Читать книгу A Place Called Home - Eleanor Jones - Страница 11

CHAPTER TWO

ANDY DROVE ON AUTOMATIC, hunched forward over the wheel, staring straight ahead. He’d always had that habit of slipping totally into his own thoughts while he was driving, Ellie recalled, thinking of all the other times she’d sat beside him like this. That seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet it still felt so familiar.

It was true that he reminded her of home, and as they drove along narrow country lanes the memories she had kept locked away seeped from their confines, real and raw. The landscape around her didn’t have the same rugged beauty as her native Lake District, which was over fifty miles away, but the colors, sounds and smells were the same. Suddenly, she was consumed by a longing for the place she used to call home. Hope Farm in the Lakeland hills, near the village of Little Dale. It had been weeks since she’d spoken to her dad; she would call him tonight, she decided, just to make sure he was okay—even if he only answered in monosyllables.

“So where should I drop you?” Andy asked. “Hey, there...not asleep, are you?”

Ellie jerked herself out of her reverie. “No, of course not. Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“Nice thoughts, I hope.”

“Yes...” A half smile flitted across her face. “I guess they were.”

He raised his eyebrows. “So am I in them?”

She stiffened. “Oh, please. You left my thoughts a long time ago.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Dead sure. You let me down when I needed you most, Andy, so don’t expect me to be all sweetness and light just because you reappeared in my life after six years to save the fox.”

Andy turned his attention abruptly back to the road ahead, brow furrowed and fingers gripping the wheel. They drove in silence for a while, the air between them heavy and awkward.

“You can drop me at a bus stop if you like,” Ellie said eventually.

He flashed her a wry grin.

“You might think I’m a total waste of space, but I do owe you, in a way.”

“You owe me nothing,” she said quietly, though she was secretly relieved at not being abandoned.

“Oh, yes I do,” he insisted, smiling his painfully familiar, lopsided smile.

Back when they were together, that smile would have been quickly followed by a kiss. She shuddered, imagining the feel of his lips on hers.

“I owe you for helping the fox,” he said. “And for breaking your heart, of course.”

Ellie stared out the window, seeing nothing, anger bubbling inside her as the memories seeped away. How dare he make light of the event that had colored her teenage years...and her whole adult life? At the time, it had felt as if his breaking up with her and the shock discovery that her mother hadn’t long to live were painfully intertwined, as if it was all his fault. Now she knew better, but the pain still remained.

“Don’t give yourself so much credit, Andy Montgomery,” she snapped. “How could you even think that you broke my heart? We were just two kids having fun. It would never have gone anywhere.”

“Wouldn’t it?”

“Obviously not, or we wouldn’t be here now, would we?”

He stared at the road, his expression serious for once.

“I’ve always regretted it, you know. We just met too soon, and...”

“And you got bored,” she finished for him. “Just like you got bored with your wife and probably all the other girlfriends you’ve had along the way.”

“No, I—”

“Look, Andy,” Ellie said, cutting off his attempt at an apology—or was it an excuse? “Just leave the past in the past. There have been a lot of worse things in my life than getting dumped by my teenage crush.”

He glanced across at her. “I know. And I’m sorry about your mum... I really regret not being there for you.”

The memories Ellie never allowed herself to face suddenly broke free; all the emotion of those terrible days when she watched helplessly as her mother lost her fight with death swirled around inside her, dark and suffocating.

“It was so quick,” she cried, struggling to hold back tears. “She’d had that pain in her back for ages. I told her and told her to see a doctor, and when she did... When she did, it was already too late.”

“It must have been a terrible time...for all of you.”

Andy’s voice was warm and caring, reminding her just how much she’d needed him during her mother’s decline. Reminding her of how lost she’d felt without him. Suddenly, his presence felt stifling.

“Here,” she cried. “Stop here, Andy. This is fine.”

“But...” he objected, touching the brakes.

“It’s fine,” she repeated, fumbling for her bags. She was already scrambling out of the vehicle as he pulled up to the curb.

Andy reached out to take her arm, but she wriggled from his grasp. “Thanks for the ride, and for helping the fox,” she mumbled, already walking away. “I’ll see you.”

When she heard his door slam, Ellie couldn’t help but look back. He was standing on the pavement, long fingers pushed through his thick blond hair, tall and lanky and totally out of place in the suburbs of the city, watching in bewilderment as she raced off down the street. His voice followed after her like an echo from the past.

“Ellie...Ellie...”

For a heart-stopping moment, she wanted to turn and run back, to share all her agony with him. But it was way too late for that. Andy Montgomery was out for just one person—himself. She knew that all too well.

Ellie ran for what felt like miles, as if she could run away from all the things Andy had made her remember. Her phone rang just as she saw a familiar landmark, and she stopped, breathing heavily. Was it him? No, it couldn’t be, she realized with relief. She hadn’t given him her number.

Matt’s name flashed on the screen.

Ellie took another deep breath and answered. “Yes?”

“You okay?”

“No thanks to you.”

“Do you want me to come get you?”

“I take it your deal worked out?”

Matt paused. “Kind of. Do you want me to pick you up or not?”

“No, thanks. I’m nearly home.”

“Then I’ll come by at seven-thirty and take you out to dinner.”

There was no point in trying to put him off, and Ellie was too tired to resist, anyway. “See you then.”

“Oh, and Ellie?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for abandoning you.”

Flicking off her phone, she stepped back into the present, determinedly trying to shake off the events of the afternoon.

Her phone rang again, buzzing against her hip as she was finally climbing the stairs to her apartment. With a sigh, she retrieved it from her jacket pocket, wishing she had passed on Matt’s dinner offer.

“Hello?” she responded, tucking the phone in between her shoulder and her chin as she fumbled to unlock the door.

It was Matt again, his voice high-pitched and urgent. As always, he was living life in a rush. “You home yet?”

Her heart lifted. “Don’t tell me. You’ve changed your mind.”

He laughed. “No, nothing like that. I just wanted to make sure you knew what time I was picking you up.”

“Seven-thirty, right?”

“Yes, and wear something nice.”

“Don’t I always,” she retorted.

* * *

AS ELLIE BURROWED through her closet for an outfit, she realized she hadn’t called her dad, as she’d told herself she would. She was going to Hope Farm next weekend, she decided, no matter what he said. Seeing Andy again had brought the past sharply back into focus. For the first time since leaving home, she felt as if she was finally ready to face those memories and maybe even make peace with all that had happened. She didn’t dare give herself enough time to change her mind.

“Sorry, Mum,” she whispered, holding back tears. She had let down her mum’s memory. Badly. She should have stayed home and supported her dad, she understood that now, or at least kept in better touch with him...whether he wanted her to or not.

Ellie took a short black skirt and lacy top from their hangers and let her mind slip back to the difficult days after her mother’s funeral. She had been just a teenager back then; her dad was the adult. Now, though, she was an adult. She’d made her own way in the world for almost six years, ever since she said goodbye to her grieving father and drove away from Hope Farm. Maybe that was the day she’d grown up—or perhaps that had happened when she’d held her mother’s hand as her life slipped away. The hustle and bustle of a totally new life had seemed to help her through her own grief, but now she wasn’t so sure. Maybe this life she’d made for herself wasn’t really a new beginning... Maybe it was a hiding place.

Ellie stepped into the shower, and as the water ran soothingly over her aching limbs, she let out a sigh. The safe little world she had set up for herself felt as if it was crumbling around her.