Читать книгу The Cowboy's Convenient Bride - DONNA ALWARD, Donna Alward - Страница 9

Chapter Three

Tanner threw a bale of hay down the chute and followed it with two more. The physical exertion today was his form of therapy. If he had to hear one more time about how much his parents loved Maddy and how happy they were that Cole was dating her and how adorable her twin boys were, he was going to lose it.

He got that the whole family was happy that Cole had fallen in love. Hell, he expected there’d be an engagement announcement any day now, and he was truly happy for his brother.

But this whole love-fest thing just made Tanner feel more like a loser every day. The last thing his ex Brittany had said to him was that he’d be a joke for a husband. And seeing Cole and Maddy and his mom and dad so thrilled only seemed to highlight the fact all the more.

Tanner was good for a good time. Girls loved him for that. And that was it. The problem was, it wasn’t enough for him. Not anymore.

His bad mood persisted through the chores, over breakfast, and late into the morning. He decided to saddle up Bingo and go for a ride, using the excuse of checking on the calves in the east pasture. Maybe the fresh air and open space would help put him in a better frame of mind.

He loved the scent of the young grass, the spears yellow-y green in their newness and the buds that were getting plump on the trees, nearly ready to leaf. Spring was a relief after a particularly harsh winter, and since that last snowfall earlier in the month, the weather had turned mild. Even if they did get a late season storm, there was a sense that the weather had truly turned a corner and there were warmer, greener days ahead. Spring was a time of year Tanner usually loved.

But this year he was filled with a nagging dissatisfaction. As he walked Bingo along the fence line, he sighed. It was only partly to do with Cole. He found himself thinking about Laura quite often, too.

Maddy had seemed to mellow out where Laura was concerned. Maybe that was because she was happy with Cole. But Tanner had noticed the sideways looks aimed in Laura’s direction the other day at the diner. If he noticed, he was certain she did, too. People looked at her and saw a woman who’d had an affair with a married man. But where was the blame on Gavin? Just because he was dead, it was as if he was blameless.

Sometimes people put their faith and emotions in the wrong people. He knew that as well as anyone. They shouldn’t have to pay for it their entire lives.

Dinner at Laura’s house a few weeks ago had made one thing clear to him. Laura Jessup was in sad need of a friend, and no one would go near her. It was as if they were afraid they’d catch something. He hadn’t seen such a lonely person in a very long time. Talking to her grandfather, Charlie, had enlightened him a fair bit. She never had friends over. Rarely went out anywhere other than errands. No wonder she’d clung to his hand the day Rowan was born. How afraid she must have been, facing that alone. When he’d given her that cheap T-shirt at the diner, she looked so surprised, so touched, that he wondered how long it had been since anyone had done anything remotely thoughtful for her. Her grandfather had also been concerned, but reserved. It wasn’t hard to see he disapproved of the situation, even though he loved her.

Tanner turned Bingo around and returned to the ranch a little less on edge, but still unsettled about the whole situation. It wasn’t just Laura. His life seemed stuck in place. What was he going to do, live with his parents forever? Satisfy himself with short-term hookups now and again? That whole scene was getting old. Maybe having a place of his own would be a start.

When Tanner returned to the house, he found Maddy there, helping his mom paint the back deck while the boys napped. Cole and Dad had driven down to Butte to look at some stock. Tanner was at loose ends, so once he grabbed a sandwich for lunch, he hopped in his truck and drove into town. And through town, and west. There was no sense kidding himself. He was going to see Laura. Just to see how she was making out. If there was anything she needed.

He pulled into the driveway and noticed things he’d missed the last time he was here. Like how the paint was peeling on the railing of the front step. A piece of soffit was missing from the roof overhang, and one corner of her eaves trough needed to be repaired, too. Nothing major, but little things that needed fixing that she probably couldn’t do herself. Or could, but because of her situation, didn’t have the time or money.

She came outside the moment he got out of the truck. He lifted a hand. “Hi,” he greeted, and a lot of the restlessness he’d felt all day dissipated at the sight of her. She wore a pair of faded jeans and a cute white top, and Rowan was on her hip, dressed in a pink flowery outfit. They made a sweet picture.

“Hi, yourself. This is a surprise.”

“Yeah. I’m not here at a bad time, am I?”

She shook her head. “Come on in. Rowan’s up as you can see, so I’m spending some time with her and I’ll go back to work when she’s napping again.”

“Work? What are you doing?”

