Читать книгу House of Lies: A gripping thriller with a shocking twist - E. Seymour V. - Страница 18

Tom felt the cold as keenly as a knife embedded in his chest. It was preferable. At least now he felt something other than numb, crushing remorse for what he’d done to Roz. He made no excuses.

Jacket drawn tight around him, hood up to mask his profile, he cursed the way in which his life had changed again.

The second he saw the photographer at the party, he’d known the way it would roll. Earthquake, plague, destruction and fire. Should have got out then. Should have known better. Should have disappeared to a place where the police and anyone else would never find him. Should. Should. Should.

A puddle of dirt and filthy rainwater shot up in a thin stream, soaking the back of his jeans. Fuck’s sake. If only he were gas-guzzling miles away.

Trudging on, he wondered if he dared risk a night in a cheap motel. He had the money. He’d planned for that. Somewhere he could hide, think, straighten out his head, calm down.

Without breaking step, he reached inside his jacket, pulled out a ‘Reddy,’ popped the capsule into his mouth. Better.

Needed to stay practical, grounded, to drown out the bedlam that threatened to demolish his mental architecture and bring it crashing down. Never meant to use Roz, mislead or dupe her. Never meant to break her heart. Jesus Christ, he missed her, needed her. Craved her.

Shame flamed his cheeks at the memory of her face, the crushed look in her free-spirit eyes. He remembered them fucking each other in every room in the house, including the sitting room, the very morning he deserted her, the smell of her skin, her hair, and the way she’d given herself to him so freely. With abandon and joy.

What a bastard. And she’d be right to think so. The thought dismantled him.

Roz was lovable and funny, light and offbeat, all things he wasn’t. That was the big attraction. Roz looked so much like Steph and yet was so different in countless wayward ways. She didn’t deserve to be treated badly and didn’t deserve him. Roz never knew to what extent he was damaged, that long-ago events had irrevocably changed him. And he could never say anything, because to do so would put her life in danger. Abandoning her now was the best way he knew to protect her.

Naturally, he’d always known of her grand plan for marriage and children. He’d wanted it too, truth be told, but it was impossible for a man like him. How could he bring a child into this? Guilt flowed through him. Every time she touched on the subject he fed the lie because it was easier, yet the biggest lie of all: he wasn’t who she thought he was. For the past three years he’d been a man who’d grabbed hold of someone else’s life and struggled to cling to it. Fear shattered inside and splintered into a trillion jagged pieces.