Читать книгу A Father's Pledge - Eleanor Jones - Страница 12

CHAPTER THREE

IT HAD BEEN ALMOST half an hour since he’d slammed the door on Kat Molloy and Luke was still seething. What did she expect, anyway? Obviously, he was going to watch out for his son, and if her sessions were in any way unsafe, he was going to interfere. She might be competent enough as a counselor, but her ideas about sea and animal therapy were something else. And now their disagreement had probably pushed Ben even further away from him.

All Luke really wanted was to make things right with his son, but everything he tried seemed to go wrong. And how she’d had the gall to turn up at his door and ask for help when she’d caused so much trouble was beyond him. He did feel a prickle of guilt for the way he’d ended the conversation, but she’d pushed him too far. How dare she insinuate that he didn’t love his own son?

With a heavy sigh, Luke went into the bathroom to shave and freshen up before dinner. He stared into the mirror and soaped his chin, his mind drifting over the past few weeks.

Since the moment he’d heard Ben was coming to Flight, Luke’s life had turned upside down—not that he’d have it any other way, of course. He remembered Mike calling him into his office and questioning him about Ben. Luke had tried to be totally honest, but as far as he’d known, Ben had been living a privileged and secure life in the care of his wealthy grandparents, Mollie and Jim Jackson, and his mother, Carly—Luke’s ex-wife.

Mike had frowned slightly, waiting for him to go on, and Luke had found himself making excuses for not being in his son’s life. When Ben was born, Mollie had promised him that she and Jim would make sure their grandson would be well taken care of, and he and Carly would have done nothing but argue if he’d stuck around. He’d believed he had nothing to offer Ben and that the boy didn’t need him, either.

“Did you want to be in his life?” Mike had asked, and he’d hesitated before replying. He wasn’t proud of that.

“I didn’t even know about him at first,” he’d said. “Carly and I were only married for a few months, and I hardly knew her family. Her mother called me a long time after we split up, totally out of the blue one afternoon. I was working down south. ‘I think it’s only right that you should know about Ben,’ she said.”

Luke genuinely hadn’t known that Carly was pregnant when they split up. Apparently, she’d insisted that she didn’t want Luke in her son’s life, but that hadn’t sat well with Mollie. After that initial call, Ben’s grandmother had promised to keep in touch and let Luke know how the boy was doing. And she had phoned him occasionally. When he’d moved nearer to where they lived, though, and pushed to have more contact with his son, maybe even get to see him, she had dropped what at the time felt like a bombshell.

Mollie had asked him to meet her at a tearoom on the outskirts of Lancaster one Saturday afternoon, a smart upmarket place that served proper English afternoon teas.

She’d already ordered when he arrived, but after she’d said her piece, the crustless egg sandwiches and fruit scones had turned his stomach. “Look,” she’d said kindly, placing her hand earnestly upon his. “I know that you and Carly were no good together, and it was right that you should split up so soon. No point hanging on to something that wasn’t working.”

“Our whole marriage was a series of impulsive decisions,” he’d agreed.

Mollie had nodded wisely, understanding. “I know that. The thing is, he’s never met you, Luke. He is almost two years old and you are a stranger to him. I thought it only right that you should know you have a son, but I honestly believe it would be way too confusing for him to have you turn up in his life now... One day, perhaps, when he’s old enough to know what he wants, he’ll probably ask to meet his dad and we would never stop him, but for now—for now we think that you should stay away, for Ben’s own good. He has a life, Luke—a happy, secure life filled with love, and he lacks for nothing. Your life’s not settled right now—you told me that the last time we spoke. You don’t have a steady job, and who knows where you’ll be next week, or next year. Do you really think it would be fair to let Ben get to know you, only to maybe have to leave him again?”

Everything inside him had screamed with objection. “But he’s my son. I need to know my own son.”

Mollie had clutched his arm. “Look, you’ve had nothing to do with him up until now. He’s happy and loved, a lovely, bubbly, content little boy, and you just want to pull his life apart for your own satisfaction.”

“But I’m his father.”