He climbed the steps and she opened the door, leading the way in. “I’m working on a web design for a new client. I only had a six-month contract at the last place, and with Ro being so little, day care’s not an option. This gives me some freedom and some income.”

“That’s smart.” He followed her inside. Just like the other night, the place was spotless. His respect for her grew. She might not have much, but she took pride in what she did have. “What about Charlie?”

She laughed. “Oh, he’s been back home for about a week. And thrilled about it. Gram’s still taking things slowly, but at least he’s eating better. Do you want some coffee or tea? I have both.”

“Naw, I’m good.”

“Then what are you doing here, Tanner?”

He floundered for a moment, and then decided he might as well tell her the truth. “I guess I found myself thinking about you a lot, and wondering how you are. Wondered if you, uh, needed anything.”

Her gaze turned sharp. “You feel sorry for me, is that it?”

“No!”

She sat at the kitchen table, so it only made sense for him to do the same. “Not sorry, per se,” he continued. “Well, crap. I have no idea how to say this in a tactful way. I’m a guy. And this is kind of like navigating a minefield.”

She put Rowan on her lap and handed her a plastic ring with big, colorful keys on it. The baby shook the keys and a little giggle bubbled out of her mouth. Tanner couldn’t help the smile that tugged on his lips. The kid was so darn cute. A few short months ago she’d been tiny, all arms and legs and thin cries. He couldn’t help feeling a strange sort of attachment, knowing he’d helped bring her into the world.

“You want to ask me about Gavin.”

He met her gaze. She was looking at him evenly, but as though she was bracing for whatever he was going to say or ask. “Not exactly. I just noticed the other day that...” He hesitated.

“Just say it, Tanner. I’ve heard it all.”

He sighed. “That’s what I mean. I noticed you’re kind of, I don’t know, set apart. People treat you differently. Not mean, just...”

“Polite. And look at me sideways like they’re trying to figure something out.”

“Yeah. And I wanted to say I’m sorry about that. And if you need anything, you can give me a shout. I don’t judge. If Rowan is Gavin’s...well, it took two of you, and until someone walks in your shoes, they really don’t know about a situation.”

She smiled softly. “That sounds very insightful. Is this about you or me?”

“Maybe a little of both,” he admitted. “You didn’t know me when we were all kids. I’m a few years younger than Cole, and you were gone when I ran off to Vegas with Brittany. I screwed up, but people have long memories around here. It’s like they’ve never made a mistake in their lives.”

“So what is this? Are you championing an underdog? Or maybe throwing things back in their faces? Proving they’re right about you, that you’re a screw-up by hanging around with the wrong kind of woman?”

“Ouch.”

A wrinkle formed between her eyebrows. “Sorry. That was me being superblunt again. I’m the first one to admit I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder.”

Despite the harshness of her words, he could tell she’d asked an honest question, and he thought hard about how he would answer. Was he doing this to prove a point? Because if he was befriending her in a way that was anything less than genuine, that made him no better than anyone else.

“No,” he said softly. “That’s not what I’m doing. But that was a really good question to ask, Laura.” Rowan dropped the keys on the floor. He leaned down, picked them up and handed them to her. He received a toothless grin as his reward. “It’s more that I know how it feels, and it’s wrong. I’m not afraid to be your friend if you need one. You and Rowan. I was there when she was born. It was a big moment.”

He didn’t expect tears to gather in her eyes. It made the blue depths even bluer, and his heart stuttered a little. He wondered what the heck he should do now.

“Sorry,” she murmured, and reached for a paper napkin to wipe her eyes. She took a few deep breaths. “Honestly, you’re the first person to say that since Gavin. That you’re my friend, that is.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and he meant it.

She cuddled Rowan closer. “Tanner, I can trust you, right?”

A little ripple of warning slid through him. No one asked that sort of question unless they were planning on revealing something personal. But then, he’d just said he wasn’t afraid to be her friend. So he nodded, holding her gaze. “Yeah, you can trust me.”

“Because there are only two people in Gibson who know the truth besides my lawyer. One is your brother. The other is Maddy Wallace.”

Gavin’s widow.

“This has to do with Gavin?”

She nodded. “Okay, here goes. The baby’s not his, Tanner. Gavin was a good friend, but nothing more. He was married. I would never get involved with a married man. I’ve made a lot of bad decisions, but that’s not one of them.”

Tanner sat back in his chair. On one hand, he felt a surge of relief knowing she’d never slept with Gavin. But on the other, he was completely perplexed. If their relationship had been nothing more than friendship, then why didn’t she set the record straight?”

“I don’t understand,” he said.

