, it was eating a hole in her brain. But now was definitely not the time.
Frankie and Harrison arrived. Vivacious and beautiful Frankie was a perfect foil for Harrison’s serious, dark demeanor. Diana had always been a little cautious around Coburn’s brother in the past, finding him moody and stern. But he seemed to have loosened up since he’d met Frankie; this version of the presidential candidate one she liked very much.
If she’d been anticipating a hostile response from her brother-in-law for walking out on Coburn a year ago, she didn’t get it. Harrison wasn’t overly warm—warily accepting was more like it. As if he was leaving it up to her and Coburn to figure it out.
They sat down to dinner. Conversation flowed smoothly and easily as they chatted about Harrison’s campaign and how the numbers were looking. It was early days yet, but he was holding up well against his competitors, leading even in some states.
It did her soul good to see the burgeoning relationship between Coburn and his brother. They were easier with each other now, genuine, with none of the tension she’d used to witness between them. What wasn’t so easy for her to watch was the open adoration on Harrison’s face when he looked at his five-months-pregnant wife. It was how Coburn had used to look at her. Uncaring of who witnessed it, proud.
It did something to the tension already clenching her stomach from her emotional seesaw of a day. Tightened her inner muscles like a vise until it was hard to force the delicious steak past it.
She escaped gratefully to the kitchen with the dishes when they were done with the main course. Coburn followed her, setting a stack on the counter. He watched as she loaded them into the dishwasher.
“Olga can do those tomorrow.”
“I thought I’d get them out of the way.”
He stepped closer, lifting her chin with his fingers. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She gave him a bright look.
“If it’s the work stuff...”
“It’s not the work stuff.”
“Then, what is it?”
Her emotions spiraled, swirled through the air as they gained momentum in the emotional storm sweeping over her.
I need to know if you still love me. I need to know I’m not about to sacrifice the opportunity of a lifetime for you for this to fail. To end up just like my mother...
She set her jaw, refusing to give in to the forces that wanted to destroy the fragile hope she’d been building. “I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
He stepped in close, bending his head to bring his mouth to her ear. “I know a good tension reliever I happen to have a specialty in.”
His husky, fatigue-deepened voice wove its usual magic around her senses. She leaned back against the counter. “Sex doesn’t solve everything, Coburn.”
He lifted a brow. “So there is something bothering you.”
“I’m tired,” she reiterated, pressing a palm to his chest to move him out of the way. “I need to serve dessert.”
He stepped back, his frown telling her it wasn’t the end of it. Frankie paused halfway into the kitchen, her gaze darting from Coburn to her. “Sorry, was just going to get some more mineral water.”
Diana retrieved the bottle from the refrigerator. Coburn rejoined Harrison at the table while Frankie helped her serve dessert. When the two men had gone off to talk Grant business in the living room over a brandy, Diana and Frankie took their tea out onto the deck.
“I seriously miss my wine.” Frankie sighed, curling up in one of the lounge chairs. “I’ll be happy when I can have a glass again.”
“Me, too.” Although she could use more than a glass right now to help her unwind.
“Are you going to go back to work until the baby comes?” Frankie asked.
She lowered herself into the chair beside her. “I was going to until this recall happened. Now I think Coburn needs me by his side. My job is an all-consuming kind of thing.”
“I think it’s great that you’ve been here for him.” Frankie shook her head. “He needs the support. I’ve never seen things get so ugly with the board. The pressure on him is immense.”
“It’s been a bit of a ride.”
Frankie was quiet for a long moment. Then she turned her striking blue-gray gaze on Diana. “He’s been different since you two have been back together. And by that I mean settled, grounded. Even with the insane amount of pressure he’s been under, he has a peace about him he hasn’t had since I came to work for him. It’s you, Diana.”
Her gaze slipped away from Frankie’s, heat stinging the back of her eyes. It felt as if she and Coburn were rebuilding an amazing bond. Yet held up against Frankie and Harrison, who were so perfectly matched, it still felt wanting.
She’d once thought she and Coburn were the perfect missing pieces for each other. He lightened her up when she got too serious. She grounded him. Until the ways they were alike, their twin ambitions they couldn’t temper, had torn them apart.
She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. She wanted all of her husband back. Not just the parts he chose to share. So badly her heart ached with it.
Harrison and Frankie left shortly after that. Coburn went off to deal with a few emails before bed while she stowed the rest of the dishes in the kitchen, then took a hot shower.
The punishing spray helped temper her emotions. She dried off and slid a nightshirt over her head. Attempted to channel a Zen she didn’t feel. But the minute Coburn walked into the room, her shoulders rose to her ears. His expression said his patience level with her was about a two out of ten. Hers was hovering right around there.
He slid his gaze over the nightshirt. “I thought we decided that was going in the garbage.”
“You decided that.” She walked past him, headed for the bottle of body lotion on the dresser. He snagged an arm around her and hauled her into him. “We also decided your hot-and-cold routine was finished.”
“I wasn’t aware my choice of night clothing fell into that category.”
