Читать книгу The Secrets of Her Past - Emilie Rose - Страница 13

CHAPTER FOUR

A SCUFF OF sound brought Madison’s head up from the stack of files on Dan—Dr. Drake’s desk. Andrew stood in the doorway. A shock wave slammed her back in the chair.

No, not Andrew, she quickly corrected. Andrew was dead. She’d held his cold, limp hand until the paramedics had pried her fingers loose to put her in a separate ambulance, and that had been the last time she’d seen him alive. Despite being surrounded by memories of him today, he hadn’t come back to haunt her in his old stomping grounds.

Shorter hair, a perpetual frown and a broader build gave away Adam’s identity. Lines of stress and exhaustion bracketed his eyes and downturned mouth. “Are you ready?”

“How did you get in? I turned the dead bolt behind the staff.”

“I have Dad’s keys.”

She had no keys, which meant she couldn’t leave without explaining to Kay why she needed a set or risk leaving the office unlocked and unprotected, which she would never do since she knew how much each piece of equipment and bottle of medicine cost.

An intentional oversight? Most likely, given the way this trip had transpired.

“What procedure did they end up doing on Da—your father?”

“A lobe resection.”

Lobe meant lung, not hernia. Danny hadn’t lied to her. She should be relieved, but she wasn’t.

“You should have warned me that he’d lied to his staff.”

Dark eyebrows spiked upward. “About what?”

“He told them he was going in for a hernia operation.”

She hated liars. That was ironic since her life back in Quincey was based on a lie—one of omission, one that hurt no one. But her story was still dishonest no matter how she justified it. When she’d first arrived in Quincey she’d let everyone believe that she was a recent vet school graduate who’d just happened to hear about Dr. Jones’s practice upon graduation. No one knew she was running from a past that wouldn’t quit pursuing her.

“Is it impossible for you to comprehend that Dad might not have wanted his employees to worry about their job security?”

“Trust is essential in any partnership—business or personal.” A lesson she’d learned through Andrew’s betrayal.

Frustrated by the whole messy situation, she swiped a strand of hair off her face. Unless she wanted to alienate the people she was supposed to work with over the next eight weeks, she’d have to perpetuate the lie by not revealing their beloved boss’s faults.

“I’ll give him an opportunity to tell them the truth, but he needs to do it as soon as possible. I will not look them in the eye and lie to them. If they ask a direct question, I’ll answer it truthfully.”

“Tell him that when you visit him tonight.”

Alarm splintered through her. “Visit him?”

“You’re going to stand by his bedside and tell him everything is wonderful—even if it isn’t.”

“No.” The idea revolted her so much she pushed away from the desk. If she never set foot in another hospital it would be too soon. Lying there after she’d lost her baby, seeing the sympathy on the doctors’ and nurses’ faces as they bustled into and out of her empty room and having no one to tell her what was going on with Andrew had pushed her to the brink of sanity. It was a doctor she’d never seen before who had informed her of Andrew’s passing.

“I’m not going to the hospital, Adam.”

“Yes, you are. Let’s go.” He turned and left.

She racked her brain for an excuse he would accept. “It’s been a long day. I need to rest for tomorrow.”

He held the front door open for her, his hard eyes bored into hers. “Your day has been nothing compared to what my mother and father have been through.”

True, she admitted with a pinch of remorse. “Your father won’t be ready for company.”

Adam turned the key, locking her out of the building. She couldn’t go back inside. “Your reassurances will quicken his recovery.”

Another truth she didn’t want to accept. Resignation settled heavily on her shoulders. “Can we at least stop somewhere so I can grab a sandwich?” Procrastination at its finest. “I appreciated the lunch, but it was a long time ago.”

“And you only ate one slice of pizza.”

Yet another unpleasant surprise. As if there hadn’t been enough of them already. “You’re checking up on me? What do you care if I eat?”