“Please, Luke. Think about Ben, not yourself. We can give him everything he needs to become the best that he can be. So please, if you care about him at all, just walk away. It will be the most unselfish and noble thing you could ever do for your son... Maybe when your life’s more settled and secure and you can guarantee that you’ll always be there for him, we can reconsider.”

He hadn’t agreed; he’d never agreed. He’d walked away from her that day with his emotions laid bare. Was she right? he’d asked himself again and again. Was he really being selfish in wanting to be in his son’s life? Ben didn’t need him; that was for sure. The boy had everything, so maybe he should just back off as Mollie had suggested, until he could walk back into Ben’s life and make him proud to be his son. He’d always felt like a failure to his dad and he didn’t want to be a failure to his son, too.

He’d done as Mollie had asked, but still tore himself apart over his decision, until he’d seen the job posting for a handyman position at Flight and it had seemed like a sign. Working around kids who needed help seemed like a good way to make a difference, since he’d been totally unable to have an impact on his own son’s life...yet.

Of course, he hadn’t given Mike all the details in his office that day, but he hoped he’d said enough to make it clear that he regretted not being in Ben’s life up until now.

Splashing cold water on his face, Luke grimaced at the spot of blood on his chin. It seemed he couldn’t even shave now without losing concentration.

Luke made himself a strong coffee and sat at his desk, his mind still spinning. It was seven years since he’d walked away from that meeting with Mollie, and he hated himself for agreeing to do as she had asked. He’d been wrong to stay away—he should have fought to see his son. He should have moved heaven and earth to be in his life... He’d known it the minute Ben had stepped through Mike’s office door just a few short weeks ago. And if he’d been around to spread the load when things started to go wrong for the Jacksons, maybe Ben wouldn’t have needed a special school at all. And maybe not having a dad in his life was partly what had caused Ben’s emotional issues in the first place.

The information they’d been given by the social worker was that Ben had been becoming more and more difficult for his elderly grandparents to handle. Jim was ill and Mollie had to spend a lot of time looking after him, so Ben had been left to his own devices most of the time. He’d been missing a lot of school, wandering around town until supper. Ben’s school had gotten the social worker involved after a local store had contacted them about one of their students stealing candy.

Apparently, things had first begun to go wrong after Carly had died several months earlier. That unexpected piece of information had left Luke shocked and angry. Mollie should have told him about Carly; he would have stepped in. She’d obviously kept the news from him because she was worried that he’d want to play a part in Ben’s life...and he would have, if he’d known the whole story, but he’d never have tried to take him away from them, if that was what she was worried about. The boy had been allowed to run wild and lost his way, and now it was up to Luke to try to instill some discipline into his son’s life, to teach him right and wrong. It was one of the few things from Luke’s own childhood that he could impart. He wouldn’t be where he was today if it wasn’t for the rules and structure he’d been made to follow when he was young.

In that first awkward meeting, just before Gwen had taken Ben to settle him in, Luke had tried to talk to him.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Ben,” he’d said. “And you don’t need to worry because I’ll be looking out for you.”

Ben had met his eyes then for the first time since he’d walked into the room; his brown eyes were dark with hurt and anger.

“I don’t want you!” he’d shouted. “And I don’t want to be here.”

The boy’s slight body had seemed to crumple, and when he’d rubbed his eyes fiercely to keep the tears at bay, Luke had taken a step toward him, needing to do something, anything that might make his son realize that everything was going to be okay. Ben shrank away from him, though, and instead of just following his instincts and giving him a hug, Luke had hesitated and glanced helplessly at Gwen.

“Right, Ben,” Gwen had announced briskly, trying to defuse the situation. “We have a lovely room ready for you, so why don’t you and I go find it and meet some of the other children here. You’ll see your gran again before she goes, don’t worry.”

Ben had jumped up to follow her at once. Anything, it seemed, to escape from the stranger who had just walked into his life, the stranger who they’d told him was his dad.

“Why don’t you and Mollie go somewhere private to catch up,” Gwen had suggested. “Then perhaps you’ll understand the situation a bit better.”

