Читать книгу Circle - Elina Wainwright - Страница 8

«Are you sure you don’t want to fly with me?» Lizzie asked, sitting down on the suitcase so she could zip it up.

«You know I don’t have the best relationship with our parents,» I took a bite of my apple.

«Maybe you should at least try it. You know the father is trying to work things out with you.»

«I don’t want to talk about it,» I closed the subject.

«What about Mom? She’ll be upset if you don’t come,» my sister said softly.

I rolled my eyes:

«Lizzie, she chose this life for herself. I’m not going to be a part of it. I’d rather spend New Year’s Eve with my interns in a new city than endure another one of my father’s boozers.»

«You could do what I do – go have fun with our classmates. I do that every year. And no family drama!» Lizzy suggested.

«You know I can’t do that.»

«Why not?» she was genuinely surprised.

«Because someone has to stay home and protect Mom.» I can’t stand for it. «Really, Lizzie? You are Miss Genius in our family, yet you don’t understand simple things.»

«Okay, okay, don’t get worked up,» she tried to calm me down.

«And how can I not get turned on when you know this subject annoys me, and you bring it up anyway?» I rarely raise my voice, but now I couldn’t help it.

«I just wanted the whole family to be together this holiday,» Lizzie threw up both hands.

«You know better than I do that we’ve never been a family, we’ve just played our roles in this play called „happy family“,» I growled back. I hate explaining basic things to someone.

«I just…»

«If you don’t stop this right now, I’ll leave,» I threatened.

«Why do you always have to walk away from the conversation?» Lizzie shouted.

«Because I don’t want to fight,» I answered.

«But…»

I didn’t listen, I just went to the closet, grabbed my jacket, put it on, shined my shoes on, and left the house.

I hated Lizzie at times like that. She was always selfish. We both grew up in the same circumstances, yet she, because she never thought about other people’s feelings and emotions, grew up like she was in a different family. She was always doing well. When our parents fought, she would lock herself in her room and play with her dolls. I listened to everything. I wondered why father was drinking, shouting and beating mother. I, being five years old already, always ran up to our mother and tried to protect her. I was lucky that our father didn’t touch my sister and me, so as soon as I started defending our mother, our father would stop his atrocities. But what annoyed me the most was why Lizzie never did.

As the years went by, nothing in the family changed. Our parents filed for divorce every year, then our father apologised on his knees to our mother, she forgave him, and everything went on in a circle. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one in the family who had a brain. It was as if our mother didn’t realise that she had failed the most important mission of any mother: to protect her child. She didn’t understand that protection must be not only physical, but also moral.

So I did this in her place. When I was twenty years old, I was diagnosed with derealization and depersonalization. Although I started having these problems Dip in my childhood. In other words, I invented a world where I was safe and warm, and hid there at the slightest stress. The problem was that I began to disappear too often into my own world, oblivious to what was going on around me. Because of this I began to have problems with memory and perception – I could confuse what happened in reality and what my brain had invented. So I started writing everything down and taking pictures. The information carriers would certainly not deceive me.

Yeah, that wasn’t how I planned to celebrate today. The guys and I had agreed that at 9 p.m. we would go to the central square, where we would celebrate New Year’s Eve to the chimes, and then go to Dan and Andrew’s (we were always going to their place, since their apartment was the biggest). Then we were supposed to hang out all night and then go home in the morning. Basically, it is ideal.

I got a message on my phone:

«I’m gone. You can come back now», – it was Lizzie. We both needed to cool down.

«Have a good trip», – I decided to ease the tension between us first. I hate fighting.

«Thanks».

Fifteen minutes later I was home. I still had a couple of vegan meals to prepare for the table and a pie. God give me strength…

***

«Can I get you a drink?» Richard was standing across from me with a bottle of champagne. It was the new year, 2021.

«No, thanks, I’ll have some juice,» I politely declined.

«Why not?» He was genuinely surprised.

«I don’t drink.»

«Is that a principled position?» he asked.

«It is.»

«Have you had any unpleasant experiences?» Henry sat down across from me. It was the second time I’d seen him.

«No,» I thought my one-word answers would let them know that I didn’t want to continue the subject.

«Then what?» Henry continued.

«Nothing.»

«Can I get a more detailed answer?» he leaned his hands on the table.

«No,» I smiled sarcastically. Though I’m sure it sounded like a grin.

«Why?»

«Because.»

He grinned, but didn’t say anything.

I couldn’t tell them I hadn’t been drinking, because I was afraid I’d look like my father in a drunken rage. He would go on a rampage and yell and smash everything up. Not a pretty sight.

«So, what do you say we play some poker?» Henry slapped himself on the knees and stood up.

«Yeah, let’s do it. Just wait, I’ll get Chris a present.»

«No problem.»

Richard left the room, and Henry and I were left alone.

I pretended that the white wall across from me was a very interesting thing, and I stared at it. Henry was reading the beer label.

Well, that was quite a conversation we were having. I had no idea what to talk to him about. Honestly, I didn’t trust him.

Ten minutes later, the girls and guys came into the room, and I felt a wave of relief. At least someone would be here to talk to.

«How about a poker game?» Chris shook the box with the poker set in the air.

«I won’t. I don’t know how,» I admitted.

«Can I teach you?» Henry asked.

«No, thanks,» I nodded. I wasn’t in the mood to learn anything new.

«As you wish,» he shrugged, «Richard, distribute.»

The Tea Prince rubbed his hands together happily:

«I’m going to undress you all now.»

«We’ll see who’s who,» Henry sneered.

«I’ve always beaten you,» Richard grinned.

And something told me it wasn’t just about poker.