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Introduction

You Can Heal Your Disease and It Can Heal You

“The concept ‘you create your own reality’ is the single most dangerous idea in spirituality today.”

The speaker was Neale Donald Walsch, the New York Times best-selling author on spirituality. I was sitting in Neale’s family room for a three-day brainstorming and writing session when he asked me how I was doing. Not in the passing sense as you might ask a friend on the street, but “How are you doing?” with emphasis on the “doing.”

I had been working for him for nearly three years, so he knew I had an autoimmune disease. He also knew I had almost missed this trip to his house due to multiple back-to-back infections.

As I launched into how I was doing, he stopped me and asked me to start from the beginning. He asked me to tell him how I became sick, what my exact diagnosis was, and what “they” were doing to help me. He wanted to hear the whole story.

An autoimmune disease can be loosely described as any one of numerous types of hypersensitivity or inappropriate immune responses the body has to substances normally present in the body itself. It is, in brief, an attack by the body on the body and is not fun.

Over eighty illnesses are caused by autoimmunity, and if you have any one of them (a significant portion of the population does), you know it. You certainly know you are miserable a lot of the time, even if you don’t know to call it an autoimmune disease.

When I was done telling Neale about all of this, he said, “Wow, you could write a book about that, and it would probably help a lot of people.”

It had never occurred to me that my disease could be of help to someone else. What I do know is that I would have given my eye teeth for a book on what I’ve been going through these past decades . . . something that would have told me what was going on, why it was happening, and how I should deal with it—even how I could celebrate it. Because now, after many years of struggle and suffering, I do experience my autoimmune disease as a springboard to personal happiness.

Yes, I said it: happiness.

Not Making Light of Disease

Diseases caused by autoimmunity are often chronic and can be debilitating and sometimes even life-threatening, so I don’t mean to make light of them. Nevertheless, they don’t have to rob us of the good and the wonderful, the joyful, and the meaningful aspects of life—quite the opposite, in fact. They can be the very impetus that throws open the door to such experiences.

I assume you were drawn to this book because you are dealing with some form of an autoimmune disease, either personally or as someone who loves and supports a person with such an illness. If so, and if you’ve been searching for this kind of book—one with the insight and support only a person who is walking the same path could offer—I am so glad you have arrived here.

Some parts of my story may seem depressing. I include those parts not to scare you but to show you that someone has been there before you. The severity of symptoms differs for every patient, and there are many who struggle with more than what I am experiencing. Undoubtedly, you will recognize part of your own story within my descriptions and realize that you’re neither alone nor crazy. My aim is to uplift you, to provide you with relief, and to show you that you do not have to allow the disease to rule your life.

Finding Divinity

I use the words “divinity” and “God” interchangeably, and I want to clarify what I mean. I don’t adhere to any particular spiritual belief or practice but have created my own eclectic set of ideas about life and the soul’s place in the universe based on readings in various philosophies, including new age spirituality, Buddhism, Hinduism, and ancient Indian spirituality. I believe each of our souls is a spark of love—an equal, creative member of the collective intelligence that comprises the universe—and that we are each an indivisible part of what some people call God.

When I discuss “finding divinity,” I am referring to a transcendent moment of pure peace, love, joy, and perfection: the chance to feel oneness with God, the universe, and all of humanity. It is in these profound moments of bliss, despite my physical limitations, that I encounter true happiness and experience the magic of living well. No matter your own spiritual or religious belief, I trust you will substitute a word or phrase of your liking whenever I say “divinity”; it might be “happiness,” “peace,” “love,” “clarity,” “forgiveness,” “grace,” “growth,” “truth,” “source,” or “God.” What matters is that you find that life-affirming feeling of peace within your own experience and understanding.

Your Experience Can Be Healed

Let’s now look at this experience you are having and explore ways to heal it—not necessarily the disease itself, but the difficulties you may be having related to it.

I’m inviting you on a journey of introspection, self-discovery, awakening, and growth. By sharing my own experiences, I hope to provide you with a mirror for your own. As I wrote about my life, I laughed and experienced moments of exhilaration but also moments of excruciating, if cathartic, emotional pain. Those moments, sobbing and rocking on the floor, furthered my own transformation, a process that is ongoing. In sharing my story I further healed myself. And this is the lesson I hope to pass on to you.

Each chapter focuses on a particular aspect of living with an autoimmune disease. As each chapter begins, I invite you to “Take Stock of Where You Are Now” through questions, prompts, and suggestions for you to write about in a journal. At the end of each chapter, I provide you with additional and complementary questions, prompts, and suggestions to help you “Create Your Own Marvelous Transformation.” These journaling prompts challenge you to realize where you are right now; to process what you have read; to think deeply about how it applies to your life; and to positively transform your own thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about your health.