“I told you. This isn’t about you. It’s about my father’s practice and your ability to hold it together until he returns. Frankly, I don’t think you’ll last. I think you’ll bail at the first opportunity. But until you do, I’m going to do my part.”

Indignation stiffened her spine. “I keep my promises.”

“We’ll see about that.” He held open her car door, then closed it behind her, sealing her inside the silent compartment. Trapped. The word echoed through her brain and made her skin crawl. She’d never been prone to claustrophobia, but she suspected this need to claw her way out might be how it felt.

Anger steamed through her. Why had she come back? Why had she let herself be suckered into helping?

Because you want this debt behind you so you can finally find some peace.

Adam rounded the hood and slid behind the wheel. “Passing out due to low blood sugar won’t get you out of helping. You can eat in the hospital cafeteria—our food is good. I need to check on Dad one more time before going home. When I left—”

He clamped his jaw shut and wrenched the key in the ignition. His Adam’s apple bobbed. Witnessing his emotional response deflated her anger and dredged up a reciprocal concern she did not want or need.

“How is Danny?” She wished the words back the instant they escaped. She’d been fighting with herself all afternoon trying not to care, but that was easier said than done when she’d been treading the tiles she and Danny had walked together so often.

“Surgery went as well as could be expected.”

He pulled out of the parking lot, turning the opposite direction from his house. Her nails dug into the armrest. She wanted to insist he take her back to his place. But judging by his hard face and white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, arguing would be a waste of time. She was at Adam’s mercy, dependent on him for food, shelter and transportation. She’d resolved after the crash to never let herself rely on anyone again, and yet here she was.

She should have brought the truck, but she worried every time she took a long trip that it wouldn’t make it home. Then what would she do? She wouldn’t be able to reach the livestock on surrounding farms.

The truck’s starter was at the top of the list of expensive things needing repair. On the drive home from Georgia Saturday she’d been afraid to turn off the engine when she filled the gas tank for fear that the vehicle wouldn’t restart, and then she’d have to pay for a tow from someone besides the mechanic who traded his skills for animal care. Working here instead of at home meant she wasn’t earning the money she’d need to buy the parts.

But her debt to Danny was one that money couldn’t repay. So if she had to go to the hospital then she would, but she wouldn’t leave empty-handed. She had questions of her own for Danny, like why had he created the elaborate cover story? Why and for how long had he been spying on her? Did he honestly believe she’d throw away the life she’d fought so hard to build and return here to the place where she’d been betrayed?

Adam made the drive in silence, which suited her fine. Andrew would have filled the ride with chatter about his day, his patients, his brilliance, his skills.

She glanced again at the tense man beside her. The only thing she and Adam agreed on was that neither of them wanted her here. The hospital came into view and memories impaled her like shards of shattered glass. She fought to conceal her response to the sight of the big yellow-brick building. If Adam noticed the cold sweat beading her upper lip, he didn’t mention it.

He passed the emergency entrance, then public parking, before turning into an employee lot where he had to swipe his ID in order for the gate arm to lift. He pulled into a space near the building with a sign marked Hospital Administrator. Adam had been the rule-following twin. He wouldn’t squat on someone else’s turf. That meant he’d found success outside his brother’s and father’s shadows.

“Have you worked here long?”

“A little over three years.”

She followed him through an employee entrance, which also required the use of his card. A rainbow of scrub-garbed employees strode briskly through the halls. She checked her watch. It was close to the 7:00 p.m. shift change. Most people nodded or spoke to Adam as they passed. Apparently he was liked and respected here, which suggested he wasn’t always the arrogant sourpuss he presented to her. A barrage of curious glances fired her way, but he didn’t introduce her to anyone.

The staff elevator was packed when they entered, forcing her to stand too close to Adam. She turned her back and faced the doors like everybody else, but unlike the others, she was totally aware of the man behind her. His scent. His body heat. Her palms moistened and her pulse quickened. An anxiety reaction to the hospital? Yes, that was all it was.

