Читать книгу The Abby Green Modern Collection - Эбби Грин - Страница 21

‘AND the stock shares went through the roof; they just didn’t know how to handle the ramifications…’

Caleb tuned out the conversation. His mind couldn’t settle and the heavy weight lodged in his chest was threatening to choke him. All he could see, all he could think about, was Maggie. She was everywhere he looked, but only in his mind’s eye. He took in the glittering London crowd that surrounded him. The women were beautiful, stunning, bedecked in jewels. Hair perfectly teased, too thin bodies poured into the latest fashions. And it all seemed so vacuous. Meaningless.

He felt cold when he looked at them and studiously avoided their none too subtle glances from right under the noses of their partners. Several times he’d had to catch himself when he’d turned to his side as if to get Maggie’s attention, touch her, have her look up at him with those luminous, wide eyes that said so much and yet held back so much. A sense of panic rose and he couldn’t contain it as he imagined never finding out what she’d hidden in those unfathomable depths or never seeing her again. Never waking up beside her, never holding her, talking to her. Seeing her face light up. And yet…how could he have these feelings for someone who had done…what she had, for someone who patently didn’t feel the same way?

‘…Holland…’

‘What?’ Caleb said sharply as his focus zoomed in on the man looking at him expectantly. Had he just conjured up her name from his pathetic imaginings?

‘Holland. Not wanting to speak ill of the dead or anything, but he was one nasty piece of work; it’s only a pity he didn’t live to see you in control of everything. That really was some coup, Cameron.’

Caleb smiled tightly; he’d never have wished Holland’s ultimate fate on him, no matter what kind of a man he’d been and disliked the inference, but before he could cut in his associate was continuing.

‘Now that he’s gone and can’t keep mouths shut, the truth is out. Did you hear—?’

‘Spencer, I’ve really no interest—’

But the other man took no heed, his drink sloshing over the side of his glass in his obviously inebriated state. ‘…apparently the man had mistresses in every city and he was a violent bastard—’

Caleb had turned to walk away, but stopped in his tracks.

‘…terrorised his poor wife for years. The police were called once but of course it all got hushed up…he greased their palms to keep it quiet. Didn’t he have a daughter too? I think they said she was the one who called the cops…never saw her but heard she was a little siren—’

Caleb had the other man up against a wall so fast his drink smashed to the ground.

‘What did you say…?’

‘Cameron, what the devil is wrong with you?’ the other man blustered.

Caleb let him go abruptly and strode out of the room, cutting a swathe through the crowd, who watched in stunned silence.

On the basis of those few words, which rang so true it hurt, Caleb knew that he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life. And he couldn’t stop the rising tide of panic that gripped him.

His heart rate was doing triple time.

It couldn’t be possible. She could have told me…Why wouldn’t she have told me?

The world seemed to tilt crazily as he stood on the steps outside. The past two months ran in his head like a bad horror movie. The signs and clues had been there every step of the way, so obvious…and he had ignored them all. How had he been such a fool? How had he been so blind? Had he really let himself become so cynical and jaded and downright mistrustful that he didn’t even recognise a true gem when it was right in front of him?

Like a rock hitting a still, perfect lake and the ripples spreading outwards, everything was so clear in his head now that he felt sick to his stomach. And more terrified than he’d ever felt in his life. This was it. And he’d thrown it away. He’d thrown Maggie away. Her words came back into his head with sickening clarity. He could even remember the look on her face. She had wanted nothing more than to get away from him so fast…

I never want to see you again.

Harsh lines transformed his face into a mask of haunted pain as he grabbed his car keys from the valet stepping out and took off as though he had a death wish.

Maggie stood at the edge of the water and watched how the spray came in and rushed back, taking the imprint of her feet with it. They sank a little more. She wished she could sink all the way, her whole body submerged in dark bliss where she wouldn’t ever have to think or feel again. She gave herself a mental shake and stepped back out of the oncoming waves.

She looked around. Sheer isolation. A huge beach with acres of empty sand. Bordered by green cliffs on all sides, it was in the furthermost reaches of western Ireland. And it was empty because of a freak summer storm that had blown in for the last two days. The crowds hadn’t yet returned but already she could see a figure in the distance, way ahead, near the tiny cottage a family friend had lent her for a few days. Her blessed peace would be gone soon.

