Читать книгу Surprise Baby For The Heir - Ellie Darkins - Страница 11

ELSPETH THREW DOWN her work bag by the door and shouted out as she walked through the hallway. ‘Mum? Sarah?’

‘In here,’ her sister called back from the direction of the kitchen.

Elspeth crossed the hallway and smiled at the sight of the pair of them at the kitchen table, the huge pan of chicken and pasta she’d left in the fridge the day before sitting between them. Thank God. She was starving. All she wanted to do was carb-load and fall straight into bed. Again. She’d not made it past nine o’clock a single night this week, and she wasn’t planning on breaking her streak tonight.

Her patients had been back to back from eight o’clock that morning, and the only food she’d had all day was a sandwich at her desk while she caught up on notes and phone calls. She was used to the workload, to the stress and the non-stop appointments, but for some reason this week it had caught up with her. Her body felt heavy, weary in a way she’d not felt since she’d been caught in an endless cycle of night shifts, studying and revision in her first years as a junior doctor.

She just had one last thing to do before she went to help Sarah with her evening routine of medication, personal hygiene and changing for bed.

She had to pee on a stick.

It was just a formality, really. Just to rule out the flashing light that her inner doctor wouldn’t allow her to ignore. She was a week or so late, but that wasn’t unusual. She’d never had a cycle she could set the clock by. And she’d never taken risks—she always used a condom. But if she’d had a patient sitting in front of her, complaining of the sort of fatigue she had been feeling, she would have ordered a pregnancy test, so it only made sense to rule it out.

She smiled through dinner with her mother and Sarah, listening to stories of their day. Her mother’s at work, her sister’s at college. But in the back of her mind she couldn’t shake off the thought of that little test sitting at the bottom of her bag.

As soon as her fork hit an empty plate she tidied the kitchen, thanked her mum for dinner, made her excuses and headed upstairs. Locking the bathroom door behind her, she thought for the thousandth time what a luxury it would be to be able to leave the door unlocked, free from the fear that her mum or Sarah could walk in on her.

Living at home in her thirties wasn’t exactly ideal. But with her mum in her sixties, it wasn’t fair to expect her to take on the full responsibility of caring for her sister. They all worked hard to ensure that Sarah was living as independently as possible, but she still required extra support and Elspeth was determined that her mother wouldn’t have to take on all that herself. And she wanted to be able to buy a house. Somewhere for her and Sarah to live—a home that they could be certain would always be theirs—and that meant staying at home and saving for a deposit.

Elspeth peed on the test and set it on the side of the bath as she glanced at her watch. Three minutes and she’d be able to dispel this nagging doubt and get her head on the pillow. Which meant she had three minutes during which she could legitimately let herself think about Fraser.

Because for the past three weeks she’d not let herself do that. She’d pushed her memories of that incredible night out of her mind, knowing that with all the responsibilities in her life she couldn’t afford the luxury of a relationship. No matter how good the sex had been. And, oh, it had been good. Better than good. Better than sex, actually. Because for those few hours there had been a connection between them. They had laughed, joked, challenged each other.

And when the sun had crept over the horizon in the morning she had crept out of his bed with a sigh of regret, wishing for a moment that her life could be different.

But here, in the cold, stark light of the bathroom, she knew that it couldn’t be. She had responsibilities, and she and Alex had already done a fine job of proving that those responsibilities were not compatible with a romantic relationship.

It was a sobering thought, she realised as she kept her eyes averted from the pregnancy test. Looking ahead to a life without romance. Without marriage. Without a family of her own.

Elspeth loved her mum and her sister. She was devoted to them, and it was no sacrifice to set aside what she might want for herself for what was best for her family. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t curious. That she didn’t wonder what sort of life she might have had if her decisions had been her own to make. Maybe she would have been peeing on one of these sticks hoping for it to show a smiley pregnant face rather than dreading the result.

She glanced at her watch. Three minutes. Well, there was no point putting it off any longer. All she had to do was check the test, put her daydreams and her sister to bed, and then climb in between the sheets herself.

She turned the test over.

Pregnant.

For a second she wished she’d bought one of those cheap, old-fashioned tests. Where you had to scrutinise the stick and the leaflet to work out if there was a line. What the line meant.

Seeing the truth just sitting there, so unvarnished, was a blow to her chest. She couldn’t pull in air and sat heavily on the side of the bath, staring at it, unable to tear her eyes away.