The doors opened and four more people stepped in, forcing her to squeeze even closer to Adam. He put a hand on her back to stop her and the impact hit her like a spark of static electricity. She prayed he didn’t notice her jump.

“How’s your dad?” one of the men asked.

“He came through surgery well. Thank you, Ted.”

Adam’s breath stirred her hair, sending a shiver skittering down her spine. No, she wasn’t reacting to him, but to his twin, the one whose memory had been dogging her footsteps all day.

But it couldn’t be a reaction to Andrew, she admitted reluctantly. Andrew had never made her insides quiver by simply breathing. But she couldn’t—wouldn’t—let it be because of Adam, either. It was likely just abstinence causing the chaos. Damn her deprived, confused hormones. They were soaking up Adam’s maleness like a drought-ridden field did a summer rain.

She tried to think of something besides the man behind her. But her mind went blank. She focused on her breathing, then on feeling the floor beneath each of her toes. But no matter what she did, she couldn’t dull her hypersensitivity to Adam’s proximity.

The doors opened again. “This is our floor.”

His hand touched her waist again, delivering another jolt. She bustled out as quickly as she could without knocking aside the others crammed into the box. She’d rather face Dr. Drake and the hospital room instead of this crazy hormonal imbalance.

The minute she cleared the crowd the smell hit her. Antiseptic. Alcohol-based hand sanitizer. Scorched coffee. Leftover food from the rack of trays waiting to be picked up. Hospital smells were the kind you never forgot. Then the muffled sounds penetrated the pulse pounding her eardrums. Hushed voices. A distant cough. Someone moaning in pain. Televisions on different channels droning from multiple rooms. She hadn’t forgotten the noises, either. When you lie in bed with nothing to think about except your misery, you searched for any distraction.

“He’s at the end of the hall.” Adam’s long stride carried him away.

Her mouth dried. It wasn’t the same floor, but the layout was identical. Different paint and tile colors didn’t change the memories or the emotions this place evoked. She didn’t want to be here, but she would get through it the same way she’d gotten through everything else life had thrown at her—by treating each difficult moment like the Iditarod, gritting her teeth and soldiering on step after step, mile after mile. The sooner she did this, the sooner Adam would take her home. No, not home—his house. Back to that shrine to Andrew. But even that was better than here.

She ordered her feet forward, then stopped outside the room, where Adam guarded the entrance. Through the open door she spotted Helen in the recliner by the bed. Her former mother-in-law hadn’t noticed their arrival. She had her head bent over her wringing hands. Her shoulders drooped and lines creased her forehead. Worry had robbed her face of all color, save the shadows as dark as bruises beneath her eyes. Sympathy clutched Madison’s insides.

Adam tapped on the door and Helen’s head snapped up. She bolted to her feet, pasted on a forged smile for her son, then her gaze, filled with a cocktail of anger and loathing, focused on Madison.

“Good. You’re here.” Her cold tone held no welcome. Bitterness twisted her lips. “I need a breath of fresh air.”

She barged past them. Only then did Madison look at the patient. A chest tube and a catheter drained into containers hanging from the bed. Dann—Dr. Dra— Who was she kidding? She couldn’t keep her distance. Not when she’d been walking in his footsteps and handling his patients and instruments all day. She’d lost count of the number of clients who’d asked about him.

Danny’s face was nearly as ashen as Helen’s. His eyes were sunken and closed, his lips pale and dry.

Adam touched his shoulder. “Dad, Madison’s here.”

Danny’s lids flickered open, revealing a blue-green gaze so like Adam’s, but the irises looked faded and his gaze unfocused. “How’s my girl? I’ve been waiting for you.”

His weak voice tugged at something deep inside her. She’d never had a chance to say goodbye to her father. Was she saying goodbye to Danny now? No. He’d only been out of surgery a few hours. He’d be back to his old self soon. She had to believe that.

The hand he lifted from the bed trembled. Madison tried to harden her heart, to block out the worry, but she couldn’t. She did, however, ignore that hand. Say your piece and get out.