She looked back out to the sea and breathed in deeply. She was free. Really free for the first time in her life. So why did she feel as though she were still in prison? It was her heart—her heart was in the prison, not her. And she would just have to learn to live with it. In time…she knew the pain would fade, become less.

She turned and walked back in the direction she’d come, hands in the pockets of a light fleece zipped up against the strong breeze, her jeans rolled up to her knees. There was still just that one figure in the distance, far too far away for Maggie to be able to make out if it were a man or a woman. She emptied her mind and looked down, stopping to pick up shells or stones along the way.

After walking for quite a bit, she could make out that it was a man. A tall man. With dark hair. In a T-shirt and jeans. Even from here, she could see a well-built physique. Her heart twisted painfully. What demon god was sending her a look-alike to test her heart? She drew nearer and nearer—could make out more detail. Thick, dark hair—swept off a high forehead, by the looks of it. Broad shoulders. He was looking out to sea and then he turned around. Maggie stopped. Blood rushed to her head, pounded in her ears, drowning out the crashing waves. It couldn’t be.

But it was. Every cell in her body told her that it was. Caleb. Just metres away. She shook her head as if to clear the image, but he didn’t disappear. He was coming towards her. That struck her into action. She could see the cottage on the bluff just behind him and made a diagonal path away from where he was walking, towards home. She could see from the corner of her eye that he too had changed direction, heading straight for her. She couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel. One foot in front of the other, until she was behind the door. And safe.

‘Maggie.’

She ignored his call, walking faster, desperation making it hard to breathe.

‘Maggie.’ He was much closer, his long strides effortlessly catching up with hers.

She started a small jog and then felt herself caught and whirled around. She looked up, stunned, into Caleb’s face. The shells and stones dropped unnoticed on to the sand.

‘Maggie. Please don’t run away from me. We have to talk.’

She laughed. ‘Talk? Caleb, I told you I never wanted to see you again, and I certainly don’t now.’ She pulled away and started to walk up the hill. Focus on the house, focus on the house.

‘Maggie. Please.’ He was close behind her. ‘You once came to me to beg me to listen to you for five minutes. That’s all I’m asking now. Please.’

She stopped and had to shut her eyes at the memories. Pain lancing through her. This would kill her. But damned if he’d know it. She didn’t turn around. ‘Five minutes.’

She went into the house through the back door. Not even bothering to hold it open for him.

In the small kitchen she turned around to face him, crossing her arms over her chest. Her heart was beating way too fast for what she had just done. Her hair was windblown, face pink from the wind. And she looked more beautiful than he’d ever seen her. And never more distant.

She was pointedly focusing on a point over his shoulder. ‘Well? The clock is ticking.’

‘Maggie…I’m sorry…’

She looked at him aghast, her mouth dropping open. ‘Sorry? What on earth do you have to be sorry for, Caleb? I got what I wanted; you got what you wanted…’

He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes and she noticed lines around his mouth, smudges of dark colour under his eyes. ‘I didn’t get you, Maggie, not really. And I still want you.’

She frowned, suddenly feeling a little adrift, wanting to know what he meant but not wanting to ask.

He raked a hand through his hair and looked out to the tumultuous Atlantic for a minute.

‘Caleb—’

He looked back, blue eyes vivid. ‘I know, I know—the time…God, this is hard.’

Her heart squeezed crazily and she tightened her arms as if to stop it.

‘I think I know what happened…that night, eight months ago. Someone said something in London and everything dropped into place…’

Maggie felt a sudden fear. ‘Did you go to my mother to find out where I was?’

He nodded.

‘Did you say anything to her…?’ Her breasts rose and fell in her agitation. ‘Did you—?’

Caleb put out a hand, coming a step closer. Maggie moved away. ‘No! No, Maggie…I could have asked her, but I didn’t need to. I know. I just want to hear it from you.’

‘Know what, Caleb? Time is really running out—’

He took a deep breath. ‘Eight months ago you seduced me that night against your will, didn’t you?’

The room went fuzzy for a second and Maggie could feel her legs wanting to buckle but somehow she managed to stay upright. ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she said faintly.

But Caleb had taken in her reaction, the ashen tinge to her skin. It made something joyous erupt in his chest. Even as it was just confirming his worst fears. That she’d never really felt anything for him. Just physical desire.