She was pregnant. She did the maths in her head. Just a few weeks. Six weeks gestational age, at most. Barely a grouping of cells.

She had options. She ran through them as she would for any patient who wanted them, and in her head she was halfway through the referral process to end her pregnancy before she realised that the thought of doing so made her feel sick. Sick in her stomach, sick in her bones.

She realised that it wasn’t the right choice for her.

And that was it, Elspeth thought, as she looked at herself in the mirror. Decision made. She was having a baby.

As she walked out of the bathroom Elspeth could hear her sister typing in her bedroom, and she knocked on the door before pushing it open.

‘Hey, sis. Ready for bed?’

Sarah smiled and turned her head, gesturing for Elspeth to sit. ‘What’s up, Els?’ she asked, frowning. ‘You’re completely white. You’re not going to throw up, are you? If you are, you can get off my bed.’

Elspeth pulled a face, feigning ignorance. ‘I’m fine. How was college today?’

Sarah gave her an insightful look. ‘We already talked about that. Don’t change the subject. You look terrible.’

‘Gee, with a sister like you…’

‘I know—who needs friends? But I’m not letting you off that easy. Come on. Tell me what’s up.’

Elspeth considered her options. It wasn’t as if she could keep it a secret for ever. And she could do with talking about what was on her mind. Maybe if she said the words out loud they would start to feel more real.

‘I—’ Her voice broke, stuck behind a lump in her throat. She coughed, took a deep breath and tried again. ‘I’m pregnant.’

She heard the words for the first time, but it still didn’t help. It felt as if she was talking about someone else. Except for the look on Sarah’s face. That made it a little more real.

‘Okay. Whose is it?’ she asked after a long pause. ‘Not Alex’s?’ she added, looking aghast.

‘No,’ Elspeth said, unable to help smiling at her sister’s horror at the prospect that she was back with her ex. ‘It’s someone…new,’ she said eventually, not sure she wanted her sister to know she’d been picking up strange men at weddings. ‘We’re not really in touch at the moment.’

They weren’t meant to be in touch at all. Not if it meant trying to cram a relationship into a life that she’d already proved had no space for one.

‘Guess that’s going to have to change,’ Sarah said.

Elspeth threw her a look only an older sister could give. ‘You’re very insightful tonight,’ she said.

Sarah turned her chair so that she was looking directly at Elspeth. ‘You’re the one throwing bombshells. I’m just trying to keep up. How long have you known?’

‘I’ve just found out,’ Elspeth said. ‘Don’t tell Mum. Not till I’ve had a chance to speak to her first.’

‘Of course,’ Sarah said, watching her more closely than Elspeth was comfortable with.

Elspeth picked up a book from Sarah’s bed, fiddling with it in her hands, running scenarios through her head, none of which were helping.

‘Can you grab my pyjamas?’ Sarah asked, with a glance at her restless fingers. ‘I’m not getting anywhere with this essay. I think I need to sleep on it.’

‘Of course,’ Elspeth replied, pleased to have the distraction. As she went through the nightly routine—helping Sarah in the bathroom, dressing her, administering her meds and going through her physio regime—her thoughts kept drifting back to Fraser, as hard as she tried to keep them in the present moment.

‘Are you going to tell me about him?’ Sarah asked, and Elspeth realised she had been looking out of the window for the past few minutes, Sarah’s toothbrush in her hand, completely forgotten about.

‘I’m not sure there’s much to tell. I haven’t known him long. I don’t even know if he’s going to want to be involved. I mean, we’ve done okay, haven’t we?’

Sarah gave her a look that wasn’t at all difficult to interpret.

‘I know, I know… I’ll tell him. I know that I have to. It’s just… Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t stick around, you know?’

Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t judge them all by Alex’s standards.’

‘He wasn’t—’ Elspeth started to defend her ex. It hadn’t been his fault that she hadn’t been able to commit to their relationship. She had been asking too much from him—way too much—and she hadn’t been surprised when he had taken the escape route she had offered him.

But Sarah interrupted her before she could explain. ‘Save it, Els. You know he wasn’t the one for you. I’ve got higher hopes for this new one.’

‘You don’t know a thing about him.’

‘Exactly. I don’t know a thing about him other than the look he’s put on your face and I already like him more than the last guy.’