Читать книгу Every one has his Fault - Elizabeth Inchbald - Страница 8

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An Apartment at Mr. Harmony’s.

Enter Mr. Harmony, followed by Miss Spinster.

Miss S.Cousin, cousin Harmony, I will not forgive you, for thus continually speaking in the behalf of every servant whom you find me offended with. Your philanthropy becomes insupportable; and, instead of being a virtue, degenerates into a vice.

Har.Dear madam, do not upbraid me for a constitutional fault.

Miss S.Very true; you had it from your infancy. I have heard your mother say, you were always foolishly tender hearted, and never showed one of those discriminating passions of envy, hatred, or revenge, to which all her other children were liable.

Har.No: since I can remember, I have felt the most unbounded affection for all my fellow creatures. I even protest to you, dear madam, that, as I walk along the streets of this large metropolis, so warm is my heart towards every person who passes me, that I long to say, “How do you do?” and, “I am glad to see you,” to them all. Some men, I should like even to stop, and shake hands with;—and some women, I should like even to stop, and kiss.

Miss S.How can you be so ridiculous!

Har.Nay, ’tis truth: and I sincerely lament, that human beings should be such strangers to one another as we are! We live in the same street, without knowing one another’s necessities; and oftentimes meet and part from each other at church, at coffeehouses, playhouses, and all public places,—without ever speaking a single word, or nodding “Good b’ye!” though ’tis a hundred chances to ten we never see one another again.

Miss S.Let me tell you, kinsman, all this pretended philanthropy renders you ridiculous. There is not a fraud, a theft, or hardly any vice committed, that you do not take the criminal’s part, shake your head, and cry, “Provisions are so scarce!” And no longer ago than last Lord Mayor’s Day, when you were told that Mr. Alderman Ravenous was ill with an indigestion, you endeavoured to soften the matter, by exclaiming, “Provisions are so scarce!”—But, above all, I condemn that false humanity, which induces you to say many things in conversation, which deserve to stigmatize you with the character of deceit.

Har.This is a weakness, I confess. But though my honour sometimes reproaches me with it, my conscience never does: for it is by this very failing that I have frequently made the bitterest enemies friends—Just by saying a few harmless sentences, which, though a species of falsehood and deceit, yet, being soothing and acceptable to the person offended, I have immediately inspired him with lenity and forgiveness; and then, by only repeating the selfsame sentences to his opponent, I have known hearts cold and closed to each other, warmed and expanded, as every human creature’s ought to be.

Enter a Servant.

Serv.Mr. Solus.

[Exit Servant.

Miss S.I cannot think, Mr. Harmony, why you keep company with that old bachelor; he is a man, of all others on earth, I dislike; and so I am obliged to quit the room, though I have a thousand things more to say.

[Exit angrily.

Enter Solus.

Har.Mr. Solus, how do you do?

Sol.I am very lonely at home; will you come and dine with me?

Har.Now you are here, you had better stay with me: we have no company; only my cousin Miss Spinster and myself.

Sol.No, I must go home: do come to my house.

Har.Nay, pray stay: what objection can you have?

Sol.Why, to tell you the truth, your relation, Miss Spinster, is no great favourite of mine; and I don’t like to dine with you, because I don’t like her company.

Har.That is, to me, surprising!

Sol.Why, old bachelors and old maids never agree: we are too much alike in our habits: we know our own hearts so well, we are apt to discover every foible we would wish to forget, in the symptoms displayed by the other. Miss Spinster is peevish, fretful, and tiresome, and I am always in a fidget when I am in her company.

Har.How different are her sentiments of you! for one of her greatest joys is to be in your company. [Solus starts and smiles.] Poor woman! she has, to be sure, an uneven temper—

Sol.No, perhaps I am mistaken.

Har.But I will assure you, I never see her in half such good humour as when you are here: for I believe you are the greatest favourite she has.

Sol.I am very much obliged to her, and I certainly am mistaken about her temper—Some people, if they look ever so cross, are goodnatured in the main; and I dare say she is so. Besides, she never has had a husband to sooth and soften her disposition; and there should be some allowance made for that.

Har.Will you dine with us?

Sol.I don’t care if I do. Yes, I think I will. I must however step home first:—but I’ll be back in a quarter of an hour.—My compliments to Miss Spinster, if you should see her before I return.

[Exit.

Enter Servant.

Serv.My lady begs to know, sir, if you have invited Mr. Solus to dine? because if you have, she shall go out.

[Exit Servant.

Enter Miss Spinster.

Har.Yes, madam, I could not help inviting him; for, poor man, his own house is in such a state for want of proper management, he cannot give a comfortable dinner himself.

Miss S.And so he must spoil the comfort of mine.

Har.Poor man! poor man! after all the praise he has been lavishing upon you!

Miss S.What praises?

Har.I won’t tell you: for you won’t believe them.

Miss S.Yes, I shall.—Oh no—now I recollect, this is some of your invention.

Har.Nay, I told him it was his invention; for he declared you looked better last night, than any other lady at the Opera.

Miss S.Well, this sounds like truth:—and, depend upon it, though I never liked the manners of Mr. Solus much, yet—

Har.Nay, Solus has his faults.

Miss S.So we have all.

Har.And will you leave him and me to dine by ourselves?

Miss S.Oh no, I cannot be guilty of such ill manners, though I talked of it. Besides, poor Mr. Solus does not come so often, and it would be wrong not to show him all the civility we can. For my part, I have no dislike to the man; and, if taking a bit of dinner with us now and then can oblige either you or him, I should be to blame to make any objection. Come, let us go into the drawing-room to receive him.

Har.Ay! this is right: this is as it should be.

[Exeunt.