“We had a smooth day at the office. Your staff is wonderful. That’s why I can’t believe—”

He coughed and winced. The words died on her tongue. How could she condemn and interrogate him when he was in pain and still hung over from anesthesia?

She couldn’t. Her questions could wait until next week. “I can’t believe how efficient they are.”

Adam’s hard face relaxed slightly.

“They know...how I like...things done. You do, too. Well trained. Like you.” His struggle for breath between words made Madison uncomfortable. The hand tethered to the blood oxygen meter gingerly covered his rib.

“They definitely know your methods.”

“Dad, you need to rest.” Adam pulled out his wallet and offered Madison some folded money. “Take Mom down to the cafeteria.”

Appalled at the idea of one-on-one time with Helen, she tucked her hands behind her back. “I’m not hungry.”

He caught her left wrist, pressed the money into her palm and folded her fingers around it. His hands were warm, slightly rough, inarguably firm, but not hurtful. Her senses rioted.

“Please, Madison. She hasn’t left his side all day, and she insists on staying here tonight. She needs a break. See that she takes it.”

When he put it that way, how could she refuse?

* * *

HELEN LEANED AGAINST the wall by the nurses’ station, staring into the black sludge they called coffee. If she had the energy she’d teach them how to make it correctly, but every nerve in her body was raw and each muscle was so exhausted from fear and worry she wanted to crumple to the floor and cry. But, of course, she wouldn’t.

Desperately needing the caffeine and the sugar she’d liberally poured into the cup, she forced herself to sip the vile brew. She had to be strong for Danny. She couldn’t lose him. He was her life, and she’d do anything—even tolerate the woman who’d killed her son and grandchild—if it helped him beat this cancer.

But enduring Madison’s presence wasn’t easy. Every time Helen looked at her former daughter-in-law the agony started anew. She remembered the conversation she’d had with Andrew when he’d confessed Madison was making him look bad at the office and the glint in his eyes a few months later when they’d announced the surprise pregnancy.

What had Andrew done? Had he taken her motherly advice the wrong way? And had the car accident been partly her fault?

No. Madison had been driving. Andrew’s and little Daniel’s deaths were Madison’s fault. She had to believe that. She had to or she’d lose her mind.

How could Danny “forgive and move on” so easily? Madison had told the police officer that she and Andrew had been arguing at the time of the crash, and she’d admitted to taking her eyes off the road. If that didn’t make her guilty, then what did?

But Danny refused to listen. It was as if he’d closed the door on Andrew the day they’d walked away from his lifeless body here at this hospital. He refused to talk about their loss and got mad at her if she tried to. If not for the fact that he kept their son’s office exactly as Andrew had left it, she’d think Danny had forgotten Andrew had ever existed. But now she was beginning to suspect he’d kept the office waiting for Madison’s return.

“When Madison comes home...” had become a hated chorus in their house. Danny yammered about her as if she was a saint who could do no wrong, the resurrection of all their hopes and dreams, one who would make their lives whole again. But their lives would never be the same—not without Andrew. You’d think Danny would realize that. Madison had made her lack of appreciation for all they’d done for her clear at every turn.

“Mom.”

She straightened at the sound of Adam’s voice and smoothed her expression as best she could before facing him. She didn’t want him to worry and wouldn’t let him know she clung to the cliff of her breaking point with splitting fingernails.

“Please show Madison where the cafeteria is located.”

She flinched, sloshing the swill in her cup. He wanted her to take care of his brother’s killer? It seemed like betrayal that he, too, expected her to forget Madison’s part in ruining their lives. “It’s in the basement and easy to find. There are signs to mark the way,” she said to Adam, ignoring Madison, who stood behind him.

“I don’t have time to look for her if she gets lost, Mom. Just make sure she gets there and gets back, and grab something for yourself while you’re there. You haven’t eaten today.”