‘Your stepfather saw the attraction between us and made the most of it, didn’t he?’

She shook her head numbly.

‘He made you flirt with me…made you pretend to show an interest…made you come to the hotel that night dressed like a—’

‘Stop!’ Her mind worked feverishly. He still didn’t know that she hadn’t been aware until that day. Her heart was still safe. Her arms dropped to her sides unconsciously. ‘How…how do you know this?’

‘Just something someone said. I didn’t need to hear any more…I knew immediately. I can’t believe I didn’t see it at the time…but I was blinded.’

She tried to figure out what she could say to keep him happy and send him on his way. Looking at him, having him so close, was quickly becoming unbearable. ‘He threatened me with something…too huge for me to fight alone.’

‘Your mother?’

She sucked in a breath. ‘How do you…?’

‘You have a bond that goes beyond anything I’ve ever seen. And you’re like a mother bear with a cub whenever she’s mentioned…plus she’s inordinately happy for a recently widowed woman who had been left with nothing.’ His voice softened. ‘Maggie, I heard…that he was violent…Did he ever—?’

‘Never me. Unless I got in the way,’ she said bitterly. ‘Always her, though. And I could never protect her. Nothing could. Not even the police. He was too powerful.’

A vivid image came into his head, a sick feeling. ‘That scar…on your thigh…’

Maggie went paler. ‘I got in the way one day…when he was…when I tried to…he knocked me out of the way and I fell into the ironing board, the iron…’

Rage filled him. He opened his mouth but Maggie had had enough. She held up a hand. ‘Please, Caleb. You know now. Thank you for giving us back the house and for paying off the tax debts…My mother told me. You didn’t have to do that—’

His hand slashed the air. ‘Of course I did. It was my fault your mother was put in that situation; it was the least I could do.’

Maggie continued; she wanted him gone. ‘I’m sorry I deceived you too eight months ago, but it’s over. Please, just go.’

For a second he half turned as if he was going to go. Maggie held her breath, a hollow feeling spreading throughout her body, but then, abruptly, he came back. She was rooted to the spot.

‘No…Maggie, I won’t go. Because I want to know—once Holland had died and there was no threat any more, why didn’t you try to defend yourself?’

‘Would you have believed me?’

‘Perhaps not at first,’ he conceded. ‘But it wouldn’t have taken much to convince me. I’m not such an ogre and I would never have taken the house if I’d known.’

‘I know…’ she said quietly.

‘So…why?’

Her brain had become mush. Why, indeed?

When he said it like that now, so simply, she could have cursed herself. It had simply never occurred to her. Her main priority had been self-protection, but hadn’t she ironically gone the most self-destructive route? Since she’d seen him again…her brain had become so scrambled that she’d happily sabotaged herself. In an effort to block out reality and to have him on any terms. His terms. She was pathetic.

‘Because I thought you wouldn’t believe me…’It sounded weak to her ears.

‘So you allowed me to use you, take you as my mistress, let me make love to you almost every night…put on the not very successful pretence of someone who was the complete opposite to what you really are?’

‘But it was…’ she breathed, not realising that she was giving herself away spectacularly.

He felt triumphant. He lifted a brow. ‘Then why leave everything behind? The clothes, the jewels, the car?’

‘Because they weren’t mine,’ she answered simply.

‘Exactly.’ He looked smug. ‘Any other woman would have cleaned out the lot. And more. Believe me.’

She felt as though she was being wrung out on a rack; he was stretching her and stretching her to breaking-point. Her voice came out brittle and harsh. ‘Look, Caleb; what do you want? I can’t tell you any more…’

But he was relentless. ‘I bet you made it all up, just to keep up the front…College? You put yourself through it and never took a penny from Holland, am I right? Probably lived in a bedsit with mice rather than take his money. Lovers? I know you weren’t a virgin, but you weren’t far off it, Maggie.’

She went even more ashen at his uncannily accurate assessment. He noted it with something close to fury rising in his chest—fury at himself.

He was immovable, implacable. She knew instantly the only thing that would move him would be the one thing that would kill her. But if it meant she’d get rid of him then she had no choice. Before he guessed the full truth, if she could protect herself from at least that…

She squared her shoulders. ‘It was cockroaches, actually, and you want the truth?’ She tossed her head. ‘Here it is. The truth is that I had one lover before I met you, in college. And I didn’t know what Tom had planned until…until…’ She couldn’t do it.