In addition to the story of my own experiences and the journaling prompts, I include three sections in each chapter that are carefully designed to help you get the most out of the book. They are “The Wonderful Pieces of Divinity I Have Found,” “Creative Tips for Empowering Yourself,” and “Caregiver Tips.” “The Wonderful Pieces of Divinity I Have Found” are the quick little tidbits you can refer to that encapsulate the glimpses of the divine I’ve been given; they are my recipe of coping skills with which to find happiness in the face of my disease. “Creative Tips for Empowering Yourself” include exercises designed to lead you to your own sense of well-being. “Caregiver Tips” are ideas for significant others of autoimmunity patients that I believe will make life easier for both of you.

Armed with the knowledge presented in this book, I invite you to write the story of your own Marvelous Transformation. Let this book guide you as you embrace your feelings, allowing yourself to look closely at the realities of living with a chronic disease. Let it help you realize and choose what kind of life you want to lead, in spite of your health.

I don’t live every day in utter bliss. I do get mad, sad, and lose hope just like everyone else. However, those moments are fleeting because a long time ago I chose—and I continue to choose—to live, love, and laugh my way through this illness. By remembering, reliving, and sharing these crucial moments of my life, I hope to inspire you and to help you find your own peace and happiness.

Create Your Own Marvelous Transformation

1. Grab a notebook, a journal, or any old pen and paper. At the top of the page, write a heading with the date and your name with the words “Marvelous Transformation—Current Chapter Title.” For example, “July 1, 2015, Mary’s Marvelous Transformation—Introduction.” (You will write the same heading at the beginning of each new chapter, for example, “July 1, 2015, Mary’s Marvelous Transformation—Chapter 1.”)

2. Take ten minutes (set a timer if you can) to purge your mind and soul of your thoughts and feelings about your condition. It can be in the style of stream-of-consciousness writing or a simple bulleted list, whichever suits you best. Describe or make a list of the things you currently think, feel, and believe about your health, your life, your limitations and successes, and your wants and desires. These instructions are purposely vague and open-ended. There is nothing too small, silly, strange, intense, or superficial to write down.

3. After ten minutes, stop writing, take a deep breath, and allow yourself a moment to process what you wrote. Read it over and notice if any points, either as you wrote them or now while you are reviewing them, cause a physical reaction within you. Do you notice any physical pain or sensations like heart racing, body tingling, stabbing, or lifting? Do you feel a knot in your stomach? Did you tear up at any point? Did you laugh? Feel embarrassed? Take note of the items that resonate most powerfully for you and circle them (it could be single words, phrases, or a particular paragraph). Any physical or emotional reaction is an indicator that you’ve put your finger on a raw element that you are ready to address and heal. The items you circled are the most potentially transformative issues in your life. Congratulations for having identified them.

4. Next, turn the page and draw a vertical line down the middle of it. Look at your circled items and find the ones that express something negative (it may be all of them, and that is perfectly okay). For each negative feeling or thought you circled, formulate a declarative sentence that expresses the issue. For example, you may have circled the phrase, “I don’t think this next treatment will solve anything and I’m close to giving up hope.” You would translate this into the simple sentence: “I feel hopeless.” If you wrote a bulleted list and one of the words was “sad,” turn it into the declarative statement, “I feel sad” or “I am always sad.” Write these negative sentences to the left of your vertical line.

5. When you have a statement for each of the negative circled items in the left column (perhaps it’s one or two, or maybe you’ve written two dozen—however it unfolds is exactly how it’s meant to be), go back to the top and consider the first statement. Think about what the exact opposite of that negative statement would be, and write it down in the right-hand column. For example, if you wrote “I feel hopeless,” the positive opposite could be “I have hope.” If you wrote “I’m afraid,” write “I’m brave.” If you wrote “Life sucks,” the opposite could be “Life is beautiful.” If you wrote “I’m tired and can’t take this anymore,” the counter might be “I am full of energy and can handle anything that comes my way.” Make sure you complete the whole list and come up with a positive counter statement to each of your negative sentences. You may notice as you write the opposite to each negative thought or feeling that a part of you can’t help but agree with the positive statement. You really do have hope. Life really is beautiful. You truly are strong. If you don’t feel the truth in any of the opposite assertions right now, that’s okay, too. Transformations don’t have to happen overnight. Simply allow your mind to absorb the positive opposites to what you originally expressed, and trust that your subconscious is listening. For now, just allow these positive truths to live on the pages of your journal. We will come back to them later.