Читать книгу Unreversible - Emil Akhundov - Страница 8

June 22, 2038

For several days now we haven’t been able to buy puppies, and it’s been pissing us off, especially since no one could explain to us what happened.

So for the past few nights we have been resentful of Thaleko and his comprehensive policy. My wife and I were reminiscing about the times when there were no industrial robots yet, and how good we were then. It was a very painful topic, because in part I always blamed myself for what happened to the planet. After all, I was the one who worked at AGV Solutions, and it was with that company that such a crazy automation race began.

That evening, we all went to our sauna as a family and for some reason the conversation about anxiety came up, I guess again it had to do with not buying puppies again, anxiety, and here I was for the first time admitting my biggest fear to my family. Surprisingly, no one was going to reassure me.

– I felt guilty about it all. – My phrase came out of the blue, I really wanted to be comforted.

– That’s because you are guilty! – Marina blurted out her remark as a crude joke, but I realized that she also thought I was involved in the disaster in the world.

– But I did not know that this would happen! – I began instinctively to make excuses.

– So? Are you going to regret it for the rest of your life? – My wife suddenly pointed out a new meaning to my life.

I don’t remember how that evening ended, or what we talked about, then we all slept to an old movie in the couch as a family. There was no fighting, but it was like I had no sleep at all. Slowly I got up and went to get some fresh air. I walked as quietly as possible, so as not to wake anyone, I didn’t even put my shoes on. The summer nights in Eden were very warm anyway. I decided to walk around my property. The dew touched my bare feet, burning them with a pleasant chill, and my mind was spinning with thoughts about how I could fix the situation in general. But I had no ideas, though I tried to think in different ways. And then, by some miracle, a strange but useful thought occurred to me.

I thought: what is the worst thing about slum life? It’s the terrible ecology and people’s lack of occupation. What if I could solve these problems at the same time? The most dangerous thing is the smog and ash, which must be removed first. Talo and his companies didn’t care about the common people, so here they have to save themselves. If they have a permanent and useful occupation, there may still be time to make things right. It was with this thought in mind that I returned to the house and lay down to sleep on the couch closer to my family.

At breakfast, I decided to share the evening’s reflections with the whole family. I never would have thought they would take the idea with enthusiasm. They were all eager to help me, perhaps my first useful initiative. So they were a little offended by my reluctance to take them along because I had worked all my life to get my family to live here. No, I wouldn’t let them voluntarily give it up, much less for the provocative idea of an old man who might just be starting to lose his mind. Despite the resentment, they still actively discussed my idea, tried to give advice and plan the process with me. Except that what I had in mind defied planning, so we simply decided: I would return to our old apartment in Kupchino and improvise on the spot, and if something went wrong, I would return immediately to Eden.

Until the night continued talking about my future attempt to save humanity, and every new word about it only added responsibility, it became scary, I somehow did not even really want to go anywhere, but my pride did its job. I decided firmly to try – I would go tomorrow, and whatever happens, after all, what is destined to happen cannot be avoided, and moreover, I personally had nothing to lose. I had already fulfilled my main goals in life, and I could only risk my life, but I had already lived long enough to fear for it; with age the fear of death was replaced by the fear of unfulfilled duties, and that was the only fear I had not had until recently.