He made a sound at the back of his throat. She pushed at his arm, but he sat down and hauled her onto his lap instead. “That kind of behavior is going to get you spanked.”
The threat would usually have turned her on. Tonight it made her want to scratch his eyes out. She fixed her gaze on his. “Let me go, Coburn. Tonight is not the night to push me.”
He raked his gaze over her face. “Why? You were in a perfectly good mood when I got home.”
“I would still be in a good mood if you could accept the fact I just don’t want your hands on me right now.”
His mouth thinned. She watched the loss of control happen in his eyes before he flipped her onto her back on the bed and came down on top of her. “I would spank you,” he breathed, pinning her hands above her head, “but that won’t help me figure out what’s going on in your head.”
She fought against his hold, the tears stinging her eyes reaching a critical mass. “Goddamn you, Coburn, let me go. I’m not in the mood for this.”
“Tell me what’s wrong and I will.”
She called him the filthiest word she could come up with. He brought his mouth down on hers and kissed her. A hard, brutal punishment meant to command. She fought him for as long as she had it in her, her knee driving up against him ineffectually, her body twisting beneath his. Then she unraveled.
Sobs rose in her throat. Her hands came up to push against his face. Coburn lifted his mouth from hers and stared down at her. Hot tears slid down her cheeks. She hated herself for it, for this show of weakness. But her defenses were long gone, annihilated by his persistent seduction that had knocked down each and every one of her barriers.
She felt stripped raw, ravaged.
He let go of her hands and cupped her jaw. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
She bit her lip. Tried to resist, but the words slid out of her mouth under his insistent gaze. “I’m scared.”
“About what?”
“About us. About this baby. About what it will do to us...”
He frowned. “What do you mean ‘what it will do to us’? We’re doing just fine.”
“And what happens when you decide you don’t actually want a baby? When the stress of having a child puts more strain on our relationship than it can handle and we crumble?”
“We aren’t going to crumble. And I do want this baby.”
“No.” She shook her head. “You told Arthur you didn’t want to have kids. You’re going to resent me for this someday. Feel trapped.”
His gaze softened. “I admit it took me some time to get my head around this baby. I hadn’t even remotely been in that head space with everything I’ve taken on. And you know my family history hasn’t been the best. But to say I don’t want what you and I made together? Impossible.”
That stole her words. Her breath as she absorbed it. He shook his head. “And as for feeling trapped? Do you think I would have chased you halfway around the world if I didn’t have the feelings I have for you? I could have supported you and this baby without making a commitment to you. I would have if I didn’t think we were right.”
“That’s just it.” She fixed an agonized look on his face. “I don’t know how you feel. You’ve accomplished your mission, Coburn. You’ve stripped me wide-open. Here I am, yours for the taking. Madly in love with you. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving you, not for one minute. I think I went to that party hoping to see you. Hoping you still loved me.”
Something shifted in his face. He was quiet for so long she could hear the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. She wanted to curl up in a ball, like an animal protecting its fleshy underside, but his body still held hers pinned down.
Finally, when she thought she could bear it not a second longer, his gaze claimed hers. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for you to let me in like this? It feels like a lifetime. In fact, I wasn’t sure it was ever going to happen.”
She brushed away the tears streaming down her face. “When you said I left to protect myself, you were right. I abandoned us. I quit on us. But I’m not going to do it this time. I am in this for the long run, Coburn. But I need to know your heart isn’t closed to me. I need to know you can love me again.”
His eyes darkened to a deep, midnight blue. “Why do you think I couldn’t sign the divorce papers? Because I couldn’t let you go. Because you own a part of me that no other woman ever will, Diana. What does that say to you?”
She wasn’t sure. She wanted more.
He brought his mouth down to hers. “My heart is not closed to you,” he murmured against her lips. “I wanted to hate you for leaving me. I tried very hard to. But I never could.”
Her heart expanded in her chest, her relief at hearing him say those words making her feel as if it would burst right out of her. It was the closest to a declaration of love she was going to get right now. And it was enough.
She curved her fingers around his nape and brought his mouth down to hers. Lost herself in the perfection they created together. He let her take the lead, kissing her back, but keeping his hands off her. She fisted his T-shirt, desperate to feel his skin against hers. Desperate to have him inside her sealing this bond they had remade.
“You have too many clothes on.”
“You told me not to touch you.”
“I’ve changed my mind.”
“Is that so?” He lifted himself off her. “Get rid of the nightshirt and I might consider it.”
She lifted herself into a sitting position and stripped it off. His eyes were pure wickedness as he ran his gaze over her body. “Now for your punishment.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “You wouldn’t da—” She never got the words out because suddenly she was facedown on the bed, draped over Coburn’s lap.
“Coburn—”
“Relax, wife,” he growled, his palm closing over her buttock. “This type of spanking you’ll like.”
She did. Too much.
When he pushed her thighs apart, rid himself of his jeans and took her in a hot, hard possession that stole the breath from her lungs, she was with him every step of the way as he drove her to oblivion. To a place without shadows, only truth.
