Bullies, Bitches and Bastards
Описание книги
A hilarious guide to dissing the dicks in your life.After years of meeting and putting up with crap people, a serious illness left Eileen Condon with plenty of time to ask herself why she ever put up with them. Her recovery was aided by countless hours spent in pubs with friend Amanda Edwards where they purged their bile about all the bullies, bitches and bastards that they have encountered.Bullies Bitches and Bastards is the result of their cathartic trawl through a rogues' gallery of crap boyfriends, girlfriends, bosses, family members, neighbours and work colleagues – people whose characteristics read like a thesaurus of cunning: sly, Machiavellian, gerrymandering, duplicitous, crafty, vulpine bastards.There's The Enormous Baby Boyfriend. He thinks you're his mummy. You have to cater to his every whim and pay him round-the-clock attention. Or he'll cry, throw a tantrum and vomit – all over you! Ta-da!Or, how about Beelzeboss? Marvel at the amount of energy they put into bitching and backstabbing. If they worked as hard at their actual job, they'd be Bill Gates. Particularly deft at wheedling out your Achilles heel and using it against you at every opportunity.Have you met Miss-Fortune Teller? She delights in your disasters. Don't be fooled by the sympathetic ear on the end of the phone, she's biting her knuckles with glee, barely able to contain her excitement at the good news that you're having such a bad time.Divided into a number of sections including partners, friends, bosses and colleagues this book will appeal to early mid-life, disaffected, disillusioned, burnt-out 30/40-somethings who have met these grotesques at some point in their lives. They, like the authors, want to see them pinned, slit open and dissected like a frog in a school lab.
Оглавление
Eileen Condon. Bullies, Bitches and Bastards
Bullies, Bitches and Bastards (Not so much a book, more a moral crusade)
Eileen Condon
Amanda Edwards
Dedication
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter One Husbands/Boyfriends. The Enormous Baby Boyfriend. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
The Moody Bastard. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
The Man from Atlantis. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
The Snake Charmer. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
The ‘I’m Not Your Boyfriend’ Boyfriend. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
Chapter Two Wives/Girlfriends. The Interrogator. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The Town Crier. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The Utter Nutter. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The ‘What’s Yours Is Mine’ Girlfriend. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The Emasculator. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
Chapter Three Bosses/Colleagues. Beelzeboss. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
Work to Ruler. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
Big Rancour. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
Poacher-turned-Gamekeeper. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The PG Chimp. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
Chapter Four Family. The Remote Controller. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
Wicked Whittler. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
Me-Me Mum. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The Toxin-Law. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The Equaliser. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
Chapter Five Friends. Miss-Fortune Teller. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
Commander-in-Chief. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The Spadist. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
Mag Hag. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The Foul Weather Friend. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
Chapter Six Neighbours and Local Folk. Lord of the Manor. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
The Inconvenient Storekeeper. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
The Border Guard. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
Mummy Dearest. What she does
What she says
What you need to do
The Neigh-Boor. What he does
What he says
What you need to do
Conclusion
Acknowledgements
Copyright
About the Publisher