“You want to know why I let everyone think otherwise.”

“Well, yes!” He frowned, leaning forward again and resting his elbows on the table. “Laura, you know that people think you two had an affair. That Rowan is his. You’re deliberately letting that happen, and letting them make you an outcast. Why would you do that?”

“Because the truth is worse than the lie,” she said quietly. “And as difficult as it is for me, it’s in Rowan’s best interest, and I have to put her first.”

Which really didn’t explain anything.

Rowan started fussing, so Laura got up and put her on her shoulder. Tanner noticed again the difference in coloring. Laura’s hair was wavy and a gorgeous auburn shade of red that he knew most women coveted and few came by naturally. Her skin was creamy white with a few light freckles, her eyes a clear summer blue. Rowan, while having the same pale skin tone, had perfectly straight dark brown hair, and her eyes were blue, but not the same vibrant shade as her mother’s. Gavin’s hair had been brown like that, too, but he couldn’t remember the man’s features well enough to know if there was any imagined resemblance.

To the townspeople, the implication was enough. He knew that people often saw what they wanted to. Such was the power of suggestion.

So if Gavin wasn’t the father, who was? And why was that truth so much worse than letting the world think Rowan was Gavin Wallace’s?

“Tanner? Let’s go into the living room. She’s got a bouncy seat in there that she loves. It’s almost nap time anyway, and I can explain a little better.”

He followed her into the living room and sat on the sofa while she settled Rowan in the little chair and gave it a bounce. The girl’s face lit up and she smacked at the toys on the activity bar in front of her.

“Best thing I bought for her,” Laura said, smiling. “She loves it and it’s saved my sanity more than once. Now that she’s awake longer through the day, she gets bored.” She sat in the chair to the right of him and let out a big breath. “I suppose I need to elaborate a bit, don’t I?”

Did she? Was it really any of his business? He thought about what it meant to be a good friend. He had friends, but Cole was really the guy he was closest to. And even then, there were things his brother didn’t know. Tanner totally understood how it felt to want to keep the darkest parts hidden away. Curious as he was, he knew how he had to answer. “Tell me only if you want to,” he said. “You don’t owe me any sort of an explanation at all.”

“And that’s very generous of you. And surprising.”

“Like I told you before, I’ve had a few moments that are not my finest. I don’t judge.”

She smiled at him then, a soft curving of her lips that reached in and grabbed him right by the heart. It was sweet, and perhaps a bit vulnerable—something he hadn’t seen in her up to this point. Except for one moment, last December. When she’d had a particularly nasty contraction and she’d reached out for his hand in the ambulance. She’d looked so scared and yet so trusting.

“You know, I’m starting to believe that’s true,” she whispered.

There was a long pause, and then she put her hands on her knees. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I trust you. So here’s the truth, leaving out some names if that’s okay with you.”

“You can tell me as much or as little as you like.”

She looked relieved. “The truth is, up until last spring I lived in Nevada, in Reno. I was working for a small graphic design company and my roommate tended bar. Through her, I met this guy and we went out a few times. He was really handsome and charming, and he said he was in sales.” She laughed bitterly. “Pharmaceutical sales. God, I was so dumb, so naive,” she said, giving a bitter laugh. “Anyway, it was a bit of a whirlwind thing. But then he said he was being transferred to a new territory for a few months and he ended it. A few months later, he came back, and he was still handsome, still charming...but something felt off. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was an edginess to him that hadn’t been there before. A...hardness. I think I knew I should end things, but I told myself I was imagining it. I ignored all my instincts.”

Tanner didn’t like where this was going. At all. “Did he hurt you?” he asked gently.

Her eyes clashed with his, but she shook her head a little. “No, not like that. He never laid a hand on me. He came into my work and wanted to start up where we left off, and I fell for his charms all over again. I let him stay with me at my apartment until he found a new job. But after a few weeks back together, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t feel safe, though I couldn’t explain why. A few times, some guys showed up at my door, and I knew he wasn’t honest about who they were. All my internal alarms were ringing and so I decided I needed to break it off.”

Tanner hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until she paused and he let it out. “And then what happened?”

“The day before I was going to do it, the cops came and arrested him. He totally lost it when they showed up, and God, it was so ugly. He was charged with violating his parole, assault and battery and possession of a controlled substance. I had no idea about the drugs. Turns out that transfer? He wasn’t working. He was in prison.” Her normally sparkly eyes had dimmed, her lips thinned to a straight, disapproving line. “He wasn’t a pharmaceutical rep at all. He was dealing. To kids. And I was too blind to see the signs. By then it was too late.”