“Good idea,” Mike had agreed. “Lily and I will do the necessary paperwork.”

Lily was Ben’s social worker. Luke remembered how shocked he’d felt in that moment. Paperwork! It had seemed so wrong to talk about forms in the same context as planning the life of a child.

“A necessary evil, I’m afraid,” Mike had remarked, noting his expression. “We have to follow the paper trail. Now, why don’t you get Mollie a hot drink and a sandwich before she heads back. You can talk in the small sitting room.”

It had been both strange and strained, being alone with Mollie. She was obviously trying to keep the lid on her emotions. She’d told him what she thought he needed to know: Carly had died in a car accident in London, where she had been working. Jim was ill and without him around their car sales business had gone rapidly downhill and started losing money. Mollie was overwhelmed. Basically, she’d admitted, as she twisted her wedding ring on her finger, she had gotten to a point where she just couldn’t cope anymore, and it was Ben who’d suffered. Taken up with her own worries about business, Jim’s illness and grieving for her daughter, she’d neglected Ben, giving him none of the attention he’d been accustomed to. He’d become cheeky with her, moody, and gone out of his way to cause trouble in any way he could. Once the social worker got involved after Ben’s shoplifting incident, they’d suggested giving her some respite by sending Ben to a school for children who needed help.

“I just hope that I’ve done the right thing,” she’d murmured, breaking down. “But what other choice did I have?”

That comment had set off Luke. “You had me!” he’d cried. “You should have told me what was going on, let me help.”

“But that’s why I asked if he could come here, to Flight,” Mollie had explained. “Now you can help him.”

After Mollie left, Luke had tried to digest everything she’d told him. Why had she kept him in the dark about Carly’s death? And she’d talked about Jim being ill...diagnosed with what, cancer?

Still, he was glad for the opportunity to keep a close eye on his son and finally have some input into his upbringing. And maybe one day... Maybe one day Ben would be able to forgive him for abandoning him. Luke had told himself that he’d done the right thing by leaving his son in what he’d believed to be a stable and loving environment—an environment he didn’t believe he’d been capable of providing—but he’d been wrong. He just hoped that it wasn’t too late to make things right.

Which was why he couldn’t let someone like Kat compromise his son’s well-being. Ben was his responsibility now, and Luke didn’t intend to let anyone put him at risk. He was sorry for slamming the door in Kat’s face, but everything she did was out of order. Ben could have drowned trying to swim in the sea, and who knew what might happen if she was allowed to go ahead with her animal-therapy idea. He’d talk to Mike tomorrow, he decided, and try to make him understand just how dangerous some of her sessions truly were.

Ten minutes later, with a surge of fresh determination, Luke headed outside across the garden to the dining room, hoping he hadn’t missed dinner. The large room was almost empty and the tables were clear, apart from one at the very end of the room, where three children were still eating. Recognizing them at once as Ben’s classmates, he headed across to join them on impulse.

“Any food to spare?” Luke asked brightly, sitting down. “I’m a bit late for dinner, I’m afraid.”

Dennis Baker, a skinny boy with a shock of red hair, just shrugged. “Help yourself. We’ve just about finished anyway.”

“Seen Ben around?” Luke asked casually before biting into a grilled cheese sandwich.

They looked at each other and giggled. “Ben’s never around, at least not with us,” Dennis said.

Luke frowned. “Oh, and why is that?”

“’Cause he’s weird,” explained Dennis.

“He doesn’t go around with anyone,” Dan Kent, the boy on Dennis’s right, blurted out. “Or talk to anyone.”

Luke held back a rush of anger. It was hard not to get emotional when it came to Ben. “Dan, do you remember how you felt when you first came here? You have to try and help new children fit in here, not put them down.”

“We’ll try and help him, then, Mr. Luke,” Dennis agreed. “If you give us a fiver.”

All three boys, including Johnny Cartwright, who’d been silent until now, broke into a fit of giggles. Luke’s frustration surged again. What chance did Ben have of becoming a well-adjusted boy with kids like these around to goad him?