Читать книгу The Healing Circle - Dr. Robert MD Rutledge - Страница 7

We have what we seek.

It is there all the time, and if we give it time,

it will make itself known to us.

Thomas Merton

Friday evening. Fifty people sitting in a giant circle are listening attentively at the beginning of the weekend retreat. Most have been given a cancer diagnosis; others are their loved ones. They have traveled from near and far to spend this weekend together. Most have left behind busy lives, others long days spent on a couch. Some arrived early, happy to break the routine of retirement; others rushed in at the last moment from work or family responsibilities.

Some have been recently diagnosed, fresh out of surgery, their dressings hidden under brightly coloured blouses and sweaters. Others have traveled many arduous miles along the cancer journey. Some are bald or wear wigs and scarves that attest to ongoing chemotherapy. Others look perfectly well. Women and men, young and old, well-attired and casually dressed, all are waiting, a little nervous but excited to begin.

The people sitting in the circle on Friday evening are looking to us as the “experts”– the ones who will teach them how to heal their lives. In fact, the power lies with them. With lifetimes of experience, everyone in this circle has vast resources of wisdom and the potential to transform within themselves. Through their openness, their resolve to empower themselves, and their courage to walk into the unknown, they can discover their own path. They really are the experts in their own lives.

Tim, a therapist and spiritual teacher, honours the group and begins by explaining the meaning of healing:

The word healing comes from the same root word for ‘wholeness’, ‘health’ and ‘Holiness’. Healing means to move towards wholeness. To heal doesn’t necessarily mean to be cured of cancer – although that is always possible. As you heal your life, your physical health can improve dramatically and you can increase your chances of recovery.

Wholeness has to do with reclaiming all aspects of yourself – your body, mind and spirit - and bringing all these parts back together. When you heal you can connect more deeply with everyday life and something bigger than that - something that we might call spirituality. As you move towards wholeness, you begin to experience the depth of who you really are.

We each have tremendous wisdom for healing and transformation but sometimes we don’t have time to access it because life is so filled with details. We get caught up in stress and distraction and forget about wholeness and our capacity to heal.

This is why a retreat is a precious opportunity for us. It is a time when we can open up a door within ourselves to see what is there, to let in some fresh ideas and new possibilities. We can briefly step out of the rushing stream of our lives to find an island of peace and stillness, a place for calm reflection.

I believe that the moment we come through that door and enter into this circle of chairs—what I call a healing circle—we are entering into a sacred kind of space and time, a time where we can slow down enough to get to know ourselves more deeply, and a space where we can truly connect with others in a way that is real and satisfying. The healing circle is a space, like a gentle container, where we can practice loving ourselves and reclaim our already existing wholeness. The retreat allows us to uncover that treasure which is the healing power within our own human heart.

Jackie has been listening intensely but doesn’t understand the part about “reclaiming her already existing wholeness.” She is a 45-year-old mother of three who worked full time as a nurse when she was diagnosed with breast cancer ten months ago. A loving woman who was used to “taking care of everyone else,” she bravely marched on through chemotherapy, wearing the smile of optimism for everyone to see.

Now two months off treatments, the suppressed worry and stress, coupled with her physical exhaustion, have left Jackie raw, irritable, and on the verge of tears. As she looks out at the others in the circle, her stomach aches as she thinks about the possibility of recurrence. She worries about how her husband and kids would cope without her and feels that she is a terrible burden on her entire family. As fears play in her mind, she struggles to make her distressing thoughts and painful feelings go away.

Tim continues his introduction by asking the group questions that are also on Jackie’s mind: “How can we be whole and yet feel so broken? Where is our wholeness when we are in so much distress? How can we find that deep well of peace when our life appears to be shattered?”

John sits up straighter in his chair when he hears the word “shattered”. In the prime of his life, his leukemia has forced him to walk away from an executive position in a software firm. He is frustrated with how weak he is after months of chemotherapy and feels disoriented by the total loss of his identity as a successful businessman and head of a family. Fair-weather friends have disappeared and family conflicts have created awkward silences and emotional distance. He feels that his whole life has been ripped away from him— he feels ‘shattered’.

Jackie, John, and many others in the circle have come to the weekend because they want to be cured of their cancer and they want to feel happy again. The retreat offers a simple and effective way to work toward these goals, but at times its approach may seem paradoxical. Participants are asked to be proactive and do the practical things that will maximize their chance of recovery, but they are also asked to suspend their attachment to any specific outcome.

Instead of trying to control what will happen in the future, Tim asks people to focus on what they can do in the present, to find a wellspring of wisdom to guide them in reclaiming the joy of wholeness that was there all along, but may have been hidden under the intensity of striving for a particular result.

The cancer journey, and life in general, contains some degree of suffering. Acknowledging this is an essential step in reclaiming a sense of wholeness. Embracing turbulent emotions has a transformative effect on one’s whole being. Most people want to reject their awful feelings, dispelling the energy by acting out or stuffing them down into shadows of the psyche. But deep within these so-called “negative emotions” lies the energy of life and a doorway to profound insight.

For Jackie, John, and the others in the healing circle, the process of reclaiming their already existing wholeness begins by simply showing up, showing up with all their fear, anger, and despair – as well as their courage, fortitude, and wisdom. Tim invites everyone present to bring all of themselves into the healing circle for the weekend—all their awkwardness and self-critical judgments as well as their laughter and joy. Showing up just as they are gives them a real and solid place to begin, a ground of truth from which to start their journey.

Tim continues his talk, saying “Our physical bodies are part of our wholeness, but this is not the whole picture. Our physical experience is nested within our psychological and social realms, and nested in awareness itself. Wholeness and healing are about integration, about bringing all of these parts together— synchronizing our body, mind, and spirit.

“We are shattered yet whole. To struggle with this paradox is itself a process of healing. The loss, sorrow, and pain—and everything that can come with a cancer diagnosis—brings us to a bigger understanding of what it really means to be human. This is what we’ll learn on this retreat.”

The people in the circle seem to be settling back in their chairs. In a moment of silence a few people turn to their loved ones to whisper, or smile at each other and hold hands. Others look across the circle, curious and somehow uplifted by all the people in the room. Others seem to be looking deep into themselves, as if remembering a sense of wellness. The nervousness in the group is fading, and a sense of possibilities and purpose begins to arise.