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THE RHYME OF THE CHIVALROUS SHARK, by Wallace Irwin

Most chivalrous fish of the ocean,

To ladies forbearing and mild,

Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark

Who will eat neither woman nor child.

He dines upon seamen and skippers,

And tourists his hunger assuage,

And a fresh cabin boy will inspire him with joy

If he’s past the maturity age.

A doctor, a lawyer, a preacher,

He’ll gobble one any fine day,

But the ladies, God bless ’em, he’ll only address ’em

Politely and go on his way.

I can readily cite you an instance

Where a lovely young lady of Breem,

Who was tender and sweet and delicious to eat,

Fell into the bay with a scream.

She struggled and flounced in the water

And signaled in vain for her bark,

And she’d surely been drowned if she hadn’t been found

By a chivalrous man-eating shark.

He bowed in a manner most polished,

Thus soothing her impulses wild;

“Don’t be frightened,” he said, “I’ve been properly bred

And will eat neither woman nor child.”

Then he proffered his fin and she took it—

Such a gallantry none can dispute—

While the passengers cheered as the vessel they neared

And a broadside was fired in salute.

And they soon stood alongside the vessel,

When a life-saving dingey was lowered

With the pick of the crew, and her relatives, too,

And the mate and the skipper aboard.

So they took her aboard in a jiffy,

And the shark stood attention the while,

Then he raised on his flipper and ate up the skipper

And went on his way with a smile.

And this shows that the prince of the ocean,

To ladies forbearing and mild,

Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark

Who will eat neither woman nor child.