A stillness entered Caleb’s body. He came closer and Maggie could feel the heat from his body reach out to caress her, touch her. He had to go…now. She had to be strong.

‘That day.’

‘The day of the date?’ he queried sharply. Too sharply.

Maggie turned away in agitation, arms around her body. ‘Yes, damn you, yes!’ She turned around again. ‘There! Are you happy now? I didn’t know until that day, so in case it’s not completely obvious, let me spell it out for you. I had a crush on you, Caleb, a monumental crush. I believed that you possibly felt something for me too and I stupidly believed that you wanted to take me on that date, to get to know me.’

‘Maggie…’

She could see a flare of something in his eyes. Her voice shook. ‘Don’t you dare pity me, Caleb Cameron. I don’t need your pity. It was a crush, that’s all. Desire. Tom followed me to Oxford Street that day and made me buy that…that dress…’ a shudder of revulsion went through her ‘…then he told me what he’d do to my mother if I didn’t comply. I had no choice.’ The fight went out of her; she looked away. ‘But then…I just…’

‘Couldn’t go through with it.’

She looked back quickly and a shiver of something indefinable ran through her. He was looking at her with…not pity…something else and it made her silly heart speed up. He came close, too close, and only then she became aware of the fat tear sliding down her cheek. She didn’t even know she’d been crying. He reached out a hand and she jerked away.

‘You’ve been minding her for a long time. And you came back to Dublin to escape, didn’t you?’

Why did he have to say that so gently, as though he really cared? She nodded slowly, more tears slipping hotly down. His hand came out again. This time she couldn’t move as he wiped his thumb back and forth. The contact was too much. A broken sob escaped and, with a curse, Caleb closed the distance, pulled her forward and into his arms. He held her for a long time. Until the sobbing had stopped. Rubbing her back as though she were ten years old.

But then she didn’t feel ten any more. She felt like a grown woman whose body was springing into life, pressed as she was, tight against the length of him.

She tried to pull back but he wouldn’t let her go.

‘Caleb…let me go, I’m okay now…’

She was sure she looked awful; as a freckled redhead, she didn’t do pretty crying.

‘I can’t let you go.’

She looked up. ‘What?’

She felt rather than saw him shrug. His eyes bored down into hers. ‘I can’t let you go. I’m afraid that if I do…I’ll wake up and have dreamt all this and that I’ll never see you again.’

A taut, pregnant stillness seemed to surround them.

‘But…you can go now. Leave. You don’t want to see me again.’

‘No. You don’t want to see me.’

Maggie’s brow creased as she took in a vulnerable light in the depths of Caleb’s eyes. It couldn’t be. She shook her head. ‘Caleb, stop confusing me. Let me go.’ She tried to pull away again, a little desperately. There was no give.

‘Just tell me one thing, Maggie…Was it really just a crush?’

She felt him stop breathing. Nodded her head slowly. And inexplicably, started to drown in his eyes. She just…couldn’t do it. Couldn’t lie. Feeling the last vestiges of her defence and fight fall away, leaving her limp and defeated, she stopped nodding and slowly shook her head.

A surge of mounting hope moved through him. ‘So…if it wasn’t just a crush…was it something more?’

She was feeling boneless. All that existed were those mesmerising eyes. She nodded again, barely aware of what she was saying yes to, only aware that she wanted Caleb to keep holding her. For ever.

Caleb tried to contain himself but could feel the tremor building all the way upwards from his feet. ‘For the past two months…and now…is it still there?’

She broke out of the seductive trance. She could feel the tears well again. ‘Please Caleb…don’t tease…don’t make me say it.’

He lifted his hands and framed her face and she could feel them trembling. ‘You don’t have to…I will. Maggie Holland, I love you. I love you so much that if you can’t tell me you love me too then I’m going to walk straight into the Atlantic and never come back because my life would not be worth living.’

A hard shell seemed to crack open around her. She clung on to his eyes, searching, seeking…and could see nothing but pure love shining back. Could she trust?

She had to trust.

With a very shaky voice she said huskily, ‘That’d be an awful waste because I love you too…I’ve loved you since the moment I set eyes on you.’