She stared into her son’s implacable face. What he asked wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. But he could be as hardheaded as his father sometimes, and she couldn’t afford to offend Adam. If anything happened to Danny, Adam was all she had left.

The panicked sensation began to swell again, making it difficult to draw a breath. She punched her anxiety like rising dough, then dropped the almost full cup into the trash can and headed for the elevators. Madison fell into step beside her. Helen said nothing. Her grandmother had taught her that if she didn’t have anything nice to say she shouldn’t speak at all.

The wound Madison had inflicted was too deep to heal. Helen had never hated anyone in her life. The Bible said “forgive those who trespass against us,” and she had tried. But she was weak and she couldn’t find it in her heart to forgive Madison Monroe.

The crowded elevator saved her from having to make conversation. She wedged herself into the opposite corner. Once they reached the cafeteria, the smell of the food made her nauseous. Needing to escape but unable to bear the idea of going back upstairs and seeing Danny hooked to machines and looking like death, she pivoted toward a table by the window. All she needed was five minutes to regroup, then she’d return to her bedside vigil.

“Don’t you want something?” Madison called.

“No.”

She stared at the fountain in the walled courtyard outside. Her life was a lot like the koi’s. More often than not she felt as if she was swimming in circles and getting nowhere. Her existence had no purpose or meaning anymore. Preparing dinner for the boys used to be the highlight of her day. Then after Adam left it was only Andrew and Danny. Now Danny worked all the time. He seemed to prefer the office to their home and his animals’ and his staff’s company to hers.

She’d been excited when Adam moved back to Norcross, but he had little time for his mother. Come to think of it, his avoidance of home had started soon after Madison and Andrew had become involved. On the rare times he had come home during a school vacation Adam had spent almost no time at the house. He’d preferred going out with his friends to hanging out with his brother—yet another reason to dislike the woman. She’d come between her sons, dissolving the closeness that only identical twins shared.

Helen closed her eyes, blocking out the voices around her. She tried to remember the good ol’ days when she’d had all three Drake men sitting around her table. Three hungry males willing to try any recipe she served, and more often than not, she’d had a houseful of their friends, too. She’d been happy then.

What would she do if Danny didn’t make it? The thought darted out of nowhere, catapulting her from her peaceful place.

Don’t think that way.

But she couldn’t help it. Other than lunches with the garden club every two months, Helen had nothing to entertain herself with except watching cooking shows on TV. When she experimented with new recipes, she usually ate them alone. Her labor-intensive meals had often turned into congealed messes by the time Danny got home.

Madison set a lidded cup and a handful of creamers and sweeteners in front of Helen, then lowered into the chair across from her. “I suspect the coffee here is slightly better than upstairs. It doesn’t smell burned.”

“I didn’t ask for that.” And she wouldn’t drink it. She didn’t want to be beholden to this woman for anything more than her help with Danny.

“I know. But Adam gave me money and asked me to get you to eat. I didn’t know what you wanted.”

“I’m not hungry.” Helen scanned Madison’s tray. A grilled chicken and spinach salad and a bottle of some kind of vitamin-fortified water. How could Madison eat at a time like this? If the surgeon hadn’t gotten everything, Danny could die. Even now there could be nasty cells floating around in his body looking for healthy tissue to attack.

“Are you sure you don’t want something?”

She battled another wave of fear. “No.”

Madison stabbed the salad with her fork and put some into her mouth. She chewed, but she looked as if she derived no pleasure from the food. It hadn’t been that way when the two of them had shared the kitchen on weekends when Madison had come home from school. Bitterness welled inside Helen, burning the back of her throat like acid.

“Do you know what the first questions out of Danny’s mouth were when he came out of anesthesia? ‘Where’s Madison? How’s my practice?’” Helen couldn’t keep the hostility and pain from her voice. She was no actress.

“Danny defines himself by his job. Most men do.”

“Danny is more than a veterinarian. He’s a husband and a father first. There’s more to life than his damned animals.”