Tanner didn’t say anything; he simply sat quietly while she composed herself. He knew what it was like when you found out the person you thought you loved turned out to be totally different. Though at least Brit hadn’t been a felon. Just...not who he thought she was.

“The baby’s his?” he finally asked.

She nodded miserably. “When they left with him, he looked right at me and said he’d be back, just like last time. Not to worry, he’d come find me when he got out. The way he said it...it made my blood run cold. It wasn’t reassuring. It was a threat. If he knew about Rowan...”

Tanner looked from her to the sweet baby bobbing in the bouncy chair. The two of them weren’t his, but damned if he didn’t feel protective of them just the same. “He’d come after you both.”

She nodded again. “Yeah. I had to give a statement to the police and I found out a lot about his past. I was so stupid, Tanner. So blind. I believed every lie he fed me. How many kinds of idiot could I be? And then to get pregnant...”

The agony in her voice was real. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean for that to happen,” he said quietly. He got up and moved to the end of the sofa so he was closer to her, and he reached out and put his hand on her knee. “Listen. Remember that marriage I mentioned? I was totally in love with this girl Brittany from Lincoln. She and a couple of girlfriends moved to Vegas, and I thought I’d surprise her one weekend. It was crazy.” He decided to leave out some of the more sordid details about the weekend activities. “By the end of it, we’d gotten married at a chapel on the Strip.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. And when I asked how long it would take her to pack up and come home with me, she laughed. She had no plans to leave. She loved it there. She loved the lights and the excitement and the party. She certainly didn’t love me. It was all a crazy, fun adventure to her.”

“And you were dead serious.”

“You betcha.” He smiled wryly, trying not to think of the moment when Brittany had all but fallen over laughing at him. “We all make mistakes. And I guess now I understand why you haven’t set the record straight. Because you’ll take the gossip if it means keeping your daughter safe.”

A tear slid down her cheek. “Oh, damn. I spent enough time crying. You’d think I’d be over it by now.” She rubbed the tear away. “It’s such a relief to actually tell someone, and I think it’s made me super-emotional. Maddy only knows the bare minimum and no details. I couldn’t stand the thought of her thinking Gavin had cheated on her any longer. He loved her so much.”

“But it’s rough on you.”

“It’s worth it if Rowan stays safe.”

“Damn, Laura. Why not move somewhere else, where no one knows?”

Once more she looked into his eyes, and he saw shadows there.

“The only way I could get this house was if Gramps and Gram cosigned the loan, and that was before all the rumors. There’s no way I’ll get financing for another place, not with the little bit of freelancing I’m doing. And I’m having a hard time building the business because I don’t want to put my full name on anything. It’ll make it too easy to find me, you know?”

“So you’re stuck.”

“Yep. I mean, I grew up here, but it doesn’t mean it’s not awkward.”

Awkward was putting it lightly. “Gavin was helping you, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, with some of the legalities. And he did the legal fees for the house pro bono. His partner’s been keeping me updated on Spen...on my ex’s sentence.”

She sighed, looked down at Rowan. The bouncing had stopped, and Tanner saw that each blink of Rowan’s eyes was slower than the last.

“I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.” Her shoulders were slumped a bit as she rested her elbows on her knees. “I want to start over, but it’s hard to do when you want to remain invisible. At least with the contract work, my name was kept out of it. But if I’m going to freelance, I can’t stay anonymous. Even if I’m careful, it’s not hard to find the trail.”

“Too bad you can’t change your name,” he replied, half joking. “Then he’d be looking for Laura Jessup and not Laura someone else.”

A crazy, ridiculous, ludicrous idea flitted through his brain.

No. She’d never agree and besides, it was a dumb idea. He kept hearing Brit laugh and say how he wasn’t husband material. Maybe not, but perhaps he could be friend material. No one else was stepping up to give Laura a hand. The only one who had was gone, and she had no one to be on her side.

Plus, he was tired of living at home. This could be beneficial to both of them.

“Laura, how open are you to harebrained schemes?”

She lifted her head, chuckled softly. “Why? Do you have one?”

Something twisted in his gut, in an oh-my-God-are-you-really-going-to-ask way. His palms started to sweat and his breath caught. He’d said the words once before in his life, but this time it was different. This time it wasn’t for love. So why was he so tied up in knots?

“I just might. And you’re going to be tempted to say no, but hear me out.”

Her eyebrows pulled together in a puzzled look.

“Laura,” he said, not quite believing what he was about to say. “I think we should get married.”