Читать книгу Rebirth - Dmitry Nazarov - Страница 4

Two weeks later.

I wiped the sweat from my cold forehead and peered through the door peephole again. There was no one in the stairwell, and no matter how hard I listened, not a sound came from the stairwell. All the normal people were home, eating dinner in front of the TV, and I was the only one standing under the door like an idiot with a howling stomach and the feeling of Bars’ hungry gaze burning through between my shoulder blades, not daring to just go out. For the umpteenth time in the last two weeks, I regretted that I didn’t have any friends to help me with my little problem, and that I’d even rashly kicked out my good-for-nothing boyfriend. Who knew that when I cooled down, I’d get such disgusting shit like a panic attack before I could leave the apartment? I clutched the phone for the umpteenth time, wondering if I should humiliate myself and call Olezhek to ask him to come back. At least he was capable of going to the store for groceries.

– Fuck that! – I banged my fist on the door. – I’m capable of it too! We just have to get it together and do it! We can’t stall any longer!

The vacation I’d gotten on the phone from the chief was running out, and the groceries were all gone yesterday. All I had to do was open the damn door, get out, go down the stairs, cross the yard, and walk one block. Buy some groceries and go the same way back. A hundred million times I’ve done this before. Okay, not so much, but still, what could be easier?

– You’re making it through the night again, you idiot,» I scolded myself again, wiping my forehead with one hand and clutching the weighty sheath in the pocket of my sweatpants with the other. – Just open the door and come out!

– Meow! – The leopard hurried me, shoving his elbowed head against my shin as if to force me out of the house.

And yes, I could starve for a day or two. A day, two. Maybe more. But I wasn’t about to leave another living creature without food just because I had a cockroach festival in my head.

– Whew,» I exhaled, as in the bath, and grabbed the handle. – Okay, I’m coming! I’m coming!

I really was. The first moment I stepped over the threshold, it felt like a dive into the icy water: the lungs clenched and curled into a tube with no hope of returning to normal. My head rang with suffocation, and I yanked my dad’s knife from its sheath and clutched it so hard that the cold metal dug into my skin until it hurt. And then I was relieved. One step, one step. One more step. A breath, almost normal, and the next step was full-fledged, not shuffling in place. I’m coming! I’m fucking walking!

No elevator – there’s nowhere to get out of it. I stopped at the front door. I listened until my ears rang, but I heard nothing. It sounded like the way was clear. That’s why I stayed up late. Because I wasn’t afraid of the darkness itself, but of meeting someone in it. Someone very unkind. I crept around the courtyard silently, deliberately choosing the darkest places. Only a fool would hope that stomping around under the streetlights like a flea on a bald patch would keep her safe. Like hell she would! More likely to make herself an easy target. If you can’t be seen, you are much less likely to become a victim. I dashed through the alley where I’d been shamefully pinned last time, out onto the brightly lit avenue, and snorted when I noticed the few passersby at this hour. People were what frightened me. It didn’t matter who they were, their ages, their genders-I could see the monster, the rapist, the aggressor in everyone. My forehead was soaking wet and my knees were shaking, but I pushed myself off the wall with determination. «I’m not a victim, not a victim, not a victim,» I told myself, forcing myself to take one step at a time. In front of the supermarket doors it only got worse. Immediately images flashed in my head from the crime news of late, where it was in large stores where attacks and even murders had happened, and no security cameras and guards could help at all.

– It wouldn’t happen to me! Not to me! – I muttered, inwardly shrinking as some kid shoved me with his shoulder as he passed me, and clutched my knife.

An elderly man in a dark blue uniform marked «Security» followed me with a suspicious look and followed me. I bet he did, all hunched over, sweaty as if after a marathon, probably with his eyes madly searching for a possible threat – not a pretty sight. Well, at least if I had a wary security guard following me around, I wouldn’t think anyone would attack me. I walked along the aisles at a brisk pace, and the overweight man had a hard time following me, but when I got to the cash register, he exhaled with a noticeable relief. I only picked up the most necessary groceries. I had no savings, the robbery had left me practically penniless, and I had to make it to my paycheck, which would not be much because of the unscheduled vacation. The main thing was to have enough for the food for Bars.

Bag still turned out to be heavy, ran back with them was a bit heavy, but I did not notice it until the moment when I slammed the door of the apartment behind me and did not put them on the floor. I had to go straight to the shower and put my tracksuit in the washer, because it could be wrung out by my sweat.

– But I did it! – I bragged to Bars, who greedily ate food from the bowl. – Consider me cured. You did not need a shrink.

Lifted his huge yellow eyes at me, the cat sneezed incredulously and unequivocally squinted at the many bags of garbage, accumulated during my forced confinement. I should say that no matter how tightly I tied them, the smell was inevitable.