‘Oh, Maggie…’ He groaned and lowered his lips to hers, taking her mouth in a sweet kiss, hunger barely checked, but there. He stopped and pulled back. ‘When I saw you that first time…I fell so hard and then when I overheard Holland talking about using you…I cynically assumed you were in on it too. It was easier to see you as an accomplice than face up to my true feelings…I’m so, so sorry; when you tried to stop and tell me—’

Maggie just shook her head, putting a finger to his lips. ‘It was pretty damning and we’d only just met. You had no idea who I was…’

She wound her arms tightly around his neck and, stretching up, pressed her mouth to his and urged him to kiss her deeper, harder. They pulled apart after a few seconds, breathing harshly. She touched his face wonderingly.

‘Are you here? Is this real?’

He laughed shakily. ‘I hope so because I’m about to get down on one knee and propose.’

‘Caleb…’ She watched, open-mouthed, as he knelt down before her. Tears blurred her vision again. They just wouldn’t stop.

He took her hand. ‘Margaret Holland. Will you please become my wife? So that I can spend my life loving you, minding you, protecting you…’

‘But…but you never stay in one place for long…your work…’

His voice was raw and husky, pulling at her heart. ‘Maggie, I’m so tired. I’m tired of living under the shadow of my parents’ disastrous marriage. I’m tired of working so hard. It’s time I delegated. I want to settle down, have babies…with you. Wherever you are, or want to be…this house…we could buy this, live here, anywhere, just as long as I’m with you. I never believed this could happen to me, but…’ he shrugged with endearing vulnerability ‘…you’re my home…and I want to come home, so much.’

She shook her head, her lip wobbling, tears still streaming, and got down on her knees to meet him. ‘Oh, Caleb…you’re my home too. I love you so much it scares me…’

They looked at each other for an intense moment and he cradled her head before kissing her again. Her eyes were closed and she was breathless when he pulled away finally, both blissfully unaware of the hard floor under their knees. Then Caleb stood and pulled her with him. ‘I have something for you.’

She was incapable of speech, touching her lips, feeling them tingle from the kiss, wanting to pinch herself to see if she was really awake. She wiped at her cheeks as he led her out to the front door and there, parked in front of the house, was her battered Mini. Exactly as it always had been.

She clapped a shocked hand to her mouth. Wide-eyed, she looked at Caleb, shaking her head. ‘But…how…I mean, it was a tin can…’

He grimaced. ‘Just seconds away from it. I started tracking it down after that day your mother spilled the beans, even though you professed not to care, somehow, I knew.’

‘But that was…weeks ago.’

He shrugged. ‘I was fighting a losing battle even then, trying to keep you in the little box I’d built around you, but more and more I was beginning to suspect things weren’t as they seemed, but it was still easier to mistrust you than look at my real feelings…’

She looked away reluctantly from the intense emotion blazing from his eyes.

‘Is that how you came down here? That’s at least five hours…in a car that doesn’t go over forty miles an hour…’

He rolled his shoulders. ‘Don’t I know it and it was more like eight hours.’

He brought her round to the back of the car. ‘This was Plan B in case you weren’t going to listen to me.’

There at the back of the car were tin cans tied on pieces of string hanging off the bumper, trailing on the ground, and a huge sign, which read:

I love you, Maggie. Please marry me?

‘Believe me,’ he said dryly, ‘it’s the only thing that convinced your mother to tell me where you were.’

The laughter bubbled up out of her and she gripped his hand. He brought her round in front of him and she could feel the slight tremor still evident in his hands as they smoothed back her hair. The awe on his face, as if he couldn’t really believe he’d found her. It made her heart soar and flip over.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. ‘The answer is yes, yes, yes…’

She gave him a shyly coy look. ‘About those knots in your shoulders…’

He relaxed visibly and Maggie exulted in the gift he was giving her, that she was giving him. After so much heartache. Perhaps now, she could finally be safe…and happy.

He bent low to whisper in her ear with husky promise, ‘We have so much to talk about, catch up on…but first let’s see about making those babies…’

With one graceful movement, he lifted his most treasured possession and carried her over the threshold of the tiny cottage that clung to the edge of a beautiful beach, with the waves pounding just metres away, and into their new lives.