Читать книгу True Confessions - Electa Rome Parks - Страница 9

Day two after my suicide attempt was spent in the hospital. I was a bit more coherent, even though I didn’t want to speak with or see anyone. If I had had the power to disappear, I would have. All I desired was to burrow under my drab hospital sheets and sob. However, I couldn’t cry because that would upset Mother too much and she’d start crying. It pained me to see her upset. Over the last few years, Mother has shed enough tears for the both of us. She took her divorce pretty hard, but that’s another story for a different time.

The hospital sent their in-house psychiatrist to visit me. He was an older white man with the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. His eyes reminded me of the tropical waters of Jamaica; you could get lost in them. He was rather animated and talked with his hands. He dropped by and asked a ton of questions about what I was feeling, took a lot of notes on a yellow legal pad, and eventually gave me a business card with the name of a psychiatrist for me to see after I was released. Dr. Mitchell, (I think that was his name) suggested I start keeping a journal to help sort out my thoughts and deepest feelings. Before exiting my room, he gently squeezed my shoulder, gave me a sympathetic smile, and that was that.

Mother was acting so strange, like this never happened. Like it was all an unintentional act. Like I accidentally swallowed a bottle full of prescription pills. I may be a coward, but Mother is afraid of handling things. If it is something she doesn’t want to address, she will act like it doesn’t exist. Case in point, my attempted suicide. If ignoring that brought her peace, so be it.

No one knew what happened to me at my job as a senior relations service representative for a telecommunications company. You know what? Even if they had known, they probably wouldn’t have cared. I pretty much went to work, performed my job responsibilities, and went home. I had not accumulated many friends in the three years I’d been there. As far as they knew or were told, and this included my manager, I had been out sick for a few days. That was believable, because lately the flu had been going around and everybody was catching the bug.

Drake.

Drake. I never wanted to set my eyes on him for the rest of my life. If I never, ever saw him, that would be too soon. I don’t know what led me to believe that I’d make a difference in his life and he’d fall hopelessly and helplessly in love with me. What made me think that I’d possess him someday? Drake could never be possessed by a mere woman. I think he secretly hates the female population and only tolerates and uses us for his enjoyment and pleasure.