She bit her tongue. She never swore. It wasn’t ladylike. Her grandmother had raised her better. But to hear Madison defending Danny got on her last nerve. From what Andrew had said before he’d...passed, Madison was like Danny. Career obsessed and uninterested in mothering their child.

If Helen’s fears were true and Andrew had done what she suspected he might have done, how angry would a career-driven woman be at having her plans derailed? Angry enough to wreck a car on purpose? Angry enough to cause an injury that might hurt the unborn child he claimed she hadn’t wanted?

“I know he’s more than a vet, Helen, but there are so many animals in need of help that sometimes when you get home you have nothing left to give.” Surprise then regret filled Madison’s eyes. She ducked her head as if she regretted her confession.

“Not in your tiny practice.” Not nice, Helen. Shamed by her rudeness, she hid her face by drinking some of the coffee. It was better than the tar upstairs, but it could use improvement. And Adam had paid for it, so she wouldn’t owe Madison anything if she drank it. She opened the lid and added cream and sugar.

“My practice may be small, but because it’s in a rural area it’s a dumping ground for abused or unwanted animals. It keeps me busy.”

“Euthanizing the strays?”

“No.” Madison sounded genuinely shocked by the question. She stirred her salad. “I should. But I can’t unless there’s no chance for quality of life. My farm’s full of them. I try to find homes for each one, but not every animal is adoptable.”

Helen had always wanted a dog or cat, at first for the boys, then for herself when she discovered she couldn’t have more children, but Danny said he got slobbered on by animals all day. He didn’t want to have to deal with them when he came home.

After Madison’s family had been killed, Andrew had called her “his little stray,” and Helen had adopted her like the daughter or pet she never had. But Madison had bitten the hand that fed her, so to speak. Helen owed her no loyalty, especially if she’d—

No, don’t think that. Surely a woman who couldn’t euthanize every stray that crossed her path wouldn’t deliberately wreck her car because she hadn’t gotten her way. Or would she?

Madison’s golden-brown eyes met hers. There was a hard glint to them that had not been there before Andrew’s passing. “How long has Danny been spying on me?”

Affronted, Helen stiffened. “He is not spying. He’s interested in your welfare. He invested a lot of time in you.”

“Yes, he did. And that’s why I’m here.” Madison pushed the green leaves around in her bowl again. “He doesn’t really believe I’ll abandon my practice and move back to Norcross, does he?”

Helen wished she could say no with certainty, but since his diagnosis, his comments suggesting otherwise had become so frequent she couldn’t ignore them. She gulped more coffee, trying to wash down her worry.

What if Madison returned and Danny and Adam discovered Helen’s part in the unwanted pregnancy? She’d lose their respect. She might even lose her husband and son.

“We both know you’re not going to come back.”

“No. I’m not. How long do you think it will be before your house is livable?”

“Danny insists on doing all the work, so not until he’s healed enough to do it. Why?”

“I’d prefer not to inconvenience Adam.”

“Isn’t his house nice enough? Danny says your farmhouse is nothing impressive.” The ugly words jumped from her mouth before she could stop them.

Madison flinched. “I’d prefer a hotel.”

“I’ll talk to Danny and see if we can get you a room, but don’t get your hopes up. He’s not sure he can trust you to keep your promise.”

Madison laid down her fork and snapped the lid onto her half-eaten meal. “I’m well aware that none of you trust me, Helen. But unlike some people, I keep my promises.”

Helen caught a glimpse of regret before Madison bolted to her feet. Trepidation trickled through her. “What are you implying?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired. We’d better get upstairs.” And then she walked away.

What had Madison meant? She’d never been one to make unkind remarks. Or had she hidden her true nature well? Did she know about that mother-son conversation? Was she confirming that Andrew had done something he shouldn’t have?

Digging for answers was like picking at a scab. It hurt. It made Helen’s heart bleed. And she wasn’t sure how much more grief she could handle. Best to let sleeping dogs lie before she learned something she couldn’t live with.